The Drew Carey Show s07e23 Rich Woman, Poor Man Subtitles

00:00:00,999 --> 00:00:01,Morning, boss.

00:00:01,980 --> 00:00:02,Morning, Mimi.

00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:08,Oh, nice tiara. I g***t one just like it.
We found it in a palace my daddy bought.

00:00:09,500 --> 00:00:12,Oh, I found mine in the ladies' room at
the dog track.

00:00:15,380 --> 00:00:18,And I'm wearing it because it's
Secretary's Day.

00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:20,It's Secretary's Day?

00:00:20,420 --> 00:00:22,Well, you're kind of like my assistant.

00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:24,I should do something nice for you.

00:00:25,180 --> 00:00:26,I know.

00:00:26,590 --> 00:00:28,I'll give you Helford.

00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:33,You're giving me your manservant? Sure.

00:00:34,450 --> 00:00:38,For a week, he'll do anything for you.
You don't mind, do you, Helford?

00:00:40,030 --> 00:00:44,I'm here to serve, madam. If it is your
wish, I'm happy to do it.

00:00:45,250 --> 00:00:46,Isn't he cool?

00:00:46,510 --> 00:00:48,He talks like that all the time.

00:00:50,730 --> 00:00:51,Morning, everybody.

00:00:51,830 --> 00:00:52,Hey, Helford.

00:00:54,110 --> 00:00:55,Call that man a pig.

00:00:56,350 --> 00:00:57,Very good, madam.

00:00:58,110 --> 00:01:00,Hear ye, hear ye, let all with ears
attend.

00:01:01,630 --> 00:01:05,Mr. Beck would like those assembled to
know that the gentleman before you is a

00:01:05,890 --> 00:01:07,common barnyard swine.

00:01:11,070 --> 00:01:12,Will there be anything else, madam?

00:01:13,450 --> 00:01:15,Yeah, I need you to rub my feet.

00:01:15,950 --> 00:01:17,Nobody else in town will touch them.

00:01:24,680 --> 00:01:27,As you wish, madam. Once again, thank
you.

00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:35,So, Drew, I've decided to fix you up
with my mom.

00:01:36,500 --> 00:01:37,Your mom?

00:01:38,420 --> 00:01:41,Wasn't she a model or something? Why
would she want to get fixed up with me?

00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:45,Well, I'm tired of her getting hurt by
all these jet -sending playboys.

00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:51,You're so nice and stable and calming.
You know, like a glass of warm milk.

00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:54,Hey, you know what, baby?

00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:55,Milk can go bad.

00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:58,Sweetie, I'm here.

00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:00,Mom!

00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:07,Mom, this is Drew, the guy I was telling
you about.

00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,Oh, you're right. He does look like a
young Brian Dennehy.

00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,I'll take that.

00:02:14,420 --> 00:02:16,Some people say I look like the commish.

00:02:18,520 --> 00:02:22,Ah, this must be your mother, the lovely
Lady Money. Mercer, I'm nice.

00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:26,Could I have my diamond ring back,
please?

00:02:29,060 --> 00:02:30,What ring?

00:02:33,860 --> 00:02:36,Sir, I understand you're in need of an
escort.

00:02:37,020 --> 00:02:38,Care to see Cleveland my way?

00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:44,And how will you point out the sights
with all my jewelry in your mouth?

00:02:45,940 --> 00:02:49,Interesting how you brought the
conversation round to my mouth.

00:02:50,380 --> 00:02:53,Patience, patience, my sweet. The joy is
in the hunt.

00:02:58,890 --> 00:03:02,So, Mom, Drew has agreed to show you
around.

00:03:02,570 --> 00:03:03,Right, Drew?

00:03:03,670 --> 00:03:06,Yeah, I mean, sure, if it's okay with
you. I'd love to.

00:03:06,510 --> 00:03:09,So, um, what kind of things do you like
to do?

00:03:09,430 --> 00:03:11,Uh, does Cleveland have any good art
museums?

00:03:18,930 --> 00:03:19,What's so funny?

00:03:20,250 --> 00:03:24,Uh, last time I was at the art museum, I
was in second grade, and, uh, we saw a

00:03:24,210 --> 00:03:26,painting of a woman getting out of a
bathroom and you could see her butt.

00:03:32,330 --> 00:03:33,That museum was great, huh?

00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,Yeah, and you were right.

00:03:35,770 --> 00:03:37,That was one big butt.

00:03:38,470 --> 00:03:39,What do you want to do now?

00:03:40,190 --> 00:03:42,Actually, I'd love to drive your car.

00:03:44,030 --> 00:03:45,Really? Do you like my car?

00:03:46,090 --> 00:03:47,I do.

00:03:47,510 --> 00:03:50,It's so down to earth, so real.

00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:52,Let me try it.

00:03:53,270 --> 00:03:54,Please?

