Kill Tony Kill Or Be Killed -ethel (2025) Subtitles

At 00:00:24,471, Character said: Hey, this is Redban coming live

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At 00:00:25,805, Character said: from the Comedy Mothership
here in Austin, Texas

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At 00:00:29,305, Character said: for a brand new
episode of Kill Tony.

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At 00:00:31,305, Character said: Give it up for Tony Hinchcliffe!

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At 00:00:42,505, Character said: Who's waiting for the best
f***g night of their lives, huh?

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At 00:00:52,571, Character said: Yippee!

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At 00:00:55,138, Character said: Yeah!

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At 00:00:56,705, Character said: Make some noise for
Redban, everybody!

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At 00:00:59,005, Character said: Hey!

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At 00:01:00,538, Character said: Oh, my goodness.

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At 00:01:03,571, Character said: How about one more time for the
best d***n band in the land, huh?

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At 00:01:06,505, Character said: Fernando Castillo.

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At 00:01:09,205, Character said: Raul Vallejo.

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At 00:01:10,338, Character said: Carlos Sosa on the horns.

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At 00:01:12,238, Character said: That's the great Michael
Gonzalez on the drums.

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At 00:01:15,871, Character said: Matt Muehling on
the electric guitar.

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At 00:01:18,571, Character said: The leader of the band
John B's on the Keys.

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At 00:01:22,271, Character said: And that is indeed the one and
only D-Madness on the bass guitar,

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At 00:01:26,105, Character said: ladies and gentlemen.

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At 00:01:28,171, Character said: Oh, my goodness.

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At 00:01:32,071, Character said: You know, Redban,

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At 00:01:33,405, Character said: you and I have been doing
this show for 12 years.

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At 00:01:36,471, Character said: We've never missed a Monday
release ever, ever, ever.

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At 00:01:41,905, Character said: During the pandemic,
during everything.

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At 00:01:44,138, Character said: We've helped people
launch their careers.

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At 00:01:46,471, Character said: We've had a blast
the entire time.

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At 00:01:50,138, Character said: Right now, there are
hundreds and hundreds,

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At 00:01:53,338, Character said: three hundred-plus comedians
next door in a dilapidated bar

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At 00:01:57,805, Character said: waiting, hoping that they get
pulled out of this bucket.

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At 00:02:02,638, Character said: And what they don't know,
and what none of you know,

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At 00:02:06,971, Character said: is this episode will be on…

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At 00:02:11,838, Character said: Right on cue.

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At 00:02:17,005, Character said: Netflix.

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At 00:02:20,205, Character said: Oh, my goodness.

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At 00:02:22,405, Character said: An epic moment

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At 00:02:25,338, Character said: in our long crazy history.

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At 00:02:28,838, Character said: Seven hundred plus episodes,

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At 00:02:31,838, Character said: tens of thousands
of bucket pulls,

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At 00:02:35,605, Character said: and it's all come down to this.

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At 00:02:38,505, Character said: The American Dream.

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At 00:02:40,771, Character said: We watched comedians fail or
succeed every single week.

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At 00:02:45,638, Character said: And now this episode will be on

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At 00:02:48,371, Character said: the universe's largest global
streaming service on planet Earth.

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At 00:02:58,238, Character said: Every single week,

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At 00:02:59,571, Character said: I book some of the funniest
or most intelligent guests

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At 00:03:03,205, Character said: to sit here with us and
watch people advance,

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At 00:03:07,305, Character said: or make it or break it
as standup comedians.

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At 00:03:10,138, Character said: This week, no different.

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At 00:03:12,238, Character said: Who better to have as
guests here in Austin, Texas

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At 00:03:15,738, Character said: than two Austin residents?

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At 00:03:17,871, Character said: Two icons, two of the most
influential men in all of the world.

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At 00:03:24,105, Character said: I present to you
tonight's guests.

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At 00:03:26,938, Character said: Joe Rogan and Elon Musk.

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At 00:03:32,171, Character said: Oh, my God.

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At 00:03:35,705, Character said: Oh, yeah.

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At 00:03:38,005, Character said: Elon Musk!

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At 00:03:44,505, Character said: Joe Rogan!

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At 00:03:46,438, Character said: Tony!

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At 00:03:48,338, Character said: Ah, Tony's back!

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At 00:03:50,271, Character said: So cool. So cool.

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At 00:03:55,205, Character said: Oh, Netflix. So
cool. So excited.

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At 00:03:59,071, Character said: Really. So excited, Tony.

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At 00:04:02,371, Character said: So it might be the d***k load of ketamine
I just had, but I'm really excited.

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At 00:04:08,205, Character said: Comedy is back, you know.

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At 00:04:10,371, Character said: - It is…
- The left, you know,

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At 00:04:12,138, Character said: they tried to make it illegal.

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At 00:04:14,138, Character said: So uncool. Right.

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At 00:04:17,538, Character said: - Tony…
- Comedy is back.

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At 00:04:19,205, Character said: - Elon, we're so happy to have you here.
- Comedy is back at Kill Tony.

