The.Goldbergs.2013.S10E15.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-NTb_track3_[eng] Subtitles

At 00:00:01,173, Character said: Back in the '80s,
my brother, Barry,

2
At 00:00:02,623, Character said: never thought things through
and always took big swings.

3
At 00:00:05,522, Character said: Luckily, he found a woman

4
At 00:00:07,145, Character said: who could appreciate him
for all he was,

5
At 00:00:09,871, Character said: his equally eccentric
girlfriend, Joanne.

6
At 00:00:11,873, Character said: Ah, the board
of opportunities.

7
At 00:00:14,531, Character said: So many flyers, so many dreams,
so many drummers wanted.

8
At 00:00:18,535, Character said: Ooh! "Do you
want to meet lonely singles
in your area?"

9
At 00:00:21,573, Character said: "Shapely ladies are waiting
for your call."

10
At 00:00:24,162, Character said: I already g***t the shapeliest
lady on the planet.

11
At 00:00:26,854, Character said: Yeah, you do.

12
At 00:00:29,098, Character said: Oh, crap! I gotta go.

13
At 00:00:30,547, Character said: I'm helping a woman sue the man
who ran over her toe.

14
At 00:00:32,687, Character said: It's super gross
and jacked up.

15
At 00:00:34,137, Character said: I'm totally gonna win.

16
At 00:00:39,418, Character said: "Luxury apartment"?

17
At 00:00:41,006, Character said: Oh, a reader. Nice.

18
At 00:00:42,663, Character said: What's your current
living situation, friend?

19
At 00:00:44,492, Character said: I live in my childhood home

20
At 00:00:45,562, Character said: and share a room
with my little brother.

21
At 00:00:47,047, Character said: Sounds like you could use
a place to yourself,

22
At 00:00:48,807, Character said: one with
all the amenities.

23
At 00:00:50,636, Character said: What amenities?

24
At 00:00:51,741, Character said: A blonde woman in her 50s
who cooks for you?

25
At 00:00:53,846, Character said: Almost!
We have sink and window.

26
At 00:00:56,573, Character said: And as a bonus, I'll throw in
easy access to the outside

27
At 00:00:59,404, Character said: and all that has to offer.

28
At 00:01:00,991, Character said: Sounds great, but there's
only one problem,

29
At 00:01:02,890, Character said: I don't have any money.

30
At 00:01:04,202, Character said: You don't need money when you
have something called credit.

31
At 00:01:06,583, Character said: Let me ask you,
Are you familiar with

32
At 00:01:08,171, Character said: the predatory lending laws
of Pennsylvania?

33
At 00:01:09,862, Character said: - No.
- Why would you be?

34
At 00:01:11,278, Character said: They're so dern annoying.

35
At 00:01:12,589, Character said: - Blech!
- I gotta think about it.

36
At 00:01:14,108, Character said: Sorry, it's a very
competitive marketplace,

37
At 00:01:15,937, Character said: and I have several
qualified applicants.

38
At 00:01:18,250, Character said: No!

39
At 00:01:19,286, Character said: - I'll take it.
- Good man.

40
At 00:01:20,770, Character said: Your swanky bachelor pad awaits.

41
At 00:01:22,289, Character said: Quick question,
Do you own a cat?

42
At 00:01:23,876, Character said: - No.
- Oh, I would get one.

43
At 00:01:25,085, Character said: I would get
a very large cat.

44
At 00:01:26,569, Character said: Okay, let's sign
these documents.

45
At 00:01:28,433, Character said: And, no,
I do not have a pen.

46
At 00:01:29,710, Character said: I g***t one.

47
At 00:01:33,231, Character said: ♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪

48
At 00:01:34,887, Character said: ♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say ♪

49
At 00:01:40,755, Character said: ♪ I don't know the future ♪

50
At 00:01:42,240, Character said: ♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

51
At 00:01:45,898, Character said: It was March 1st,
1980-something,

52
At 00:01:47,797, Character said: and my mom was returning
from another fulfilling day

53
At 00:01:50,800, Character said: as the Quaker Warden
at William Penn Academy.

54
At 00:01:53,527, Character said: Home from school.

55
At 00:01:54,769, Character said: We have any Capri Sun?

56
At 00:01:56,081, Character said: You know where it is.

57
At 00:01:57,289, Character said: Now, tell me all the news
of the outside world,

58
At 00:01:59,015, Character said: 'cause I've been cooped up
in here with the little one.

59
At 00:02:00,913, Character said: Erica, Joe said the funniest
thing today.

60
At 00:02:03,468, Character said: Joe... as in Mr. Perott,

61
At 00:02:05,608, Character said: the school's
guidance counselor?

62
At 00:02:06,712, Character said: Joe is so funny.

63
At 00:02:08,438, Character said: Now, you wouldn't know this
just by looking at Joe, but...

64
At 00:02:11,061, Character said: Today,
in the teachers' lounge...

65
At 00:02:14,824, Character said: I dropped my Del Monte yogurt
on the floor.

66
At 00:02:17,758, Character said: And then Joe comes by
and says,

67
