Yahsi.Bati.2010.720p.BluRay.x264.AC3-LTRG Subtitles
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00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,So when the woman says
they come long and thin, fat...
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,...with veins on them,
like this and like that...
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,...the guy can't handle it. He gets up
and says, "If I found one like that..."
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,- "...I'd, you know..."
- He's something else!
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:35,They used to call them 'zibiks'.
They were like coffee mills. This big.
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:39,And made of wood, right?
Or so I hear, I never saw one.
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,I haven't laughed so much in ages.
Let's drink, Vedat.
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,- Cheers!
- Welcome, old man.
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,- Welcome.
- To your health.
00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,Zeki, why don't we, you know...?
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:03,Right. Enough laughs. Let's not
keep Vedat hanging on any longer.
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,Oh man! You had to
put them in a plastic bag?
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,Hey, the wrapping has to be crap
or they'd attract attention. Right?
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,Sure.
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,Here, these are the goods.
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,Just look at that stitching.
It speaks for itself.
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,- So can I touch them?
- Sure... Here you go.
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:25,They call these long Wellingtons.
They're around 130-140 years old.
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,I can't give an exact figure,
but around that.
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:32,- So how did they land up with you?
- Now that's an interesting story.
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,Go on, tell him. Vedat's one of us.
There's no one around. It's just us.
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,- OK, US president Garfield...
- What, the cat?
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,- What f***g cat?
- Garfield's a cat, right?
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:47,Google it, man! See for yourself.
The then US president was Garfield.
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:52,OK, I enter 'Garfield'.
'Did you mean Garfield?' The cat again.
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,Where's the president?
Away. On vacation.
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,- Carry on, chum.
- Alpay...
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,Just carry on.
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,Vedat, the US president
sends our sultan a gift.
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,And the sultan thinks,
"I'll send a gift back."
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:12,My great-grandfather, Aziz Vefa,
a member of the secret services...
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:16,...and another public servant,
Lemi Galip, from the treasury.
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,He gives them a mission.
What does he say?
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,He says, "Take this gift
to the president."
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,- So they go to the palace.
- The palace?
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,What do you think? They'd meet
the sultan down at the waterside?
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,- So they go to the palace.
- OK. Get on with it, will you?
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,I **, but learn to listen first.
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,Telling a story is just as much
about being listened to.
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,Oh, right.
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,They come before the sultan.
And they kiss the sultan's hands.
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:57,- Does the sultan kiss theirs?
- Come on, man! Stop butting in.
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:03,They're presented the gift right away.
What is it? Adiamond necklace.
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,And the sultan says,
"It's in your hands now."
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,"And here's 1000 bucks for the road.
Confederation dollars."
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:18,Well, you can't say, "Sorry, padishah.
America's miles away. No can do."
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,You have to go
come hell or high water.
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,Now they've g***t the mission
their route's a given.
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,First, the Orient Express to Paris.
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,Then a boat to London.
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:44,And then another boat
across the Atlantic to America.
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:58,THE MILD WEST
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,S'il vous plait, madame.
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,Our honourable jerk
didn't get the joke, Aziz.
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,Ask if Mr and Mrs Brown
are back from the picnic.
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,Give me a break!
The humour's way too subtle.
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,English peasant!
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,I'm saying we prize
our village people.
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,They always say that.
It's the only thing they know.
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,She says she can keep secrets.
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,Keep those secrets
when we stop for a break.
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:03,Suppose we stop
and pass a little water?
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,What the hell are you doing?
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,- What's the problem?
- You can't share it round like candy!
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,- Well, you did it with that photo.
- Put the d***n thing back!
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,OK. Don't get so steamed up!
I'm responsible for it.
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,Bandits! Keep calm.
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,Don't point that at me!
00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,Listen. We'll follow
the normal routine. Calm down.
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,Listen. We'll draw straws.
The diamond or the money? Quick!
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,- We're in deep water, Aziz Efendi!
- Draw a straw!
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,The diamond.
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:37,- There's armies of them, Aziz Efendi!
- Stay calm. Calm down. Stay calm.
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,- I ** calm!
- Stay calm.
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,In the name of Allah,
most gracious, most merciful...
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,Dear God, don't desert us!
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,We're not giving up the diamond
even if it means death!
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,- Let's go, main man!
- With the will of Allah...
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,I said stop the carriage,
you son of a bitch!
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:05,Hey, Zeki. I g***t kind of lost
from the mail carriage onwards.
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,Wait. Let's try this then.
