Carry On - 28 - Carry On England Subtitles

00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:37,Here it is, gentlemen.
The big problem.

00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:40,13-13 Experimental Battery.

00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,I can tell you now,
we've had orders

00:01:42,053 --> 00:01:43,to solve it from the top seat.

00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:45,You mean WC?

00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:48,WC. The top seat.

00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,As you know, we've
tried everything.

00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:55,Brilliance, outstanding
personality, sheer n***d courage.

00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,The time has come to
try something else.

00:01:57,440 --> 00:02:00,- Oh? And what's that, sir?
- Sheer bloody ignorance.

00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,How long are you going
to be, then... sir?

00:02:05,280 --> 00:02:08,How long? When one is sent
for by one's brigadier

00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:11,to discuss a mission
which is so hush hush

00:02:11,021 --> 00:02:13,that even oneself doesn't
know what it is,

00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:14,one might be hours.

00:02:14,786 --> 00:02:17,Permission to pop
down the NAAFI, sir.

00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:18,I beg your pardon?

00:02:18,564 --> 00:02:20,Permission to pop
down the NAAFI, sir.

00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:24,Corporal, the enemy is poised
to strike across the Channel.

00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:26,The country is
fighting for its life

00:02:26,409 --> 00:02:28,and you want to pop
down the NAAFI?

00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,Well, in that case,
I'll forget it.

00:02:30,286 --> 00:02:31,I'm very pleased to hear it.

00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,I beg your pardon... sir.

00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,Who are you, and what the
devil are you doing?

00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,Captain Melly reporting, sir.

00:02:50,360 --> 00:02:52,Brush yourself down. Follow
me to the conference room.

00:02:59,240 --> 00:03:02,All right. All right.
Why the bloody fanfare?

00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:05,Watch it, mate. New
commanding officer.

00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:06,Blimey.

00:03:10,480 --> 00:03:13,Corporal... that man. He
was wearing lipstick.

00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:15,Lipstick, sir? Where?

00:03:15,240 --> 00:03:16,On his face. Where do you think?

00:03:16,712 --> 00:03:18,It must be a burn or a scar, sir.

00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:20,- I hope you're right.
- So do I.

00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:24,Frilly curtains?
Baskets of flowers?

00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:25,- Brassieres?
- Pardon, sir?

00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:28,- Knickers.
- Same to you... sir.

00:03:51,946 --> 00:03:52,Captain Melly.

00:03:52,947 --> 00:03:55,No, you must have come
to the wrong place.

00:03:55,520 --> 00:03:57,My name's Bull.

00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,No, no. I'm Melly. S Melly.

00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,Pity. Have a drink.

00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:03,Now, look here, Bull.
I'm your relief.

00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,And there are certain
things that...

00:04:06,147 --> 00:04:07,My relief?

00:04:07,148 --> 00:04:09,Oh, you little beauty.

00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:13,I could kiss you.

00:04:13,080 --> 00:04:15,My re... Oooh, my relief.

00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:19,I've g***t to go. My relief...

00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,He actually kissed me.

00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:25,My case.

00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,I say.

00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:28,My case.

00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,Welcome to 13-Anti-Aircraft Battery, sir.

00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,All right.

00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:46,Sergeant Major Bloomer,
sir. "Tiger" to the troops.

00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,I can do that.

00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:53,Sergeant Major Bloomer,
do you think...?

00:04:53,745 --> 00:04:54,Sir?

00:04:54,746 --> 00:04:56,- Get inside.
- Me, sir?

00:04:56,240 --> 00:04:58,Yes, you. Sir. Get
inside at the double.

00:04:58,665 --> 00:04:59,Hargh.

00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:10,Drop your trousers.

00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,But, sir, we has only just met.

00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,Drop 'em. That's an order.

00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:18,Hah.

00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:35,- I see.
- Do you, sir?

00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:39,Sergeant Major, may I
ask you a question?

00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,Sir, may I pull up my trousers?

00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:45,What? Oh, yes. Yes. Get 'em up.

00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,What I want to know is...

00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,what men in this
unit would wear the

00:05:49,353 --> 00:05:51,kind of underwear I've
seen on the line?

00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:53,Good Lord.

00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,Some of them are
wearing skirts too.

00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:58,They is not men, sir.

00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:00,Well, what the blazes are they?

00:06:02,280 --> 00:06:04,Women, sir.

00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,You mean, female?

00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:10,Yes, sir. Was sir not told, sir?

00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:13,This is one of these
new mixed batteries.

00:06:13,800 --> 00:06:16,So, that's what the
brigadier meant when he

00:06:16,194 --> 00:06:18,said that this battery
was an experiment.

00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,Experiment, sir? They does
not need to experiment.

00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,They gets at it right
away and all the time.

00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:31,All right, then. Section, halt.

00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,Oh, come on. Come on.
Put each other down.

00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,Hang about. Hang about.

00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:42,We don't want to give our new
CO the right idea, do we?

00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:44,Right, right turn.

00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:49,- What's next?
- Right dress, Leonard.

00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,Oh, yeah. Er... right dress.

00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,Two inches shorter and he
could see right up my skirt.

00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:16,- What's your name, Sergeant?
- Willing, sir.

00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,- And yours?
- Able, sir.

00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:21,Well, Willing and Able,
will you kindly tell me

00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,why it is necessary
for you all to be

00:07:23,876 --> 00:07:25,squashed up like
sardines in a tin?

00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:27,It's just our way of
keeping warm, sir.

00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,On the hottest day of the year?

00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,We've known it hotter
than this, sir.

00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,Dress properly. What do you
think this is? A love parade?

00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,H***e-h***e-h***e. Very witty, sir.

00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:43,You speak when you're
spoken to. Do you hear me?

00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:46,Adjust your dress.

00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:50,No, no, no. One
arm's length apart.

00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,Did you demonstrate
this, Sergeant Major?

00:07:53,075 --> 00:07:54,Frequently, sir.

00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:56,- Then do it again on me.
- Hah.

00:07:57,280 --> 00:07:59,Parade. Doing as I do.

00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,Right dress.

00:08:03,560 --> 00:08:07,As you were. Watch me.
Watch me. Right dress.

00:08:08,680 --> 00:08:10,Doing as I do. As you
were. As you were.

00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:14,Did you not you see what I was
doing? Right dress. As you were.

00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,Not as they were. Leave them
as they are, Sergeant Major.

00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:19,But, sir, as they are
is horrible, sir.

00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,You're ruining my
shoulder, Sergeant.

00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,Sorry, sir.

00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,It comes of gripping balls, sir.

00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:29,Always has one of
these to hand, sir.

00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,Fingers of steel, sir.
Fingers of steel.

00:08:31,683 --> 00:08:34,Put it away. Let's get
on with the inspection.

00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,You up there, what's your name?

00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,Oh, erm... Ready, sir.

00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:48,Ready.

00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:50,Ready, Willing and Able.

00:08:50,640 --> 00:08:52,This is ridiculous.

00:08:54,040 --> 00:08:56,- What are you doing?
- Twitching, sir.

00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:59,I can see that, Sergeant Major,
but why is he twitching?

00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:04,It's my woor-uhhhhh...

00:09:05,080 --> 00:09:07,Woorghhhh. It's my nerves, sir.

00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,Trying to twitch your ticket?

00:09:09,680 --> 00:09:11,Well, it won't work, Bombardier.

00:09:11,361 --> 00:09:13,You're in the Army
for the duration.

00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,Twitch your way out of that.

00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:17,Oohhh... eerrrggh.

00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:19,Ready.

00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,Twitch off.

00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,It's wasted on me, boy.

00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,Good Lord.

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