Middle Man -fgt (2016) Subtitles

At 00:00:29,429, Character said: All right. What's happened?

2
At 00:00:33,433, Character said: Everything?

3
At 00:01:44,037, Character said: This will only
take a minute, Mr. Freeman.

4
At 00:01:47,041, Character said: Uh, forget the mess.

5
At 00:01:48,742, Character said: My secretary's taken
the day off again.

6
At 00:01:52,012, Character said: Some hasidic holiday
or something.

7
At 00:01:54,515, Character said: It's a Rosha... Krishna...
Shanana... who the hell knows.

8
At 00:01:58,652, Character said: Anyhow, as you know,
your mother owed bad taxes,

9
At 00:02:02,489, Character said: so there's really nothing
to turn over

10
At 00:02:05,626, Character said: other than one ring,
emerald clad, platinum setting,

11
At 00:02:09,830, Character said: one box, cardboard variety,

12
At 00:02:12,399, Character said: containing her, mm...
"Most prized possessions."

13
At 00:02:18,972, Character said: And that's it.

14
At 00:02:18,972, Character said: Otherwise. The government's g***t
you by the flagpole, Mr. Freeman,

15
At 00:02:24,011, Character said: and they usually win
in that tug of war.

16
At 00:02:26,513, Character said: Now, if you would press hard,

17
At 00:02:28,816, Character said: and bend it that way,
it's there, three copies,

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At 00:02:33,020, Character said: right there, and right here,

19
At 00:02:35,422, Character said: and one more time.

20
At 00:02:38,926, Character said: And that's it.
Thank you, sir.

21
At 00:02:41,628, Character said: For your time,
for your business.

22
At 00:02:43,697, Character said: And for not blubbering
on the mahogany.

23
At 00:02:46,066, Character said: Oh, whoa!
Hold on a minute.

24
At 00:02:49,837, Character said: Looks like we g***t a floater.

25
At 00:02:51,705, Character said: It seems, Mr. Freeman,
that there is one bill

26
At 00:02:54,775, Character said: your dear old mama
did manage to pay off.

27
At 00:03:30,076, Character said: - Hi, Rhonda.
- Hi, Lenny.

28
At 00:03:31,979, Character said: Sorry about your loss.

29
At 00:03:33,113, Character said: Oh, well, thank you.

30
At 00:03:33,113, Character said: Um, before I leave, I just wanted to say
that it has been so nice working with you

31
At 00:03:37,718, Character said: and I'm so sorry we never g***t a chance
to go out on a date or anything

32
At 00:03:40,754, Character said: because you know, you always were busy
with relatives in the town and stuff.

33
At 00:03:44,625, Character said: Okay.

34
At 00:03:44,625, Character said: And I wanna thank you for
being my best work pal, Allen.

35
At 00:03:50,029, Character said: Look for me in television.

36
At 00:04:56,562, Character said: And now, live from Las Vegas,

37
At 00:04:59,066, Character said: it's the Monte guy show.

38
At 00:05:00,901, Character said: Tonight's guests include
comedian Jimmy Shaw,

39
At 00:05:03,637, Character said: and the winner of last year's
stand-up stand-off Willy Vince.

40
At 00:05:06,874, Character said: Now, let's say hello
to Monte guy.

41
At 00:05:14,680, Character said: - Hey, Shakespeare.
- Hmm?

42
At 00:05:16,650, Character said: You in for oxygen or
just another refill?

43
At 00:05:18,785, Character said: Oh, no, thank you.

44
At 00:05:18,785, Character said: "No, thank you, I've just
about milked the s***t out of

45
At 00:05:21,722, Character said: this bottomless cup
of 60-cent coffee,"

46
At 00:05:21,722, Character said: or, "no, thank you, I'm about
ready to order something

47
At 00:05:25,626, Character said: so I don't waste any more of the lovely
miss Evelyn's valuable f***g time"?

48
At 00:05:28,795, Character said: Oh, I'm sorry.
Yes, um, how are your eggs?

49
At 00:05:30,731, Character said: Just dandy.
How's your sperm?

50
At 00:05:33,000, Character said: It's a joke. What, you zombie
people g***t no sense of humor?

51
At 00:05:35,202, Character said: I'm sorry. I just didn't realize
you were trying to be funny.

52
At 00:05:37,905, Character said: I wasn't trying to be funny.
I ** funny.

53
At 00:05:39,706, Character said: There's a difference.

54
At 00:05:40,807, Character said: Yes, ma'**.

55
At 00:05:40,807, Character said: Why don't you save your negative
commentary for the s***t on the menu?

56
At 00:05:43,877, Character said: Now, what do you want?

57
At 00:05:43,877, Character said: Um, I will have three eggs.

58
At 00:05:46,313, Character said: - Scrambled?
- Uh, scrambled.

59
At 00:05:46,313, Character said: Oh, and a side of sausage, a side of bacon,
and a side of biscuits and gravy, please.

