The Drew Carey Show s07e25 Look Mom, One Hand Subtitles

00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:01,Man, I hate Mother's Day.

00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,I clean the bathroom, hide my p***n.

00:00:07,060 --> 00:00:08,Anybody see my Bible?

00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:14,I found some more gross stuff for your
box of shame.

00:00:16,420 --> 00:00:17,Put my mesh underwear in there?

00:00:18,020 --> 00:00:21,No. I picked them up with a stick of
disgust and put them in a can of

00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,Yeah, I'm not looking forward to Sunday
either.

00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,My mom's always on me about, what are
you going to do with your life? You

00:00:28,940 --> 00:00:32,too much. Oh, big man with a knife, just
like your father. You don't have the

00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,gut.

00:00:34,420 --> 00:00:35,Yeah, Mother's Day s***s.

00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:39,You know, the worst of having a special
brunch, we should spend Mother's Day

00:00:39,660 --> 00:00:42,together. I mean, we could run
interference for each other. Oh, that's

00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,idea.

00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:48,Hey, what's a purple velour jumpsuit
doing in your box of shame?

00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:50,I could put it on and show you.

00:01:00,270 --> 00:01:07,energy calling me back where it comes
from it's such a crude

00:01:07,010 --> 00:01:13,attitude it's back where it belongs all
the little chicks with the

00:01:13,750 --> 00:01:19,crimson lips go cleveland rock cleveland
rock living in sin

00:01:39,120 --> 00:01:42,Not seeing someone. You know, you're not
getting any younger.

00:01:43,380 --> 00:01:45,You're not getting any younger.

00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:47,Could be worse.

00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,This one's living in the park with
another man.

00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:56,Well, I've given up on this one. Who'd
marry this face?

00:01:58,820 --> 00:02:01,One day we'll settle this, you and I.

00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,Tick -tock, old lady.

00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:10,This is my new stepmother, Melanie.

00:02:11,160 --> 00:02:12,Hi, guys.

00:02:14,260 --> 00:02:15,Oh, my God.

00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:16,She looks just like her.

00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,It's creepy, but technically it's not a
crime.

00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,I know it sounds weird, but I feel so
safe and small in your arms.

00:02:41,940 --> 00:02:44,Everybody, this is Mr. Wick's mom,
Maggie Wick.

00:02:44,240 --> 00:02:45,Oh, my.

00:02:47,320 --> 00:02:51,You know, I had that exact same dress
years ago when it was fashionable.

00:02:52,780 --> 00:02:54,Of course, it looks much better on you,
dear.

00:02:55,020 --> 00:02:56,Well, I certainly hope so.

00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,Who do I have to sleep with to get a
drink around here?

00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,son with a baby.

00:03:12,410 --> 00:03:15,I could get married like Steve. You
know, if I dug a hole in the woods and

00:03:15,790 --> 00:03:17,proposed to the first thing that fell
into it.

00:03:20,270 --> 00:03:22,You have to be nice to me. It's my day.

00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:26,I'll be nice to you when it's asexual
lump of dough day.

00:03:28,590 --> 00:03:34,Oh, Steven, honey, I worry about you
working as a garden at prison. Oh, don't

00:03:34,330 --> 00:03:36,look. Happy Mother's Day.

00:03:37,260 --> 00:03:39,I g***t you a personalized license plate.

00:03:39,660 --> 00:03:44,Remember the Cincinnati kitchen rapist?
He made that.

00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:49,You tell him from me that I just love
it.

00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,Hey, I thought you said your grandma was
coming to this thing.

00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:57,Oh, she's fixing her face before she
comes in.

00:03:59,460 --> 00:04:00,Let's party.

00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:15,a gentleman used to stand up for a lady
before the hippies.

00:04:17,019 --> 00:04:19,Well, it's after ten. I'm going to get a
whiskey.

00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,Oh, God, this is getting so bad.

00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:27,You are so lucky to have a little
grandchild.

00:04:28,260 --> 00:04:32,Well, you know, we'd have babies and
relationships, too, if we just found the

00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:32,right people.

00:04:32,860 --> 00:04:35,Yeah. You've just been busy, you know.

00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:36,Doing what?

00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:38,Oh, you know...

00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:40,Getting ahead, having a career, that
kind of stuff.

00:04:41,050 --> 00:04:43,Look, everyone, my name's on TV.

00:04:43,490 --> 00:04:48,These are the names of the top adult
website users in the Cleveland area.

00:04:51,170 --> 00:04:55,Robert Johnson, the controversial owner
of Internet service provider CyberCleve

00:04:55,830 --> 00:05:00,.com, is publishing these names on his
homepage as part of his campaign against

00:05:00,870 --> 00:05:01,pornography.

