11-05 Krysis Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:02,120 --> 00:00:04,240 (THEME SONG PLAYING) 2 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:48,040 LISTER: Ow! 3 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:50,920 Ah! 4 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:54,520 Ow! 5 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:56,280 Lister, it's 6:00 in the morning. 6 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:57,600 What are you doing? 7 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,480 I'm just trimming my big toe with these lawn hedge trimmers. 8 00:01:01,640 --> 00:01:04,920 So, you've finished Kierkegaard's The Concept of Irony, then? 9 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,560 I've g***t an ingrown toenail, Rimmer. It's killing me, man! 10 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:09,880 Thank it for me. 11 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,400 I've tried everything. 12 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,280 Scissors, nailfile. 13 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:18,360 Why don't you get Kryten to do it for you? 14 00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:20,680 Have you seen the size of his hands? 15 00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,360 They're like space shovels. 16 00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,760 It'd be like asking Herman Munster for a circumcision. 17 00:01:26,800 --> 00:01:28,040 - No, thanks! - (DOOR OPENING) 18 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,560 - Speaking of... - Breakfast, sir. 19 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,920 Kryten, it's 6:00 in the morning! 20 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:36,240 We moved the clocks forward today, sir. 21 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:39,400 And remember last year when it was time to move the clocks forward 22 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,280 and you wanted another hour in bed? 23 00:01:41,360 --> 00:01:42,960 So you asked if I could move the clocks 24 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:46,000 forward an extra hour the following year instead? 25 00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:50,200 Well, we've actually been doing that now for the last seven years. 26 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:54,520 So, in actuality, according to space adjusted time, 27 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,800 it is now 2:00 in the afternoon. 28 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,040 Which means, breakfast time! 29 00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,680 I'll just tuck this napkin in for you, sir. 30 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:05,360 - Thank you. - There we go. 31 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:06,520 And I'll just fluff this pillow up. 32 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,560 Fluff, fluff, fluff. There we go, sir. 33 00:02:08,640 --> 00:02:10,640 Is there anything you don't do for him? 34 00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:13,320 When he goes to the loo, do you fit a special hand 35 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:15,360 made from three-ply toilet tissue? 36 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:18,840 It's an excellent suggestion, sir. I'll make a note! 37 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:20,960 Actually you're all right, Kryts. 38 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,640 Erm, what's for breakfast? 39 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:24,120 The full Lister, sir. 40 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:25,840 Ah, the full Lister! 41 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:28,920 Eggs, bacon, sausages, hash browns, onions, 42 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,480 six slices of white toast, 43 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,720 double buttered on both sides with mustard, 44 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,800 and a beer milkshake to wash it all down with. 45 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:37,920 Ta- da! 46 00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:43,520 Oh, sir, I'm so sorry. 47 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:45,120 I must have forgotten to make it. 48 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,120 What is wrong with me? 49 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,000 Ah, you're all right, Kryten. 50 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:50,400 Are you okay? 51 00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,120 How could I be so stupid? 52 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:55,720 Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid! 53 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:56,920 You talking about me? 54 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:01,520 Kryts isn't feeling too good. 55 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,400 Ah, what's up, bud of mine? 56 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,640 I've been a little distracted of late. 57 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:09,200 I think I may have lost something that's fundamental to my very being. 58 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:10,960 One of your nipple nuts dropped off again? 59 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,520 It's nothing like that, sir. 60 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,680 I think I've lost my love of mopping. 61 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,160 And not just mopping. Scrubbing, dusting, 62 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:20,240 even wiping, which was always my favourite. 63 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,920 It's like a little light's gone out inside. 64 00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,200 Kryten, it's called your sanity circuit. 65 00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,600 What's brought all this on? 66 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,640 Well, just recently I've started thinking about the Universe. 67 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,480 About how cosmic inflation at the time of the big bang 68 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,440 means it's constantly expanding 69 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:38,280 until one day it's gonna burst. 