60
At 00:05:52,219, Character said: That comes with a heart attack.

61
At 00:05:52,219, Character said: Would you like that for here
or to go?

62
At 00:05:55,788, Character said: It's a joke!

63
At 00:05:57,257, Character said: I didn't...

64
At 00:05:57,257, Character said: Hey, what are you getting off
for my s***t ain't funny?

65
At 00:06:01,295, Character said: I'll have you know my s***t
is very funny.

66
At 00:06:03,597, Character said: Hey, Richie, tell the man
how funny my s***t is.

67
At 00:06:05,933, Character said: Your s***t is very funny.

68
At 00:06:08,035, Character said: What? You wanna be zombie sides? Don't
have pockets or a sense of humor?

69
At 00:06:11,638, Character said: No, actually, I **
a stand-up comedian.

70
At 00:06:13,941, Character said: I mean, I will be soon.

71
At 00:06:20,246, Character said: That is the funniest s***t
I had heard in weeks.

72
At 00:06:22,182, Character said: You ain't no
motherfucking stand-up.

73
At 00:06:22,182, Character said: No, no, not yet, but I'm on my way to
Las Vegas for the Monte guy audition.

74
At 00:06:26,286, Character said: - The what?
- The stand-up stand-off.

75
At 00:06:28,021, Character said: You know, Monte guy.
- Huh.

76
At 00:06:30,924, Character said: Well, I'm sure he'll just snap
your writer's a***s right up,

77
At 00:06:33,327, Character said: you being on the cutting cost
with contemporary comedy and all.

78
At 00:06:36,597, Character said: That wasn't very nice.

79
At 00:06:38,065, Character said: Hey, you started it, Pillsbury.

80
At 00:06:39,766, Character said: You sit there,
all rude and s***t,

81
At 00:06:41,335, Character said: start pulling
an Easter island on me.

82
At 00:06:43,070, Character said: Well, I'm sorry.

83
At 00:06:43,070, Character said: Maybe I'll just take my waitress
skills closer to Vegas,

84
At 00:06:43,070, Character said: where they'll be more fully appreciated.
You hear that Richie?

85
At 00:06:48,909, Character said: - Okay, I said I was sorry.
- Too late.

86
At 00:06:50,811, Character said: You've offended me
beyond repair.

87
At 00:06:50,811, Character said: Hey, Louis, three eggs, and f***k 'em up.
And heavy on the cholesterol.

88
At 00:06:55,749, Character said: I g***t Bob hope out here
on the road to a coronary.

89
At 00:07:10,363, Character said: - George?
- Yes?

90
At 00:07:12,633, Character said: You're awfully funny
on the radio.

91
At 00:07:14,668, Character said: Everybody says so.

92
At 00:07:14,668, Character said: You're the funniest comedian in the
world, George. May I have your autograph?

93
At 00:07:20,073, Character said: - You wanted my autograph?
- Yes.

94
At 00:07:22,342, Character said: Right here on this dotted line.

95
At 00:07:24,811, Character said: Oh, so that's what you're up to,

96
At 00:07:27,080, Character said: trying to get my signature
on that silly contract.

97
At 00:07:29,816, Character said: Well, it didn't work.
Now get out of here.

98
At 00:07:31,718, Character said: Yes, dear.

99
At 00:07:58,911, Character said: - Costume party?
- Oh, no, thank you.

100
At 00:08:01,348, Character said: I'm on my way to Las Vegas.

101
At 00:08:02,883, Character said: - Is it much further?
- About 200 miles.

102
At 00:08:02,883, Character said: Either way, once you hit lamb bone, just
keep an eye out for that heavenly glow.

103
At 00:08:09,456, Character said: - Can't miss it.
- Uh, thank you.

104
At 00:08:12,092, Character said: Is the bathroom clean?

105
At 00:08:13,860, Character said: Just ate dinner off the floor.

106
At 00:09:09,882, Character said: Hello?

107
At 00:09:12,084, Character said: Dirty guy?

108
At 00:09:30,503, Character said: Sorry, chief,
didn't mean to startle you.

109
At 00:09:32,973, Character said: Was wondering if you could
spare me a lift.

110
At 00:09:35,475, Character said: I'm sorry.
I'm not going that way.

111
At 00:09:40,045, Character said: How do you know?

112
At 00:09:41,782, Character said: - Know what?
- Where I'm going.

113
At 00:09:44,284, Character said: Well...

114
At 00:09:44,284, Character said: I just... I don't pick up hitchhikers.
It's just something my mom used to say.

115
At 00:09:49,489, Character said: You understand.

116
At 00:09:49,489, Character said: Sure, can't be too careful
these days, right?

117
At 00:09:53,393, Character said: Yeah. Well,
sorry I couldn't help.

118
At 00:09:57,997, Character said: Actually, you could help.
You just chose not to.

119
At 00:10:01,268, Character said: There's a difference.

120
At 00:10:04,370, Character said: No worries.

121
At 00:10:06,139, Character said: Always another way.

122
At 00:10:08,074, Character said: Well, okay, uh,
you should look me up,

123
At 00:10:11,077, Character said: if you're ever in Las Vegas.

124
At 00:10:16,182, Character said: You famous?

125
At 00:10:17,317, Character said: Not yet, but I'm going to be.

126
At 00:10:23,022, Character said: Hey, you want a ride?

127
At 00:10:49,315, Character said: Gee, that's
awfully nice of Ronnie,

128
At 00:10:49,316, Character said: to let me take his Oscar home so
I could show it to Rochester.

129
At 00:10:54,921, Character said: Hmm. Sure is...