Birds Of A Feather Wipe That Smile Off Your Tape S04E04 Subtitles

At 00:00:02,819, Character said: Here's a weird one for you.

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At 00:00:04,880, Character said: Poetic athlete seeks athletic poetess
for high jinks on the high wire with no

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At 00:00:10,280, Character said: safety net.

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At 00:00:11,700, Character said: Married man seeks bit on the side.

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At 00:00:14,680, Character said: What about six foot four rugged Porsche
owning businessman seeks fun loving soul

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At 00:00:20,340, Character said: mate for discreet pleasure.

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At 00:00:22,400, Character said: Another married man seeks bit on the
side.

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At 00:00:25,760, Character said: Let's face it Trace.

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At 00:00:27,710, Character said: You ain't going to find many eligible
millionaires advertising in the Chigwell

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At 00:00:31,030, Character said: shopper, are you?

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At 00:00:32,310, Character said: Suppose not.

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At 00:00:34,310, Character said: I wrote to one of their meds once.

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At 00:00:36,410, Character said: It said, Arnold Schwarzenegger look
-alike stockbroker wants a yuppie s***x

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At 00:00:42,090, Character said: goddess for a little bit of insider
dealing on the stock market floor.

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At 00:00:46,750, Character said: You're no yuppie s***x goddess.

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At 00:00:48,770, Character said: And he was no Arnold Schwarzenegger look
-alike either.

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At 00:00:51,730, Character said: No? No, it was Chris. Looking for a bit
on the side.

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At 00:00:55,570, Character said: Bloody liberty.

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At 00:00:57,110, Character said: A married man advertising like that.
Well, you answered it and you were

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At 00:01:02,330, Character said: Well, only to Chris.

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At 00:01:04,150, Character said: Must have cost him a few bob, though. I
mean, Arnold Schwarzenegger's g***t to

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At 00:01:07,530, Character said: take up two lines.

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At 00:01:09,090, Character said: No, it didn't cost him nothing.

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At 00:01:10,450, Character said: He knew the bird on the classified AIDS
desk.

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At 00:01:12,690, Character said: Oh, and she gave him a free one.

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At 00:01:16,170, Character said: You're filthy, you are. Comes from
living with you for too long. Anyway, I

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At 00:01:20,190, Character said: know why he bothered with all these
lonely arts heads.

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At 00:01:22,730, Character said: You never know, do you?

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At 00:01:24,550, Character said: Here. Tall, handsome, blonde,
international playboy seeks 33

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At 00:01:31,250, Character said: -year -old Cockney cafe owner called
Sharon.

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At 00:01:34,530, Character said: Idiot.

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At 00:01:36,470, Character said: Oh, this sounds interesting.

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At 00:01:38,510, Character said: Stuck between veterinary surgeons and
waste disposal experts.

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At 00:01:42,490, Character said: What is it? A video dating agency called
Love Match. Listen.

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At 00:01:47,010, Character said: Special introductory offer.

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At 00:01:49,800, Character said: Ten men for 45 quid.

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At 00:01:52,980, Character said: Sounds like a mail order catalogue.

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At 00:01:55,180, Character said: Yeah, but I bet you don't have to wait
28 days for the goods to come.

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At 00:02:00,220, Character said: I bet I'll give it a go.

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At 00:02:01,700, Character said: You'll be wasting your money.

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At 00:02:03,480, Character said: You don't know that.

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At 00:02:05,540, Character said: I've read about this video dating, Lark.

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At 00:02:08,360, Character said: It removes the unknown quantity of when
you meet a stranger for the first time.

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At 00:02:13,180, Character said: What unknown quantity?

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At 00:02:15,020, Character said: Is he going to look like one of the
Pogues?

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At 00:02:18,080, Character said: Right. All I have to do is polish up me
personality.

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At 00:02:22,020, Character said: Where's Daryl's camcorder?

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At 00:02:23,440, Character said: I sold it ages ago, didn't I?

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At 00:02:25,820, Character said: What'd you do that for?

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At 00:02:27,120, Character said: It was just a mad impulse to be able to
buy food.

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At 00:02:31,140, Character said: Hang about.

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At 00:02:32,740, Character said: Daryl's g***t one, hasn't she?

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At 00:02:34,160, Character said: I expect so. She's g***t everything else.

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At 00:02:36,600, Character said: Well, do you reckon she'll film me if I
ask her?

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At 00:02:38,760, Character said: Sharon, that woman would pay for the
chance to film you making a pratty

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At 00:02:42,080, Character said: yourself.

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At 00:02:49,230, Character said: It's a bit on the heavy side, isn't it,
doll?

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At 00:02:51,190, Character said: It's an early model.

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At 00:02:52,970, Character said: Marcus was the first person in Chigwell
to have one, you know.

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At 00:02:55,990, Character said: What, an unfaithful wife?

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At 00:02:58,470, Character said: Tracy, I'm here to do you a favour.

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At 00:03:00,630, Character said: I'm sorry. I just hope I can remember
how it works.

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At 00:03:03,590, Character said: Although I do vaguely recollect the
salesman giving me a dry run.

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At 00:03:07,050, Character said: I'll bet.

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At 00:03:08,470, Character said: It was all so long ago.

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At 00:03:10,290, Character said: I wonder what this button does.

