The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E03.Marathon.Mac.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Subtitles
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00:00:02,803 --> 00:00:05,(theme music playing)
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:18,Hey, Nessa,
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,what's your sculpture supplies
00:00:20,212 --> 00:00:21,doing in the trash?
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:22,I was done with them.
00:00:22,964 --> 00:00:24,What you mean, you done?
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,I signed you up
for ten classes.
00:00:26,885 --> 00:00:28,What you talking about,
you're done?
00:00:28,345 --> 00:00:30,It was just too messy.
00:00:30,388 --> 00:00:31,I mean, the clay
kept getting hard
00:00:31,848 --> 00:00:32,under my fingernails.
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,BERNIE: Nessa, of course
00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:35,it's going to be messy,
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:36,it's clay.
00:00:36,579 --> 00:00:39,You g***t another word
for clay? Dirt.
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,JORDAN: If she doesn't
want them, I'll take them.
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,There. Jordan's using the clay
00:00:44,319 --> 00:00:45,and everyone's happy.
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,No, everyone's not happy.
00:00:47,139 --> 00:00:48,I'm still out of the money
00:00:48,990 --> 00:00:50,for the ten classes
I paid for,
00:00:50,709 --> 00:00:53,that you begged me to take.
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,Baby Girl, what's wrong
with your omelet?
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,I don't want anymore.
00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,That's it. From here on in,
00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,don't you all ask me
for anything.
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,I'm done. That's it.
00:01:02,212 --> 00:01:04,You all a bunch of quitters.
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:06,Quitters!
00:01:06,383 --> 00:01:08,It's like a epidemic, America.
00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:10,Just look in my closets.
00:01:10,145 --> 00:01:12,They're filled with things
them kids had to have.
00:01:12,889 --> 00:01:15,Needed. Couldn't live without.
00:01:15,526 --> 00:01:16,Nessa ice skates.
00:01:16,935 --> 00:01:19,Baby Girl's
Change-My-Diaper Doll.
00:01:19,104 --> 00:01:20,Jordan, banjo.
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:23,Ballet class. Piano lessons.
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:25,These kids don't stick
to nothing,
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,and look at this, America.
00:01:27,571 --> 00:01:29,Surfboard.
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:30,What...
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:33,black boy you know surf?
00:01:33,368 --> 00:01:34,Huh?
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:36,Bulldog.
00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:38,I missed you, man.
00:01:38,081 --> 00:01:39,How was your vacation?
00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:40,Actually, uh,
Big Pop, I lied.
00:01:40,542 --> 00:01:42,I wasn't really
on vacation.
00:01:42,377 --> 00:01:43,I, uh, I went
someplace spiritual
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,to do some
soul-searching.
00:01:45,297 --> 00:01:46,Oh, some pilgrimage, huh?
00:01:46,798 --> 00:01:48,Where'd you go?
South Jersey.
00:01:48,425 --> 00:01:49,I stayed
with my college girlfriend.
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,You know,
she was real hippy-dippy.
00:01:51,261 --> 00:01:52,You know,
she smoked a lot of pot
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:54,and she smelled
like patchouli.
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,You telling me
you went to Jersey,
00:01:56,308 --> 00:01:57,all the way to Jersey
for a booty call?
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,Actually, no.
She was my crisis counselor
00:01:59,769 --> 00:02:01,'cause I needed her help.
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,Crisis?
00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:05,Jer, what the hell is going on?
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:06,So they, you know,
they just--they thought
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:09,they found a polyp in my, um...
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,Oh, no.
00:02:11,123 --> 00:02:13,In my colon.
00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:14,So, you know, I thought,
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,I just thought I had
the Big "C."
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,Yo, but B-B-B,
this is the thing.
00:02:17,546 --> 00:02:18,The thing is
is that I was like,
00:02:18,955 --> 00:02:20,"Hello?" Epiphany.
00:02:20,457 --> 00:02:22,You know? It was like
God was sending me a message.
00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:24,You know, he was saying,
"Yo. JB, dawg,
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:25,it's time to get down.
00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:26,It's time to get-get,
get on down
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,and flip the script on life."
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:30,I can dig it.
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:31,I'm paraphrasing.
