Yahsi.Bati.25FPS.ENGLISH (1) Subtitles

00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,So when the woman says
they come long and thin, fat...

00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,...with veins on them,
like this and like that...

00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,...the guy can't handle it. He gets up
and says, "If I found one like that..."

00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,-"... I'd, you know..."
-He's something else!

00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,They used to call them 'zibiks'.
They were like coffee mills. This big.

00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:38,And made of wood, right?
Or so I hear, I never saw one.

00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,I haven't laughed so much in ages.
Let's drink, Vedat.

00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,-Cheers!
-Welcome, old man.

00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,-Welcome.
-To your health.

00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,Zeki, why don't we, you know..?

00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:01,Right. Enough laughs. Let's not
keep Vedat hanging on any longer.

00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:07,Oh man! You had to
put them in a plastic bag?

00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,Hey, the wrapping has to be crap
or they'd attract attention. Right?

00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,Sure.

00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,Here, these are the goods.

00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,Just look at that stitching.
It speaks for itself.

00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,-So can I touch them?
-Sure.. Here you go.

00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:24,They call these long Wellingtons.
They're around 130-140 years old.

00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,I can't give an exact figure,
but around that.

00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:30,-So how did they land up with you?
-Now that's an interesting story.

00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,Go on, tell him. Vedat's one of us.
There's no one around. It's just us.

00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,-OK, US president Garfield...
-What, the cat?

00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,-What f***g cat?
-Garfield's a cat, right?

00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:46,Google it, man! See for yourself.
The then US president was Garfield.

00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,OK, I enter 'Garfield'.
'Did you mean Garfield?' The cat again.

00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:55,Where's the president?
Away. On vacation.

00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,-Carry on, chum.
-Alpay...

00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:59,Just carry on.

00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,Vedat, the US president
sends our sultan a gift.

00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:06,And the sultan thinks,
"I'll send a gift back."

00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:11,My great-grandfather, Aziz Vefa,
a member of the secret services...

00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,...and another public servant,
Lemi Galip, from the treasury.

00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,He gives them a mission.
What does he say?

00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,He says, "Take this gift
to the president."

00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,-So they go to the palace.
-The palace?

00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,What do you think? They'd meet
the sultan down at the waterside?

00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:35,-So they go to the palace.
-OK. Get on with it, will you?

00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:38,I **, but learn to listen first.

00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,Telling a story is just as much
about being listened to.

00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,Oh, right.

00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,They come before the sultan.
And they kiss the sultan's hands.

00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:55,-Does the sultan kiss theirs?
-Come on, man! Stop butting in.

00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,They're presented the gift right away.
What is it? Adiamond necklace.

00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,And the sultan says,
"It's in your hands now."

00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,"And here's 1000 bucks for the road.
Confederation dollars."

00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:17,Well, you can't say, "Sorry, padishah.
America's miles away. No can do."

00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:21,You have to go
come hell or high water.

00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,Now they've g***t the mission
their route's a given.

00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,First, the Orient Express to Paris.

00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,Then a boat to London.

00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,And then another boat
across the Atlantic to America.

00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:54,THE MILD WEST

00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:26,S'il vous pla^t, madame.

00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,Our honourable jerk
didn't get the joke, Aziz.

00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,Ask if Mr and Mrs Brown
are back from the picnic.

00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,Give me a break!
The humour's way too subtle.

00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:15,English peasant!

00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,I'm saying we prize
our village people.

00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,They always say that.
It's the only thing they know.

00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,She says she can keep secrets.

00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,Keep those secrets
when we stop for a break.

00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:03,Suppose we stop
and pass a little water?

00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,What the hell are you doing?

00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:41,-What's the problem?
-You can't share it round like candy!

00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,-Well, you did it with that photo.
-Put the d***n thing back!

00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,OK. Don't get so steamed up!
I'm responsible for it.

00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,Bandits! Keep calm.

00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,Don't point that at me!

00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,Listen. We'll follow
the normal routine. Calm down.

00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,Listen. We'll draw straws.
The diamond or the money? Quick!

00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,-We're in deep water, Aziz Efendi!
-Draw a straw!

00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,The diamond.

00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,-There's armies of them, Aziz Efendi!
-Stay calm. Calm down. Stay calm.

00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,-I ** calm!
-Stay calm.

00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,In the name of Allah,
most gracious, most merciful..

00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:45,Dear God, don't desert us!

00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,We're not giving up the diamond
even if it means death!

00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:54,-Let's go, main man!
-With the will of Allah..

00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,I said stop the carriage,
you son of a bitch!

00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:03,Hey, Zeki. I g***t kind of lost
from the mail carriage onwards.

00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,Wait. Let's try this then.

00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,Didn't I say stop the carriage,
you fuckers?

00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,Get out! Out, out, out!

00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,Get out of there! Out!

00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,-Come on, move it!
-Oh God, Jack! No!

00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,-Stop! Get off her!
-Don't shout. Stand in line.

00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Lesh here.
My crew and I are here...

00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,...to relieve you of certain items
for the comfort of your journey.

00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,You're free to shout.
Any heroics and you're dead.

00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:58,The gun's antique. I put in for
a new one and does anyone give a f***k?

00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,Come here, a***e! Move!
Get over there!

00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,Lesh! Check out this chick!

00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:15,A watch!

00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,Don't take us for wasters, sir.
We've come all the way from Istanbul.

00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,Oh yeah?.. It shows.

00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,I never saw kit like that
even in Buffalo Bill's show.

00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:29,What the hell is this?

00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,Afez. I have a flute as well
if you want.

00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,Knock it off!

00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,Don't..!

00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,-Lesh!
-What the hell have you done?

00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,-Lesh!
-What the hell have you done?

00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,This is unreal!

00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,But we're in with Firecracker Ahmet
of Highwayman Creek. Be warned!

00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,Come on, let's go!
I smell Indians.

00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,See you!

00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,-He said "Sioux". The Sioux..
-No, he said "see you" as in goodbye.

00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,Who the hell is Firecracker Ahmet?

00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,Any time I mention the guy's name
it always gets me in trouble anyhow.

00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,Don't make me crazy, mon cher!
The instructions are explicit.

00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:31,In case of danger, hide the goods
up your nether region. It's that clear!

00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,But is that fair?
Adiamond that big?

00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,Hey, you think it's a turn-on
stuffing 1000 dollars up my a***s?

00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,-I wouldn't know.
-What?

00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,Sir thinks his a***s is too precious
and I'm about to get massacred here!

00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,Come here!

00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:50,Open up that handkerchief.

00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:59,Here.

00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,Terrific!

00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,There should be a saucer for this.

00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:19,Here, that's all.

00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,Are you OK?

00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,At least we held on to the grand.

00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,It's not the time for jokes,
but the old boy's stuffed us.

00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:38,Carry on and you're dead!
We face the arrows of misfortune here.

00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,Indians!

00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,-Oogh!
-What's "oogh"?

00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,I think they use animal names.
Mole-cricket..

00:13:58,280 -->...