00:05:02,750 --> 00:05:03,Well,

00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:07,I guess we know what you've been so busy
with.

00:05:08,690 --> 00:05:10,I'm so sorry.

00:05:10,450 --> 00:05:13,Oh, don't be too sorry. Your kid's
famous, too.

00:05:13,970 --> 00:05:14,Oh, no.

00:05:16,730 --> 00:05:22,Thank goodness you're not... I can't
find his very common name.

00:05:22,710 --> 00:05:23,Oh, Kate.

00:05:26,390 --> 00:05:29,Lewis, ** I going to see your name on
that list?

00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:33,Yeah. I'm hideous. I'm the only one who
will touch me.

00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,for having been so humiliated.

00:05:39,220 --> 00:05:42,Really? I would have thought having the
same dress as that gigantic hooker over

00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:43,there would have been your whole plan.

00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,Half my friends saw that broadcast.

00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,I've never been so embarrassed in my
life.

00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,Yeah, that was awful.

00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,Would you like a little Irish cream in
your coffee?

00:06:00,220 --> 00:06:02,Sure, just a little. Okay, say when.

00:06:08,970 --> 00:06:10,Well, we'll just fill it up.

00:06:12,130 --> 00:06:14,Hey, any of you beautiful young women
seen our mothers?

00:06:19,590 --> 00:06:20,I'm just going to get a couple beers.

00:06:22,970 --> 00:06:26,Hey, if you want us, we'll just be in
here masturbating.

00:06:32,450 --> 00:06:33,Too soon, huh?

00:06:36,410 --> 00:06:37,How are you doing?

00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,Not bad, considering your mother just
found out that her baby likes to look at

00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:42,pictures of n***d nurses with guns.

00:06:45,820 --> 00:06:49,If they're n***d, how do you know that
they're nurses?

00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:54,That's been a topic of discussion in the
chat room for quite some time.

00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:02,So do they call? Yeah, and they're being
real jerks. They won't take our names

00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:03,off the internet.

00:07:03,280 --> 00:07:05,Oh, boo -hoo, you people think you've
g***t it bad.

00:07:06,190 --> 00:07:09,They're saying I'm the number one web
pervert in all of Cleveland. How do you

00:07:09,950 --> 00:07:10,think I feel?

00:07:11,650 --> 00:07:15,Always looking over my shoulder,
wondering what young punk's going to

00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:16,behind me and knock me off my throne.

00:07:19,010 --> 00:07:23,I guess this explains why none of our
little darlings have a wife or a family.

00:07:24,890 --> 00:07:30,If you're spending hours on the naughty
internet, you don't have time to find a

00:07:30,330 --> 00:07:32,really nice girl.

00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:39,We should concentrate on the children.

00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:44,Now, they're good kids, but we've g***t to
get them back on the right path, and I

00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:45,have a plan.

00:07:46,060 --> 00:07:48,They can't do this to us. It's g***t to be
illegal.

00:07:48,620 --> 00:07:50,There's only one way to find out. Just
sue them.

00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:55,You just can't take that I'm number one,
can you?

00:07:57,820 --> 00:08:01,Children, we've been talking, and we've
decided you're on a bad path.

00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:03,You need our help.

00:08:03,660 --> 00:08:06,Uh, what exactly do you mean by that?

00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,We're moving in with you.

00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:12,Dibs on Kate's mom.

00:09:06,510 --> 00:09:07,for my beard.

00:09:08,190 --> 00:09:09,My legal erotica!

00:09:11,590 --> 00:09:12,You're burning my lady!

00:09:13,090 --> 00:09:19,Yes, but I saved that purple jumpsuit I
gave you. And now that you're on soy

00:09:19,230 --> 00:09:21,milk, I bet we'll get you back into it.

00:09:23,130 --> 00:09:25,Oh, we saw the smoke. What's going on
here?

00:09:25,470 --> 00:09:26,I'm burning Bruce Smut.

00:09:27,350 --> 00:09:31,Oh, for God's sakes. If he wants to look
at a magazine, let him look.

00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:34,At least he's not out stabbing
prostitutes.

00:09:34,540 --> 00:09:35,Like my sister's boy.

00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,Yeah, Mom, I'm not out stabbing
prostitutes.

00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:44,I'm just doing this for your own good.

00:09:44,980 --> 00:09:47,Now, why can't you be like your brother
here?

00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:48,Beautiful child.

00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:51,Interesting wife.

00:09:52,320 --> 00:09:53,Yeah, don't...