11-06 Can Of Worms Subtitles

At 00:00:02,480, Character said: (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

At 00:00:41,480, Character said: (BEEPING)

At 00:00:45,320, Character said: Ah, what's this?

At 00:00:47,400, Character said: I salvaged it from the Medistation, sir.
It's a personality tuck machine.

At 00:00:52,440, Character said: Mmm, so it can perform
corrective surgery on your character?

At 00:00:55,920, Character said: Exactly. It scans the patient's brain
and forms a personality map.

At 00:01:01,160, Character said: It's then able to enhance, remove,

At 00:01:03,280, Character said: even sculpt the very traits
that make that person who they are.

At 00:01:07,160, Character said: Hypothetically...
I'm speaking hypothetically here,

At 00:01:10,360, Character said: do you think I could do
with a little work?

At 00:01:12,240, Character said: Take a seat, sir.
I'll cancel this week's schedule.

At 00:01:16,600, Character said: So, what can you do for me exactly?

At 00:01:19,080, Character said: I'll begin by just working out the areas
I think we might be able to improve.

At 00:01:24,280, Character said: Now here, here, here,

At 00:01:27,400, Character said: here, here, definitely here.

At 00:01:30,320, Character said: Yes, all right, Kryten,
get on with it, man.

At 00:01:33,200, Character said: Well, take your pomposity,
large and unsightly.

At 00:01:36,680, Character said: Your self-importance, too,
is massively engorged.

At 00:01:39,480, Character said: What's that huge area
in the middle there?

At 00:01:41,760, Character said: Well, that is your cowardice, sir.

At 00:01:45,160, Character said: Perhaps you'd like me to perform
a cowardectomy?

At 00:01:47,840, Character said: What, reduce it. A sort of
wimpoplasty?

At 00:01:51,440, Character said: Hey, what's happening, buds?

At 00:01:53,120, Character said: I'm about to perform
some personality surgery on Mr Rimmer.

At 00:01:57,120, Character said: He's getting a new personality?
Great idea.

At 00:02:01,040, Character said: Not new, moulded, tightened,
lifted, shaped.

At 00:02:05,040, Character said: This is gonna transform me.

At 00:02:06,760, Character said: I'm gonna be the lady-melting enormous
bald stud muffin I've always dreamt of.

At 00:02:12,760, Character said: Now, Kryten, one thing.
This isn't gonna hurt, is it?

At 00:02:15,280, Character said: There'll just be the slightest,

At 00:02:16,840, Character said: - Infinitesimally tiny little scratch.
- Scratch?

At 00:02:20,040, Character said: - Well, when I insert the laser.
- Laser?

At 00:02:22,040, Character said: - Well, it has to burn...
- Burn?

At 00:02:23,680, Character said: Well, perhaps I should give you
a holo-sedative, sir.

At 00:02:26,440, Character said: - With a needle?
- Sir, please.

At 00:02:28,280, Character said: I'll talk you through every aspect
of the procedure step by step.

At 00:02:32,280, Character said: Right now, I'm just in the...
W- where's he gone?

At 00:02:35,280, Character said: Out the door and left.

At 00:02:37,320, Character said: Oh, Einstein was wrong. It is possible
to break the speed of light.

At 00:02:50,120, Character said: (ALARM SOUNDING)

At 00:02:59,040, Character said: What the...

At 00:03:01,000, Character said: Guys? Keep the noise down,
I'm trying to sleep here.

At 00:03:08,160, Character said: Whoa! What's going on?
We're way off course here.

At 00:03:11,320, Character said: Who's the joker in charge of navigation?

At 00:03:13,480, Character said: You are, sir.

At 00:03:15,640, Character said: Seriously? Oh, man.
I think I might've dosed off.

At 00:03:20,320, Character said: Lister, we're 5,000 klicks off course.

At 00:03:22,160, Character said: All you had to do was engage autopilot,
your watch, your fault.

At 00:03:25,520, Character said: You can't blame me for this.

At 00:03:27,000, Character said: What kind of lunch was that
to give your pilot?

At 00:03:29,480, Character said: Roast beef with all the trimmings,
followed by seconds,

At 00:03:32,160, Character said: followed by sticky toffee pudding,
followed by seconds,

At 00:03:35,320, Character said: followed by beer and coffee and cheese
and brandy and port and cigars

At 00:03:39,400, Character said: and that little chocolate mint.

At 00:03:42,240, Character said: What chance did I stand
after a Sunday lunch like that?

At 00:03:45,880, Character said: - How long have I been out?
- It's Monday, sir.

At 00:03:48,640, Character said: Oh, man. No way.

At 00:03:50,440, Character said: It's gonna take us forever
to get back to Red Dwarf now.

At 00:03:52,760, Character said: Maybe we could take a short cut
across that asteroid belt.

At 00:03:56,080, Character said: GELF country?

At 00:03:57,160, Character said: If the stories are to be believed,

At 00:03:58,880, Character said: the particular tribe of GELF
that inhabit belt Juno
At 00:04:03,000, Character said: are the... (GIBBERISH)

At 00:04:07,040, Character said: Oh, sorry.
I just sat down on a screwdriver.