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,Didn't I say stop the carriage,
you fuckers?
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,Get out! Out, out, out!
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,Get out of there! Out!
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:31,- Come on, move it!
- Oh God, Jack! No!
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,- Stop! Get off her!
- Don't shout. Stand in line.
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Lesh here.
My crew and I are here...
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:47,...to relieve you of certain items
for the comfort of your journey.
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,You're free to shout.
Any heroics and you're dead.
00:10:55,800 --> 00:11:00,The gun's antique. I put in for
a new one and does anyone give a f***k?
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,Come here, a***e! Move!
Get over there!
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,Lesh! Check out this chick!
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,A watch!
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,Don't take us for wasters, sir.
We've come all the way from Istanbul.
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,Oh yeah?... It shows.
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,I never saw kit like that
even in Buffalo Bill's show.
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:29,What the hell is this?
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,Afez. I have a flute as well
if you want.
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,Knock it off!
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,Don't...!
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:40,- Lesh!
- What the hell have you done?
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,This is unreal!
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,But we're in with Firecracker Ahmet
of Highwayman Creek. Be warned!
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,Come on, let's go!
I smell Indians.
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,See you!
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:18,- He said "Sioux". The Sioux...
- No, he said "see you" as in goodbye.
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,Who the hell is Firecracker Ahmet?
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,Any time I mention the guy's name
it always gets me in trouble anyhow.
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,Don't make me crazy, mon cher!
The instructions are explicit.
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,In case of danger, hide the goods
up your nether region. It's that clear!
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,But is that fair?
Adiamond that big?
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,Hey, you think it's a turn-on
stuffing 1000 dollars up my a***s?
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,- I wouldn't know.
- What?
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,Sir thinks his a***s is too precious
and I'm about to get massacred here!
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:44,Come here!
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,Open up that handkerchief.
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:57,Here.
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,Terrific!
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,There should be a saucer for this.
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,239...
they come long and thin, fat...
00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:20,...with veins on them,
like this and like that...
00:00:20,880 --> 00:00:23,...the guy can't handle it. He gets up
and says, "If I found one like that..."
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,- "...I'd, you know..."
- He's something else!
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:35,They used to call them 'zibiks'.
They were like coffee mills. This big.
00:00:35,520 --> 00:00:39,And made of wood, right?
Or so I hear, I never saw one.
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,I haven't laughed so much in ages.
Let's drink, Vedat.
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,- Cheers!
- Welcome, old man.
00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,- Welcome.
- To your health.
00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:58,Zeki, why don't we, you know...?
00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:03,Right. Enough laughs. Let's not
keep Vedat hanging on any longer.
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,Oh man! You had to
put them in a plastic bag?
00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,Hey, the wrapping has to be crap
or they'd attract attention. Right?
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,Sure.
00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,Here, these are the goods.
00:01:13,280 --> 00:01:16,Just look at that stitching.
It speaks for itself.
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,- So can I touch them?
- Sure... Here you go.
00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:25,They call these long Wellingtons.
They're around 130-140 years old.
00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:27,I can't give an exact figure,
but around that.
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:32,- So how did they land up with you?
- Now that's an interesting story.
00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,Go on, tell him. Vedat's one of us.
There's no one around. It's just us.
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,- OK, US president Garfield...
- What, the cat?
00:01:39,920 --> 00:01:42,- What f***g cat?
- Garfield's a cat, right?
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:47,Google it, man! See for yourself.
The then US president was Garfield.
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:52,OK, I enter 'Garfield'.
'Did you mean Garfield?' The cat again.
00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:54,Where's the president?
Away. On vacation.
00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:56,- Carry on, chum.
- Alpay...
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,Just carry on.
00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:02,Vedat, the US president
sends our sultan a gift.
00:02:03,280 --> 00:02:07,And the sultan thinks,
"I'll send a gift back."
00:02:08,280 --> 00:02:12,My great-grandfather, Aziz Vefa,
a member of the secret services...
00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:16,...and another public servant,
Lemi Galip, from the treasury.
00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:19,He gives them a mission.
What does he say?
00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,He says, "Take this gift
to the president."
00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:28,- So they go to the palace.
- The palace?
00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,What do you think? They'd meet
the sultan down at the waterside?
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:34,- So they go to the palace.
- OK. Get on with it, will you?
00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,I **, but learn to listen first.
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,Telling a story is just as much
about being listened to.
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,Oh, right.
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,They come before the sultan.
And they kiss the sultan's hands.
