L.A.Story.1991.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-RARBG Subtitles

00:02:25,824 --> 00:02:28,Fax it to my car and my office.

00:02:28,415 --> 00:02:29,Talk to my girl.

00:03:31,327 --> 00:03:33,My name is Harris K. Telemacher.

00:03:33,439 --> 00:03:35,I've in Los Angeles,

00:03:35,679 --> 00:03:37,and I've had seven heart attacks,

00:03:37,951 --> 00:03:39,all imagined.

00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,That is to say
I was deeply unhappy,

00:03:42,687 --> 00:03:44,but I didn't know it

00:03:44,063 --> 00:03:46,because I was so happy
all the time.

00:03:54,975 --> 00:03:56,9 have a favorite quote about L.A.

00:03:57,024 --> 00:03:59,by William Shakespeare.

00:03:59,519 --> 00:04:03,He said, "This other Eden,
demi-paradise,

00:04:03,103 --> 00:04:05,"this precious stone
set in the silver sea,

00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:07,"this Earth, this realm...

00:04:07,903 --> 00:04:10,this Los Angeles.“

00:04:11,711 --> 00:04:14,Anyway, this is
what happened to me,

00:04:14,687 --> 00:04:17,and I swear it's all true.

00:04:17,792 --> 00:04:19,Watch out, L.A.

00:04:19,231 --> 00:04:21,It's major gridlock
out there this morning.

00:04:22,015 --> 00:04:24,Big holdups on all the freeways
and surface streets,

00:04:24,447 --> 00:04:25,and don't expect to pass...

00:05:30,527 --> 00:05:31,Whoa!

00:05:35,615 --> 00:05:37,Hey!

00:05:42,783 --> 00:05:44,No, no, no, no!

00:05:44,447 --> 00:05:46,Harry! It's the perfect situation.

00:05:46,303 --> 00:05:47,I'm telling you as your agent.

00:05:47,743 --> 00:05:49,I can't be in a parade.

00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:50,I'm in the news.

00:05:50,463 --> 00:05:52,You Won't see Diane Sawyer
or Dan Rather

00:05:52,063 --> 00:05:53,in the Hollywood Day Parade.

00:05:53,503 --> 00:05:55,What good is it gonna do me

00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,to stand in a convertible
and Wave at people?

00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:59,It's gonna make you beloved.

00:05:59,519 --> 00:06:01,Waving is not what I do best.
It looks fake.

00:06:01,855 --> 00:06:03,That's a great wave!

00:06:03,199 --> 00:06:06,Look, I have to maintain
some dignity.

00:06:06,111 --> 00:06:07,People have to respect me

00:06:07,391 --> 00:06:09,so they'll believe
what I'm telling them.

00:06:09,183 --> 00:06:10,This is news! This is truth!

00:06:10,655 --> 00:06:12,Now Harris Telemacher
with his report.

00:06:12,447 --> 00:06:13,Hey! Hey! Hey!

00:06:13,855 --> 00:06:17,It's time for the wa-the wa-
the wacky Weekend weather!

00:06:19,615 --> 00:06:21,Let's take a look
at our Weather map.

00:06:21,535 --> 00:06:23,Oh! Hey! Whoa! Watch it!
Oh, sorry.

00:06:23,679 --> 00:06:26,We're going to have a low
coming in over Pasadena.

00:06:26,207 --> 00:06:27,Sorry, that's Pasadena.

00:06:27,551 --> 00:06:29,We'll have a low here.
No, it'll be down there,

00:06:29,887 --> 00:06:31,and we were going
to have some clouds

00:06:31,584 --> 00:06:32,in Beverly Hills,

00:06:32,863 --> 00:06:34,but the council voted,
decided against it,

00:06:34,559 --> 00:06:36,so there'll be no rain in Beverly Hills.

00:06:36,767 --> 00:06:39,We'll just have some sun,
and here's some snow,

00:06:39,167 --> 00:06:42,and possibly... 72 and snow.
That's what we'll have.

00:06:42,655 --> 00:06:46,And now the oar phone report.

00:06:46,687 --> 00:06:49,Sunspot activity
is at a minimum this week,

00:06:49,216 --> 00:06:50,so those with car phones

00:06:50,495 --> 00:06:52,will have little or no interference.

00:06:52,352 --> 00:06:54,Go ahead and make
that big, important call.

00:06:54,207 --> 00:06:56,You probably
Won't be disconnected.

00:06:56,127 --> 00:06:58,That's my report. Gail and Bob?

00:07:00,895 --> 00:07:02,Harris, somebody told me

00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:05,you have a PHD.
In arts and humanities.

00:07:05,823 --> 00:07:07,Yes, I do.

00:07:07,104 --> 00:07:08,A lot of good it did you.

00:07:11,103 --> 00:07:14,Harris, what's wacky?

00:07:14,111 --> 00:07:15,What's wacky?

00:07:15,967 --> 00:07:18,What's wacky about your
last Weather forecast?

00:07:18,272 --> 00:07:19,It was pretty wacky.

00:07:19,423 --> 00:07:20,No, not wacky.

00:07:20,639 --> 00:07:22,Not wacky?

