Only When I Laugh s01e03 The Rumour Subtitles

00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:24,I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

00:00:26,180 --> 00:00:28,I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:33,I know I **, I'm sure I **.

00:00:33,660 --> 00:00:36,I'm H -A -P -P -Y.

00:00:36,740 --> 00:00:42,I know I **, I'm sure I **. He's H -A -P
-P -Y.

00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:56,I'm expecting an important phone call
from my wife. Do you mind if I take it

00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:58,here? No, not at all.

00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:00,Don't let me disturb you.

00:01:03,740 --> 00:01:07,She said an important phone call. I hope
there's nothing wrong with your

00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:08,splendid family.

00:01:09,380 --> 00:01:10,It's Victor.

00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:12,I'm afraid the poor little chap's
failing.

00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:15,Oh, dear, dear. What is the matter?

00:01:15,780 --> 00:01:17,I have no idea. It was all so
unexpected.

00:01:17,820 --> 00:01:19,We're still in a state of shock.

00:01:19,620 --> 00:01:22,My dear friend, I saw him only last week
playing on the lawn.

00:01:23,130 --> 00:01:24,He was popular, the proverbial beans.

00:01:25,270 --> 00:01:27,Yes, he was always so lively.

00:01:27,350 --> 00:01:28,We shall miss him dreadfully.

00:01:28,930 --> 00:01:30,Is there nothing you can do?

00:01:30,350 --> 00:01:31,I don't think so.

00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:35,He's not been himself for days now. Just
lies around the house.

00:01:35,530 --> 00:01:37,Won't even play with his tail anymore.

00:01:38,330 --> 00:01:42,Well, I shouldn't worry too much about
that. It is just a phase they go

00:01:42,370 --> 00:01:44,boys of that age. I understand.

00:01:45,010 --> 00:01:46,Look, Tower.

00:01:46,590 --> 00:01:48,Will you stop rambling?

00:01:48,670 --> 00:01:50,I'm talking about the dog.

00:01:53,100 --> 00:01:54,What a mistake.

00:01:55,500 --> 00:02:00,She must excuse me. I thought you were
talking about...

00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:07,I'm so sorry. We have a misunderstanding
here. I thought Victor was your

00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:08,son.

00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:12,Nonsense. You don't think I call my son
Victor, do you?

00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,Get him through life with a name like
that.

00:02:15,860 --> 00:02:17,No, there's nothing wrong with Tarquin.

00:02:20,380 --> 00:02:21,He's disgustingly healthy.

00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:26,probably responsible for this whole
thing. That dog was never the same since

00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,poured that luminous paint all over him.

00:02:28,740 --> 00:02:30,Tried to turn him into the hind of the
Baskervilles.

00:02:31,940 --> 00:02:33,Oh, I'm so sorry.

00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:37,I would be blown. I know I shouldn't
laugh, but it is very funny.

00:02:37,940 --> 00:02:38,Gupta, do you mind?

00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,One joke goes an awfully long way with
you, doesn't it?

00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,Yes?

00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:47,Oh, hello, Muffin, hello.

00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,What did he say?

00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,They're going to operate.

00:02:52,200 --> 00:02:53,Not much hope?

00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,Oh, God, poor Victor.

00:02:57,140 --> 00:02:59,Now, be brave, my dear.

00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:00,Fight those tears.

00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,Remember how good you were over the
hamster.

00:03:05,180 --> 00:03:06,Is he close to the phone?

00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,He's looking at you with those trotting
eyes.

00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:14,Oh, God. Well, don't let him see there's
anything wrong. Act normally.

00:03:14,580 --> 00:03:17,And don't worry, my dear. I'll be home
as soon as I can.

00:03:17,660 --> 00:03:18,Yes. Goodbye, muffin.

00:03:19,260 --> 00:03:20,Bye.

00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:24,Poor Victor.

00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:27,Excuse me.

00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:43,My dear fellow,

00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:45,is there anything I can do?

00:03:45,420 --> 00:03:48,No, I'll be all right, good man. Just
running some cold water, my rich.

00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:51,I really ** terribly sorry.

00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,Oh, it's my own fault.

00:03:53,420 --> 00:03:55,I didn't realise how fond I'd become of
him.

00:03:56,660 --> 00:03:59,I'd always thought he was a bit of a
nuisance, but now I know he's only g***t a

00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,few weeks.

00:04:00,520 --> 00:04:02,All we can do is make his last days
comfortable.

00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,We'll have him at home, I think.

00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:07,Better than being with strangers.

00:04:08,140 --> 00:04:10,Oh, if you don't mind, I think I'd like
to be alone.

00:04:34,570 --> 00:04:35,I'm going to die.

00:04:37,270 --> 00:04:38,Oh, yes.