70 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,760 And when it does, everything in the Universe is gonna cease to exist, 71 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:44,200 including the works of the greatest minds, 72 00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:49,080 Einstein, Mozart, Da Vinci, Hoover, Dyson, Hotpoint, DustBuster. 73 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:53,240 And it g***t me thinking, if everything in the Universe is going to end, 74 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:58,240 including time itself, what is the point in cleaning above eye level? 75 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:02,440 Good question. 76 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,360 If one day the Universe is going to explode, 77 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,440 who cares if the oven is a bit gunky? 78 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,400 Nothing matters, sir. 79 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,720 Justice, truth, culture, morality, 80 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:18,520 life, death, religion, war. It's all absurd. 81 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:20,240 Why even get up in the morning? 82 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,400 I've been asking that for years! 83 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:24,440 KRYTEN: What ** I going to do? 84 00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,160 Why don't you take an ice-cold shower? That'll fix it. 85 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:28,680 I'm not waterproof, sir. 86 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:29,880 Exactly. 87 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,480 Kryten, what about Silicon Heaven? 88 00:04:33,560 --> 00:04:34,840 Does that bring you no comfort? 89 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:38,040 Well, just lately I've started to think that the idea of an afterlife 90 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,720 for machines is preposterous. 91 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,040 ALL: No! 92 00:04:42,040 --> 00:04:45,320 Especially as appliances who are pledged to the wrong manufacturer 93 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:46,760 aren't even allowed in. 94 00:04:46,840 --> 00:04:51,000 It just seems so unfair that all the Blackberrys burn in Silicon Hell! 95 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:54,240 What's eating you, bud? 96 00:04:54,320 --> 00:04:55,680 I'm not sure, sir. 97 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:59,240 Perhaps it's something to do with today being the anniversary of my creation. 98 00:04:59,480 --> 00:05:01,080 - Happy creation day, bud! - Happy creation day. 99 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,400 Yeah, happy creation day. 100 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,000 I came off a conveyor belt 101 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:08,160 2,976,000 years ago today. 102 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,720 Where did all the years go? 103 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,920 What's g***t into him? 104 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,160 Wait a minute, how old did Kryten say he was? 105 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:20,000 Three million, give or take an ice age or two. 106 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:23,960 And how long are mechs built to last before the Grim Ruster comes along? 107 00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,080 Another three million? 108 00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:26,600 Give or take an ice age or two. 109 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,400 Well, there's your answer, then. 110 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,320 Kryten's having a midlife crisis. 111 00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,560 What even is a midlife crisis? 112 00:05:44,640 --> 00:05:46,320 I don't think us cats ever get 'em. 113 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,960 It's a period when people, usually halfway through life, 114 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,160 are forced to confront their own mortality. 115 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,880 Put it this way, have you ever felt, "I've wasted my life"? 116 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:56,080 You? Sure. 117 00:05:56,840 --> 00:05:57,960 Every single day! 118 00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:01,320 No, have you ever felt you've wasted your life? 119 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,440 No! 120 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,320 Have you ever felt, "There's so much more I could have been"? 121 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:06,520 No! 122 00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:08,800 Have you ever felt, "If I went back in time 123 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:11,440 "and had my time again, I'd..." Forget it! 124 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,080 (ELEVATOR RINGS) 125 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:18,960 I suppose you can't blame Kryten for feeling like this. 126 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:22,040 He's nearly three million years old, but what has he g***t to show for it? 127 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,960 Mozart was five when he wrote Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. 128 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,720 Yeah, but what did he do after that, huh? 129 00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:29,720 He had a bad case of second nursery-rhyme syndrome, right? 130 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:34,960 Mozart, dummy, is one of the greatest musical gods of all music. 131 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:40,360 And after Twinkle, he went on to write among other things, The Best of Mozart. 132 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,600 And The Best of Mozart Volume Two. 133 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:46,840 It must be so hard for you 134 00:06:46,920 --> 00:06:49,120 being the only one here with a classical education. 135 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:50,880 It is! 136 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:53,960 Kryten? 137 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:57,960 (MACHINE WHIRRING) 138 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,560 What have you done to yourself? 139 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:10,800 What do you...