The.Bernie.Mac.Show.S05E02.Wrestling.with.a.Sticky.Situation.1080p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-squalor_track3_[eng] Subtitles

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00:00:03,579 --> 00:00:05,(theme music playing)

00:00:17,968 --> 00:00:19,(school bell rings)

00:00:22,297 --> 00:00:24,Hey, Tracy.
Pick a card.

00:00:24,299 --> 00:00:28,Uh, well, I'm, uh...
I'm late for class.

00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:30,But it's recess.

00:00:30,448 --> 00:00:32,What's up, Jordan?

00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:34,JORDAN:
Help...
Very few teams
have someone

00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,in the 105-pound
weight class.

00:00:36,853 --> 00:00:39,MAN: If we could field someone,
that's an easy
point to pick up.

00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:42,Dang, I miss junior high.

00:00:42,317 --> 00:00:43,(grunts)

00:00:43,794 --> 00:00:47,Calm down, son.
What's your name?

00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:49,Jordan Tompkins.

00:00:49,491 --> 00:00:50,What do you go,
about 102?

00:00:51,034 --> 00:00:52,I'm 103.

00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:56,(whimpers)

00:00:56,548 --> 00:00:58,Good reflexes.

00:00:58,375 --> 00:01:00,JORDAN:
Ladies and gentlemen,
let's hear it

00:01:00,544 --> 00:01:02,for wrestling's
new dark lord,

00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:03,the master
of the macabre,

00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:07,Jordan "The Psycho" Tompkins.

00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:10,Hey, Jordan, I mean, uh...
what's that getup?

00:01:10,929 --> 00:01:13,I made the wrestling team, and
Coach says I g***t what it takes.

00:01:14,015 --> 00:01:17,Oh, that's so cute.
Let me get my camera.
Hold on, baby.

00:01:17,310 --> 00:01:19,BERNIE:
Ain't nothing cute
about wrestling.

00:01:19,229 --> 00:01:21,It's about dominating and
humiliating your opponent.

00:01:21,606 --> 00:01:23,Hmm...
All right, now, Jordan.

00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:26,Let me see your game face.

00:01:26,111 --> 00:01:28,(growling)
Now that's
adorable.

00:01:28,547 --> 00:01:32,I'm going to
get my camera.
You're so cute.

00:01:32,701 --> 00:01:34,(soft growl)

00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:36,Hold on. I mean,
Jordan a wrestler?

00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:38,I mean, I could see
him wrestling

00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:39,with the lid
of a mayonnaise jar

00:01:39,949 --> 00:01:42,and ending up with a dry,
dry sandwich, you know?

00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:43,(chuckles)

00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:45,But what'd you think, Steve?

00:01:45,380 --> 00:01:47,Well, I don't know.
I mean...

00:01:47,224 --> 00:01:49,It don't look like the kid
could beat up a rag doll.

00:01:49,801 --> 00:01:51,He's skinny as a rail,

00:01:51,436 --> 00:01:53,but you know, when it
comes down to it,

00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,it's not about how
big the man is.
Right.

00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:56,It's how big this is.

00:01:56,725 --> 00:01:59,Okay. Yeah, sure, sure.

00:01:59,144 --> 00:02:00,Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:02:00,729 --> 00:02:03,But did you see me
teach him the game face?

00:02:03,106 --> 00:02:04,(growling)

00:02:04,733 --> 00:02:07,Man, don't give people
a reason to hate him.
Yeah...

00:02:07,652 --> 00:02:09,Yeah, you're right.

00:02:10,405 --> 00:02:12,(indistinct shouting)

00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:18,MAN: I need a
wrestler, Coach.

00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,What's the matter, Bill?
Don't have anyone?

00:02:21,091 --> 00:02:22,(sighs)

00:02:29,174 --> 00:02:30,Winner, by default.

00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,Match point, Damien.

00:02:33,595 --> 00:02:35,But I didn't
do anything.
Sure you did.

00:02:35,722 --> 00:02:37,In fact, you're
our secret weapon.

00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:40,-Wow, secret weapon?
-Shh-shh-shh-shh.

00:02:40,101 --> 00:02:41,Let's keep it
a secret,
shall we?

00:02:41,937 --> 00:02:43,Oh...

00:02:47,901 --> 00:02:49,Sorry. Sorry.

00:02:50,887 --> 00:02:53,Yup, the coach gives you a pin
every time you win a match.

00:02:53,406 --> 00:02:55,Yeah, that's nice.

00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,So tell me, Jordan,
how'd you really
do it, man?

00:02:57,869 --> 00:03:00,I mean, how you
sweep his legs
from under him, man,

00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:02,how you ground his
face into the mat.
Come on, show me, man.

00:03:02,832 --> 00:03:04,I mean, tell me,
tell me how
you did it.

00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:07,Well, honestly,
it happened so fast,

00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:09,I don't even know
what happened.