At 00:02:19,415, Character said: "Finally, some culture
in this place."

68
At 00:02:21,727, Character said: Get it?

69
At 00:02:22,935, Character said: 'Cause yogurt has cultures
of bacteria.

70
At 00:02:25,317, Character said: Oh, he's so funny,
that Joe!

71
At 00:02:27,354, Character said: You seem to be
saying "Joe" a lot.

72
At 00:02:29,356, Character said: We're colleagues.
I say people's names.

73
At 00:02:31,496, Character said: - Stop being weird.
- It's fine.

74
At 00:02:32,911, Character said: Let me make you
a snacky,

75
At 00:02:34,257, Character said: and you can tell me all about
your little crush.

76
At 00:02:35,741, Character said: Ew, um...

77
At 00:02:37,122, Character said: The only crush I have
is on my children.

78
At 00:02:39,918, Character said: Joe and I are just friends.

79
At 00:02:41,126, Character said: Friends, huh?

80
At 00:02:42,300, Character said: Well, I want you ask yourself
these three questions,

81
At 00:02:44,716, Character said: Do you get excited
being around Joe?

82
At 00:02:46,511, Character said: Excited? No.

83
At 00:02:48,513, Character said: Eager and enthusiastic?
Sure.

84
At 00:02:50,860, Character said: Sleepless energy that crackles
with electricity?

85
At 00:02:54,898, Character said: Kind of.

86
At 00:02:55,968, Character said: Do you do things
to get his attention?

87
At 00:02:57,384, Character said: Never.

88
At 00:02:58,488, Character said: I mean, do I bake him
endless cakes and pies? Yes.

89
At 00:03:01,146, Character said: Do I write cute little notes
and put 'em in his cubby?

90
At 00:03:03,562, Character said: Of course I do.

91
At 00:03:04,977, Character said: Do I make faces at him
in the carpool line?

92
At 00:03:07,773, Character said: How could I not?

93
At 00:03:09,327, Character said: And, lastly, do you get easily
flustered being around him?

94
At 00:03:12,053, Character said: Absolutely not.

95
At 00:03:13,503, Character said: Oh, hi, Mr. Perott.

96
At 00:03:14,780, Character said: Ah! All the vomit!

97
At 00:03:17,058, Character said: - You have a crush.
- I have a crush.

98
At 00:03:19,302, Character said: Well, what do I do now?

99
At 00:03:20,993, Character said: I already rejected him when we
were on the yearbook committee.

100
At 00:03:23,686, Character said: Oh, don't worry.

101
At 00:03:24,825, Character said: Men are just lifeless
lumps of clay

102
At 00:03:26,240, Character said: begging to be manipulated.

103
At 00:03:28,208, Character said: Watch and learn.

104
At 00:03:29,312, Character said: Hey, hon, it's your turn
on diaper duty.

105
At 00:03:31,314, Character said: And, sorry, it's atomic.

106
At 00:03:32,591, Character said: There's the guy I picked.

107
At 00:03:34,041, Character said: I just wanted
to take a second

108
At 00:03:35,353, Character said: before I change the diaper
to compliment you.

109
At 00:03:37,527, Character said: Okay, take two seconds.

110
At 00:03:38,735, Character said: This fella isn't above
receiving a word bouquet.

111
At 00:03:41,048, Character said: Your thighs are looking
so attractive.

112
At 00:03:43,775, Character said: What? You can see them through
my relaxed-fit corduroys?

113
At 00:03:46,502, Character said: Oh, big time!

114
At 00:03:47,572, Character said: Have you been
hitting that machine

115
At 00:03:48,918, Character said: that nobody uses
at the gym?

116
At 00:03:50,230, Character said: It's always the least sweaty,
so, yeah.

117
At 00:03:51,886, Character said: Well, hubba-hubba.

118
At 00:03:53,612, Character said: I just wish that I had the time
to get some reps in myself.

119
At 00:03:55,890, Character said: I must look so gross
to you.

120
At 00:03:57,720, Character said: Impossible. You are a vision.

121
At 00:03:59,377, Character said: Well, maybe I'll just
let myself go,

122
At 00:04:01,965, Character said: be one of the big ladies
in the "Guinness Book."

123
At 00:04:04,382, Character said: You know, they're smiling
in the picture,

124
At 00:04:05,693, Character said: so maybe they're happy.

125
At 00:04:06,936, Character said: Okay, you know what?
I have an idea.

126
At 00:04:08,351, Character said: Why don't I just worry
about Muriel

127
At 00:04:10,250, Character said: and you take all the time
you need to feel your best?

128
At 00:04:12,562, Character said: My gracious!

129
At 00:04:13,701, Character said: What a crazy idea
you totally came up with.

130
At 00:04:17,049, Character said: All right, now hustle off,

131
At 00:04:18,119, Character said: 'cause the stink
is hitting my nose hairs.

132
At 00:04:22,158, Character said: Dumb and done.
Good luck with your crush.

133
At 00:04:24,747, Character said: While Erica was
getting my mom ready

134
At 00:04:26,473, Character said: to make a move
on Mr. Perott,

135
At 00:04:27,991, Character said: Barry was getting ready
to move out.

136
At 00:04:29,993, Character said: I never thought
I'd see the day!

137...