Small Town Big Story The Turd Man Eng S01E06 Subtitles

At 00:00:01,640, Character said: The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour

2
At 00:00:16,800, Character said: (MUFFLED SINGING)
(TENSE MUSIC)

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At 00:00:23,960, Character said: (SINGING)

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At 00:00:22,500, Character said: Right, come on.

5
At 00:00:25,180, Character said: You are officially legless.

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At 00:00:28,180, Character said: Watch your head.
? Tree in the hole

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At 00:00:30,060, Character said: ? And the hole in the bog

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At 00:00:31,620, Character said: ? And the bog down to the valley-o ?

9
At 00:00:36,060, Character said: (CAR HORN HONKS)
Ah, no!

10
At 00:00:38,020, Character said: (LAUGHS) One more, one more
- on the way. - No.

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At 00:00:44,620, Character said: (BIRD CHIRPS)

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At 00:00:47,380, Character said: ? And the branch on the tree

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At 00:00:49,980, Character said: ? Tree in the hole

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At 00:00:51,140, Character said: ? And the ball in the dog

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At 00:00:53,100, Character said: ? And we jog down to the valley-o ?

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At 00:00:56,660, Character said: MAN (ON RADIO):
...it's two minutes to midnight...

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At 00:01:04,700, Character said: (TENSE MUSIC)
(DRONING)

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At 00:01:07,180, Character said: (RADIO CONTINUES IN THE BACKGROUND)

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At 00:01:10,380, Character said: (OMINOUS MUSIC)

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At 00:01:17,980, Character said: (DRONING)

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At 00:01:32,220, Character said: (TYRES SCREECH)

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At 00:01:33,420, Character said: (CRASH/CAR HORN SOUNDING)

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At 00:01:47,340, Character said: (THEME MUSIC)

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At 00:01:59,460, Character said: ? It all happened by accident

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At 00:02:05,580, Character said: ? Bodies without names,
intersecting planes

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At 00:02:11,260, Character said: ? Of their stranger vector veins

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At 00:02:17,860, Character said: ? Europe is incontinent

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At 00:02:23,020, Character said: ? But Phillip's still alive ?

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At 00:02:48,900, Character said: I will use this stick

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At 00:02:50,780, Character said: and others like it

31
At 00:02:52,780, Character said: to defend my crops,

32
At 00:02:54,380, Character said: but first we must whittle.

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At 00:02:56,780, Character said: Oh, God.(JUNIOR JOSH CHUCKLES)
This is not good.

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At 00:02:59,620, Character said: 'Whittle away, my villagers!'

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At 00:03:01,460, Character said: Whittling? (CHUCKLES)

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At 00:03:04,300, Character said: Whittle away for the whinter
is whet and whindy.

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At 00:03:07,340, Character said: Is this- Is the final cut?

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At 00:03:09,660, Character said: 'Whittle away.'

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At 00:03:12,780, Character said: Halt! Who goes there?

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At 00:03:15,460, Character said: I ** Celt!

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At 00:03:19,580, Character said: Is this the guy whose wife
is in prison for stabbing someone?

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At 00:03:23,140, Character said: She sporked a banker.

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At 00:03:24,740, Character said: Had she just watched this show?

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At 00:03:27,100, Character said: (LAUGHING)
I think the music works.

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At 00:03:30,300, Character said: Thank you, Josh.
Shame about the rest of it.

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At 00:03:32,700, Character said: Shut up, Josh.
(CONFERENCE PHONE RINGING)

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At 00:03:35,260, Character said: Chet might like it.
(You're gonna get fired.)

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At 00:03:39,340, Character said: Lame of Thrones.

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At 00:03:41,500, Character said: (EVERYONE LAUGHS)

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At 00:03:43,580, Character said: Good one, sir.
This show is a mess.

51
At 00:03:46,660, Character said: - It's a mess.
- OK.

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At 00:03:48,540, Character said: So we'll make a few tweaks
in subsequent seasons.

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At 00:03:51,180, Character said: - Seasons?
- You wanna make people watch more of this s***t?

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At 00:03:54,180, Character said: At one point I booed.

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At 00:03:56,300, Character said: Yeah.
You made me boo our own show, Wendy.

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At 00:04:00,420, Character said: I did this with zero help,
Brad undermined me throughout...

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At 00:04:04,540, Character said: What?
...Linda just went AWOL,

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At 00:04:06,860, Character said: and Josh is...

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At 00:04:09,500, Character said: practically blind.

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At 00:04:11,140, Character said: Woah, that's crossing a line, now.
What?

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At 00:04:14,220, Character said: Josh is blind.

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At 00:04:15,300, Character said: Don't be ridiculous,
he's not blind.

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At 00:04:17,180, Character said: Err, yes, sir, I ** blind.
(SCOFFS)

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At 00:04:19,780, Character said: When did you get blind?

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At 00:04:21,340, Character said: I have been blind since birth.

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At 00:04:24,020, Character said: - That's right.
- The glasses are usually the giveaway.

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At 00:04:26,820, Character said: You're a blind television executive?

68
At 00:04:30,020, Character said: Our most talented division heads
g***t promoted after the merger, sir.

69
At 00:04:34,100, Character said: And your division was..?

70
At 00:04:35,740, Character said: Podcasts.

71
At 00:04:38,300, Character said: You're doing a great job.

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At 00:04:40,460, Character said: So, I ** Celt will have its world
premiere in Ireland next week.

