Ellen s01e10 The Soft Touch Subtitles

00:00:04,850 --> 00:00:06,Can I get some more coffee?

00:00:07,510 --> 00:00:08,You've had enough, my friend.

00:00:08,930 --> 00:00:09,Just a taste.

00:00:10,310 --> 00:00:11,I'll quit tomorrow.

00:00:11,390 --> 00:00:12,I promise.

00:00:12,610 --> 00:00:13,Sorry, pal.

00:00:13,630 --> 00:00:14,Gotta cut you off.

00:00:15,330 --> 00:00:18,I don't know what you're running from,
but you won't hide from it in the bottom

00:00:18,730 --> 00:00:19,of a cappuccino cup.

00:00:21,770 --> 00:00:23,Now give me your keys and jog home.

00:00:32,530 --> 00:00:35,Wow. This job isn't just about selling
coffee.

00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,I'm impressed, Joe. You really do care
about people.

00:00:38,930 --> 00:00:39,Yeah, yeah.

00:00:39,890 --> 00:00:41,You ever gone 90 in a Corvette?

00:00:42,730 --> 00:00:45,Joe, I can't believe you. Give me those
keys.

00:00:45,510 --> 00:00:49,You are not driving that man's car, but
you can ride shotgun.

00:01:57,729 --> 00:02:00,Okay, I'm a car salesman and you've just
entered the showroom.

00:02:01,190 --> 00:02:02,Why can't you just tell me what I need
to know?

00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,Look, if you want to learn how to buy a
car, you've g***t to do it my way.

00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,Did the Karate Kid question Mr. Miyagi?

00:02:10,270 --> 00:02:11,Car shopping, not here.

00:02:12,610 --> 00:02:13,Or here.

00:02:14,430 --> 00:02:15,Car shopping here.

00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:19,All right, I'll give it a try.

00:02:19,830 --> 00:02:21,Hi, I'm Brian.

00:02:21,550 --> 00:02:24,Why can't you just be a car salesman
named Adam? I'm Brian.

00:02:25,450 --> 00:02:27,Okay, hi, I'm Sherry Belafonte Harper.

00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,What can I help you with?

00:02:30,450 --> 00:02:34,Well, my old car's on its last leg, so
I'm here to buy. No, no, no, no, no. You

00:02:34,070 --> 00:02:36,never say you're here to buy. You're
just looking.

00:02:37,690 --> 00:02:38,Gotcha.

00:02:38,890 --> 00:02:40,I'm just looking, Brian.

00:02:42,170 --> 00:02:45,You know, we're really loaded down with
inventory right now, so if you buy

00:02:45,290 --> 00:02:47,today, I can give you a great deal.

00:02:47,430 --> 00:02:48,All right.

00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:49,No, Ellen.

00:02:49,850 --> 00:02:52,What? I'm getting a... great deal. Isn't
that the point? The inventory thing is

00:02:52,830 --> 00:02:56,the oldest trick in the book, and you
fell for it. You may as well walk into

00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:58,dealership wearing an I ** a sucker t
-shirt.

00:02:58,850 --> 00:03:00,I have one of those.

00:03:01,010 --> 00:03:03,I can't believe I paid $60 for it.

00:03:04,990 --> 00:03:05,You're doomed.

00:03:06,330 --> 00:03:08,I ** not. I'm just going to look.

00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:11,When it comes time to buy, I'll bring my
pain -in -the -butt friend Adam to

00:03:11,670 --> 00:03:14,negotiate. Well, that's good thinking,
because you are every car salesman's

00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:16,dream. I'm every man's dream.

00:03:17,550 --> 00:03:18,I'm Sherry Belafonte Harper.

00:03:22,560 --> 00:03:26,Yeah, cars look much nicer indoors.
Maybe I'll make my next car an indoor

00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:28,How did they get these in here, anyhow?

00:03:29,440 --> 00:03:32,Holly, don't be a dope. They build the
building around them.

00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:39,You know, I'm starting to think that
maybe I should get a new car, too. Oh,

00:03:39,140 --> 00:03:40,we go again.

00:03:41,420 --> 00:03:42,You always do this.

00:03:43,260 --> 00:03:46,You copy me. I took up racquetball, you
took up racquetball. I bought a bread

00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:47,maker, you bought a bread maker.

00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:50,I wanted a bread maker. Only after I g***t
mine.

00:03:50,740 --> 00:03:52,How many times have you used it?

00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,Twice. That's exactly how many times
I've used mine.

00:03:56,700 --> 00:03:57,Copycat.

00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,Here comes a salesman. Remember, he is
the enemy. He's the devil.

00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:03,Bye.

00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:06,Save your breath, Buster. We're not
buying anything. We're just here to

00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:07,get lost.

00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:13,I like this one. Me too.