00:07:22,367 --> 00:07:24,That's what we bought with you.

00:07:24,063 --> 00:07:26,- You're doing some kind of intellectual stuff.
- Intellectual stuff?

00:07:26,815 --> 00:07:28,Maybe it's intellectual to you

00:07:28,255 --> 00:07:30,because you were educated
with a banana and an inner tube.

00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:32,Are you kidding?
This is an intellectual-free zone!

00:07:32,127 --> 00:07:34,- More wacky, less egghead.
- More wacky, less egghead.

00:07:34,719 --> 00:07:37,Thanks, thanks.
Let me make a note of that.

00:07:37,055 --> 00:07:39,More wacky, less egghead.
What was your name again?

00:07:43,391 --> 00:07:45,- We're late, aren't we?
- It's only 1:00.

00:07:46,047 --> 00:07:47,That's what time We're
supposed to be there.

00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:50,You know, it's my mistake.
If I say lunch is at 'l,

00:07:50,847 --> 00:07:52,then I figure if I get here at 12:40,

00:07:52,927 --> 00:07:55,we'll get there in plenty of time,
which is fine,

00:07:55,360 --> 00:07:57,but what I don't count on is the 20 minutes

00:07:57,823 --> 00:08:00,of abstract busyness
that goes on after I get here.

00:08:00,671 --> 00:08:02,I'm doing 30-minute lips.

00:08:02,559 --> 00:08:04,Besides, they can wait.
It's not gonna kill them.

00:08:05,055 --> 00:08:07,What I can't figure out
is that you look ready.

00:08:07,103 --> 00:08:10,You look so ready that I get ready.
And I get up.

00:08:10,239 --> 00:08:12,I stand by the door,
and I get out my keys.

00:08:12,191 --> 00:08:13,Then, after I stand
there about 10 minutes,

00:08:13,791 --> 00:08:15,I realize you weren't ready at all,

00:08:15,711 --> 00:08:17,so I sit back down.

00:08:17,151 --> 00:08:18,Then, I get another feeling
that you're ready,

00:08:18,975 --> 00:08:21,and I get up
and I straighten my clothes,

00:08:21,311 --> 00:08:24,then I realize you just gave off
an illusion of being ready

00:08:24,383 --> 00:08:27,that I interpreted
as not being an illusion.

00:08:27,615 --> 00:08:29,I'll be in the car.

00:08:34,495 --> 00:08:36,Sitting there at that moment,

00:08:36,223 --> 00:08:38,I thought of something else
Shakespeare said.

00:08:38,751 --> 00:08:42,He said, Hey, life is pretty stupid,

00:08:42,111 --> 00:08:44,with lots of hubbub
to keep you busy

00:08:44,127 --> 00:08:46,but really not amounting to much.

00:08:46,175 --> 00:08:47,Of course, Fm paraphrasing.

00:08:47,967 --> 00:08:50,“Life is a tale told by an idiot,

00:08:50,783 --> 00:08:53,full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing."

00:09:12,543 --> 00:09:14,You look nice.

00:09:14,431 --> 00:09:16,- Do you like this one better?
- Yeah.

00:09:16,351 --> 00:09:19,- I can change.
- No, that's all right.

00:09:19,487 --> 00:09:22,Tell me again
who We're having lunch With?

00:09:22,111 --> 00:09:23,Friends and friends of friends,

00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:27,and some of my gift-service clients.

00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:28,Frank will be there.

00:09:28,895 --> 00:09:30,Frank? I just saw Frank.

00:09:30,207 --> 00:09:32,He wanted me to be in a parade.

00:09:32,607 --> 00:09:35,I mean, if it weren't impossible
for me to fire people,

00:09:35,423 --> 00:09:36,I'd get somebody like Harry Zell.

00:09:38,207 --> 00:09:39,Ifs 1:20 now.

00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,20 minutes past the hour of 1:00.

00:09:41,791 --> 00:09:44,If you sense something
in the air today,

00:09:44,319 --> 00:09:46,ifs not the smog, Los Angeles.

00:09:46,207 --> 00:09:47,Ifs the first day of spring,

00:09:47,647 --> 00:09:49,the spring equinox,
which of course means...

00:09:49,951 --> 00:09:51,What did he say?

00:09:51,391 --> 00:09:53,It's the first day of spring.

00:09:53,279 --> 00:09:54,Oh, s***t.

00:09:54,847 --> 00:09:57,Open season on the L.A. Freeway!

00:09:57,183 --> 00:09:59,Where is it? Look in
the glove compartment!

00:09:59,967 --> 00:10:01,Here it is!

00:10:01,726 --> 00:10:03,- Is it loaded?
- Just two bullets in it.

00:10:03,807 --> 00:10:05,Load it! Hurry!

00:10:05,503 --> 00:10:06,Get over! What's the matter...

00:10:06,911 --> 00:10:08,Do bullets go bad?

00:10:08,543 --> 00:10:09,No, it's not like milk!

00:10:09,823 --> 00:10:12,They don't have an
expiration date! Hurry!

00:10:12,255 --> 00:10:13,- Here!
- Don't point it at me!

00:10:13,887 -->...