Birds of a Feather s04e09 Time And Tides Subtitles

00:00:00,330 --> 00:00:02,What will I do?

00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,He's still here. He'll have a queue
outside that cafe by the time we get

00:00:42,980 --> 00:00:45,Oh. It puts an edge on their appetite.

00:00:45,620 --> 00:00:47,They always order more when I'm late.

00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:49,What's that?

00:00:49,480 --> 00:00:50,Dear Daryl? Yep.

00:00:51,300 --> 00:00:52,I nearly wrote to Chris last week.

00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:54,Terrific. Does he know?

00:00:55,020 --> 00:00:56,No, I should write and tell him.

00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:00,When I think of the price of a first
-class stamp, I think, is he worth it?

00:01:01,860 --> 00:01:02,Well, I've g***t to send this.

00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,It's Garfield's press cane. Daryl will
be really chuffed. His son's g***t into

00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:08,Guinness Book of Records.

00:01:08,510 --> 00:01:09,And he raised over £2 ,000.

00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:12,Who'd have thought he could toss that
many pancakes in one day?

00:01:13,010 --> 00:01:14,Well, not me for a start.

00:01:14,390 --> 00:01:16,I wouldn't have sponsored him for 20p a
toss.

00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:17,He's nearly picked me.

00:01:18,530 --> 00:01:19,So you're not coming out?

00:01:19,810 --> 00:01:21,Of course I **. I can't send the old
page.

00:01:21,990 --> 00:01:23,It'll take forever to get through the
prison system.

00:01:24,230 --> 00:01:26,But Dad's not going to be impressed with
that. He'll think it's soppy and

00:01:26,830 --> 00:01:30,wimpish. Go on, send him the whole page.
Give him a laugh. But your mum knows

00:01:30,550 --> 00:01:31,what she's doing.

00:01:32,090 --> 00:01:34,It'll get held up while they're
censoring it all.

00:01:35,210 --> 00:01:36,Censor the Hemel Hempstead advertiser.

00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,That's like censoring the watchtower.

00:01:40,580 --> 00:01:41,Hello, Doc.

00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:42,Oh.

00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:44,I see Garth's here.

00:01:44,580 --> 00:01:45,Yeah. He lives there.

00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:47,Yes.

00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:49,Yes, of course.

00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:55,It's just that, um... Well, I've g***t to
go into town for the results of some

00:01:55,060 --> 00:01:56,tests.

00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:57,What kind of tests?

00:01:59,340 --> 00:02:01,I think Dorian wants to talk, love.

00:02:01,340 --> 00:02:03,Oh, it's all right. I was useless at
biology.

00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:04,I won't understand a word.

00:02:07,050 --> 00:02:08,Oh, all right. It's going to get grim.

00:02:09,490 --> 00:02:12,That's the trouble with living with a
load of women. You have to leave the

00:02:12,350 --> 00:02:14,twice a day while they talk about
internals.

00:02:14,970 --> 00:02:18,I feel sorry for those Arab guys with a
dozen wives. They must end up standing

00:02:18,510 --> 00:02:19,outside the tent all night.

00:02:22,290 --> 00:02:23,Now, what's this test for?

00:02:24,790 --> 00:02:27,Um... A pregnancy test.

00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:35,A pregnancy test at your age?

00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:40,What do you mean, at my age? Britt
Eklund was 46 when she conceived.

00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:42,You're hardly Britt Eklund, doll.

00:02:44,210 --> 00:02:46,Come to think of it, you're hardly 46.

00:02:47,310 --> 00:02:48,How dare you?

00:02:48,850 --> 00:02:50,You can't be pregnant.

00:02:50,610 --> 00:02:52,No -one's ever g***t you pregnant before.

00:02:52,490 --> 00:02:54,And God knows half the world's tried.

00:02:57,490 --> 00:02:58,Morning sickness.

00:02:59,670 --> 00:03:00,Swollen ankles.

00:03:01,470 --> 00:03:02,Stretch marks.

00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:04,Nothing wrong with stretch marks.

00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:06,I couldn't live in a house stinking of
nappies.

00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:09,Babies puking up all over my beige
carpet.

00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:13,I suppose you thought you had a guardian
angel with a packet of thirsty.

00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:16,We'll have to wait and see. Maybe it's
not true.

00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,Of course it's true. It's been six weeks
now and nothing.

00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:21,Well, haven't you done one of those
quick DIY jobs?

00:03:21,380 --> 00:03:24,You know, a home testing kit. Oh, do you
mind? I'm not going to try and fill one

00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:25,of those stupid little bottles.

00:03:25,740 --> 00:03:26,It's too much.

