The Detectives s05e01 Special Branch Subtitles

00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:22,Bye -bye!

00:01:19,690 --> 00:01:23,One more press and we can officially say
we've tried and he wasn't in. OK.

00:01:23,510 --> 00:01:25,One more press and we run for it. Yeah.
Right.

00:01:29,910 --> 00:01:31,OK, that's enough. Let's go.

00:01:31,310 --> 00:01:31,Hang on.

00:01:31,930 --> 00:01:32,What?

00:01:33,190 --> 00:01:34,He might have chopped himself.

00:01:34,850 --> 00:01:38,Don't be daft. You didn't hear the state
he was in on the phone.

00:01:41,650 --> 00:01:43,Look, we both know what this is about.

00:01:44,070 --> 00:01:47,His missus has left him again and he
wants us to be there for him.

00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:50,If he's g***t a problem, why doesn't he
talk to a barman like anybody else?

00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:54,He could be hanging from the banister
like an old Christmas decoration.

00:01:55,400 --> 00:02:01,His face all black, his tongue hanging
out, his neck snapped like a dragon's

00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,fin. It's all right, all right.

00:02:03,460 --> 00:02:06,She's left him loads of times. He's
never killed himself before.

00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:13,Let's go and have a look round the back.

00:02:34,890 --> 00:02:36,Splinter, for God's sake.

00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:38,That's not a splinter. That's a flaming
great big lug.

00:02:39,210 --> 00:02:42,If I get it out, I could whittle a
cricket bat and some stumps out of it.

00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:43,G***t any tweezers?

00:02:44,270 --> 00:02:45,Grass stains.

00:02:46,010 --> 00:02:47,Grass stains are like tape that.

00:02:48,570 --> 00:02:50,Eh? They wouldn't come out, either.

00:02:52,630 --> 00:02:53,Dab it up.

00:02:53,710 --> 00:02:54,Tell Tom.

00:02:56,030 --> 00:02:57,You all right, Louie?

00:02:57,350 --> 00:03:00,He's off to critic all this. Well, it's
only a splinter.

00:03:00,390 --> 00:03:02,I've g***t this saving your life,
actually.

00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:07,I was pruning my trees. Yeah, but we
weren't to know that, were we?

00:03:07,660 --> 00:03:11,I mean, we just went straight in there
without a thought for our own welfare.

00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:12,And we're off duty.

00:03:12,880 --> 00:03:14,And it's a Sunday.

00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,Yes, well... Well done.

00:03:18,340 --> 00:03:19,And thanks for coming round.

00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:22,So what did he want to see us about,
sir?

00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:25,I'll pour the tea.

00:03:29,880 --> 00:03:31,It's g***t to be his missus.

00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:35,She's gone back with that ginger -haired
bloke from the Nat West.

00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:36,No, it's not Nat.

00:03:37,940 --> 00:03:38,How do you know?

00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:39,Her wig's still here.

00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:42,She never goes anywhere without her wig.

00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:45,What, then?

00:03:45,540 --> 00:03:48,Why doesn't your wig come to us with his
family problems, eh?

00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:52,Might not be his family. Could be
something to do with work. Nah, it's

00:03:53,820 --> 00:03:54,I'll bet you.

00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,You know, tenor.

00:03:58,540 --> 00:03:59,What's this?

00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:05,I've g***t healing hands, sir. I was just
trying to s***k your splinter out.

00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,Sit down.

00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:10,Tom.

00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:17,Look, lads.

00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:19,The fact is, I've g***t a problem.

00:04:20,140 --> 00:04:21,Oh, really, sir?

00:04:21,260 --> 00:04:22,Shouldn't really be bothering you two
with it.

00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:24,It's a domestic problem.

00:04:31,110 --> 00:04:32,Families, eh?

00:04:32,830 --> 00:04:33,Who'd have them?

00:04:34,050 --> 00:04:36,You boys are lucky, no strings, no ties.

00:04:38,170 --> 00:04:43,But I called you round today because
this time, my family problem has become

00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:44,work problem.

00:04:44,370 --> 00:04:45,Ha!

00:04:51,870 --> 00:04:54,You were so sweet back then.

00:04:54,970 --> 00:04:56,Is she the problem, sir?

00:04:57,350 --> 00:04:58,In a way.

00:04:58,470 --> 00:04:59,And she...

00:04:59,930 --> 00:05:01,Is a member of your family, sir?

00:05:03,270 --> 00:05:04,Granddaughter.

00:05:06,010 --> 00:05:08,I thought you said it was a work
problem, sir.

00:05:08,450 --> 00:05:09,Oh, it is, Louis.

00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:10,Good.

00:05:11,370 --> 00:05:14,Good that it's not a family problem,
sir.

00:05:15,330 --> 00:05:16,But it is.

00:05:17,450 --> 00:05:19,I g***t a call at the office the other
day.