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At 00:03:11,910, Character said: Ah, red lights come on. What does that
mean? You're open for business?

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At 00:03:16,090, Character said: Very droll.

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At 00:03:25,380, Character said: Blimey, it's tomato woman.

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At 00:03:29,640, Character said: Well, what do you think?

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At 00:03:31,220, Character said: I have to say you look very nice,
Sharon, because to tell you the truth

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At 00:03:34,620, Character said: only shatter your confidence.

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At 00:03:36,760, Character said: What on earth have you put that on for?

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At 00:03:38,920, Character said: It's what I'm going to wear down a
dating agency.

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At 00:03:41,180, Character said: I want to make a good impression, don't
I? Can we get on with it, please?

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At 00:03:45,060, Character said: Right.

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At 00:03:47,640, Character said: It'd help if you take the front bit off,
Dor.

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At 00:03:51,690, Character said: Thank you, Sharon.

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At 00:03:53,110, Character said: Right.

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At 00:03:57,710, Character said: Ready?

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At 00:03:59,410, Character said: Yes.

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At 00:04:01,050, Character said: OK.

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At 00:04:03,090, Character said: And... action.

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At 00:04:05,570, Character said: Hello. My name's Sharon, and I'd like to
tell you a bit about myself.

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At 00:04:11,450, Character said: I'm a s***y scorpion, just dying to get
to know you.

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At 00:04:16,310, Character said: I suppose I'd call myself an experienced
catering entrepreneur.

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At 00:04:21,039, Character said: as I've built up a small restaurant
empire since leaving business school.

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At 00:04:25,920, Character said: I've travelled extensively and ** fluent
in French. Hang about. Stop, stop,

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At 00:04:30,720, Character said: stop.

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At 00:04:32,060, Character said: I? Tracy, I'm the director and we only
stop when I say so. Well, say so then.

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At 00:04:36,740, Character said: Cut.

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At 00:04:38,980, Character said: What do you think you're doing? I'm just
getting in my stride.

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At 00:04:41,800, Character said: Yeah, I've never heard so many porkies.
An experienced catering entrepreneur.

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At 00:04:46,560, Character said: Well, you've g***t to build it up a bit,
haven't you?

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At 00:04:48,320, Character said: Yeah, not into McDonald's.

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At 00:04:52,060, Character said: He never even qualified at ordinary
school.

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At 00:04:54,460, Character said: And the only French you're fluent in is
kissing.

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At 00:04:57,740, Character said: Well, it's me mother tongue then, isn't
it?

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At 00:05:01,460, Character said: Oh, it's only a giggle, Trace.

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At 00:05:04,000, Character said: A little bit of exaggeration won't do no
harm.

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At 00:05:06,560, Character said: A little exaggeration? You make the
Sunday sport look like the Bible.

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At 00:05:10,760, Character said: Sharon's right, Tracey. She'd never get
a man if she told the truth. She has to

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At 00:05:14,300, Character said: tell a few white lies.

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At 00:05:15,980, Character said: Look, I don't care as long as it gets me
a bloke that knows the difference

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At 00:05:19,120, Character said: between his sleeve and a handkerchief.

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At 00:05:21,360, Character said: Can we start again, please?

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At 00:05:22,480, Character said: Yes. OK.

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At 00:05:23,900, Character said: We'll tone it down a little bit this
time, all right? All right.

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At 00:05:26,740, Character said: OK.

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At 00:05:28,760, Character said: And... Action.

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At 00:05:32,760, Character said: Hello.

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At 00:05:33,980, Character said: My name's Sharon.

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At 00:05:35,740, Character said: And I'm a Randy Ram.

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At 00:05:42,520, Character said: Well, that's about it, then.

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At 00:05:44,380, Character said: If you fancy me and I fancy you, well,
let's not hang about.

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At 00:05:54,570, Character said: Well, what do you reckon?

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At 00:05:57,190, Character said: Well, you were direct, Sharon. I'll say
that.

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At 00:06:00,330, Character said: But you think I'll pull anyone?

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At 00:06:01,830, Character said: Half a chick, well, I should know that.

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At 00:06:05,390, Character said: Have you g***t me where you want me?

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At 00:06:07,270, Character said: It's standing up, OK?

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At 00:06:08,650, Character said: Switch it off. Switch it off.

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At 00:06:11,050, Character said: Very impressive. I like a man who can
handle his youth.

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At 00:06:16,570, Character said: Shall I move about a bit?

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At 00:06:18,510, Character said: Whoops.

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At 00:06:20,650, Character said: I think you're going to write that
later.

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At 00:06:23,290, Character said: Dorian, you've g***t nothing on.

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At 00:06:25,130, Character said: Yes, she has.

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At 00:06:26,770, Character said: She's wearing a wrinkly pink capsule.

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At 00:06:30,290, Character said: Could I have my tape back now that you
have humiliated me? Oh, no way.

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At 00:06:35,350, Character said: This is my rehearsal tape, Dor.

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At 00:06:38,250, Character said: I've g***t to take it down the video
dating agency. Sharon!

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At 00:06:55,760, Character said: I just wondered, is Sharon back from the
dating agency yet?

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At 00:06:58,780, Character said: No. She's taking her time.

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At 00:07:01,220, Character said: They probably couldn't fit her Pinocchio
nose in the frame.

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