I.Dont.Understand.You.2024.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264 Subtitles

00:00:37,906 --> 00:00:41,Is this gonna be the most
fun adoption video ever made?

00:00:41,341 --> 00:00:42,Okay, okay,
Dom, let's be serious.

00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:45,Her name is Candace.
She lives in Pittsburgh.

00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:46,Pittsburgh? Pittsburgh.

00:00:46,881 --> 00:00:48,-** I shiny?
-No, you look gorgeous.

00:00:48,816 --> 00:00:50,You're not looking at me.

00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:51,'Cause you always look
gorgeous.

00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:53,Okay? Here we go.

00:00:53,688 --> 00:00:56,Okay, okay, so I'm gonna say
that thing about traditions,

00:00:56,858 --> 00:01:00,and then you will just say
something like a human.

00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,-Like a normal human person?
-Like a normal human.

00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:02,Okay, great, I can do that.

00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:04,-Okay.
-Here we go.

00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,Three, two...

00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:08,I've always wanted to create

00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:10,-traditions as a family.
-Mm-hmm. Yeah.

00:01:10,572 --> 00:01:12,-It's-it's an opportunity...
-Mm-hmm.

00:01:12,707 --> 00:01:15,...for us to grow as a family
and grow together

00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:17,and-and gives us
an opportunity to...

00:01:17,912 --> 00:01:19,-Okay. Sorry.
-Oh...

00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,-What? -Y-You said
"opportunity" twice.

00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,S***t.

00:01:22,684 --> 00:01:24,I just wish we could
do this in person.

00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:27,I know, but there's a thousand
of us and just one of her.

00:01:27,454 --> 00:01:29,-Okay.
-Here we go.

00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:31,Yep.

00:01:31,693 --> 00:01:33,You know, we see
the adoption process

00:01:33,695 --> 00:01:36,as an amazing opportunity
to look at our whole lives

00:01:36,263 --> 00:01:39,and think about how much joy
our child would bring...

00:01:39,701 --> 00:01:41,Ah-ah. No.
You can't say "our child."

00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:43,-What?
-No, you have to say

00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:45,-"the baby" or "your baby."
-Okay.

00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,You can't just assume that
it's our child already, so...

00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,-Okay. I-I g***t it. Okay.
-You g***t it?

00:01:49,476 --> 00:01:50,I'm gonna do the cuts.
You don't...

00:01:50,745 --> 00:01:52,I'd prefer
if you didn't do the cuts.

00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:54,-I like to... Okay.
-Okay? And...

00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:58,We see the adoption process
as a wonderful opportunity

00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:01,to wait for years,
spend thousands of dollars,

00:02:01,154 --> 00:02:03,let social workers
into our home,

00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:05,acquiesce to
an FBI background check...

00:02:05,158 --> 00:02:06,Dom.

00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:10,I have an idea.

00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,I have an idea.

00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:12,Just gonna keep it loose.

00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:13,-Cheers.
-Cheers.

00:02:13,935 --> 00:02:14,Salud.

00:02:17,237 --> 00:02:18,Whew.

00:02:19,007 --> 00:02:22,-Please give us your baby.
-Please give us your baby!

00:02:23,011 --> 00:02:25,"Would you do anything
for your child?"

00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:26,-"Anything."
-"Anything."

00:02:26,614 --> 00:02:28,That seems a little broad.

00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,It's very, like, ominous,
like...

00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:33,"Would you do
anything for your child?"

00:02:33,453 --> 00:02:35,It's like the
beginning of, like, a thriller.

00:02:35,188 --> 00:02:37,Like... "Would you do
anything for your child?"

00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:41,Okay, this is the one: "Why
do you want to be parents?"

00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:42,This is the... All right.

00:02:43,031 --> 00:02:46,I just want to show this child
all the love

00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,-that was shown to me-- to us.
-Yeah.

00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:52,And-and let this kid know that
they have infinite potential,

00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:55,that if they're... they're kind
and-and openhearted

00:02:55,777 --> 00:02:57,and-and maybe even
a little bit silly,

00:02:58,012 --> 00:03:00,that they can find joy.

00:03:00,782 --> 00:03:03,We promise to do
our absolute best.

00:03:04,018 --> 00:03:06,And we know that choosing
parents for your child

00:03:06,219 --> 00:03:09,is a very complicated decision,
so we just want to thank you

00:03:09,657 --> 00:03:12,-for considering us.
-Yeah.

00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:13,Thank you.

00:03:25,707 --> 00:03:28,This is my wife.

00:03:34,048 --> 00:03:35,Cole, Italy's calling!

