Legit Pil Eng S01E01 Subtitles

At 00:00:00,000, Character said: Sync & corrections
by No1 www.addic7ed.Com

2
At 00:00:01,233, Character said: [Cellphone rings]

3
At 00:00:03,036, Character said: Hello? Yeah.

4
At 00:00:05,205, Character said: Yes. Hello, mum.

5
At 00:00:07,474, Character said: Mum, you're not dying.

6
At 00:00:10,678, Character said: No, you're not.

7
At 00:00:13,080, Character said: [Indistinct conversations]

8
At 00:00:14,515, Character said: Where the hell you been, man?

9
At 00:00:15,683, Character said: I took off work to
witness this thing for you.

10
At 00:00:17,418, Character said: I've been on the phone with my mum, okay?

11
At 00:00:20,388, Character said: She's dying.

12
At 00:00:21,556, Character said: She is?

13
At 00:00:22,590, Character said: Yeah. Again.

14
At 00:00:25,226, Character said: Dying again.

15
At 00:00:27,429, Character said: How you feeling?

16
At 00:00:28,330, Character said: Like she should be dead.

17
At 00:00:29,497, Character said: She does this every year.

18
At 00:00:30,632, Character said: You know, she's getting
on my case, you know?

19
At 00:00:32,633, Character said: Yeah, about what?

20
At 00:00:33,601, Character said: Well, she wants me to be more

21
At 00:00:34,969, Character said: legitimate or something.

22
At 00:00:36,036, Character said: What's she talking about?

23
At 00:00:37,304, Character said: You're killing it in stand-up.

24
At 00:00:38,606, Character said: Yeah, I know!

25
At 00:00:39,374, Character said: But, like, I'm not on the telly

26
At 00:00:40,708, Character said: in Australia, so to my mum, I'm,

27
At 00:00:42,710, Character said: a disappointment.

28
At 00:00:44,145, Character said: I... I'm a drunk idiot.

29
At 00:00:46,147, Character said: You know?

30
At 00:00:48,550, Character said: Maybe she's right. I...

31
At 00:00:50,753, Character said: Oh, you're gonna go legit?

32
At 00:00:52,188, Character said: Well... change is good, you know?

33
At 00:00:55,724, Character said: Can't keep going on like this.

34
At 00:00:57,526, Character said: Yeah.

35
At 00:00:58,194, Character said: I think I... I think I'd like to have kids.

36
At 00:01:01,130, Character said: You think you'd be a good father?

37
At 00:01:03,232, Character said: I think I'd be a great father.

38
At 00:01:05,234, Character said: What about a husband?

39
At 00:01:07,534, Character said: Yeah, there's a problem.

40
At 00:01:08,937, Character said: Yeah.

41
At 00:01:09,571, Character said: [Bell dings]

42
At 00:01:10,405, Character said: Oh, this is us.

43
At 00:01:11,606, Character said: Hello.

44
At 00:01:12,507, Character said: Uh, Jim Jefferies, extra "e."

45
At 00:01:14,576, Character said: It's j-e-f-f-e-r-i-e-s.

46
At 00:01:16,577, Character said: Steve Nugent.

47
At 00:01:17,445, Character said: I'm his witness.

48
At 00:01:18,279, Character said: Uh, you don't need a witness.

49
At 00:01:19,780, Character said: Yeah, I know.

50
At 00:01:20,648, Character said: What the hell ** I doing.

51
At 00:01:21,949, Character said: Here?

52
At 00:01:22,383, Character said: I can't stay in line,
Steve. My mum's dying.

53
At 00:01:24,652, Character said: [Scoffs]

54
At 00:01:25,419, Character said: Hey, I've g***t a plan, all right?

55
At 00:01:27,188, Character said: I... I... I... I could meet a woman.

56
At 00:01:28,690, Character said: I... I could marry her.

57
At 00:01:29,791, Character said: I could get her pregnant.
She'd have the child.

58
At 00:01:32,194, Character said: And then, if she could die soon

59
At 00:01:33,728, Character said: afterwards, that would really be.

60
At 00:01:35,897, Character said: best for everyone, really, because...

61
At 00:01:39,968, Character said: you know, the kid couldn't hate.

62
At 00:01:41,703, Character said: You then, right?

63
At 00:01:42,704, Character said: "I'm doing my best.

64
At 00:01:43,872, Character said: "Your mum's dead," you know?

65
At 00:01:45,407, Character said: Jesus, Jim, that is
cold-blooded, even for you.

66
At 00:01:48,243, Character said: I've looked into it.

67
At 00:01:49,444, Character said: All right, it's not as easy as

68
At 00:01:50,545, Character said: you think anyway, all right?

69
At 00:01:51,580, Character said: It turns out that terminally ill

70
At 00:01:52,747, Character said: women don't want to get pregnant.

71
At 00:01:54,082, Character said: They're all about them and "what"

72
At 00:01:55,250, Character said: "they're up to" and their

73
At 00:01:56,551, Character said: situation... high-maintenance,

74
At 00:01:58,086, Character said: if you ask me.

75
At 00:01:58,920, Character said: Selfish, in a way, don't you think?

76
At 00:02:00,922, Character said: Are you saying you want a

77
At 00:02:02,391, Character said: woman to die during childbirth?

78
At 00:02:03,992, Character said: No! I'm not an animal, Steve!

79