00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:05,You know, this doesn't corner as well as
my Lamborghini.

00:04:11,850 --> 00:04:18,All this energy calling

00:04:18,730 --> 00:04:25,me Back where it comes from It's such a
crude attitude

00:04:25,110 --> 00:04:27,It's back where it...

00:04:47,659 --> 00:04:48,Ohio! Yeah,

00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,I've been in a little accident.

00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:52,Yeah,

00:04:54,180 --> 00:04:55,it's an overturned beetle.

00:04:56,540 --> 00:04:59,It's white. It's g***t red flames painted
on the side.

00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:02,Listen, I'm not going to give you the
license plate number. I'm just going to

00:05:02,690 --> 00:05:03,see if you can find it.

00:05:06,730 --> 00:05:08,I feel awful about this.

00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:11,And I insist on buying you a whole new
car.

00:05:11,670 --> 00:05:12,What does something like this cost?

00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:14,Seventy, eighty thousand?

00:05:16,790 --> 00:05:17,Yeah.

00:05:19,850 --> 00:05:21,Look, just get the dents fixed, okay?

00:05:22,550 --> 00:05:23,I'm really sorry.

00:05:24,450 --> 00:05:26,Oh, don't worry. Just put tight the tow
truck will be here in about fifteen

00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:27,minutes.

00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:32,I'm hungry.

00:05:34,880 --> 00:05:36,Well, what would you like?

00:05:36,580 --> 00:05:39,Here at Overturned Beetle, we have an
extensive selection.

00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,Okay. I should keep some candy right
here in the center console.

00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:47,Oh. Here you go.

00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:49,Well, let's split them.

00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,This gravity thing, they have it where
you're from, right?

00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,You know, I've never met anyone like
you.

00:06:03,380 --> 00:06:07,You drive yourself to the office every
day in your little car, and you work

00:06:07,820 --> 00:06:12,behind your desk from nine to five, and
then you go bowling with your buddies.

00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,I love that.

00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,Oh, my God.

00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,I'll let you drive my car. You're drunk
out of your mind.

00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:21,No, I'm serious.

00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:24,When you're rich, life gets so
complicated.

00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:28,Listen, if we ever get out of here...
You smell the gas, too? Uh -huh.

00:06:30,979 --> 00:06:35,So, if we ever get out of here, I'd like
to see what regular people do on a

00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:35,Friday night.

00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,Well, after I drive, I was just going to
go to a bar and hang out with my

00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,buddies. Oh, that sounds great.

00:06:41,820 --> 00:06:45,It would be so nice to stop being this
spoiled little rich girl for once and

00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:47,just be one of the guys.

00:06:49,780 --> 00:06:52,My neck's getting tired. Could you hold
my head up for me?

00:06:58,120 --> 00:07:01,So after six years of careful training,
the scientists at Drugco finally g***t a

00:07:01,740 --> 00:07:02,dolphin to talk.

00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,Wow, a talking dolphin.

00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,What does it say? Same thing all the
other animals say. I'll talk, I'll talk,

00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:09,just stop shocking me.

00:07:14,460 --> 00:07:18,This place is so comfortable, just like
they tell me an old shoe would be.

00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:24,This place looks like a sanctuary from
the outside world for us. Nothing can

00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:25,to us here.

00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:30,War, hunger, sunsets, love, marriage,
family.

00:07:30,390 --> 00:07:31,Hey, hey.

00:07:31,890 --> 00:07:33,More drinking, less thinking. Oh, yeah.

00:07:35,410 --> 00:07:38,How long have you been friends? Oh,
since the second grade.

00:07:38,830 --> 00:07:40,He was sweet, but a little slow.

00:07:41,770 --> 00:07:42,Skinny and weird.

00:07:43,050 --> 00:07:45,And Drew was nice, but a little
overweight.

00:07:46,650 --> 00:07:51,Hey, I think you're lucky. Everybody I
know has, like... Five or six houses,

00:07:51,410 --> 00:07:52,they're always jetting around the world.

00:07:53,030 --> 00:07:54,My friendships never last.

00:07:54,850 --> 00:07:57,And if I do find a friend, I don't know
if they like me or my money.

00:07:58,170 --> 00:08:01,So what you're saying, while you may be
richer in money, we're richer in other

00:08:01,410 --> 00:08:02,ways.

00:08:02,930 --> 00:08:04,Interesting. Crap, but interesting.

00:08:10,010 --> 00:08:12,Hey, hey, let's figure out who pays the
bill.

00:08:12,390 --> 00:08:15,We have a little chug -a -lug contest.
You pay the check. Okay, we're on three.

00:08:15,910 --> 00:08:17,One, two...

00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:26,Bow down before my enlarged liver.

00:08:28,660 --> 00:08:30,The contest is over.

00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,Well, I may...