Ellen s01e10 The Soft Touch Subtitles

At 00:00:04,850, Character said: Can I get some more coffee?

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At 00:00:07,510, Character said: You've had enough, my friend.

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At 00:00:08,930, Character said: Just a taste.

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At 00:00:10,310, Character said: I'll quit tomorrow.

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At 00:00:11,390, Character said: I promise.

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At 00:00:12,610, Character said: Sorry, pal.

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At 00:00:13,630, Character said: Gotta cut you off.

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At 00:00:15,330, Character said: I don't know what you're running from,
but you won't hide from it in the bottom

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At 00:00:18,730, Character said: of a cappuccino cup.

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At 00:00:21,770, Character said: Now give me your keys and jog home.

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At 00:00:32,530, Character said: Wow. This job isn't just about selling
coffee.

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At 00:00:36,210, Character said: I'm impressed, Joe. You really do care
about people.

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At 00:00:38,930, Character said: Yeah, yeah.

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At 00:00:39,890, Character said: You ever gone 90 in a Corvette?

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At 00:00:42,730, Character said: Joe, I can't believe you. Give me those
keys.

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At 00:00:45,510, Character said: You are not driving that man's car, but
you can ride shotgun.

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At 00:01:57,729, Character said: Okay, I'm a car salesman and you've just
entered the showroom.

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At 00:02:01,190, Character said: Why can't you just tell me what I need
to know?

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At 00:02:03,190, Character said: Look, if you want to learn how to buy a
car, you've g***t to do it my way.

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At 00:02:06,430, Character said: Did the Karate Kid question Mr. Miyagi?

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At 00:02:10,270, Character said: Car shopping, not here.

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At 00:02:12,610, Character said: Or here.

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At 00:02:14,430, Character said: Car shopping here.

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At 00:02:18,150, Character said: All right, I'll give it a try.

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At 00:02:19,830, Character said: Hi, I'm Brian.

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At 00:02:21,550, Character said: Why can't you just be a car salesman
named Adam? I'm Brian.

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At 00:02:25,450, Character said: Okay, hi, I'm Sherry Belafonte Harper.

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At 00:02:29,190, Character said: What can I help you with?

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At 00:02:30,450, Character said: Well, my old car's on its last leg, so
I'm here to buy. No, no, no, no, no. You

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At 00:02:34,070, Character said: never say you're here to buy. You're
just looking.

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At 00:02:37,690, Character said: Gotcha.

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At 00:02:38,890, Character said: I'm just looking, Brian.

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At 00:02:42,170, Character said: You know, we're really loaded down with
inventory right now, so if you buy

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At 00:02:45,290, Character said: today, I can give you a great deal.

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At 00:02:47,430, Character said: All right.

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At 00:02:48,070, Character said: No, Ellen.

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At 00:02:49,850, Character said: What? I'm getting a... great deal. Isn't
that the point? The inventory thing is

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At 00:02:52,830, Character said: the oldest trick in the book, and you
fell for it. You may as well walk into

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At 00:02:56,010, Character said: dealership wearing an I ** a sucker t
-shirt.

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At 00:02:58,850, Character said: I have one of those.

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At 00:03:01,010, Character said: I can't believe I paid $60 for it.

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At 00:03:04,990, Character said: You're doomed.

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At 00:03:06,330, Character said: I ** not. I'm just going to look.

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At 00:03:08,490, Character said: When it comes time to buy, I'll bring my
pain -in -the -butt friend Adam to

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At 00:03:11,670, Character said: negotiate. Well, that's good thinking,
because you are every car salesman's

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At 00:03:14,790, Character said: dream. I'm every man's dream.

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At 00:03:17,550, Character said: I'm Sherry Belafonte Harper.

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At 00:03:22,560, Character said: Yeah, cars look much nicer indoors.
Maybe I'll make my next car an indoor

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At 00:03:27,340, Character said: How did they get these in here, anyhow?

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At 00:03:29,440, Character said: Holly, don't be a dope. They build the
building around them.

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At 00:03:34,400, Character said: You know, I'm starting to think that
maybe I should get a new car, too. Oh,

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At 00:03:39,140, Character said: we go again.

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At 00:03:41,420, Character said: You always do this.

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At 00:03:43,260, Character said: You copy me. I took up racquetball, you
took up racquetball. I bought a bread

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At 00:03:46,880, Character said: maker, you bought a bread maker.

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At 00:03:48,140, Character said: I wanted a bread maker. Only after I g***t
mine.

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At 00:03:50,740, Character said: How many times have you used it?

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At 00:03:52,720, Character said: Twice. That's exactly how many times
I've used mine.

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At 00:03:56,700, Character said: Copycat.

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At 00:03:59,040, Character said: Here comes a salesman. Remember, he is
the enemy. He's the devil.

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At 00:04:02,300, Character said: Bye.

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At 00:04:03,500, Character said: Save your breath, Buster. We're not
buying anything. We're just here to

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At 00:04:06,160, Character said: get lost.

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At 00:04:12,080, Character said: I like this one. Me too.

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At 00:04:13,740, Character said: Ha! I was just testing you. I hate it.
Oh, well, ha, and you bet, because I

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At 00:04:16,440, Character said: really do like it.

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At 00:04:17,959, Character said: Copycat. What the hell is wrong with
you?