But I'm--
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:32,I guess what
I'm trying to say, B,
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,is that there's g***t
to be more to life
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,than squeezing 50 grand
out of the studio. You know?
00:02:37,432 --> 00:02:39,That's...
I want to start giving back
00:02:39,476 --> 00:02:41,to society, to humanity.
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:42,Maybe you need
to get more involved
00:02:42,979 --> 00:02:44,in that environmental stuff.
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:46,Get yourself an electric car.
00:02:46,441 --> 00:02:47,Oh, hell, no.
Hell, no.
00:02:47,618 --> 00:02:48,I still have three years
on my Hummer,
00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:50,so that's completely
out of the question,
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,but, you know, I figure,
00:02:52,113 --> 00:02:54,you know, I'll know it
when I find it.
00:02:54,166 --> 00:02:56,Well, when you do,
you let me know.
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,I'll be right
there for you.
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:00,Yes, ma'**, I know I paid
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,for ten classes in full,
00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:04,but I have a young niece
who have a case of the quits.
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,WOMAN (over phone):
I understand.
So is there any way
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,I can get a refund?
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:09,Or at least transfer the money
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:10,to a different class,
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,more of an adult class?
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,Like wine-tasting?
00:03:13,969 --> 00:03:15,Cigar appreciation?
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,And what is a lanyard?
00:03:17,305 --> 00:03:18,WOMAN: The (indistinct)
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,Oh, I see.
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,You want to make a keychain?
00:03:22,194 --> 00:03:23,Mm-mm.
00:03:23,395 --> 00:03:26,Of course you don't. Quitter.
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:27,Well, thank you for your time.
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:28,WOMAN (over phone): Good day!
Bye-bye.
00:03:29,359 --> 00:03:31,Well, as you can see, I tried,
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:35,and, uh, it g***t to come out
of your allowance.
00:03:35,156 --> 00:03:36,My allowance?
That's right.
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,You didn't say anything
about that,
00:03:38,326 --> 00:03:40,and you can't just make up rules
as you go along.
00:03:40,996 --> 00:03:42,Sure I can, Nessa,
00:03:42,172 --> 00:03:43,and you know
when I changed it?
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,As we went along.
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:50,Mmm.
WANDA: We need to talk
about your nephew.
00:03:50,555 --> 00:03:53,Oh, my nephew?
What I g***t to punish him for?
00:03:53,258 --> 00:03:55,I just g***t off the phone
with Drew's mother.
00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:57,Uh-huh.
Did you give Jordan clay?
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:02,Doggone Nessa.
00:04:02,350 --> 00:04:03,What happened?
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,Well, apparently
he's making body parts.
00:04:07,373 --> 00:04:09,Male body parts.
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:13,Little sissy.
00:04:13,528 --> 00:04:15,I knew it was just
a matter of time.
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,I knew it was. I told you.
00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:18,You're the one
that gave him the clay.
00:04:19,451 --> 00:04:20,Yeah, your Aunt Wanda told me
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,what you been doing.
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,If I see anything
made of clay
00:04:24,247 --> 00:04:25,that I don't like,
00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:26,I'm gonna mold your head,
you get me?
00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:28,So I can't make
any more rockets?
00:04:28,418 --> 00:04:30,I better not see it.
I'm gonna knock
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,the plaque off your teeth.
00:04:31,713 --> 00:04:33,BULLDOG: No way, Oliver.
Come on, please.
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:35,$5,000 is an insult.
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:37,(chuckles) Okay.
00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:38,Yeah, $20,000's great.
00:04:38,303 --> 00:04:39,Ollie, 20--thank you.
00:04:39,354 --> 00:04:40,$20,000's great.
Thank you.
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:41,Okay. Bye.
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:45,Yes. I just raised 20 Gs
for Seeds of Peace.
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,Well, what's...
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:18,Hey, Nessa,
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,what's your sculpture supplies
00:00:20,212 --> 00:00:21,doing in the trash?
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:22,I was done with them.
00:00:22,964 --> 00:00:24,What you mean, you done?
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,I signed you up
for ten classes.
00:00:26,885 --> 00:00:28,What you talking about,
you're done?
00:00:28,345 --> 00:00:30,It was just too messy.
00:00:30,388 --> 00:00:31,I mean, the clay
kept getting hard
00:00:31,848 --> 00:00:32,under my fingernails.