00:03:09,297 --> 00:03:11,Well, that's okay,

00:03:11,108 --> 00:03:14,but the important thing
is, you handled
your business.

00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:16,Uh, yeah. I'm going to go
get something to eat.

00:03:16,263 --> 00:03:18,Modesty is good for you, son.

00:03:18,848 --> 00:03:20,It's the mark of a champion.

00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:25,Winner by default.
Match point, Damien.

00:03:25,897 --> 00:03:29,Winner, by default.
Match point, Damien.

00:03:32,287 --> 00:03:36,Winner by default.
Match point, Damien.

00:03:40,095 --> 00:03:42,(wrestlers muttering)

00:04:04,894 --> 00:04:06,WANDA:
Can I help you?

00:04:07,063 --> 00:04:08,Uh...

00:04:08,606 --> 00:04:09,I, um...

00:04:11,234 --> 00:04:13,The, the plastic bag, uh...

00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:16,See, I was doing, um,
a science project on...

00:04:16,823 --> 00:04:17,Save it. Out.

00:04:18,033 --> 00:04:20,Oh, wow, look it here,

00:04:20,010 --> 00:04:21,Mr. 5 and 0.

00:04:22,037 --> 00:04:24,So tell me, son.
When ** I going
to get a chance

00:04:24,205 --> 00:04:26,to see you destroy
your next opponent, huh?

00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:30,Uh, I-I don't know.
I mean, all the wrestling
matches are... away.

00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:32,Yeah. It's a
weird schedule...
VANESSA:
I don't know what

00:04:32,639 --> 00:04:34,the big deal is,
you haven't
worn that in months.

00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:36,WANDA:
That is not the point.

00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:37,Bernie, could you
please explain to her

00:04:37,644 --> 00:04:39,that my clothes
are my clothes,

00:04:39,679 --> 00:04:42,even though I don't wear them as
often as she would like me to?

00:04:42,682 --> 00:04:44,VANESSA:
Maybe if I had
my own clothes,

00:04:44,309 --> 00:04:45,I wouldn't have
to borrow yours.

00:04:45,852 --> 00:04:46,Bernie?

00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:49,You mean, get
in the middle

00:04:49,990 --> 00:04:52,of two women wrestling
over a blouse? Shoot.

00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:55,I'd rather climb in the
ring with you, Steve.

00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:56,Really?
Yeah.

00:04:56,946 --> 00:04:58,Well, let's go.

00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,Listen, listen to your
Aunt Wanda, okay?

00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:02,That's all you're
gonna say?

00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:06,Oh, okay.
Here's the deal.

00:05:06,122 --> 00:05:08,Since you like wearing
everyone's clothes so much,

00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:11,you can wash everyone's
clothes for a month.

00:05:11,836 --> 00:05:13,VANESSA: For a month?
WANDA: 30 days.

00:05:13,939 --> 00:05:15,But that's not fair.

00:05:15,690 --> 00:05:19,You are so mean now,
and this house is
like a prison.

00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:21,Shazam.

00:05:26,142 --> 00:05:28,Looking good. Next.

00:05:31,957 --> 00:05:36,-113.
-What? Let me see that.

00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:38,You are supposed
to be 105!

00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:40,What's the big deal?

00:05:42,534 --> 00:05:44,Hey, I wasn't
finished with that.

00:05:44,786 --> 00:05:47,Look, regionals
are this Friday.

00:05:47,455 --> 00:05:50,You are no good
to me at 113.

00:05:50,175 --> 00:05:51,So you will either
make weight,

00:05:51,643 --> 00:05:53,or you might actually
have to wrestle somebody

00:05:53,479 --> 00:05:56,and get that pretty little
singlet of yours all dirty.

00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,(whimpering)

00:05:59,551 --> 00:06:02,I bet he just
dirtied it now.
Shut it!

00:06:02,804 --> 00:06:03,Next!

00:06:10,437 --> 00:06:12,Thanks for the pancakes,
Uncle Bernie.

00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:13,You're welcome,
sweetheart.

00:06:13,731 --> 00:06:15,Come on. Well?

00:06:15,501 --> 00:06:19,(sighs)
Does anybody have any clothes
that they want me to wash?

00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:24,Here.
You can take this.

00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:27,Now, off to your
brother's room.

00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:30,(scoffs)
I'm not going in there,
and you can't make me.

00:06:30,790 --> 00:06:34,I said march.
(footsteps receding)

00:06:34,836 --> 00:06:36,SINGER: ♪ Now that I
have the chance ♪
(knock at door)

00:06:36,963 --> 00:06:38,♪ Always be a fool
if I didn't take it ♪

00:06:38,673 --> 00:06:39,♪ I know you love me... ♪

00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:41,You may enter.

00:06:41,618 --> 00:06:44,♪ Wouldn't take
your heart if I knew
I had to break it... ♪

00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:48,Ugh! Do...

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