South.Park.S26E03.1080p.WEB.h264-BAE Subtitles

00:00:40,532 --> 00:00:42,See, Stan?
You gotta choose

00:00:42,034 --> 00:00:43,if you wanna be
in Gryffindor or Slytherin.

00:00:43,802 --> 00:00:45,Yeah, can I do it?

00:00:45,704 --> 00:00:47,Yeah, see, you gotta fight
these fairy guys.

00:00:47,773 --> 00:00:49,Randy.

00:00:50,476 --> 00:00:51,Randy!

00:00:51,777 --> 00:00:53,The powder room
toilet is broken.

00:00:53,312 --> 00:00:54,Again!

00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:56,Did you jiggle the handle?

00:00:56,048 --> 00:00:57,Yes, I jiggled the handle.

00:00:57,483 --> 00:00:59,Will you come fix this, please?

00:00:59,385 --> 00:01:01,Okay, okay.

00:01:07,126 --> 00:01:09,Huh, well, let's see.

00:01:09,161 --> 00:01:12,It's gotta be the little
black floaty thingie.

00:01:12,831 --> 00:01:13,What'd you do to it?

00:01:13,966 --> 00:01:15,I didn't do anything.

00:01:15,634 --> 00:01:17,Lemme see if there's
water in the bowl.

00:01:17,002 --> 00:01:19,No!
Don't lift the lid.

00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:20,Why can't I lift the lid?

00:01:20,839 --> 00:01:23,Don't, Randy!
Uh-huh.

00:01:23,642 --> 00:01:25,Hey, guys!
Your mom took a s***t

00:01:25,744 --> 00:01:27,and doesn't want me to see it.

00:01:27,212 --> 00:01:29,Ew!
Gross, Dad!

00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:32,Randy!
We need to get a new toilet.

00:01:32,017 --> 00:01:34,We can't just get rid
of Ol' Blue, Sharon.

00:01:34,386 --> 00:01:35,This is embarrassing.

00:01:35,921 --> 00:01:39,It's the powder room toilet,
the one guests use.

00:01:39,024 --> 00:01:40,You get a new toilet, Randy,

00:01:40,559 --> 00:01:43,or I'm not helping you
sell weed anymore!

00:01:43,495 --> 00:01:45,Alright, alright.
Sharon, you win.

00:01:45,931 --> 00:01:47,As usual.

00:01:49,001 --> 00:01:50,Poor Ol' Blue.

00:01:58,444 --> 00:02:00,Can I help you with anything?

00:02:00,212 --> 00:02:03,Oh, yeah, just lookin' for a new
toilet to replace Ol' Blue.

00:02:03,015 --> 00:02:05,Alright, well, all our toilets
here are standard bowl,

00:02:05,184 --> 00:02:06,come with full warranty.

00:02:06,351 --> 00:02:07,How much you looking to spend?

00:02:07,753 --> 00:02:09,Well I'm not poor.

00:02:09,121 --> 00:02:11,I happen to have
my own weed business.

00:02:11,223 --> 00:02:13,So that's pretty much
the nicest one you have, right?

00:02:13,459 --> 00:02:15,Yeah, that's probably
the top model, you know,

00:02:15,127 --> 00:02:18,before you start getting
into the Japanese toilets.

00:02:18,430 --> 00:02:19,Japanese toilets?

00:02:19,798 --> 00:02:21,Yeah, they're the sort of
the super-high-class

00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:23,luxury models with all
the bells and whistles.

00:02:23,302 --> 00:02:25,But you probably don't wanna
spend that kind of money.

00:02:25,871 --> 00:02:27,I'm not poor.

00:02:27,606 --> 00:02:30,Oh, well,
we can show them to you.

00:02:30,409 --> 00:02:32,The Japanese toilets
are right over there.

00:02:38,217 --> 00:02:39,Hi, Rick.
This gentleman

00:02:39,551 --> 00:02:41,would like to see
the Japanese toilets.

00:02:41,420 --> 00:02:43,Well, of course, sir.
My name is Rick.

00:02:43,589 --> 00:02:45,Let me know if there's
anything you need.

00:02:47,726 --> 00:02:50,These toilets are all equipped
with the highest-end features,

00:02:50,062 --> 00:02:51,including an automatic
bidet system,

00:02:51,730 --> 00:02:54,bluetooth capability,
and seat warmers.

00:02:54,233 --> 00:02:56,Seat warmers?
Of course.

00:02:56,568 --> 00:02:58,And the toilet senses
when you've come into the room,

00:02:58,337 --> 00:03:00,turns on a small light,
plays welcome music,

00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,and raises the lid for you.

00:03:02,074 --> 00:03:04,Can I offer you come
sparkling water or champagne?

00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,Oh, sure,
I'll take some champagne.

00:03:07,179 --> 00:03:08,All the toilet's functions
are operated

00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,by a touch-button remote
which you mount

00:03:11,183 --> 00:03:13,where the toilet-paper roll
used to go.

00:03:13,352 --> 00:03:15,So then where do you keep
the toilet paper?

00:03:15,420 --> 00:03:18,With a Japanese toilet,
you don't need toilet paper.

00:03:18,690 --> 00:03:21,The toilet washes you
completely clean.

00:03:23,195 --> 00:03:24,You're mad.

00:03:24,796 --> 00:03:26,No, it's true.