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At 00:04:45,380, Character said: I cannot wait.
Wendy,

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At 00:04:47,380, Character said: you go and introduce this show
in your homeland,

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At 00:04:50,420, Character said: handle the press,

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At 00:04:51,700, Character said: we'll decide what to do with you
when you return.

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At 00:04:54,020, Character said: Can anyone else hear a sitar?

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At 00:04:58,220, Character said: I gotta go, it's too d***n hot

79
At 00:05:01,740, Character said: in this office.

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At 00:05:04,300, Character said: Pack your bags, Wendy.

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At 00:05:05,900, Character said: (UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC)

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At 00:05:07,700, Character said: ? DEAN MARTIN & HELEN O'CONNELL: How
D'Ya Like Your Eggs In The Morning

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At 00:05:13,100, Character said: ? How do you like your eggs
in the morning?

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At 00:05:16,980, Character said: ? I like mine with a kiss

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At 00:05:20,140, Character said: ? Boiled or fried?

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At 00:05:21,780, Character said: ? I'm satisfied as long as
I get my kiss...

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At 00:05:27,140, Character said: Thank you, ladies.

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At 00:05:28,500, Character said: (KNOCKING)

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At 00:05:30,780, Character said: Seamie?

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At 00:05:32,660, Character said: Seamie, are you awake there?
Aye.

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At 00:05:35,620, Character said: I have something for you.

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At 00:05:37,860, Character said: Don't drop eggs on me again, Barry.
No, it came for you this morning.

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At 00:05:41,540, Character said: Oh.

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At 00:05:44,460, Character said: (SIGHS)

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At 00:05:48,900, Character said: Is it about your doctor's licence?
No, no, that's all sorted.

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At 00:05:53,300, Character said: I go back to work today
for better or worse.

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At 00:05:56,180, Character said: Well, I'll get these eggs on, so.

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At 00:06:00,180, Character said: Barry?

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At 00:06:04,260, Character said: It seems I'm a single man again.

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At 00:06:06,460, Character said: Look at us, the bachelor boys.

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At 00:06:11,100, Character said: (UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC)

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At 00:06:13,820, Character said: (SIGHS)

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At 00:06:15,020, Character said: (INDISTINCT CHATTER ON THE RADIO)
For the new stout taps.

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At 00:06:28,540, Character said: (DOOR CLOSES)

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At 00:06:34,300, Character said: Holy s***t cakes.

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At 00:06:46,500, Character said: (LAUGHS)

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At 00:06:50,540, Character said: Jesus, that's hot tea.

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At 00:06:54,780, Character said: He's back, like a migraine.

109
At 00:06:58,300, Character said: You signed it then?

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At 00:06:59,700, Character said: Aye.

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At 00:07:00,820, Character said: I'm late for school, Seamie,
and you could've texted that.

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At 00:07:03,900, Character said: My suspension's been lifted
so I'm back to work.

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At 00:07:07,020, Character said: Well, Sonny'll be thrilled,
not too sure about the patients

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At 00:07:10,380, Character said: though, they all loved that Locum,
Dr Perky-t***s.

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At 00:07:14,140, Character said: Well, I'm pleased to be back myself.
Aye,

116
At 00:07:16,940, Character said: well you look like s***t.

117
At 00:07:18,780, Character said: Does it not agree with you,
sleeping in a dead woman's bed?

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At 00:07:22,100, Character said: She's not still in it with me,
Catherine.

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At 00:07:24,620, Character said: Well, between the tales
of alien abduction

120
At 00:07:27,020, Character said: and the offer to share a deathbed
up at the sheep farm

121
At 00:07:29,780, Character said: I'd say you're pretty much
the p***y magnet around town.

122
At 00:07:33,780, Character said: I don't think I've ever heard you
say p***y before

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At 00:07:37,180, Character said: and if I'm honest
it seems a bit weird.

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At 00:07:39,980, Character said: So now my p***y is weird?

125
At 00:07:42,580, Character said: I'm not saying your p***y is-

126
At 00:07:44,180, Character said: Stop saying p***y!

127
At 00:07:47,580, Character said: Please!

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At 00:07:48,940, Character said: Either of you saying p***y is weird!

129
At 00:07:51,780, Character said: Joanne,

130
At 00:07:53,220, Character said: thought you were inside.
Nope, I'm right here,

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At 00:07:56,140, Character said: haven't missed a word right up
until mum's weird p***y!

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At 00:07:58,980, Character said: Yeah, I do not have a weird p***y!
Of course you don't!

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At 00:08:09,060, Character said: You have...

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At 00:08:12,620, Character said: ...just a typical p***y.

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At 00:08:14,660, Character said: F***k my life!

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At 00:08:18,980, Character said: Hey, I'll catch you later, Jo-Jo,

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At 00:08:23,260, Character said: I'm back at the surgery now so.
OK.

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At 00:08:29,020, Character said: What's keeping you?

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At 00:08:36,100, Character said: A typical p***y?

140
At 00:08:37,580, Character said: (I meant to say tropical.)

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At 00:08:40,060, Character said: (SIGHS)

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At 00:08:43,020, Character said: Get in the car, Matt.

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At 00:08:51,540, Character said: ? The old...