Birds of a Feather s03e13 Xmas Special - Well Always Have Majorca Subtitles

00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:06,Far away, and I ** blue.

00:00:06,620 --> 00:00:08,What do I do?

00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,Thank you.

00:01:14,570 --> 00:01:15,Here, Dalton.

00:01:15,610 --> 00:01:17,I'm going to be out for Christmas, mate.
I've g***t bail.

00:01:18,250 --> 00:01:21,How do you manage that? My brief said
the drugs was just for my own use.

00:01:21,590 --> 00:01:22,I'm only trafficking.

00:01:22,830 --> 00:01:26,Abel, you had four kilos of marijuana.
I'm heavy smoker, man.

00:01:27,210 --> 00:01:28,I mean, come on.

00:01:28,830 --> 00:01:31,I mean, I'm a rock star. We've g***t to
use a bit. It's to do with the image,

00:01:31,730 --> 00:01:32,isn't it?

00:01:32,830 --> 00:01:35,My accountant reckons I ought to be able
to claim it off tax.

00:01:36,350 --> 00:01:37,Rod Dunn.

00:01:38,510 --> 00:01:39,Rod Dunn. Savage.

00:01:40,190 --> 00:01:41,That's it.

00:01:41,110 --> 00:01:42,He turned out for me.

00:01:42,930 --> 00:01:43,Character witness.

00:01:44,350 --> 00:01:45,Look, Savage.

00:01:45,570 --> 00:01:46,He's in a detox unit.

00:01:47,230 --> 00:01:50,He's full of everything. He's like a
branch of boots on leg. Well, there you

00:01:50,330 --> 00:01:51,He's an expert witness.

00:01:51,810 --> 00:01:53,And me record's done me in good stead.

00:01:53,890 --> 00:01:54,What you on about?

00:01:54,870 --> 00:01:56,You've been done for drugs hundreds of
times.

00:01:56,970 --> 00:01:58,Exactly. I'm an established user.

00:01:59,430 --> 00:02:00,I don't do trafficking.

00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:03,Here.

00:02:03,230 --> 00:02:05,Do you want me to send you in a chunk so
you can sell it off?

00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:08,I know you've been good to me, and I'd
like to do something.

00:02:12,090 --> 00:02:13,You sure you're all right, Daryl?

00:02:13,910 --> 00:02:14,You seem a bit down.

00:02:15,050 --> 00:02:16,Yeah. I don't think why.

00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:19,Here I ** in this lovely prison.

00:02:19,790 --> 00:02:21,Nice crowd to talk to in my cell all the
time.

00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:23,Clean underwear once a week.

00:02:24,270 --> 00:02:25,A shower every Tuesday.

00:02:26,430 --> 00:02:27,Whether I need it or not.

00:02:29,370 --> 00:02:30,God.

00:02:32,430 --> 00:02:34,Don't say it's my own fault I'm in here,
Tracy.

00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:37,I wouldn't say I've been like that,
Daryl.

00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:38,I know, I know.

00:02:39,410 --> 00:02:40,I've never said I've been like that.

00:02:41,090 --> 00:02:42,I know.

00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:45,I mean, it is your own fault.

00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,I've never done no bank robbing.
Chrissie.

00:02:48,260 --> 00:02:50,Well, it's hard for me and all you know,
Daryl. I know.

00:02:51,540 --> 00:02:52,I know.

00:02:52,940 --> 00:02:54,But it's Christmas soon.

00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:57,It just makes things worse. Reminds me
of everything I'm missing.

00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:00,Yeah. Still cheer up.

00:03:01,060 --> 00:03:02,Garfield will be coming along with me
next visit.

00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:04,Not exactly coming along, no.

00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,Eh? He wrote to me.

00:03:07,180 --> 00:03:08,He wants to see me on his own.

00:03:09,380 --> 00:03:10,What for?

00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:11,Well, I don't know.

00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:13,You know, man -to -man stuff, I suppose.

00:03:14,730 --> 00:03:16,Well, why can't we all ever talk?

00:03:16,650 --> 00:03:18,Well, I just want to see his dad.

00:03:19,410 --> 00:03:20,Alone. For a chat.

00:03:21,670 --> 00:03:23,He hasn't had a chance for two years.

00:03:24,570 --> 00:03:25,Yeah, I suppose.

00:03:25,870 --> 00:03:28,And I'll see you Christmas week. Give
you a present then.

00:03:28,390 --> 00:03:29,No, Tracy, no.

00:03:30,150 --> 00:03:31,I don't want to see you again.

00:03:32,070 --> 00:03:33,Well, not till the new year.

00:03:34,010 --> 00:03:37,Aye? I just want to forget all about
Christmas. Get my head down and do my

00:03:39,130 --> 00:03:41,I'm really sorry, Tracy, for just a few
weeks, yeah?

00:03:43,540 --> 00:03:45,No, he's not here. He's visiting his
dad.

00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:48,No, I don't know what about. He hasn't
told me.