00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:34,BERNIE: Nessa, of course
00:00:34,101 --> 00:00:35,it's going to be messy,
00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:36,it's clay.
00:00:36,579 --> 00:00:39,You g***t another word
for clay? Dirt.
00:00:39,606 --> 00:00:41,JORDAN: If she doesn't
want them, I'll take them.
00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:44,There. Jordan's using the clay
00:00:44,319 --> 00:00:45,and everyone's happy.
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,No, everyone's not happy.
00:00:47,139 --> 00:00:48,I'm still out of the money
00:00:48,990 --> 00:00:50,for the ten classes
I paid for,
00:00:50,709 --> 00:00:53,that you begged me to take.
00:00:53,253 --> 00:00:55,Baby Girl, what's wrong
with your omelet?
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:57,I don't want anymore.
00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:58,That's it. From here on in,
00:00:58,416 --> 00:01:00,don't you all ask me
for anything.
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:02,I'm done. That's it.
00:01:02,212 --> 00:01:04,You all a bunch of quitters.
00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:06,Quitters!
00:01:06,383 --> 00:01:08,It's like a epidemic, America.
00:01:08,611 --> 00:01:10,Just look in my closets.
00:01:10,145 --> 00:01:12,They're filled with things
them kids had to have.
00:01:12,889 --> 00:01:15,Needed. Couldn't live without.
00:01:15,526 --> 00:01:16,Nessa ice skates.
00:01:16,935 --> 00:01:19,Baby Girl's
Change-My-Diaper Doll.
00:01:19,104 --> 00:01:20,Jordan, banjo.
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:23,Ballet class. Piano lessons.
00:01:23,450 --> 00:01:25,These kids don't stick
to nothing,
00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:27,and look at this, America.
00:01:27,571 --> 00:01:29,Surfboard.
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:30,What...
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:33,black boy you know surf?
00:01:33,368 --> 00:01:34,Huh?
00:01:35,495 --> 00:01:36,Bulldog.
00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:38,I missed you, man.
00:01:38,081 --> 00:01:39,How was your vacation?
00:01:39,058 --> 00:01:40,Actually, uh,
Big Pop, I lied.
00:01:40,542 --> 00:01:42,I wasn't really
on vacation.
00:01:42,377 --> 00:01:43,I, uh, I went
someplace spiritual
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,to do some
soul-searching.
00:01:45,297 --> 00:01:46,Oh, some pilgrimage, huh?
00:01:46,798 --> 00:01:48,Where'd you go?
South Jersey.
00:01:48,425 --> 00:01:49,I stayed
with my college girlfriend.
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:51,You know,
she was real hippy-dippy.
00:01:51,261 --> 00:01:52,You know,
she smoked a lot of pot
00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:54,and she smelled
like patchouli.
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:56,You telling me
you went to Jersey,
00:01:56,308 --> 00:01:57,all the way to Jersey
for a booty call?
00:01:57,851 --> 00:01:59,Actually, no.
She was my crisis counselor
00:01:59,769 --> 00:02:01,'cause I needed her help.
00:02:01,872 --> 00:02:03,Crisis?
00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:05,Jer, what the hell is going on?
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:06,So they, you know,
they just--they thought
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:09,they found a polyp in my, um...
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,Oh, no.
00:02:11,123 --> 00:02:13,In my colon.
00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:14,So, you know, I thought,
00:02:14,268 --> 00:02:15,I just thought I had
the Big "C."
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,Yo, but B-B-B,
this is the thing.
00:02:17,546 --> 00:02:18,The thing is
is that I was like,
00:02:18,955 --> 00:02:20,"Hello?" Epiphany.
00:02:20,457 --> 00:02:22,You know? It was like
God was sending me a message.
00:02:22,518 --> 00:02:24,You know, he was saying,
"Yo. JB, dawg,
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:25,it's time to get down.
00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:26,It's time to get-get,
get on down
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,and flip the script on life."
00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:30,I can dig it.
00:02:30,350 --> 00:02:31,I'm paraphrasing.
But I'm--
00:02:31,618 --> 00:02:32,I guess what
I'm trying to say, B,
00:02:32,786 --> 00:02:34,is that there's g***t
to be more to life
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,than squeezing 50 grand
out of the studio. You know?
