Birds of a Feather s01e07 Xmas Special - Sailing Subtitles

At 00:00:01,420, Character said: What will I do when you are far

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At 00:00:07,440, Character said: away and I ** blue?

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At 00:00:13,060, Character said: What will I do when I'm alone

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At 00:00:18,760, Character said: with only dreams of you?

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At 00:00:56,240, Character said: Are you Trace?

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At 00:00:57,180, Character said: No, it's the Virgin Mary and I'm looking
for me donkey.

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At 00:01:02,400, Character said: Oh, there you are.

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At 00:01:04,160, Character said: Still raining, is it?

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At 00:01:06,040, Character said: Talking of virgins, where the hell did
you get through my umbrella and my away

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At 00:01:09,180, Character said: day? I took you out open for half an
hour for another ticket.

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At 00:01:12,400, Character said: Me?

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At 00:01:13,520, Character said: I was outside Virgin Marble Arch like
you said. Where was you?

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At 00:01:18,220, Character said: I didn't say Virgin Marble Arch. I said
Virgin Tottenham Court Road.

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At 00:01:22,410, Character said: You ain't trying to tell me there's two
virgins in Oxford Street this day and

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At 00:01:25,750, Character said: age.

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At 00:01:27,710, Character said: And what the hell do you think you're
doing with that? That's probably Sylvie.

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At 00:01:31,010, Character said: Well, my needs are greater than hers.

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At 00:01:33,590, Character said: As are my sisters.

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At 00:01:35,030, Character said: Oh, I think I'll have to pull out the
London Marathon trace.

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At 00:01:38,690, Character said: Well, I can't give it to an act, can I?
They can aim.

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At 00:01:41,630, Character said: No, it's not.

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At 00:01:43,610, Character said: They can foot.

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At 00:01:46,050, Character said: Give it to me.

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At 00:01:48,370, Character said: Anyway, she'll never use it.

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At 00:01:52,750, Character said: She's agoraphobic, isn't she?

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At 00:01:54,830, Character said: Don't you remember last Christmas when
we had to post her turkey through the

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At 00:01:58,030, Character said: letterbox, limb by limb?

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At 00:02:00,190, Character said: What did you get her then?

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At 00:02:02,230, Character said: G***t her a file of facts. A file of facts
for Aunty Sylvie?

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At 00:02:06,170, Character said: Yeah. Help her organise her lifestyle.

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At 00:02:09,030, Character said: She's a 77 -year -old pensioner. She
ain't g***t a lifestyle, she's g***t Barrett

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At 00:02:13,450, Character said: Spain.

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At 00:02:15,350, Character said: It's a bargain train.

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At 00:02:17,150, Character said: Only 4 .75 down Barrett Street Market.

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At 00:02:19,850, Character said: Oh, you're unbelievable, you are. You'd
buy a barrel of care dung if it was on

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At 00:02:23,210, Character said: special.

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At 00:02:24,990, Character said: You see?

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At 00:02:26,790, Character said: Now you guess what I g***t you for
Christmas.

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At 00:02:30,030, Character said: I'm not funny, you know.

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At 00:02:31,810, Character said: Well, didn't you get the final effect?

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At 00:02:33,890, Character said: Look, I treated myself to a genuine fake
cartier lighter for a fiver.

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At 00:02:41,550, Character said: Indistinguishable from the real thing.

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At 00:02:43,150, Character said: Yeah, I'll bet.

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At 00:02:44,270, Character said: See?

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At 00:02:53,780, Character said: Inextinguishable. Anything else, Santa?

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At 00:02:59,660, Character said: Yeah. I've g***t Dorian 100 mils of Calvin
Klein's obsession.

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At 00:03:05,980, Character said: 39 .50 inside boots or two for a tenner
and a suitcase.

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At 00:03:12,580, Character said: And that is the room for it. Oh, yes.

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At 00:03:15,500, Character said: Must be a two for a tenner. Well, it's
not tough, is it?

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At 00:03:21,480, Character said: Smells like cat repellent.

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At 00:03:23,640, Character said: Hang about. This says Morris Klein.

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At 00:03:27,180, Character said: Don't you see?

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At 00:03:29,820, Character said: Oh, well.

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At 00:03:31,180, Character said: Should stop the local toms peeing on
Dorian's shoulder pads.

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At 00:03:42,620, Character said: Hi.

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At 00:03:44,100, Character said: Still raining, is it?

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At 00:03:50,760, Character said: alone tonight with a severe frost in
sheltered areas such as this fort.

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At 00:03:57,100, Character said: So don't invite me in.

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At 00:03:59,120, Character said: Oh, right!

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At 00:04:05,960, Character said: Only shows me!

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At 00:04:15,600, Character said: This recorded delivery letter arrived
for you, Tracy.

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At 00:04:20,970, Character said: for it as you were both out. How so?

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At 00:04:22,950, Character said: I must tell you, the post office have
taken on the most gorgeous holiday

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At 00:04:28,070, Character said: I had to invite him in for half an hour
to warm himself up. Poor boy was frozen.

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At 00:04:33,430, Character said: That's the way you like them, Dorian.

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At 00:04:39,670, Character said: Here, Dorian.

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At 00:04:42,330, Character said: Talking of postmen, right, do we send
you Jews Christmas cards or what?

