11-05 Krysis Subtitles

At 00:00:02,120, Character said: (THEME SONG PLAYING)

At 00:00:46,720, Character said: LISTER: Ow!

At 00:00:49,880, Character said: Ah!

At 00:00:53,440, Character said: Ow!

At 00:00:54,760, Character said: Lister, it's 6:00 in the morning.

At 00:00:56,360, Character said: What are you doing?

At 00:00:57,680, Character said: I'm just trimming my big toe
with these lawn hedge trimmers.

At 00:01:01,640, Character said: So, you've finished Kierkegaard's
The Concept of Irony, then?

At 00:01:05,840, Character said: I've g***t an ingrown toenail, Rimmer.
It's killing me, man!

At 00:01:08,800, Character said: Thank it for me.

At 00:01:11,560, Character said: I've tried everything.

At 00:01:14,360, Character said: Scissors, nailfile.

At 00:01:16,440, Character said: Why don't you get Kryten
to do it for you?

At 00:01:18,920, Character said: Have you seen the size of his hands?

At 00:01:20,760, Character said: They're like space shovels.

At 00:01:22,640, Character said: It'd be like asking Herman Munster
for a circumcision.

At 00:01:26,800, Character said: - No, thanks!
- (DOOR OPENING)

At 00:01:28,200, Character said: - Speaking of...
- Breakfast, sir.

At 00:01:31,160, Character said: Kryten, it's 6:00 in the morning!

At 00:01:34,080, Character said: We moved the clocks forward today, sir.

At 00:01:36,320, Character said: And remember last year when it was time
to move the clocks forward

At 00:01:39,480, Character said: and you wanted another hour in bed?

At 00:01:41,360, Character said: So you asked if I could move the clocks

At 00:01:43,040, Character said: forward an extra hour
the following year instead?

At 00:01:46,080, Character said: Well, we've actually been doing that
now for the last seven years.

At 00:01:51,040, Character said: So, in actuality,
according to space adjusted time,

At 00:01:54,600, Character said: it is now 2:00 in the afternoon.

At 00:01:57,880, Character said: Which means, breakfast time!

At 00:02:01,360, Character said: I'll just tuck this napkin in
for you, sir.

At 00:02:03,920, Character said: - Thank you.
- There we go.

At 00:02:05,440, Character said: And I'll just fluff this pillow up.

At 00:02:06,600, Character said: Fluff, fluff, fluff. There we go, sir.

At 00:02:08,640, Character said: Is there anything you don't do for him?

At 00:02:11,160, Character said: When he goes to the loo,
do you fit a special hand

At 00:02:13,400, Character said: made from three-ply toilet tissue?

At 00:02:16,240, Character said: It's an excellent suggestion, sir.
I'll make a note!

At 00:02:19,360, Character said: Actually you're all right, Kryts.

At 00:02:21,040, Character said: Erm, what's for breakfast?

At 00:02:22,720, Character said: The full Lister, sir.

At 00:02:24,200, Character said: Ah, the full Lister!

At 00:02:25,920, Character said: Eggs, bacon, sausages,
hash browns, onions,

At 00:02:29,000, Character said: six slices of white toast,

At 00:02:30,560, Character said: double buttered on both sides
with mustard,

At 00:02:32,800, Character said: and a beer milkshake
to wash it all down with.

At 00:02:36,680, Character said: Ta- da!

At 00:02:40,760, Character said: Oh, sir, I'm so sorry.

At 00:02:43,600, Character said: I must have forgotten to make it.

At 00:02:45,200, Character said: What is wrong with me?

At 00:02:47,200, Character said: Ah, you're all right, Kryten.

At 00:02:49,120, Character said: Are you okay?

At 00:02:50,480, Character said: How could I be so stupid?

At 00:02:52,240, Character said: Stupid, stupid, stupid,
stupid, stupid, stupid!

At 00:02:55,800, Character said: You talking about me?

At 00:03:00,120, Character said: Kryts isn't feeling too good.

At 00:03:01,600, Character said: Ah, what's up, bud of mine?

At 00:03:03,760, Character said: I've been a little distracted of late.

At 00:03:05,720, Character said: I think I may have lost something
that's fundamental to my very being.

At 00:03:09,400, Character said: One of your nipple nuts
dropped off again?

At 00:03:11,040, Character said: It's nothing like that, sir.

At 00:03:12,600, Character said: I think I've lost my love of mopping.

At 00:03:15,040, Character said: And not just mopping.
Scrubbing, dusting,

At 00:03:17,240, Character said: even wiping,
which was always my favourite.

At 00:03:21,000, Character said: It's like a little light's
gone out inside.

At 00:03:23,080, Character said: Kryten, it's called your sanity circuit.

At 00:03:27,040, Character said: What's brought all this on?

At 00:03:28,800, Character said: Well, just recently I've started
thinking about the Universe.

At 00:03:31,720, Character said: About how cosmic inflation
at the time of the big bang

At 00:03:34,560, Character said: means it's constantly expanding

At 00:03:36,520, Character said: until one day it's gonna burst.