00:02:37,432 --> 00:02:39,That's...
I want to start giving back
00:02:39,476 --> 00:02:41,to society, to humanity.
00:02:41,561 --> 00:02:42,Maybe you need
to get more involved
00:02:42,979 --> 00:02:44,in that environmental stuff.
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:46,Get yourself an electric car.
00:02:46,441 --> 00:02:47,Oh, hell, no.
Hell, no.
00:02:47,618 --> 00:02:48,I still have three years
on my Hummer,
00:02:48,860 --> 00:02:50,so that's completely
out of the question,
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,but, you know, I figure,
00:02:52,113 --> 00:02:54,you know, I'll know it
when I find it.
00:02:54,166 --> 00:02:56,Well, when you do,
you let me know.
00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,I'll be right
there for you.
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:00,Yes, ma'**, I know I paid
00:03:00,747 --> 00:03:02,for ten classes in full,
00:03:02,582 --> 00:03:04,but I have a young niece
who have a case of the quits.
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,WOMAN (over phone):
I understand.
So is there any way
00:03:06,920 --> 00:03:08,I can get a refund?
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:09,Or at least transfer the money
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:10,to a different class,
00:03:10,924 --> 00:03:12,more of an adult class?
00:03:12,092 --> 00:03:13,Like wine-tasting?
00:03:13,969 --> 00:03:15,Cigar appreciation?
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,And what is a lanyard?
00:03:17,305 --> 00:03:18,WOMAN: The (indistinct)
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:20,Oh, I see.
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:22,You want to make a keychain?
00:03:22,194 --> 00:03:23,Mm-mm.
00:03:23,395 --> 00:03:26,Of course you don't. Quitter.
00:03:26,106 --> 00:03:27,Well, thank you for your time.
00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:28,WOMAN (over phone): Good day!
Bye-bye.
00:03:29,359 --> 00:03:31,Well, as you can see, I tried,
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:35,and, uh, it g***t to come out
of your allowance.
00:03:35,156 --> 00:03:36,My allowance?
That's right.
00:03:36,508 --> 00:03:38,You didn't say anything
about that,
00:03:38,326 --> 00:03:40,and you can't just make up rules
as you go along.
00:03:40,996 --> 00:03:42,Sure I can, Nessa,
00:03:42,172 --> 00:03:43,and you know
when I changed it?
00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,As we went along.
00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:50,Mmm.
WANDA: We need to talk
about your nephew.
00:03:50,555 --> 00:03:53,Oh, my nephew?
What I g***t to punish him for?
00:03:53,258 --> 00:03:55,I just g***t off the phone
with Drew's mother.
00:03:55,260 --> 00:03:57,Uh-huh.
Did you give Jordan clay?
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:02,Doggone Nessa.
00:04:02,350 --> 00:04:03,What happened?
00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:05,Well, apparently
he's making body parts.
00:04:07,373 --> 00:04:09,Male body parts.
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:13,Little sissy.
00:04:13,528 --> 00:04:15,I knew it was just
a matter of time.
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,I knew it was. I told you.
00:04:16,489 --> 00:04:18,You're the one
that gave him the clay.
00:04:19,451 --> 00:04:20,Yeah, your Aunt Wanda told me
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:22,what you been doing.
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,If I see anything
made of clay
00:04:24,247 --> 00:04:25,that I don't like,
00:04:25,340 --> 00:04:26,I'm gonna mold your head,
you get me?
00:04:26,708 --> 00:04:28,So I can't make
any more rockets?
00:04:28,418 --> 00:04:30,I better not see it.
I'm gonna knock
00:04:30,170 --> 00:04:31,the plaque off your teeth.
00:04:31,713 --> 00:04:33,BULLDOG: No way, Oliver.
Come on, please.
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:35,$5,000 is an insult.
00:04:35,675 --> 00:04:37,(chuckles) Okay.
00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:38,Yeah, $20,000's great.
00:04:38,303 --> 00:04:39,Ollie, 20--thank you.
00:04:39,354 --> 00:04:40,$20,000's great.
Thank you.
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:41,Okay. Bye.
00:04:41,982 --> 00:04:45,Yes. I just raised 20 Gs
for Seeds of Peace.
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,Well, what's...
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