00:03:26,532 --> 00:03:28,It has warm water and a dryer

00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,and cleans you eight times
better than toilet paper can.

00:03:32,871 --> 00:03:35,Would you like to take one
for a test drive?

00:03:35,374 --> 00:03:36,Oh, uh, sure.

00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,I did have kind of
a big breakfast.

00:03:38,777 --> 00:03:40,Right over here.

00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:03,Oh.

00:04:06,171 --> 00:04:07,Whoa!

00:04:07,806 --> 00:04:09,Ooh.
Oh, oh! Oh.

00:04:09,975 --> 00:04:11,Ahhh!

00:04:11,410 --> 00:04:13,Oh, oh!

00:04:20,919 --> 00:04:22,Ohh! Oh.

00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:31,Okay, how much?

00:04:31,563 --> 00:04:34,Guys, I wanted to talk to you
because I want you all

00:04:34,933 --> 00:04:37,to think about how
we're viewed as a family.

00:04:38,904 --> 00:04:41,You know, as a prominent
weed dealer, we are successful,

00:04:41,673 --> 00:04:44,and we're sort of looked up to
in this town

00:04:44,276 --> 00:04:48,because we have nice things
that most families can't afford.

00:04:48,413 --> 00:04:50,I mean, Stan, you're playing
"Hogwarts Legacy"

00:04:50,382 --> 00:04:52,on PS5, right?

00:04:52,017 --> 00:04:54,You're playing
"Hogwarts Legacy" on a PS5.

00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,Yeah, my... my point is
that most people in town

00:04:56,555 --> 00:04:58,don't even have a PS5.

00:04:58,190 --> 00:04:59,They still have PS4s,

00:04:59,791 --> 00:05:03,and so we're basically
the Kennedys of South Park.

00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:07,And the plain fact is
that well-off families

00:05:07,733 --> 00:05:09,have nice things,

00:05:09,134 --> 00:05:11,and we shouldn't be
ashamed of that.

00:05:11,203 --> 00:05:13,Ohp! New toilet's here!

00:05:15,540 --> 00:05:18,Hajimemashite.
Japanese Torei des!

00:05:18,777 --> 00:05:20,Uh, yes, thank you.
Bring it on in.

00:05:20,912 --> 00:05:23,Kyo fun yori! Kro fun yori!

00:05:23,982 --> 00:05:28,Kyo fun yori!
Kro fun yori! Kro fun yori!

00:05:28,987 --> 00:05:31,That's the new toilet?
How much did it cost?

00:05:31,757 --> 00:05:34,Oh, Sharon.
Tennish.

00:05:34,493 --> 00:05:36,What's tennish?
Tennish.

00:05:36,928 --> 00:05:39,Thousandish.
Ten thousandish.

00:05:39,297 --> 00:05:42,You spent $10,000 on a toilet?!

00:05:42,501 --> 00:05:44,We don't have
that kind of money, Randy!

00:05:44,569 --> 00:05:45,Yeah, we do.

00:05:45,971 --> 00:05:47,Shitsurei Shimasu!
Owarimashita.

00:05:47,839 --> 00:05:49,Okay, yeah, right here?
Okay.

00:05:53,278 --> 00:05:55,Doomo!
Aringanto gozaimashita!

00:05:55,347 --> 00:05:57,Aringato gozaimashita!

00:05:57,115 --> 00:05:58,K, thanks.

00:06:03,755 --> 00:06:06,You are taking that back
to the store.

00:06:06,291 --> 00:06:07,Try it, Sharon.

00:06:07,626 --> 00:06:09,I don't need to, Randy.
I want...

00:06:09,094 --> 00:06:10,Try it, Sharon!

00:06:21,873 --> 00:06:23,Oh. Oh.

00:06:25,043 --> 00:06:27,Oh! Ohh!

00:06:27,379 --> 00:06:28,Ah-ha-ha!

00:06:28,947 --> 00:06:29,I wanna try it.

00:06:29,981 --> 00:06:31,Shhh!

00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:32,Ah-ho-ho!

00:06:32,617 --> 00:06:34,Ohh!

00:06:40,325 --> 00:06:41,Oh, look, there he goes.

00:06:41,693 --> 00:06:43,It's Mr. Big Shot.

00:06:45,330 --> 00:06:46,Hey, Richie Rich.
You eating caviar

00:06:46,998 --> 00:06:48,for lunch today, Richie Rich?

00:06:52,704 --> 00:06:55,Stan, just so you know,
nobody gives a s***t.

00:06:57,476 --> 00:06:58,About what?

00:06:58,977 --> 00:07:00,Come on, guys!

00:07:02,981 --> 00:07:05,Did you know some people
can't even afford to eat?

00:07:05,417 --> 00:07:08,How about caring for something
that matters, you bitch?

00:07:09,654 --> 00:07:11,What the?

00:07:11,423 --> 00:07:13,Hey, Stan, you really
have to be careful.

00:07:13,992 --> 00:07:15,Of what?

00:07:15,660 --> 00:07:17,Look, it's great that you come
from a wealthy family,

00:07:17,496 --> 00:07:19,but people don't like getting
their noses rubbed in it.

00:07:19,765 --> 00:07:22,Dude, I haven't
even said anything!

00:07:22,567 --> 00:07:24,Well, your dad called
everyone last night

00:07:24,236 -->...