At 00:03:38,360, Character said: And when it does, everything in
the Universe is gonna cease to exist,

At 00:03:41,840, Character said: including the works
of the greatest minds,

At 00:03:44,280, Character said: Einstein, Mozart, Da Vinci,
Hoover, Dyson, Hotpoint, DustBuster.

At 00:03:49,600, Character said: And it g***t me thinking, if everything
in the Universe is going to end,

At 00:03:53,320, Character said: including time itself, what is the point
in cleaning above eye level?

At 00:04:01,360, Character said: Good question.

At 00:04:03,720, Character said: If one day the Universe
is going to explode,

At 00:04:06,440, Character said: who cares if the oven is a bit gunky?

At 00:04:11,080, Character said: Nothing matters, sir.

At 00:04:12,480, Character said: Justice, truth, culture, morality,

At 00:04:14,800, Character said: life, death, religion, war.
It's all absurd.

At 00:04:18,680, Character said: Why even get up in the morning?

At 00:04:20,720, Character said: I've been asking that for years!

At 00:04:23,160, Character said: KRYTEN: What ** I going to do?

At 00:04:24,520, Character said: Why don't you take an ice-cold shower?
That'll fix it.

At 00:04:27,240, Character said: I'm not waterproof, sir.

At 00:04:28,760, Character said: Exactly.

At 00:04:31,480, Character said: Kryten, what about Silicon Heaven?

At 00:04:33,560, Character said: Does that bring you no comfort?

At 00:04:34,920, Character said: Well, just lately I've started to think
that the idea of an afterlife

At 00:04:38,120, Character said: for machines is preposterous.

At 00:04:39,840, Character said: ALL: No!

At 00:04:42,040, Character said: Especially as appliances who are pledged
to the wrong manufacturer

At 00:04:45,400, Character said: aren't even allowed in.

At 00:04:46,840, Character said: It just seems so unfair that all
the Blackberrys burn in Silicon Hell!

At 00:04:52,560, Character said: What's eating you, bud?

At 00:04:54,320, Character said: I'm not sure, sir.

At 00:04:55,760, Character said: Perhaps it's something to do with today
being the anniversary of my creation.

At 00:04:59,480, Character said: - Happy creation day, bud!
- Happy creation day.

At 00:05:01,160, Character said: Yeah, happy creation day.

At 00:05:02,480, Character said: I came off a conveyor belt

At 00:05:04,080, Character said: years ago today.

At 00:05:08,800, Character said: Where did all the years go?

At 00:05:12,680, Character said: What's g***t into him?

At 00:05:14,160, Character said: Wait a minute,
how old did Kryten say he was?

At 00:05:17,240, Character said: Three million, give or take
an ice age or two.

At 00:05:20,080, Character said: And how long are mechs built to last
before the Grim Ruster comes along?

At 00:05:24,040, Character said: Another three million?

At 00:05:25,160, Character said: Give or take an ice age or two.

At 00:05:27,000, Character said: Well, there's your answer, then.

At 00:05:28,680, Character said: Kryten's having a midlife crisis.

At 00:05:42,840, Character said: What even is a midlife crisis?

At 00:05:44,640, Character said: I don't think us cats ever get 'em.

At 00:05:46,400, Character said: It's a period when people,
usually halfway through life,

At 00:05:49,040, Character said: are forced to confront
their own mortality.

At 00:05:51,360, Character said: Put it this way, have you ever felt,
"I've wasted my life"?

At 00:05:54,960, Character said: You? Sure.

At 00:05:56,840, Character said: Every single day!

At 00:05:58,640, Character said: No, have you ever felt
you've wasted your life?

At 00:06:01,400, Character said: No!

At 00:06:03,280, Character said: Have you ever felt, "There's so much
more I could have been"?

At 00:06:05,400, Character said: No!

At 00:06:07,360, Character said: Have you ever felt,
"If I went back in time

At 00:06:08,880, Character said: "and had my time again, I'd..."
Forget it!

At 00:06:11,880, Character said: (ELEVATOR RINGS)

At 00:06:16,360, Character said: I suppose you can't blame
Kryten for feeling like this.

At 00:06:19,040, Character said: He's nearly three million years old,
but what has he g***t to show for it?

At 00:06:22,120, Character said: Mozart was five when he wrote
Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.

At 00:06:25,040, Character said: Yeah, but what did he do
after that, huh?

At 00:06:26,840, Character said: He had a bad case of second
nursery-rhyme syndrome, right?

At 00:06:30,920, Character said: Mozart, dummy, is one of the greatest
musical gods of all music.

At 00:06:35,520, Character said: And after Twinkle, he went on to write
among other things, The Best of Mozart.

At 00:06:42,160, Character said: And The Best of Mozart Volume Two.

At 00:06:45,720, Character said: It must be so hard for you

At 00:06:46,920, Character said: being the only one here
with a classical education.

At 00:06:49,720, Character said: It is!

At 00:06:52,760, Character said: Kryten?

At 00:06:56,320, Character said: (MACHINE WHIRRING)

At 00:07:05,920, Character said: What have you done to yourself?

At 00:07:07,640, Character said: What do you...