00:04:13,740 --> 00:04:16,Ha! I was just testing you. I hate it.
Oh, well, ha, and you bet, because I

00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:17,really do like it.

00:04:17,959 --> 00:04:21,Copycat. What the hell is wrong with
you?

00:04:21,579 --> 00:04:24,Those two women walk in here, and you
just let them browse?

00:04:25,740 --> 00:04:26,You're hopeless.

00:04:26,860 --> 00:04:29,Oh, no, I g***t him in trouble. Oh, don't
worry. He'll be okay.

00:04:29,520 --> 00:04:32,Now, you either start moving some
vehicles, or you're history.

00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:36,Man, have I been in those shoes before.

00:04:36,620 --> 00:04:38,First boss I ever had yelled at me that
way.

00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:40,That's why I didn't become a doctor.

00:04:42,980 --> 00:04:46,Ellen, your first boss was the assistant
manager at Burger World.

00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:49,That's right.

00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:52,He destroyed my confidence and along
with it my desire to heal.

00:04:53,980 --> 00:04:54,Poor guy.

00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,I bet he has dreams too. I'm going to go
talk to him.

00:05:00,780 --> 00:05:02,Hey there. Oh, hey.

00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:07,Look, I'm sorry. You know, I know I told
you earlier to get lost, but I didn't

00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:08,mean for you to get lost.

00:05:10,099 --> 00:05:12,That's just slang for, how are you?

00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:17,See, I work at a bookstore, so I'm
exposed to all the latest hip slang.

00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:19,That's how it usually travels.

00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:21,Booksellers, rappers, everyone else.

00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,So, get lost.

00:05:28,800 --> 00:05:32,I'm sorry, I'm just a little shaken
right now. Why? I'm sure you're a

00:05:32,380 --> 00:05:33,salesman. No, I'm not.

00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,Really. Ah, the old soft self.

00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:39,You're a fly one. I'm going to have to
watch myself around you.

00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:44,I'm Ellen, by the way. You must be...
Jeff.

00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,No, I'm the little red nub.

00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:50,Is that a nickname?

00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,Hope it wasn't your nickname before this
chart.

00:05:55,740 --> 00:05:57,I'm just kidding, Glenn.

00:05:58,620 --> 00:05:59,Oh.

00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:01,This one's a beauty.

00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:06,That's the MS -3. It's g***t a 16 valve.

00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:09,2 .3 liter engine, rack and pinion
steering.

00:06:10,660 --> 00:06:12,People seem to like them for some
reason.

00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:16,They like them because of the way you
sell them.

00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:18,If you don't stop me, I'm going to get
in this car.

00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:29,You sly devil, you. You g***t me behind
the wheel and I love it just like you

00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:30,knew I would.

00:06:37,610 --> 00:06:39,me some more about the car. I'm sorry, I
can't go on.

00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:41,What's wrong?

00:06:41,370 --> 00:06:42,I'm such a failure.

00:06:42,910 --> 00:06:43,My father's right.

00:06:44,570 --> 00:06:48,I can't pay my own bills. I can't do
anything. I can't even sell a car.

00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:49,Oh, of course you can.

00:06:50,710 --> 00:06:51,Come on, don't give up.

00:06:52,590 --> 00:06:54,Pressure me. Feed me that line about
your inventory.

00:06:55,010 --> 00:06:58,Inventory? Yeah, how your dealership is
so weighed down with extra inventory. If

00:06:58,650 --> 00:07:00,I buy now, I get a great deal. But
that's not true.

00:07:01,430 --> 00:07:02,I don't know that.

00:07:03,970 --> 00:07:04,Come on, try it.

00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:06,All right. Well,

00:07:07,260 --> 00:07:12,We have this inventory thing. Really?
Wow, that sure does turn up the heat.

00:07:13,720 --> 00:07:16,I'll take it, you shark.

00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:20,You bought a car in 20 minutes?

00:07:21,620 --> 00:07:23,You must like the way it handles.

00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:25,I'm sure it handles fine.

00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:27,You didn't even drive it?

00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,I may not have driven it here.

00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:33,Or here.

00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,But I drove it here.

00:07:37,410 --> 00:07:38,You did this to hurt me, didn't you?

00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:41,That would be a very stupid reason to
buy a car.

00:07:42,910 --> 00:07:44,I bought it to cheer up a salesman.

00:07:49,150 --> 00:07:52,Ellen, I happen to think you did a
beautiful thing buying that car.

00:07:52,490 --> 00:07:53,There, see?

00:07:53,470 --> 00:07:55,Feeling a little depressed myself. Can I
have it?

00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:06,The car is way out of your budget. It
shows how much you know. All I need is

00:08:06,150 --> 00:08:08,another thousand for the down payment.
Don't look at me.

00:08:08,490 --> 00:08:11,I'm not. Believe me, I...