The Drew Carey Show s07e17 A Shot In The Dark Subtitles

00:00:00,460 --> 00:00:01,Hey, Drew.

00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:05,Hey. I heard you're talking about
getting a DVD player, so I g***t you your

00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:06,movie.

00:00:06,860 --> 00:00:08,Female Baldness, The Secret Chain.

00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:14,Yeah, you get to Blockbuster a minute
after 8 o 'clock and there's nothing.

00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:20,Well, I'm glad you didn't spend any
money because I'm not getting a DVD

00:00:20,980 --> 00:00:21,Why not?

00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:25,You're making all this money as co
-manager. You should treat yourself to

00:00:25,180 --> 00:00:27,something nice. I did. Check it out.

00:00:28,740 --> 00:00:29,What's that?

00:00:29,710 --> 00:00:30,Top of the line police scanner.

00:00:33,670 --> 00:00:36,I started listening to these when I was
a security guard and I g***t so hooked.

00:00:36,910 --> 00:00:39,You just can't believe how exciting
these things get.

00:00:40,650 --> 00:00:44,We g***t a report of an elderly woman
urinating on the steps of the

00:00:46,510 --> 00:00:48,What do you want to do about it? Over.

00:00:48,870 --> 00:00:50,Just leave her alone.

00:00:53,230 --> 00:00:56,Well, that's the last time I have a
picnic on the courthouse steps, I'll

00:00:56,010 --> 00:00:57,you that.

00:01:16,900 --> 00:01:23,We have a report of a sad, lonely man
who just wasted $300.

00:01:23,260 --> 00:01:24,Over.

00:01:32,180 --> 00:01:33,Code 33.

00:01:36,180 --> 00:01:38,Interfering with the spawning of famine.

00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:42,Oh, it's a fishing game manual.

00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,Jerry, you know, I think Lewis and
Oswald are at the Warsaw.

00:01:47,620 --> 00:01:49,Oh, hey, kill the scuckbox. Let's rock
and roll.

00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,Oh, man, you know what?

00:01:52,660 --> 00:01:54,They don't really like civilians hanging
around at crime scenes.

00:01:56,660 --> 00:01:58,But, hey, you know, you're with me.
It'll be all right.

00:01:59,860 --> 00:02:00,Sorry.

00:02:02,700 --> 00:02:05,Hey, hey, did you guys see the Code in progress?

00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:06,Yeah, we saw everything.

00:02:07,020 --> 00:02:08,Wow.

00:02:08,300 --> 00:02:09,What's a Code 33?

00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:13,From what I saw, it's one drunk grabbing
another drunk's nose.

00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:17,I'll tell you what, I'm going to go see
if they need any CA.

00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,It's civilian assistance.

00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:22,And I g***t to go move the car.

00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:27,When we pulled up, Starsky over there
skidded into a handicapped spot, jumped

00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:29,out the window, and slid across the
hood.

00:02:31,339 --> 00:02:32,I'm ready to go home. You ready, honey?

00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:34,Yep. Let's go.

00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:38,Hey, come in here, nurse. How about when
we get home, you go on mole patrol on

00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:39,my back?

00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,Maybe you could go on kiss patrol on my
a***s.

00:02:44,180 --> 00:02:45,I'm kidding.

00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:46,I'd love to.

00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:48,Oswald, we need to talk.

00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:52,What is it?

00:02:52,860 --> 00:02:55,Look, I know Lewis is your best friend,
but we're never alone.

00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,And to be honest, I think he's a little
creepy.

00:02:58,860 --> 00:03:03,Ah, that's just an act. Really, he's the
sweetest guy in the world. Besides, if

00:03:03,340 --> 00:03:05,we hurt his feelings, he could go
berserk and kill a bunch of people.

00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:12,Look, if our relationship's going to get
to the next level, we need some time

00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:14,alone. Why don't you let me talk to him?

00:03:15,420 --> 00:03:17,All right, but only because I think the
next level is s***x.

00:03:23,790 --> 00:03:25,Lewis, can I talk to you about
something?

00:03:27,290 --> 00:03:29,Oh, I saw this coming.

00:03:29,930 --> 00:03:32,Look, I can't be in a threesome with you
and Oswald.

00:03:38,270 --> 00:03:42,It would affect my relationship with
him, but I'd be happy to watch.

00:03:43,770 --> 00:03:48,Lewis, you're a great guy, but Oswald
and I are in a relationship and we need

00:03:48,110 --> 00:03:49,little... Alone time.

00:03:50,850 --> 00:03:52,No, I don't want to be the third wheel.

00:03:52,610 --> 00:03:53,I've been one of those.

00:03:54,670 --> 00:03:57,Every vacation my mom had stayed with my
dad. If you'd had the guts to leave him

00:03:57,690 --> 00:03:59,in the woods, we could have gone
someplace nice.

00:04:04,370 --> 00:04:07,It's all a thing. If you need any help
or anything, I'm kind of a cop.

