Clarksons.Farm.S04E02.1080p.HEVC.x265-MeGusta Subtitles

00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:31,It was now late February.

00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:37,Charlie and I were now
both busy looking for pubs.

00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,And as for the chuckle brother,

00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:42,he was still on his nationwide tour.

00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,Thankfully, Harriet was still around.

00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:06,Today, building new pig pens

00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:10,in preparation for the boar I'd hired

00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:12,to make some new piglets.

00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:15,And, with that done,

00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:19,I turned up
with the farm's perfume manufacturer.

00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:22,Where's the boar?
Not you, not you.

00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,Harriet's bringing him down.

00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:28,And then,
he's going to service these three.

00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,These are the ones we gave birth
to in March.

00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:33,They're nearly one!
We can't get Ajax back,

00:01:33,560 --> 00:01:35,you know, the boar from last year?

00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,Obviously not 'cause that's their daddy.
Exactly, he's their dad.

00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,So we've g***t a new one
and he's called Josca.

00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:41,And he's on his way now.
Josca.

00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:44,He's going
to service these three,

00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:47,but we've g***t to get a move on,
or he has.

00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,We can have none of that
Oh, I can't get it in behaviour.

00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,Because if we want Christmas hams,
which we do

00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:53,Yeah.

00:01:53,840 --> 00:01:56,And we're already at the end of February,

00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:59,and it's three months, three weeks
and three days of pregnancy.

00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:04,So I want him out of that,
porkscrew deployed,

00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:06,and ready for docking procedures.

00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:10,Hey, Harriet. Morning.

00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:11,I've brought you a pig!

00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:12,Oh, you're big enough.

00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:14,Hello, Josca.
He's nice.

00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:16,Is he bigger than the last--
Yes, he is.

00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,Bigger than Ajax? He is.
Yes.

00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:21,Come on, piggy piggy!
Down we go, piggy!

00:02:21,560 --> 00:02:23,Now there's a bit of food.
Come on, Josca.

00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,I don't want to distract him
from the ladies.

00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:26,Yeah.

00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:30,This is what I want to see.

00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,Come on, Josca.
Let's have some action.

00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:34,Let's have some bébés.

00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:36,He's frothing.

00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:38,This is a one-night stand
we're looking for here, mate.

00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,Come on, hurry up, quicker.
Get on with it.

00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:45,Rotters Nightclub, Doncaster, 1978:
keep that in your mind.

00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,So I'm just So, let me just
You reckon these are the girls?

00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:52,Look on the bums
and you can see the little

00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,Clitoris. Clitoris.

00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:56,You can't! They don't have clitorises.

00:02:56,920 --> 00:02:59,Hey! I promise you, they do.

00:03:03,080 --> 00:03:05,Pigs have clitorises?!

00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,I didn't know that this morning.

00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:14,There has been no morning in the last
63 years that I've known that.

00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:16,The little flicky bit?
Yeah?

00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:19,That's the clitoris.
And he says you can't see it

00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:20,They all have them. Look at this one!
Oh Jesus!

00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,He can't find it either, I can tell you.

00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,Why do they? Do they?
I thought humans--

00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:28,Do you not know
what a clitoris looks like?

00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:29,I know, I do.

00:03:29,640 --> 00:03:30,Have you never found one?

00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,I know human girls have them.
You've never seen one? All animals--

00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,They don't.
It's the start of the vagina, love.

00:03:39,360 --> 00:03:41,Yes, they do! Look, look, look, this one!

00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,You can see the flick, the flick.

00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,See? It's a little bean.
A little bean!

00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:48,I can't!
You can!

00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:50,It looks like a little Oh.

00:03:53,560 --> 00:03:57,To be honest, biology wasn't
the main thing on my mind with the pigs.

00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,My worry, along with all
the other pig farmers in the area,

00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,such as Richard and Vanessa

00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:04,Hi, Jeremy.

00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:05,Good to see you.

00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:07,Well
Not good, is it.

00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,was that the local abattoir

00:04:10,840 --> 00:04:12,had just shut down.

00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,It's a very sad day
for all local farmers.

00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:20,I did some research last night.

00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:26,There are now only 49 local abattoirs
left in the whole country.

00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:30,There were a hundred small abattoirs
in 2007.

00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:32,Then it was 60, and now there's 49.

00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:35,And they say that by 2030,
there won't be any.

00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:39,The legislation from the government
on abattoirs changes

00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,every five minutes.

00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,Makes it virtually impossible
to run an abattoir.

00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:44,Yes.

00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,So all that farm-to-fork, you know,
the government's gone, Yes, farm

00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:49,It's utterly crazy.

00:04:49,280 --> 00:04:52,Nobody local can buy our pork,
nobody local can buy any local pork,

00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,because we can't get it
slaughtered locally, now.

00:04:54,960 --> 00:04:57,All our pigs are now in one basket,
so to speak,

00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,and going to the supermarket.

00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:02,But that's totally
Yeah, but who's slaughtering them?

00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,They go on a three-hour lorry trip.

00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,So you just put yours
on a huge great lorry

00:05:06,520 --> 00:05:09,which goes off
to an industrial slaughterhouse?

00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:10,Exactly.

00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:13,But when you've already g***t
I've g***t 39 ready to go next week.

00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:16,Yeah, the cost of the lorry
and the washing-out, that is just

00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:19,Exactly,
it's all just too expensive.

00:05:20,280 --> 00:05:23,Oh, I don't know what to do. I've g***t
to work out something for next week,

00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,'cause they're all ready to go.

00:05:26,280 --> 00:05:28,Good luck.
Yeah, good luck.

00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,Because my pig enterprise
was quite small,

00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:36,there was no way I could afford
to hire my own lorry

00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:39,to go to a far-away abattoir.

00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:41,However,

00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:43,I had to put that problem
on the back burner,

00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:48,because I needed to show Lisa
a pub I'd found.

00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,Have you g***t a business plan?

00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,Yeah.
You know an Irish pub, I'm not sure

00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,it's the same now, but it used to be

00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:57,Well, you tell me actually,
'cause you're Irish.

00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,In Ireland, it seemed to me to be a pub

00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:02,and then on the other side,
you had like a village shop.

00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:03,Oh, yeah!

00:06:03,640 --> 00:06:07,The reason why they did that is 'cause
all the men would get paid on a Friday,

00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,and the wife would go :
Would you get some bread and butter?

00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:12,And he'd go off with all his wages,
go to the pub,

00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:16,and drink it all and come home
absolutely smashed and--

00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:17,And not buy
the bread and butter.

00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:18,No, forget everything.

00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,So half of the pub was a little shop.

00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:24,And as soon as the man went in,

00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:27,the barman would take his shopping list,
pack it all up,

00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:30,take the money out and then give him
the rest of the money to drink away.

00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:33,And as he was leaving, he'd leave
As the man was stumbling out,

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