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At 00:04:22,471, Character said: Yeah. Really cool.

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At 00:04:24,705, Character said: For the first time ever,
Elon Musk is here, everyone.

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At 00:04:28,538, Character said: Yeah.

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At 00:04:29,638, Character said: Yeah! Yeah.

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At 00:04:35,438, Character said: Yeah.

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At 00:04:36,805, Character said: I'm, like, really uncomfortable with
my own skin, so I move around a lot.

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At 00:04:41,571, Character said: I apologize. I want to crawl
out of it like a snake.

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At 00:04:49,638, Character said: My best friend, Joe Rogan. He
thinks I'm so funny, though.

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At 00:04:53,471, Character said: Really, you watch the show.

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At 00:04:55,438, Character said: He, like… He laughs so hard, like,
he sometimes doesn't make a sound.

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At 00:04:59,471, Character said: He's just like, "Oh,
my God. So funny." So…

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At 00:05:02,605, Character said: Yeah, really excited.

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At 00:05:05,871, Character said: By the way, I'm have, like, maybe
20 minutes of a personality.

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At 00:05:08,571, Character said: Then I'm going to hit,
like, a serious K hole.

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At 00:05:11,038, Character said: So, let's get right to it.

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At 00:05:14,138, Character said: Right?

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At 00:05:15,238, Character said: Best friends. Really cool.

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At 00:05:18,505, Character said: He's so cool.

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At 00:05:21,005, Character said: Really cool.

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At 00:05:22,171, Character said: - This is Elon's first time on the show.
- Yeah.

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At 00:05:24,605, Character said: Joe Rogan is here, everybody.

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At 00:05:27,805, Character said: We are here

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At 00:05:28,871, Character said: in the house that Rogan
built, the Comedy Mothership,

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At 00:05:32,238, Character said: the greatest comedy
club in the world.

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At 00:05:34,538, Character said: We've done this numerous times.

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At 00:05:36,171, Character said: Joe Rogan. Welcome back.

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At 00:05:37,471, Character said: Thank you, sir.

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At 00:05:38,438, Character said: And we're gonna have a blast.

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At 00:05:39,971, Character said: I figure we should start the show before
we get to one of these bucket pulls

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At 00:05:43,338, Character said: with one of our great regulars here
to do the first set on Kill Tony

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At 00:05:47,871, Character said: in Netflix's entire history.

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At 00:05:50,238, Character said: Ladies and gentlemen, getting
us started, I present to you

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At 00:05:53,871, Character said: a man who came to us
from a faraway land.

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At 00:06:00,871, Character said: A rock star of mass proportions.

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At 00:06:03,571, Character said: We've been watching him do sets.

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At 00:06:05,138, Character said: This guy does new minutes
every single week on this show.

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At 00:06:09,038, Character said: A fearless, fearless
Kill Tony regular.

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At 00:06:12,271, Character said: This is the Estonian assassin,

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At 00:06:15,071, Character said: Ari Matti!

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At 00:06:26,338, Character said: What's up?

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At 00:06:27,738, Character said: Whoo!

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At 00:06:29,338, Character said: I had a date.

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At 00:06:32,438, Character said: Uh, we went to a restaurant and
I let her pick the restaurant.

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At 00:06:38,071, Character said: That's where I f***d up.

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At 00:06:41,171, Character said: 'Cause you know it
ain't gonna be Denny's.

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At 00:06:44,505, Character said: You know when you walk into a restaurant,
you see that f***g chandelier?

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At 00:06:49,805, Character said: You're like, "You dirty bitch."

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At 00:06:53,638, Character said: It was one of those restaurants, you know,
where the menu doesn't even have prices.

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At 00:06:59,938, Character said: I thought I g***t a broken menu.

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At 00:07:02,538, Character said: And I was like, "Excuse me,
it's missing the most valuable

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At 00:07:06,305, Character said: piece of information
I need from a menu.

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At 00:07:10,538, Character said: I don't give a f***k where
the salmon grew up."

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At 00:07:15,905, Character said: Bill comes, it's in a
f***g treasure chest.

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At 00:07:19,805, Character said: Three-eighty.

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At 00:07:22,305, Character said: Two people, still hungry.

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At 00:07:23,705, Character said: Three-eighty.

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At 00:07:26,438, Character said: You know how much money
$380 is for an Estonian?

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At 00:07:30,938, Character said: Dude, we send that money to
Ukraine, we're winning the war.

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At 00:07:35,838, Character said: This is, like, seven missiles.

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At 00:07:39,138, Character said: I gotta call Zelensky.
"Sorry, boss.

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At 00:07:42,705, Character said: The bitch g***t tartare."

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At 00:07:47,271, Character said: We leave the restaurant.

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At 00:07:49,138, Character said: You know when the bill is so
high, you don't even want to f***k?

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At 00:07:56,205, Character said: She's like, "What
are we doing next?"

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At 00:07:58,138, Character said: "Uh, pick up a shift."

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At 00:08:03,471, Character said: Three-eighty! A hooker is…

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At 00:08:07,038, Character said: A hooker's...