The Drew Carey Show Drew And The Racial Tension Play S05E13 Subtitles

At 00:00:04,880, Character said: Just up for the store centennial, Mimi?

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At 00:00:06,740, Character said: Yep, I'm the year 1900.

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At 00:00:09,360, Character said: Ah, 1900, when America was young and
bison roamed the plains.

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At 00:00:14,480, Character said: Of course, they didn't stand on their
hind legs carrying a parasol, but... I'm

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At 00:00:19,560, Character said: dressed like a lady, so I'm going to
respond like a lady.

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At 00:00:23,140, Character said: B***e my crank, bubble a***s.

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At 00:00:28,480, Character said: Hey, Drew. Hey, can't go out to lunch?

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At 00:00:31,060, Character said: G***t a date.

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At 00:00:32,320, Character said: Uh -huh. You know, Lewis, we've been
hearing about this one for the last two

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At 00:00:34,560, Character said: weeks. This isn't another one of your
fake girlfriends, is it?

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At 00:00:36,920, Character said: Boy, you forge one birth certificate,
create one fake credit history, scratch

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At 00:00:41,760, Character said: your own back with your fingernails just
once, and suddenly you're the guy with

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At 00:00:45,880, Character said: the fake girlfriends.

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At 00:00:48,100, Character said: You know, the real creepy part was when
he used to make up that voice to call me

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At 00:00:50,800, Character said: up. Miss me, Drew?

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At 00:00:52,180, Character said: Knock it off.

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At 00:00:54,060, Character said: Well, this one's real. I met her at a
Star Trek convention.

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At 00:00:57,240, Character said: Well, it's not on the off chance she is
real. Make sure your shields are up

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At 00:01:00,020, Character said: before you launch your shuttlecraft.

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At 00:01:01,980, Character said: Don't worry about that. When the time
comes, I g***t it covered. The last

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At 00:01:04,620, Character said: convention, I bought some wrath of
condoms.

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At 00:01:08,600, Character said: Ah, Mimi, what a delightful outfit. It's
like stepping into the past.

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At 00:01:12,760, Character said: Can you make ten copies of... Please?

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At 00:01:14,520, Character said: Oh, I'm sorry. The copier machine hasn't
been invented yet. Oh, neither have

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At 00:01:18,480, Character said: salaries for women.

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At 00:01:21,980, Character said: Have you found a speaker for the store's
centennial celebration yet? Yeah, one

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At 00:01:26,400, Character said: of the members of the board.

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At 00:01:27,420, Character said: I think it's the right choice. I mean,
he's a real American success story.

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At 00:01:31,259, Character said: And here he is.

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At 00:01:34,800, Character said: Sorry I spoke too soon.

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At 00:01:37,080, Character said: So, hey, did you get those employee
valuations I left for you? Yes, they're

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At 00:01:40,320, Character said: the red file.

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At 00:01:41,440, Character said: Good.

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At 00:01:47,720, Character said: Weatherman says you're going to have
rain coming up. Oh, here he is now.

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At 00:01:54,190, Character said: Mr. Crawford here started in the
stockroom in 1934.

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At 00:01:56,750, Character said: Oh, really? Just a year before he
started walking up the aisle toward us.

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At 00:02:01,670, Character said: I still climb the ladder faster than
Carrie here.

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At 00:02:05,230, Character said: Well, that's true. He's a big failure.

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At 00:02:07,550, Character said: You know, save some of that for behind
my back.

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At 00:02:13,570, Character said: I'm looking for... to this, Nigel, I'm
going to give a heck of a speech. I've

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At 00:02:17,680, Character said: g***t a thousand stories.

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At 00:02:18,960, Character said: I spent 15 years in shoes and sold the
first hush puppy in Cleveland.

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At 00:02:24,240, Character said: And that's just one story.

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At 00:02:27,820, Character said: Well, let's hope you lead with that. Why
don't we go into my office and

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At 00:02:30,680, Character said: celebrate with a nice cigar?

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At 00:02:32,360, Character said: I don't care who you get. I don't care
how you get them. But there's no way

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At 00:02:35,320, Character said: Johnny Fix -It -Ed -There is making a
speech.

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At 00:02:38,300, Character said: Oh, you want to tell a member of the
board he's not making a speech? Which,

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At 00:02:40,660, Character said: the way, he's making me write.

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At 00:02:42,410, Character said: So it's going to be your words coming
out of an old man's mouth.

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At 00:02:45,910, Character said: I can hardly even say it without
yawning.

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At 00:02:50,170, Character said: Hey, pig.

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At 00:02:50,950, Character said: Need you to sign these overtime claims?

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At 00:02:52,750, Character said: Fine. You ain't touching my pen.

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At 00:02:55,350, Character said: I know what you do on your lunch break.

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At 00:03:00,030, Character said: Great. Not only does it mean you have a
chip on her shoulder, it's insulting me.

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At 00:03:05,850, Character said: What are you doing up here? Oh, well, I
left these flowers here, and I wanted to

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At 00:03:10,220, Character said: give them to my beautiful date.

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At 00:03:12,680, Character said: Oh, they're lovely. But I told you, it's
not a date.