00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,I don't know what all the secret is
about.

00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:54,He can't be asking about the birds and
the bees. He's 17.

00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:56,Well, he probably knows the basics.

00:03:56,740 --> 00:03:58,Maybe he's just a bit hazy on the
advanced stuff.

00:03:59,260 --> 00:04:02,You know, like the Essex girl that
didn't know the difference between

00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:03,and patty.

00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:06,Her windows fell out.

00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:10,I don't like all these Essex girl jokes.

00:04:11,140 --> 00:04:12,I'm an Essex girl.

00:04:12,839 --> 00:04:13,Anyway, who told you that?

00:04:14,940 --> 00:04:16,Will did, actually.

00:04:16,579 --> 00:04:19,Oh, don't you start calling him Will.
His name's Garth.

00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,He's ashamed of his own name and he's
getting all posh on me.

00:04:23,060 --> 00:04:24,He said quintessential yesterday.

00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:27,Blimey, what's that mean?

00:04:28,100 --> 00:04:29,How should I know?

00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:33,Well, he goes for a posh school chase. I
mean, it's what you're paying for,

00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:34,isn't it?

00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:35,And he said one.

00:04:36,300 --> 00:04:37,Good at maths, then, is he?

00:04:38,860 --> 00:04:41,As in, one wouldn't want to go to a red
-brick university.

00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:43,You mean like Prince Charles?

00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:45,Yes.

00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,Bloody hell.

00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:49,How's he going to turn out, shall?

00:04:51,260 --> 00:04:52,One dreads to think so.

00:04:56,420 --> 00:04:57,Cheers, Daryl.

00:04:58,600 --> 00:04:59,Here, Daryl.

00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,Why don't you see the missus over
Christmas?

00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:05,Well, I'm planning a break out, see,
Chris, and I don't want her down for

00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:06,and abetting. Oh, right.

00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:12,What do you mean, a breakout?

00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:14,What? You mean, a breakout?

00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,You want to come?

00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:17,How are you doing it?

00:05:17,340 --> 00:05:19,Once before they let a band out of this,
Nick, to do a gig.

00:05:20,340 --> 00:05:21,Two screws and four legs.

00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,Is that why you g***t the prison band
started?

00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,It's nice to see prison hasn't dulled
your razor -sharp mind, Chris.

00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:30,Yeah, but I mean, now Abel Kane's gone,
we ain't g***t no lead vocalist.

00:05:30,820 --> 00:05:31,Let's ask Malcolm.

00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,Malcolm? Yeah, he does Elvis
impressions.

00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:35,He's quite good.

00:05:35,660 --> 00:05:36,Malcolm's a screw.

00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:39,Oh, right.

00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:44,Where are we going?

00:05:48,790 --> 00:05:49,Cutting an all for Scotland.

00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:51,Sir Crofter's place.

00:05:51,650 --> 00:05:52,Clash Nessie.

00:05:52,790 --> 00:05:56,Clash Nessie? Stroll on, what a name.
Yeah, so you'd better do a bit of work

00:05:56,110 --> 00:05:57,your Scots accent.

00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,Eh? Well, we don't want to stick out up
there, do we? We've g***t to blend in.

00:06:00,750 --> 00:06:02,Oh, yeah. Well, I suppose we do.

00:06:02,250 --> 00:06:03,Yeah.

00:06:03,570 --> 00:06:04,Oh, hi, Jimmy.

00:06:06,670 --> 00:06:08,Oh, like I say, work on it.

00:06:11,310 --> 00:06:12,Hi.

00:06:12,530 --> 00:06:13,I'm, uh... Abel Cain.

00:06:14,590 --> 00:06:15,That's it.

00:06:15,290 --> 00:06:16,It was on the tip of my tongue.

00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:18,You're Abel Cain? Yeah.

00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,I've just been in prison with, um...
Daryl Stubbs?

00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:25,I've just been in prison with him.

00:06:26,270 --> 00:06:27,He said to come round.

00:06:27,490 --> 00:06:30,I would have phoned, only, uh... You
forgot the number.

00:06:31,470 --> 00:06:32,How do you know?

00:06:32,770 --> 00:06:33,He gave me the address.

00:06:33,990 --> 00:06:36,He said it was in, um... Chigwell.

00:06:36,950 --> 00:06:37,Chigwell, I see.

00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:40,I've been to Chingford, Chiswick, Cheen.

00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:44,Here. All's well that ends well.

00:06:44,660 --> 00:06:47,Oh my God, do you know who you are?

00:06:47,580 --> 00:06:49,Not necessarily, Tracey.

00:07:14,330 --> 00:07:15,What?

00:07:16,550 --> 00:07:17,You've done this before, haven't you?

00:07:19,750 --> 00:07:22,As it happens, I once searched for a
star once.

00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:23,What? On a telly?

00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:26,No, at Mooster's Arms.

00:07:26,850 --> 00:07:29,Snodland. But would I ever tell it to
you?

00:07:29,570 --> 00:07:30,Great venue...