00:03:26,820 --> 00:03:29,You have to be an acrobat, a
gynaecologist and an expert shot.

00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:33,No, Dore. You do it in a bucket.

00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:40,I don't want to hear. My urine is none
of my business, nor Thames Water deal

00:03:40,730 --> 00:03:41,with it.

00:03:41,330 --> 00:03:44,Well, we'll have to see what the doctor
says. Anyway, late babies are very

00:03:44,690 --> 00:03:48,fashionable. Oh, you mean like strapless
bras and sequined tops.

00:03:49,570 --> 00:03:51,Thank you, I'd rather go shopping.

00:03:51,570 --> 00:03:52,Well, what about the father?

00:03:54,170 --> 00:03:55,What do you mean?

00:03:55,550 --> 00:03:56,Well, who is he?

00:03:57,190 --> 00:03:58,Stick a pin in the phone book.

00:04:02,190 --> 00:04:03,You must know, it's Marcus.

00:04:06,570 --> 00:04:08,Well, it must be. I haven't cheated on
him recently.

00:04:09,530 --> 00:04:10,Why not?

00:04:10,890 --> 00:04:11,Well, I don't know.

00:04:13,370 --> 00:04:16,Maybe you're getting a perverted kick
out of being faithful.

00:04:16,709 --> 00:04:17,There's a word for that.

00:04:18,070 --> 00:04:19,Monogamy, that's it. That's it?

00:04:19,490 --> 00:04:20,You dirty monogamy.

00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,The word you are looking for is boring.
It happens to women. First they get

00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:27,boring, then they get pregnant.

00:04:27,980 --> 00:04:31,Then they wobble round the shops like
Michelin women trying to draw attention

00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:32,themselves.

00:04:32,460 --> 00:04:33,And now it's happening to me.

00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:37,Look, I don't suppose one of you fancies
a trip into town?

00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,Sorry, Dore. I've g***t a cast to attend
to.

00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,You don't seem to be taking this
seriously.

00:04:43,260 --> 00:04:44,We're talking pregnancy here.

00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,Tracy? I can't, Dore. I've g***t a plumber
coming.

00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:50,Besides, I've g***t something in the oven.

00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:56,Bloody half!

00:04:58,770 --> 00:04:59,Sorry, I'm pregnant.

00:05:00,430 --> 00:05:03,The woman's old enough to be pushing a
dimmer frame, never mind a frame.

00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:06,She'll be able to collect her family
allowance and her pension at the same

00:05:07,230 --> 00:05:08,Anyway, it's probably a false alarm.

00:05:09,610 --> 00:05:12,Oh, all this talking of babies is making
me broody.

00:05:13,150 --> 00:05:16,You only have to see a sign that says
free range eggs and you get broody.

00:05:18,030 --> 00:05:21,Right, that's me off. There shall be a
nice hungry queue by now.

00:05:21,430 --> 00:05:24,Lovely. I'm going to spend half an hour
on me letter to Daryl, all on me own.

00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:29,And, of course, then there's your
ovaries, isn't there?

00:05:29,490 --> 00:05:33,And once the old fallopian tubes pack
up... Oh, not still at it.

00:05:35,810 --> 00:05:38,That should give you another half hour
of peace and quiet.

00:05:44,990 --> 00:05:46,Oi, where's your gun?

00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:48,It looks halfy in the papers. See?

00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:50,I'll put it up for you.

00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:51,Cheers.

00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:53,Well, Courtney, kiss the toke. No.

00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:55,I'm celebrating.

00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:56,Four years we've done.

00:05:57,060 --> 00:05:58,Exactly four years today.

00:05:58,740 --> 00:06:01,If we get all our emission, we're
halfway there.

00:06:02,140 --> 00:06:03,Halfway.

00:06:04,140 --> 00:06:05,OK, so it's been hard.

00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:07,So it's been lonely.

00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:09,So it's been a bit scary sometimes.

00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:10,Too right.

00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:12,But we're halfway through it. Do you
know what that means?

00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,Yeah. We've g***t it all to do again.

00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,Yeah, but I mean, suddenly it don't seem
so bad, does it?

00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:18,That's because you've g***t a cigar.

00:06:18,240 --> 00:06:22,No. It's because there's a ray of hope.
I can see a little light at the end of

00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:22,the tunnel.

00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:23,Come on, let's show break. I can't.

00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:25,I ain't g***t a cigar.

00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,Cheers, Del.

00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:31,Cheers.

00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,Are you happy now?

00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:39,Lovely.

00:06:40,260 --> 00:06:41,Good.

00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:42,Doesn't damage your elf, must we?

00:06:46,419 --> 00:06:48,Suddenly we can start to think about the
future.

00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,And have a kid,...