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At 00:03:17,280, Character said: It's just lunch.

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At 00:03:19,080, Character said: All right.

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At 00:03:19,860, Character said: Just friends for now. But I gotta think
there's a future with a woman who's seen

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At 00:03:22,820, Character said: E .T. more than a hundred times.

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At 00:03:25,620, Character said: Ouch.

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At 00:03:28,940, Character said: You know, there's no strings attached.

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At 00:03:31,100, Character said: Why would he take these flowers from me?

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At 00:03:33,180, Character said: Because she doesn't exist.

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At 00:03:36,140, Character said: Oh, yeah, she exists.

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At 00:03:37,240, Character said: Come out and show Drew.

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At 00:03:38,780, Character said: Oh, she's very nice. Love her to your
other fake girlfriend.

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At 00:03:41,740, Character said: No, no, no. I can see her, but you
can't. Ah, gotcha.

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At 00:03:46,540, Character said: What an idiot.

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At 00:03:48,220, Character said: Love the voice, though.

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At 00:04:07,880, Character said: It's back.

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At 00:04:43,960, Character said: And now here's Kate O 'Brien to show us
the wind from the outer fashion of the

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At 00:04:47,580, Character said: 1980s.

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At 00:04:52,940, Character said: Very nice.

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At 00:04:54,100, Character said: And this is only a joke if you know O
'Brien, but she's dressed like a virgin.

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At 00:05:01,040, Character said: Don't make me kick you in your kaja goo
-goos.

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At 00:05:05,340, Character said: Thank you, Kate.

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At 00:05:06,680, Character said: Now, let's set our gaze upon the future.

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At 00:05:10,700, Character said: In the year 25...

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At 00:05:13,420, Character said: 25.

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At 00:05:14,680, Character said: If man is still alive.

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At 00:05:19,200, Character said: Future woman!

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At 00:05:29,680, Character said: I hear you're rolling a traffic. You
with me?

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At 00:05:37,560, Character said: Notice how the translucent plastic
protects Mimi from her environment.

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At 00:05:42,480, Character said: I'd say it's the other way around.

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At 00:05:45,780, Character said: Behold the beauty that is our future.

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At 00:05:49,600, Character said: Crap, there's a bee in here.

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At 00:05:55,580, Character said: Actually, that's not the fashion of the
future. Henderson, you owe me 300 bucks.

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At 00:05:59,300, Character said: I g***t Mimi into a giant plastic bubble.
Now, it's time for our keynote speaker,

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At 00:06:03,880, Character said: a distinguished member of the board, and
the man who's worked at Winford Louder

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At 00:06:07,460, Character said: longer than anyone else. Please welcome
Mr. Arthur Crawford.

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At 00:06:18,800, Character said: and fellow employees.

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At 00:06:20,900, Character said: You know, I've been here so long that
when I first started, instead of saying

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At 00:06:25,400, Character said: good morning to each other, we said hail
Caesar.

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At 00:06:33,220, Character said: And the only one you hear laughing right
now is a young fellow who helped me

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At 00:06:37,300, Character said: write this speech, Drew Carey.

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At 00:06:42,120, Character said: As I said, I've been here a long time
and I love this building.

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At 00:06:46,760, Character said: But Winfred Lauder isn't just steel and
bricks.

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At 00:06:50,000, Character said: It's people.

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At 00:06:52,000, Character said: Take the Jews.

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At 00:06:53,920, Character said: They're good with numbers.

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At 00:06:56,060, Character said: So that's why they're over in
accounting.

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At 00:06:59,620, Character said: That is, when they're not off on one of
their cockamamie holidays.

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At 00:07:04,620, Character said: Sir, maybe you should just stick to the
speech.

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At 00:07:06,980, Character said: Oh, yes.

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At 00:07:08,980, Character said: Winfred Lauder has the hardest working
employees in the retail industry.

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At 00:07:14,020, Character said: And if you want a hard...

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At 00:07:15,950, Character said: you get yourself a Mexican.

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At 00:07:20,150, Character said: They're loyal, and they don't take long
for lunch because they always eat off

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At 00:07:24,590, Character said: the back of the truck.

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At 00:07:25,670, Character said: And who could forget the blacks?

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At 00:07:32,790, Character said: They're good at so many things, but I
think they're best at security because

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At 00:07:38,050, Character said: they know how to get the stolen stuff
back.

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At 00:07:41,970, Character said: They just go over to their cousin's
house, and there it is.

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At 00:07:47,320, Character said: If you people want to charge the stage,
security's on break.

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At 00:07:51,940, Character said: Uh, thank you, sir. Thank you for that
entirely ad -lib speech that you

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At 00:07:55,480, Character said: improvised yourself and I didn't help
you write.

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At 00:07:57,240, Character said: Oh, don't be so modest, Drew. We work
great together.

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At 00:08:00,420, Character said: Oh, crap.

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At 00:08:01,540, Character said: I forgot to thank you fairies.

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At 00:08:22,730, Character said: Probably because he knows there's a mob
waiting for him.

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At 00:08:25,310, Character said: I say, let whoever's perfect cast the
first stone.

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At 00:08:29,890, Character said: That would...