00:05:20,150 --> 00:05:21,At the office, sir?

00:05:22,730 --> 00:05:23,It was my wife.

00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:26,A member of your family, sir?

00:05:26,950 --> 00:05:27,She begged me.

00:05:28,780 --> 00:05:35,She begged me to use my position as a
police officer to sort out a family

00:05:35,180 --> 00:05:36,matter.

00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:41,As you both know, that's against all the
rules.

00:05:42,380 --> 00:05:48,So, the main problem, sir, stems from
the fact that you are a professional

00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:53,police officer, making it very much a
work problem?

00:05:53,740 --> 00:05:54,Yes.

00:05:55,860 --> 00:06:00,But the fact that you work as a police
officer, sir, Wouldn't matter if it

00:06:00,140 --> 00:06:04,wasn't for the fact that your family has
become involved.

00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,God, it's good to have two fresh minds
involved in this.

00:06:10,040 --> 00:06:11,I like clear thinking.

00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:14,On my own, I just haven't been able to
work it out.

00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:17,What's that doing there?

00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:20,Don't know, sir.

00:06:21,580 --> 00:06:22,Must be mine.

00:06:26,990 --> 00:06:28,I shouldn't read about the bush like
this.

00:06:28,630 --> 00:06:31,It's not going to be a gardening lesson,
is it, sir? You see, my granddaughter's

00:06:31,870 --> 00:06:34,gone off and joined one of these anti
-road protests.

00:06:37,070 --> 00:06:38,Don't mean she's going to be one of them
crusties.

00:06:39,290 --> 00:06:41,No, I don't mean that, Louis. She's a
good girl.

00:06:44,390 --> 00:06:45,She believes in things.

00:06:47,150 --> 00:06:49,She believes all living things have an
equal right to life.

00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:53,She believes people should respect their
fellow creatures.

00:06:58,590 --> 00:06:59,D***n caterpillar.

00:07:01,110 --> 00:07:03,You see, we've g***t a confidential memo
on Friday.

00:07:04,070 --> 00:07:08,In two days' time, the local
constabulary are sending the heavy mob

00:07:08,210 --> 00:07:09,a few heads.

00:07:09,650 --> 00:07:12,I've heard about that. The F Division
hit a hippie party.

00:07:13,090 --> 00:07:14,PYOT? Oh, yeah.

00:07:14,910 --> 00:07:16,Bring your own trenchant.

00:07:17,230 --> 00:07:18,Exactly.

00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:21,That's why I want my granddaughter out
of here before the action starts.

00:07:24,050 --> 00:07:25,You've g***t 48 hours.

00:07:26,410 --> 00:07:27,Us, sir?

00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:29,I'd do it myself, but she never listens
to me now.

00:07:30,220 --> 00:07:32,It was the time she believed everything
her grandad said.

00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:37,I once told her there were ten little
fairies living under my shed.

00:07:38,260 --> 00:07:40,Probably why she doesn't listen to you
anymore, sir.

00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:42,I'm giving you both two days' leave.

00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:44,Paid, of course.

00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:46,Yes.

00:07:46,940 --> 00:07:47,Double time.

00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:49,Double time.

00:07:49,860 --> 00:07:50,Unexpensive, sir.

00:07:51,620 --> 00:07:52,OK, OK.

00:07:53,580 --> 00:07:54,I'll pay you out of my own money.

00:07:59,030 --> 00:08:01,I don't care how you do it, I don't want
to know.

00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:08,Just tell her Grandpappy Cotton is still
catching moonbeams for her

00:08:08,530 --> 00:08:12,in his special magic wellingtons.

00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:24,I nearly became an hippie, you know,
first time round.

00:08:24,590 --> 00:08:25,Really?

00:08:26,490 --> 00:08:30,I played the Sgt. Pepper album backwards
and I could swear John Lennon was

00:08:30,710 --> 00:08:33,instructing me to resign from the sea
scouts and burn me woggle.

00:08:34,650 --> 00:08:37,Then the beetle spit up and all my hair
fell out.

00:08:37,770 --> 00:08:39,I blame Yoko Ono.

00:08:39,950 --> 00:08:41,Nah, it was the bleach.

00:09:39,630 --> 00:09:44,But most of all, we'll save the lovely
old tree.

00:09:44,470 --> 00:09:47,Cos it's trees, trees, only trees.

00:09:47,730 --> 00:09:50,Lovely veggie burgers and dongeries.

00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:56,Me and you, you and me. I don't mean
you, I mean you, the tree.

00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:01,I think that says it all.

00:10:02,230 --> 00:10:04,Any chance of a roll -up and some Linda
McCartney lasagne?

00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:06,No, stop coming closer.

00:10:06,950 --> 00:10:09,It's all right, love, we've come to
help.

00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:12,We would have...