At 00:04:10,960, Character said: Why does nobody tidy up around here
except me?

At 00:04:13,160, Character said: Kryten, you were saying?

At 00:04:14,800, Character said: I'm sorry, sir, yes, that particular
tribe are the Nacky Ninckers.

At 00:04:17,960, Character said: Vampire GELFs to you and me.

At 00:04:19,880, Character said: Vampire GELFs?

At 00:04:21,360, Character said: The story goes they feast
on the blood of virgins.

At 00:04:28,240, Character said: Feast on the blood of virgins(!)

At 00:04:30,160, Character said: Who believes that? Taking her in.

At 00:04:31,920, Character said: Wait a minute, hang on here,
slow the hell down.

At 00:04:35,720, Character said: - What's the problem?
- I'm just curious.

At 00:04:38,800, Character said: How do they tell the virgins
from the non-virgins?

At 00:04:41,000, Character said: Well, according to the ancient myths,
they can smell them.

At 00:04:43,920, Character said: Smell 'em?
What the hell does a virgin smell of?

At 00:04:47,160, Character said: Desperation, normally.

At 00:04:51,880, Character said: Actually, sir, the actual science is

At 00:04:53,520, Character said: that the GELFs can smell the pheromone
produced by fear.

At 00:04:57,440, Character said: Only the virgins are scared,

At 00:04:58,800, Character said: so they're the only ones
producing the fear pheromone.

At 00:05:01,440, Character said: - Thus no issue for us.
- Taking her in.

At 00:05:03,920, Character said: Hang on, hold up. Can we discuss this
for one stupid, lousy second?

At 00:05:08,360, Character said: - Hang on a minute, are you...
- No.

At 00:05:11,280, Character said: - I suppose you must...
- No!

At 00:05:12,760, Character said: - I never really...
- Don't even say it.

At 00:05:15,720, Character said: Okay. Moving on.

At 00:05:17,640, Character said: Didn't mean to open up
a can of worms here.

At 00:05:19,640, Character said: I've had my share, let me tell ya.

At 00:05:21,760, Character said: More than my share.

At 00:05:23,400, Character said: Plus I've had full blown
love affairs, too.

At 00:05:25,880, Character said: Well, yes, mirror in the bathroom,

At 00:05:28,160, Character said: mirror in the hall...
I'd forgotten about those.

At 00:05:31,360, Character said: Don't you guys know that cats always
have two homes?

At 00:05:34,400, Character said: I g***t a lady cat back on Red Dwarf.

At 00:05:36,720, Character said: - Hell, I g***t two.
- On Zed deck.

At 00:05:38,920, Character said: - On Zed deck.
- On Zed deck.

At 00:05:40,200, Character said: Exactly. That's where they are,
on Zed deck.

At 00:05:43,320, Character said: But hiding from you guys, because
they're only interested in me.

At 00:05:46,440, Character said: We will go the long way 'round.

At 00:05:48,880, Character said: And be quick about it, because I gotta
get back to my lady cats on Zed deck.

At 00:05:54,360, Character said: I'm suddenly starting
to miss 'em real bad.

At 00:05:57,800, Character said: (SOBBING)

At 00:06:02,080, Character said: (MONITOR BEEPS)

At 00:06:03,200, Character said: I'm picking up a ship.

At 00:06:06,720, Character said: The energy signature's
barely registering.

At 00:06:09,000, Character said: The signal's weaker than
the San Marino reserve team.

At 00:06:12,480, Character said: Posting, logging into their mainframe.

At 00:06:14,880, Character said: Don't bother, in this region of space,
it could well be a GELF battle cruiser.

At 00:06:18,240, Character said: Maintain current course.

At 00:06:19,600, Character said: That gets my vote.

At 00:06:20,920, Character said: According to the hack,
it's a transport ship, crew two,

At 00:06:24,360, Character said: one Mercenoid, one prisoner.

At 00:06:26,360, Character said: A merce-what?

At 00:06:27,600, Character said: A Mercenoid is a droid, sir,
who has agreed to sacrifice his life

At 00:06:31,640, Character said: in exchange for software updates
in silicone heaven.

At 00:06:34,920, Character said: These Mercenoids are nuttier
than a vegetarian breakfast.

At 00:06:38,920, Character said: That probably explains why
the Mercenoid and his prisoner

At 00:06:41,560, Character said: are on a death dive into
the heart of a super-massive black hole.

At 00:06:44,480, Character said: So what now?

At 00:06:45,800, Character said: We're gonna board that crate
before it passes the event horizon.

At 00:06:49,720, Character said: Risk our necks for one prisoner?

At 00:06:51,800, Character said: Rimmer, that prisoner might be human,
we can't just abandon them.

At 00:06:55,760, Character said: Never say can't, Lister.

At 00:06:57,160, Character said: You put your mind to it,
there's no limit to who you can abandon.

At 00:06:59,880, Character said: All right, Cat, take her in,
Rimmer lend me your Dictaphone.

At 00:07:03,960, Character said: What, why?

At 00:07:05,520, Character said: Because I've g***t an idea.

At 00:07:09,240, Character said: Right. Come on, let's do this.

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