00:03:35,750 --> 00:03:37,Time for vacation!

00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,Okay.

00:03:39,419 --> 00:03:40,-I'm ready.
-Okay.

00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,Here's your itinerary.

00:03:43,024 --> 00:03:44,I have marked everything out,

00:03:45,026 --> 00:03:46,and if we follow it,
it should be perfect.

00:03:47,095 --> 00:03:50,Sounds fun.
Sounds... distracting.

00:03:50,430 --> 00:03:51,It will be. It'll be fun.

00:03:52,066 --> 00:03:53,Uber's waiting.

00:03:53,668 --> 00:03:55,Is your mother
coming to get Axel?

00:03:55,169 --> 00:03:57,Yep, she should be here
in about ten minutes.

00:03:57,605 --> 00:03:58,Let's get the f***k out of here.

00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,-Bye.
-Axel, no parties.

00:04:03,077 --> 00:04:04,-Hi.
-Hello.

00:04:04,779 --> 00:04:06,Baby, next time,
let me book the flights.

00:04:07,048 --> 00:04:10,Was there really nothing
direct from Los Angeles?

00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:12,Hey.

00:04:12,754 --> 00:04:14,Oh, sorry.
I was listening to a podcast.

00:04:14,622 --> 00:04:17,-You, a podcast?
-Uh-huh.

00:04:17,125 --> 00:04:18,Yeah, it's this new podcast.

00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:20,About?

00:04:22,563 --> 00:04:24,About the restaurant we're
going to for our anniversary.

00:04:24,966 --> 00:04:27,-Oh. -Yes, 50 best restaurants
in the world.

00:04:27,769 --> 00:04:30,Vegetarian restaurant
for my vegetarian husband.

00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:33,Thank you, baby.

00:04:33,241 --> 00:04:34,I'm so sorry.

00:04:34,542 --> 00:04:35,Oh, no, don't worry about it.

00:04:36,077 --> 00:04:37,-No. Who's-who's this?
-Thank you.

00:04:37,745 --> 00:04:40,This is, uh, Beatrice.

00:04:40,148 --> 00:04:41,-Oh.
-Hi, Beatrice.

00:04:41,481 --> 00:04:42,-Hi.
-You're perfect.

00:04:43,084 --> 00:04:45,-Aw.
-Aw.

00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:48,What's this?

00:04:49,090 --> 00:04:50,I'm rubbing elbows
with one of the greats.

00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,Mm.

00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,Oh. Oh.

00:04:57,098 --> 00:04:59,Oh, my God.

00:04:59,100 --> 00:05:00,Is that blood?

00:05:27,195 --> 00:05:29,-Is your wallet in...
-It's in my front pocket.

00:05:29,197 --> 00:05:31,Okay, 'cause there's, you know,
a lot of pickpockets here.

00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:34,Oh, my God, your mother
gets robbed one time in Russia.

00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:36,I know. It's just...
confirming that...

00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:37,Dom, it's in my front pocket.

00:05:37,939 --> 00:05:39,Okay, well,
now everybody has seen

00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,where you're keeping
your wallet.

00:05:40,775 --> 00:05:42,Can you smell me?
I feel like I smell.

00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:45,No, it's Europe.
You'll blend in.

00:05:45,179 --> 00:05:47,Who puts raw meat
in an overhead compartment?

00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:49,My grandmother used to put
loose sausages

00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,-in her purse.
-What?

00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:52,This is a bad omen.

00:05:52,954 --> 00:05:54,I smell like blood.

00:05:54,722 --> 00:05:56,The odor's gone.

00:05:56,991 --> 00:05:59,Yes, but the memory lingers,
Dom.

00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,Mm.

00:06:01,696 --> 00:06:03,This is cute, honey.

00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:05,Baby, only the best for you.

00:06:15,743 --> 00:06:18,Dom.

00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:20,Look at this.

00:06:21,749 --> 00:06:23,Oh, my God, it's incredible.

00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:30,And, seriously, thank you
for doing all the planning.

00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:32,You still have your wallet?

00:06:32,260 --> 00:06:34,Yes. I do.

00:06:34,262 --> 00:06:36,-You need to stop.
-I...

00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,We made it, right?

00:06:38,232 --> 00:06:40,We're here. We did it.
Soak it in.

00:06:41,936 --> 00:06:42,I **.

00:06:45,206 --> 00:06:47,-It's in my front pocket.
-Okay, that's what I'm...

00:06:47,275 --> 00:06:49,-I was trying to be s***y there.
-You were not.

00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,You were giving me
a stop-and-frisk,

00:06:51,212 --> 00:06:52,and it's not cool....