00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:57,- Does the sultan kiss theirs?
- Come on, man! Stop butting in.
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:03,They're presented the gift right away.
What is it? Adiamond necklace.
00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:07,And the sultan says,
"It's in your hands now."
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:11,"And here's 1000 bucks for the road.
Confederation dollars."
00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:18,Well, you can't say, "Sorry, padishah.
America's miles away. No can do."
00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,You have to go
come hell or high water.
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,Now they've g***t the mission
their route's a given.
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,First, the Orient Express to Paris.
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,Then a boat to London.
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:44,And then another boat
across the Atlantic to America.
00:04:51,280 --> 00:04:58,THE MILD WEST
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:25,S'il vous plait, madame.
00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,Our honourable jerk
didn't get the joke, Aziz.
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:09,Ask if Mr and Mrs Brown
are back from the picnic.
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:12,Give me a break!
The humour's way too subtle.
00:06:12,680 --> 00:06:14,English peasant!
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,I'm saying we prize
our village people.
00:06:31,840 --> 00:06:34,They always say that.
It's the only thing they know.
00:06:51,440 --> 00:06:53,She says she can keep secrets.
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:56,Keep those secrets
when we stop for a break.
00:07:00,280 --> 00:07:03,Suppose we stop
and pass a little water?
00:08:35,680 --> 00:08:37,What the hell are you doing?
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,- What's the problem?
- You can't share it round like candy!
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,- Well, you did it with that photo.
- Put the d***n thing back!
00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,OK. Don't get so steamed up!
I'm responsible for it.
00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:58,Bandits! Keep calm.
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,Don't point that at me!
00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,Listen. We'll follow
the normal routine. Calm down.
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,Listen. We'll draw straws.
The diamond or the money? Quick!
00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:25,- We're in deep water, Aziz Efendi!
- Draw a straw!
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,The diamond.
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:37,- There's armies of them, Aziz Efendi!
- Stay calm. Calm down. Stay calm.
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,- I ** calm!
- Stay calm.
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,In the name of Allah,
most gracious, most merciful...
00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,Dear God, don't desert us!
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,We're not giving up the diamond
even if it means death!
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,- Let's go, main man!
- With the will of Allah...
00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,I said stop the carriage,
you son of a bitch!
00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:05,Hey, Zeki. I g***t kind of lost
from the mail carriage onwards.
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,Wait. Let's try this then.
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:18,Didn't I say stop the carriage,
you fuckers?
00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:23,Get out! Out, out, out!
00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:26,Get out of there! Out!
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:31,- Come on, move it!
- Oh God, Jack! No!
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,- Stop! Get off her!
- Don't shout. Stand in line.
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Lesh here.
My crew and I are here...
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:47,...to relieve you of certain items
for the comfort of your journey.
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:51,You're free to shout.
Any heroics and you're dead.
00:10:55,800 --> 00:11:00,The gun's antique. I put in for
a new one and does anyone give a f***k?
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,Come here, a***e! Move!
Get over there!
00:11:06,040 --> 00:11:09,Lesh! Check out this chick!
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,A watch!
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:23,Don't take us for wasters, sir.
We've come all the way from Istanbul.
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,Oh yeah?... It shows.
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,I never saw kit like that
even in Buffalo Bill's show.
00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:29,What the hell is this?
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,Afez. I have a flute as well
if you want.
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,Knock it off!
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,Don't...!
00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:40,- Lesh!
- What the hell have you done?
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,This is unreal!
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,But we're in with Firecracker Ahmet
of Highwayman Creek. Be warned!
00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,Come on, let's go!
I smell Indians.
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:00,See you!
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:18,- He said "Sioux". The Sioux...
- No, he said "see you" as in goodbye.
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:22,Who the hell is Firecracker Ahmet?
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:25,Any time I mention the guy's name
it always gets me in trouble anyhow.
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,Don't make me crazy, mon cher!
The instructions are explicit.
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,In case of danger, hide the goods
up your nether region. It's that clear!
00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:35,But is that fair?
Adiamond that big?
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,Hey, you think it's a turn-on
stuffing 1000 dollars up my a***s?
00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:39,- I wouldn't know.
- What?
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:43,Sir thinks his a***s is too precious
and I'm about to get massacred here!
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:44,Come here!
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,Open up that handkerchief.
00:12:56,680 --> 00:12:57,Here.
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:04,Terrific!
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,There should be a saucer for this.
00:13:16,120 --> 00:13:18,239...
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