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At 00:04:21,579, Character said: Those two women walk in here, and you
just let them browse?

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At 00:04:25,740, Character said: You're hopeless.

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At 00:04:26,860, Character said: Oh, no, I g***t him in trouble. Oh, don't
worry. He'll be okay.

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At 00:04:29,520, Character said: Now, you either start moving some
vehicles, or you're history.

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At 00:04:34,560, Character said: Man, have I been in those shoes before.

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At 00:04:36,620, Character said: First boss I ever had yelled at me that
way.

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At 00:04:39,400, Character said: That's why I didn't become a doctor.

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At 00:04:42,980, Character said: Ellen, your first boss was the assistant
manager at Burger World.

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At 00:04:48,400, Character said: That's right.

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At 00:04:49,320, Character said: He destroyed my confidence and along
with it my desire to heal.

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At 00:04:53,980, Character said: Poor guy.

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At 00:04:54,880, Character said: I bet he has dreams too. I'm going to go
talk to him.

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At 00:05:00,780, Character said: Hey there. Oh, hey.

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At 00:05:03,160, Character said: Look, I'm sorry. You know, I know I told
you earlier to get lost, but I didn't

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At 00:05:07,860, Character said: mean for you to get lost.

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At 00:05:10,099, Character said: That's just slang for, how are you?

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At 00:05:14,100, Character said: See, I work at a bookstore, so I'm
exposed to all the latest hip slang.

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At 00:05:18,600, Character said: That's how it usually travels.

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At 00:05:20,100, Character said: Booksellers, rappers, everyone else.

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At 00:05:23,280, Character said: So, get lost.

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At 00:05:28,800, Character said: I'm sorry, I'm just a little shaken
right now. Why? I'm sure you're a

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At 00:05:32,380, Character said: salesman. No, I'm not.

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At 00:05:34,000, Character said: Really. Ah, the old soft self.

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At 00:05:37,420, Character said: You're a fly one. I'm going to have to
watch myself around you.

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At 00:05:40,680, Character said: I'm Ellen, by the way. You must be...
Jeff.

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At 00:05:45,240, Character said: No, I'm the little red nub.

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At 00:05:49,840, Character said: Is that a nickname?

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At 00:05:51,720, Character said: Hope it wasn't your nickname before this
chart.

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At 00:05:55,740, Character said: I'm just kidding, Glenn.

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At 00:05:58,620, Character said: Oh.

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At 00:06:00,680, Character said: This one's a beauty.

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At 00:06:03,560, Character said: That's the MS -3. It's g***t a 16 valve.

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At 00:06:06,780, Character said: 2 .3 liter engine, rack and pinion
steering.

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At 00:06:10,660, Character said: People seem to like them for some
reason.

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At 00:06:14,140, Character said: They like them because of the way you
sell them.

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At 00:06:16,860, Character said: If you don't stop me, I'm going to get
in this car.

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At 00:06:22,500, Character said: You sly devil, you. You g***t me behind
the wheel and I love it just like you

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At 00:06:29,420, Character said: knew I would.

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At 00:06:37,610, Character said: me some more about the car. I'm sorry, I
can't go on.

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At 00:06:40,410, Character said: What's wrong?

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At 00:06:41,370, Character said: I'm such a failure.

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At 00:06:42,910, Character said: My father's right.

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At 00:06:44,570, Character said: I can't pay my own bills. I can't do
anything. I can't even sell a car.

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At 00:06:48,770, Character said: Oh, of course you can.

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At 00:06:50,710, Character said: Come on, don't give up.

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At 00:06:52,590, Character said: Pressure me. Feed me that line about
your inventory.

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At 00:06:55,010, Character said: Inventory? Yeah, how your dealership is
so weighed down with extra inventory. If

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At 00:06:58,650, Character said: I buy now, I get a great deal. But
that's not true.

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At 00:07:01,430, Character said: I don't know that.

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At 00:07:03,970, Character said: Come on, try it.

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At 00:07:05,390, Character said: All right. Well,

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At 00:07:07,260, Character said: We have this inventory thing. Really?
Wow, that sure does turn up the heat.

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At 00:07:13,720, Character said: I'll take it, you shark.

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At 00:07:17,400, Character said: You bought a car in 20 minutes?

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At 00:07:21,620, Character said: You must like the way it handles.

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At 00:07:23,900, Character said: I'm sure it handles fine.

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At 00:07:26,540, Character said: You didn't even drive it?

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At 00:07:29,400, Character said: I may not have driven it here.

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At 00:07:32,520, Character said: Or here.

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At 00:07:34,300, Character said: But I drove it here.

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At 00:07:37,410, Character said: You did this to hurt me, didn't you?

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At 00:07:39,830, Character said: That would be a very stupid reason to
buy a car.

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At 00:07:42,910, Character said: I bought it to cheer up a salesman.

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At 00:07:49,150, Character said: Ellen, I happen to think you did a
beautiful thing buying that car.

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At 00:07:52,490, Character said: There, see?

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At 00:07:53,470, Character said: Feeling a little depressed myself. Can I
have it?

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At 00:08:02,890, Character said: The car is way out of your budget. It
shows how much you know. All I need is

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At 00:08:06,150, Character said: another thousand for the down payment.
Don't look at me.

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At 00:08:08,490, Character said: I'm not. Believe me, I...