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At 00:04:47,430, Character said: I mean, like seeing how you killed Jesus
and that.

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At 00:04:50,890, Character said: Not me personally, Sharon. I was at the
hairdresser's.

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At 00:04:55,150, Character said: You know what I mean.

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At 00:04:57,430, Character said: Well, I'm sending you one if that's any
help.

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At 00:04:59,910, Character said: Oh, great.

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At 00:05:07,670, Character said: Yeah? Lovely.

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At 00:05:09,470, Character said: Not bad, are they?

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At 00:05:10,850, Character said: One ninety -nine for a hundred.

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At 00:05:18,780, Character said: Designs like these never go out of
fashion.

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At 00:05:21,340, Character said: Particularly if you like cards with
enough glitter on them to make an up

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At 00:05:24,200, Character said: -over garage door.

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At 00:05:27,560, Character said: So, Tracy, aren't you going to open the
letter?

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At 00:05:30,780, Character said: Well, of course not. It's addressed to
Daryl.

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At 00:05:32,840, Character said: So? Oh, look, you may have opened all
Chrissie's mail.

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At 00:05:35,820, Character said: Oh, true, true.

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At 00:05:37,280, Character said: Mind you, I don't know why I bothered.

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At 00:05:38,680, Character said: He only ever used to get finaled emails
or death threats.

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At 00:05:41,560, Character said: Daryl and I have always trusted each
other.

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At 00:05:44,060, Character said: Really?

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At 00:05:46,380, Character said: g***t round to telling you he was a bank
robber then, innit?

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At 00:05:48,860, Character said: It's crazy.

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At 00:05:49,920, Character said: He doesn't have to know. You can steam
it open.

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At 00:05:53,040, Character said: I'll just put the kettle on.

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At 00:06:01,100, Character said: Oi!

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At 00:06:03,160, Character said: Do you mind, busy?

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At 00:06:05,060, Character said: You mean to say you really aren't
curious?

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At 00:06:07,500, Character said: Well, of course I **.

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At 00:06:08,740, Character said: But I'll take you up the nick and he can
like me for himself tomorrow.

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At 00:06:11,480, Character said: Oh, brilliant.

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At 00:06:15,370, Character said: Are you on about?

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At 00:06:16,930, Character said: Suppose Daryl had arranged with a mate
of his to send him a nice little wad for

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At 00:06:20,690, Character said: Christmas.

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At 00:06:21,870, Character said: You know, Luke, from the Great Train
Robbery or something, if Daryl had

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At 00:06:25,250, Character said: away. The Great Train Robbery?

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At 00:06:27,490, Character said: Daryl was only about four.

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At 00:06:29,990, Character said: He could have bunked off place ago.

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At 00:06:33,490, Character said: The Frank says Thomas Cook.

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At 00:06:36,090, Character said: Frank who?

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At 00:06:38,050, Character said: Oh, my God.

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At 00:06:39,930, Character said: What is it?

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At 00:06:41,110, Character said: I've just remembered the last thing me
and Daryl ever did in this house

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At 00:06:43,870, Character said: together. Yeah.

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At 00:06:46,630, Character said: We were talking about a Christmas
cruise.

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At 00:06:49,630, Character said: Well, he must have booked it on his car
phone.

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At 00:06:52,030, Character said: Well, he was on his way to rob that
security van. Oh, that's what I call a

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At 00:06:55,530, Character said: considerate husband.

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At 00:06:57,230, Character said: A luxury winter cruise on the

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At 00:07:03,850, Character said: SS...

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At 00:07:21,580, Character said: go on holiday while he's languishing in
the nick well i could well you should

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At 00:07:26,700, Character said: both go do the world of good even if it
is only economy class whatever that is i

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At 00:07:32,460, Character said: could do with a break from this lousy
country yeah i suppose it would be nice

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At 00:07:37,400, Character said: for the three of us to get away for a
bit hang a bear it's only two tickets

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At 00:07:59,440, Character said: What are you, Daryl?

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At 00:08:00,820, Character said: Where shall we go then, Butlins?

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At 00:08:02,860, Character said: You look great, sugar.

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At 00:08:04,300, Character said: I'm tired.

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At 00:08:05,420, Character said: Here.

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At 00:08:06,440, Character said: Oh, smashing.

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At 00:08:14,180, Character said: Have you g***t one for me, darling?

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At 00:08:16,740, Character said: No, but you can open this tube and I'll
tell you right where you can stick it.

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At 00:08:21,920, Character said: Shut it, Stubbs.

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At 00:08:28,780, Character said: I know you've always wanted one.

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At 00:08:30,720, Character said: Why? Not the... Why don't you open it
and see?

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At 00:08:33,700, Character said: Oh.

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At 00:08:37,200, Character said: A video Walkman.

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At 00:08:39,140, Character said: Brilliant. Now I can take the football.

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At 00:08:41,360, Character said: Happy Christmas, darling.

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At 00:08:43,080, Character said: Hold tight, hold tight. Now, what the
hell's going on here?

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At 00:08:46,100, Character said: Well, it's his Christmas present, of
course.

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At 00:08:47,940, Character said: How did you get that past the gate? You
can't bring presents in here. I'll see

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At 00:08:50,920, Character said: to it.

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At 00:08:51,660, Character said: The prison governor, the own secretary
and me.

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At 00:08:57,200, Character said: Don't get...