Small Town Big Story s01e05 The Pen Is Mighty.eng Subtitles

At 00:00:01,640, Character said: The following programme contains
strong language and adult humour.

2
At 00:00:14,700, Character said: (PHONE CHIMES)
No.

3
At 00:00:29,800, Character said: BRAD: 'Wendy? What is that?'
ASTRID: 'Hey!'

4
At 00:00:33,280, Character said: Brad? Christ.
(PHONE CHIMING)

5
At 00:00:36,040, Character said: Good morning.
'Well, it may be there

6
At 00:00:38,320, Character said: but it's not morning here
and it's not good.'

7
At 00:00:40,560, Character said: 'Are we looking at her ear?

8
At 00:00:42,640, Character said: We have a bit of a problem, Wendy.'

9
At 00:00:44,960, Character said: Josh is here. Hey, man.
Hiya, mate.

10
At 00:00:48,080, Character said: There they are! (LAUGHS)
I trust the wrap party went well?

11
At 00:00:51,240, Character said: Yeah, fun. Lots of it.
Er, looks like we woke you, Wendy.

12
At 00:00:54,920, Character said: Astrid in Amsterdam? I thought
you were on, um, maternity leave?

13
At 00:00:58,160, Character said: Well, yeah, I'm supposed to be.
That's a cute fuckin' baby.

14
At 00:01:01,280, Character said: So I wanted to jump on
as we were concerned

15
At 00:01:04,040, Character said: about a copyright issue
regarding I ** Celt

16
At 00:01:06,560, Character said: that came via our London office.

17
At 00:01:09,080, Character said: So, Derek will catch you up.

18
At 00:01:11,240, Character said: Hiya, mate! Nice to see you!

19
At 00:01:13,280, Character said: Is it?
Well, turns out

20
At 00:01:15,440, Character said: we don't actually own the rights...
(BABY CRYING)

21
At 00:01:18,640, Character said: ...to the book.
But, well...

22
At 00:01:21,240, Character said: I mean, the writer of the show
wrote the book

23
At 00:01:23,400, Character said: so...
Not according to Publishing House.

24
At 00:01:25,440, Character said: Book author has a different name,
and we don't have

25
At 00:01:28,320, Character said: an authorised signatory
for our contracts.

26
At 00:01:30,320, Character said: (DEEP EXHALE)

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At 00:01:32,360, Character said: So, er, every day we don't have

28
At 00:01:34,680, Character said: official signature is a risk.

29
At 00:01:37,840, Character said: And obviously,
I ** Celt will never make it

30
At 00:01:41,120, Character said: to the big screen
until we get it, yeah.

31
At 00:01:43,120, Character said: (WHISPERS) Why ** I here?
Well, this is my hotel room.

32
At 00:01:46,680, Character said: So, it goes without saying,
although I'll say it,

33
At 00:01:50,040, Character said: we need the official sign-off
from the rights holder ASAP

34
At 00:01:53,840, Character said: as possible.
Yeah, I'll get right on that,

35
At 00:01:55,560, Character said: I'm sure it's just
an oversight or something.

36
At 00:01:57,440, Character said: Maybe ask the author
about some of the...

37
At 00:01:59,960, Character said: historical inaccuracies
we're seeing in the early cuts.

38
At 00:02:02,480, Character said: - What?
- Er, we're the studio that made Tall Napoleon.

39
At 00:02:05,680, Character said: You guys all read the source
material. Isn't it all in the book?

40
At 00:02:08,360, Character said: No.
No.

41
At 00:02:10,200, Character said: But if I were you, I'd have a little
tete-a-tete with the screenwriter,

42
At 00:02:14,080, Character said: since it was you who did the deal
on the book in the first place.

43
At 00:02:17,280, Character said: Yeah.
(PHONE CHIMES)

44
At 00:02:19,480, Character said: Great to see you, Wendy!
- Hey! Hey Carl! - Hey Carl!

45
At 00:02:21,880, Character said: (EXCITABLE GREETINGS)
Oh, Carl from Catering's here!

46
At 00:02:25,440, Character said: OK, well, I'd better
track down that writer.

47
At 00:02:27,600, Character said: (OVERLAPPING, CHEERFUL GOODBYES)
Absolutely. Thanks, guys.

48
At 00:02:31,440, Character said: (SIGHS)

49
At 00:02:35,600, Character said: Why ** I in your room?

50
At 00:02:36,960, Character said: Was exactly the question I asked
as you poured yourself into my bed,

51
At 00:02:40,080, Character said: but alas, you weren't awake
long enough to answer it.

52
At 00:02:43,080, Character said: Worry not, Wendy darling.
Nothing happened.

53
At 00:02:45,640, Character said: I've just been sitting here
listening to you snore,

54
At 00:02:49,520, Character said: like a pretty little pig.

55
At 00:02:52,760, Character said: I don't think dairy is your friend.

56
At 00:02:55,040, Character said: Why is the book not registered
in your name, Jack?

57
At 00:02:57,600, Character said: Macchiato?

58
At 00:02:59,080, Character said: I'm presuming it's a mix-up?

59
At 00:03:01,960, Character said: Do you know what your lanky friend,
Napoleon, said about history?

60
At 00:03:06,760, Character said: Why ** I in your room?
No, no.

61
At 00:03:09,360, Character said: He said that, "History

62
At 00:03:11,760, Character said: is a set of lies agreed upon."
Isn't that clever?

63
At 00:03:15,360, Character said: (SLURPS DRINK)
You assured me

64
At 00:03:17,400, Character said: that your manuscript underwent
standard academic sourcing,

65
At 00:03:21,040, Character said: and now my colleagues are...
Wendy, Wendy, Wendy.

66
At 00:03:23,120, Character said: I would love to tell you
which words are gospel

67
At 00:03:25,000, Character said: and which are embellishment.

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At 00:03:26,920, Character said: Sadly I just don't know.
Well, why don't you know?