00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:11,We know I was a security guard for two
weeks.

00:04:13,810 --> 00:04:16,But I was armed, you know. And I have a
scanner at home.

00:04:19,190 --> 00:04:21,Badge came with it, but I'm not wearing
it right now.

00:04:22,970 --> 00:04:25,All right, you finish up with these
guys. I'll handle this one.

00:04:25,690 --> 00:04:28,Oh, I'm sorry. You're just trying to do
your job, and here I ** bugging you.

00:04:28,870 --> 00:04:29,You're not bugging me.

00:04:30,550 --> 00:04:31,What's your name?

00:04:31,610 --> 00:04:33,Drew Carey, male, Caucasian, 42, single.

00:04:35,730 --> 00:04:36,That's cute.

00:04:37,170 --> 00:04:41,Look, I gotta be honest with you. The
guys I usually go out with are really

00:04:41,190 --> 00:04:42,-looking.

00:04:42,310 --> 00:04:46,But they always turn out to be jerks, so
maybe I should try somebody like you.

00:04:49,180 --> 00:04:51,Oh, so you want to go slumming, huh?

00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,Welcome to the ghetto, baby.

00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:57,Great.

00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:01,Saturday night, pick up at 7? Sure. Let
me give you my address.

00:05:01,460 --> 00:05:02,No, I g***t your name.

00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:03,I'll find it.

00:05:03,580 --> 00:05:07,Oh, you know, if you're going to run my
rap sheet and all that, I g***t arrested

00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:13,once for dancing nude in the bar, and I
also had an illegal brewery in my

00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:14,garage.

00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:18,Drugs in my house. I had a trunk full of
guns once.

00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:22,Oh, hey, what ** I doing? Better say
something for the carriage ride around

00:05:22,940 --> 00:05:23,park.

00:05:27,140 --> 00:05:33,All this energy calling me.

00:05:35,100 --> 00:05:36,Back where it comes from.

00:05:38,140 --> 00:05:39,It's such a crude...

00:05:57,870 --> 00:05:58,Ohio!

00:06:01,310 --> 00:06:02,Ohio! Ohio!

00:06:03,810 --> 00:06:06,Mimi, I finished with the Henderson
file.

00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:09,How do you feel about what I've done
with it?

00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:18,Another origami bird.

00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:25,Hey, I've g***t some origami for you, too.
Enough with the birds!

00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,It helps keep my mind off drinking.

00:06:31,180 --> 00:06:33,Beautiful, wonderful drinking.

00:06:34,480 --> 00:06:41,Gin, vodka, scotch, the sweet froth of
beer as it caresses the back of my

00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:42,throat.

00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:44,I don't...

00:06:55,470 --> 00:06:56,Don't fold yourself a rubber rule.

00:06:57,990 --> 00:06:59,I appreciate it, Mimi.

00:07:00,150 --> 00:07:03,Oh, how I could thank you if I was still
drinking.

00:07:07,090 --> 00:07:10,Hey, pig. Thought I smelled bacon.

00:07:12,350 --> 00:07:14,Pig? You talking to me?

00:07:15,270 --> 00:07:16,Oh, whoa.

00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,Uh, Tim, he's the pig.

00:07:19,430 --> 00:07:21,Oh, you mean my boyfriend.

00:07:22,130 --> 00:07:24,Oh, uh, sorry.

00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:25,Officer?

00:07:26,250 --> 00:07:30,Drew, tell her all about that good
-natured ribbing we have between us.

00:07:32,570 --> 00:07:33,Shoot her.

00:07:38,510 --> 00:07:39,That's so funny.

00:07:40,970 --> 00:07:44,If you haven't seen him n***d yet, save
a bullet for yourself.

00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:58,tonight. How about we go grab some Thai
food? Well, you know I don't like Thai

00:07:58,970 --> 00:07:59,food.

00:07:59,950 --> 00:08:01,You know I love it.

00:08:01,630 --> 00:08:03,Yeah, but can't we just do something I
want to do for once?

00:08:04,070 --> 00:08:06,Drew, do I have to go back to dating
good -looking guys? No, no, don't keep

00:08:06,770 --> 00:08:07,on me. Give me another chance.

00:08:08,950 --> 00:08:09,That's better.

00:08:12,970 --> 00:08:15,You know, if you'd smoke, too, my
cigarettes wouldn't bother you so much.

00:08:15,810 --> 00:08:18,Yeah, you know, every New Year's Eve, I
tell myself I'm going to start smoking,

00:08:18,250 --> 00:08:22,but... Hey, Lewis. Hey, Marla. Hey, I
g***t a question for you.

00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:25,If you find an arm in the woods, can you
keep it?

00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:28,No. Of course not.

00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:31,How about the watch on the arm?

00:08:33,820 --> 00:08:37,Oh, you just get weirder every time I
see you.

00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,Hey, man. I heard Oswald kicked you out
of the house.

00:08:42,600 -->...