00:04:38,410 --> 00:04:39,Just look at this girl.

00:04:40,090 --> 00:04:41,Fantastic. Pass me that cane, Fig.

00:04:42,230 --> 00:04:43,I'm going to die.

00:04:43,690 --> 00:04:46,Thanks. I'm just getting to the
difficult bit. You're not the only one.

00:04:47,550 --> 00:04:49,What do you say, Fig? I said I'm going
to die.

00:04:50,350 --> 00:04:51,Are you sure?

00:04:51,950 --> 00:04:53,Of course I'm sure.

00:04:53,730 --> 00:04:56,I was having a quiet drag in one of the
cubicles and I heard Thorpe talking.

00:04:57,710 --> 00:04:59,He only gives me a few weeks.

00:04:59,730 --> 00:05:00,Well, you look all right to me.

00:05:01,310 --> 00:05:04,I may look all right to the untrained
eye, mate, but Thorpe knows differently.

00:05:04,350 --> 00:05:05,He's seen the plates.

00:05:05,810 --> 00:05:09,Of course, he didn't mention me by name.
That's against the Hippocratic Oath.

00:05:09,550 --> 00:05:10,But it's me, all right.

00:05:10,970 --> 00:05:13,How do you know it's you if he didn't
mention your name? Look, I don't need

00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:17,building to follow me, Norman. Of course
it's me. I'm not right, ** I? Thorpe

00:05:17,430 --> 00:05:19,knows he's botched it. He hardly dare
look me in the face.

00:05:20,530 --> 00:05:22,I'm not right down here. I never will
be.

00:05:24,070 --> 00:05:26,It's like when you've had the back of a
watch. It's never the same again.

00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,He's just a bit wound up.

00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,Oh, you can laugh, but the way I see it,
either they've forgotten to put

00:05:36,060 --> 00:05:37,something back or I've g***t his signet
ring in here.

00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:42,How can you expect us to take you
seriously? You're always listening at

00:05:42,940 --> 00:05:45,and spreading rumours. Remember those
immortal words.

00:05:45,940 --> 00:05:48,A coward dies many times before his
death.

00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:50,A brave man dies but once.

00:05:50,780 --> 00:05:52,Oh, no, it's the once that worries me.

00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,It's amazing, isn't it?

00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:58,I'm dying and you're not worried. in the
slightest. At least you might show a

00:05:58,360 --> 00:05:59,bit of bleeding concern.

00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:01,Of course I'm concerned.

00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:02,I'm very sorry.

00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:05,We may have had our differences, but I
shall remember you with a great deal of

00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:06,warmth and affection.

00:06:06,840 --> 00:06:07,Dying about?

00:06:07,540 --> 00:06:08,I'm not dead yet.

00:06:09,180 --> 00:06:10,That's more like it, Roy.

00:06:10,460 --> 00:06:13,Show some spirit. Yes. You mustn't get
depressed. You've g***t to look on the

00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,bright side.

00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:15,What bright side?

00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:20,Every cloud has a silver lining, and
it's always darkest before the dawn.

00:06:20,410 --> 00:06:21,Thank you, patient strong.

00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:26,It's only trying to cheer you up. You
die if you worry, you die if you don't.

00:06:26,070 --> 00:06:27,That's what Mother always says.

00:06:27,370 --> 00:06:29,Do you know what she does when she gets
depressed?

00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:30,She sings this little song.

00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:36,I'm H -A -P -P -Y, I'm H -A -P -P -Y, I
know I **, I'm sure I **, I'm H -A -P -P

00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:37,-Y.

00:06:38,370 --> 00:06:39,Does she really?

00:06:40,390 --> 00:06:42,My God, she must be a comfort.

00:06:43,510 --> 00:06:46,Well, I don't feel H -A -P -P -Y at the
moment, quite the contrary.

00:06:47,050 --> 00:06:49,No, Norman's g***t a point. It could have
its good side. I mean...

00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:53,Look at the state of the world. The ice
caps on the move, radiation increasing,

00:06:53,780 --> 00:06:57,World War III just around the corner.
You could be better off out of it.

00:06:57,420 --> 00:07:00,You know you make it sound quite
attractive when you put it like that.

00:07:00,460 --> 00:07:03,wouldn't like to go in my place, would
you? Well, it wouldn't worry me.

00:07:03,220 --> 00:07:05,You see, I believe.

00:07:05,860 --> 00:07:09,You don't believe, do you, Roy? I
believe that when you're dead, you're

00:07:09,140 --> 00:07:12,Religion is the opiate of the people,
mate. They all say how wonderful it's

00:07:12,660 --> 00:07:15,going to be up there. I don't see any of
them rushing to go.

00:07:15,420...