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At 00:03:29,520, Character said: You wrote the f***g book.
Well... (SCOFFS)

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At 00:03:34,840, Character said: And I think you'll find this funny.

71
At 00:03:36,680, Character said: Please tell me you wrote the book.

72
At 00:03:40,560, Character said: Get the f***k out of your room.

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At 00:03:42,400, Character said: ? THE BONK: Future 87 ?

74
At 00:03:54,280, Character said: ? It all happened

75
At 00:03:57,080, Character said: ? By accident

76
At 00:04:00,240, Character said: ? Bodies without names
intersecting planes

77
At 00:04:06,120, Character said: ? Of their strange vector veins

78
At 00:04:12,640, Character said: ? Europe is

79
At 00:04:15,080, Character said: ? Incontinent

80
At 00:04:17,720, Character said: ? But Philip's still alive... ?

81
At 00:04:43,240, Character said: Wendy? I'm well-acquainted
with the actual author, of course.

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At 00:04:48,200, Character said: Your name is on the f***g cover.

83
At 00:04:51,800, Character said: Wendy? Wendy?!

84
At 00:04:54,840, Character said: Our night may have ended tamely,
but we shared a cuddle

85
At 00:04:58,000, Character said: on the dancefloor that would've
made Beelzebub blush.

86
At 00:05:00,560, Character said: Where the hell is the author, Jack?
We need their signature.

87
At 00:05:03,320, Character said: In the beautiful industrial city
of Birmingham!

88
At 00:05:09,040, Character said: We could visit? Oh...

89
At 00:05:11,720, Character said: Get your passport, dipshit.

90
At 00:05:14,920, Character said: I'll catch you later, so!

91
At 00:05:17,000, Character said: WOMAN: Good morning, sir.

92
At 00:05:20,240, Character said: (CHEERING, LAUGHTER)

93
At 00:05:23,080, Character said: Miss! Miss,
Brendan's about to show hole.

94
At 00:05:25,720, Character said: Would you put that toga down,
Brendan?

95
At 00:05:29,520, Character said: Right, look, let's summarise.

96
At 00:05:31,640, Character said: Men of Rome, what say ye?

97
At 00:05:35,360, Character said: We Romans hate you Celtic hordes!

98
At 00:05:37,880, Character said: (CHEERING, LAUGHTER)

99
At 00:05:42,480, Character said: But what are your specific
objections to the Celts,

100
At 00:05:45,720, Character said: based on a millennium of conflicts?

101
At 00:05:48,120, Character said: The Celts are accused on three
counts: you drink too much...

102
At 00:05:50,640, Character said: (CHEERING)

103
At 00:05:52,800, Character said: ...you sing too much...
(LAUGHTER)

104
At 00:05:55,000, Character said: ...and you allow women
far too much power.

105
At 00:05:56,760, Character said: (JEERING)
You little b***d.

106
At 00:05:59,000, Character said: You can't say...
Alright, alright.

107
At 00:06:00,720, Character said: Calm down before
I have to roll over you.

108
At 00:06:02,600, Character said: (LAUGHTER)

109
At 00:06:08,560, Character said: So, you're telling me that any

110
At 00:06:11,960, Character said: male roman citizen could
accuse someone of a crime

111
At 00:06:14,400, Character said: and then prosecute him or her?
(CLASSMATES MURMUR)

112
At 00:06:17,680, Character said: That's right.
And all I have to say is,

113
At 00:06:20,840, Character said: she's my wife and she cheated on me
and she stole my chariot.

114
At 00:06:24,600, Character said: (CAR HORN BEEPS)

115
At 00:06:31,920, Character said: The power women once had

116
At 00:06:34,560, Character said: is a fair contrast to today though.

117
At 00:06:37,160, Character said: In birth, death and love.

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At 00:06:41,920, Character said: Women had more sexual freedom

119
At 00:06:44,280, Character said: in ancient Celtic society.

120
At 00:06:46,680, Character said: It was a polygamous
and polyandrous culture...

121
At 00:06:52,000, Character said: ...meaning both men and women

122
At 00:06:54,640, Character said: could have multiple spouses.

123
At 00:06:59,040, Character said: Love gave way to life
and death back then,

124
At 00:07:02,440, Character said: so the idea of betrayal
was an alien one.

125
At 00:07:05,920, Character said: And if you did feel shame,

126
At 00:07:08,040, Character said: at least you wouldn't live
long enough to die from it.

127
At 00:07:11,120, Character said: (OLD WESTERN-STYLE GUNSHOT)

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At 00:07:12,720, Character said: It was a good time for men.
They just need to remember that.

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At 00:07:18,720, Character said: Seamie,...