At 00:02:05,661, Character said: You know, like, she could be

80
At 00:02:07,096, Character said: around for the first few years,

81
At 00:02:08,697, Character said: until the kid could walk and

82
At 00:02:10,132, Character said: talk and... and get me a beer,

83
At 00:02:11,934, Character said: you know, and take care of itself.

84
At 00:02:14,136, Character said: Oh, how nice.

85
At 00:02:15,170, Character said: So she knows the child before she dies.

86
At 00:02:17,640, Character said: Exactly. Yes. Thank you.

87
At 00:02:19,642, Character said: This isn't a bad thing.

88
At 00:02:20,943, Character said: This woman's dying anyway.

89
At 00:02:22,344, Character said: This is... this is good
times for this lady.

90
At 00:02:24,781, Character said: I'd still have s***x with her,

91
At 00:02:26,316, Character said: even though her hair
was coming out in clumps.

92
At 00:02:28,818, Character said: Jim, Jim.

93
At 00:02:29,619, Character said: I would still tell her she

94
At 00:02:31,188, Character said: looked attractive even though

95
At 00:02:32,722, Character said: she didn't look attractive.

96
At 00:02:34,190, Character said: I'd still lie to her,
because I'm a good person.

97
At 00:02:36,826, Character said: You know, I'd hold her one titty

98
At 00:02:38,528, Character said: while we had... if that was the case.

99
At 00:02:40,630, Character said: Think of the sympathy s***x off

100
At 00:02:42,197, Character said: this woman, how grateful she'd be.

101
At 00:02:44,133, Character said: You are such a sick d***k.

102
At 00:02:45,701, Character said: You know that?

103
At 00:02:46,569, Character said: Why don't you just try to do

104
At 00:02:48,070, Character said: something nice for someone for nce?

105
At 00:02:50,139, Character said: Nice?!

106
At 00:02:50,773, Character said: Sign here.

107
At 00:02:51,841, Character said: Yeah, nice.

108
At 00:02:52,775, Character said: Compassionate? Kind?

109
At 00:02:54,444, Character said: Please, all right?

110
At 00:02:55,579, Character said: I'm taking care of this kid all by myself.

111
At 00:02:57,715, Character said: My therapist says if you want

112
At 00:02:59,283, Character said: to get out of your head, you do

113
At 00:03:00,885, Character said: something nice for someone else.

114
At 00:03:02,453, Character said: Steve?

115
At 00:03:03,688, Character said: All right? My wife's just died.

116
At 00:03:09,927, Character said: Alien.

117
At 00:03:12,764, Character said: I'm an alien of extraordinary.

118
At 00:03:14,166, Character said: Ability, Steve.

119
At 00:03:17,369, Character said: I'm like E.T.

120
At 00:03:18,537, Character said: This is a great country.

121
At 00:03:20,472, Character said: I'm sorry. He's Australian.

122
At 00:03:22,474, Character said: So, I could really use the

123
At 00:03:23,842, Character said: money, so I guess I'll see you

124
At 00:03:25,410, Character said: guys in a minute.

125
At 00:03:26,378, Character said: Uh, that's it. Thanks, mom.

126
At 00:03:27,813, Character said: Where you going?

127
At 00:03:28,881, Character said: Uh, going to see Billy.

128
At 00:03:30,248, Character said: Is he still alive?

129
At 00:03:31,416, Character said: You are an a***e, Jim.

130
At 00:03:32,851, Character said: No, it's just that I never

131
At 00:03:34,385, Character said: get to see him anymore.

132
At 00:03:35,620, Character said: That's because I put him in a

133
At 00:03:37,255, Character said: home like a year and a half ago.

134
At 00:03:38,923, Character said: Right, you did.

135
At 00:03:39,958, Character said: Yeah, and I go to see
him a couple times a week.

136
At 00:03:42,627, Character said: Do you?

137
At 00:03:43,294, Character said: Yeah. And we talk about it.

138
At 00:03:44,829, Character said: We do?

139
At 00:03:45,463, Character said: And he asks about you.

140
At 00:03:46,797, Character said: Ah.

141
At 00:03:47,298, Character said: I guess he likes you, for some reason.

142
At 00:03:49,533, Character said: That's nice.

143
At 00:03:50,434, Character said: Billy's, uh, the tall one with

144
At 00:03:52,102, Character said: the ginger hair and the harsh features?

145
At 00:03:54,371, Character said: [Sighs]

146
At 00:03:55,205, Character said: That's my sister, a***e.

147
At 00:03:56,673, Character said: Ah, sister.

148
At 00:03:57,674, Character said: Billy's the short one in the wheelchair.

149
At 00:04:00,311, Character said: Yes.

150
At 00:04:01,378, Character said: Oh, I like Billy.

151
At 00:04:03,480, Character said: I'm glad he's not dead.

152
At 00:04:05,482, Character said: Do you want to go?

153
At 00:04:08,686, Character said: No, it's too depressing.

154
At 00:04:10,821, Character said: Come on, man.

155
At 00:04:12,223, Character said: Like I said, try to be nice.

156
At 00:04:15,626, Character said: Nice?

157
At 00:04:16,961, Character said: Mm-hmm....