Seduction And Snacks (2021) Subtitles

At 00:00:16,308, Character said: SEDUCTION & SNACKS

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At 00:01:05,942, Character said: Gavin! Gavin!

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At 00:01:09,904, Character said: Let's go...
Yeah, you need to go to bed.

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At 00:01:12,239, Character said: Gavin! Gavin!

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At 00:01:15,492, Character said: Gavin!

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At 00:01:16,703, Character said: That's Gavin.

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At 00:01:17,870, Character said: I'm Claire.
And I ** never having kids.

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At 00:01:22,165, Character said: I made this decision after the video
we saw in health class in school.

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At 00:01:25,795, Character said: The one set back in the 70's

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At 00:01:27,797, Character said: that had some woman screaming
"Bloody Murder"

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At 00:01:29,882, Character said: with sweat dripping off her face.

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At 00:01:34,053, Character said: While the husband lovingly patted
her forehead with the towel

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At 00:01:36,179, Character said: and told her she was doing great.

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At 00:01:38,390, Character said: Then the camera panned down
to the crime scene between her legs.

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At 00:01:42,687, Character said: While most of the girls
around me were saying: "Aw..."

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At 00:01:45,439, Character said: when the baby started to cry,
I looked around at them in repulsion.

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At 00:01:49,777, Character said: What the hell is wrong with you people?

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At 00:01:53,488, Character said: I ** never having children.

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At 00:01:56,533, Character said: I'm never having children.

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At 00:01:58,368, Character said: So Claire, did you choose a major yet?

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At 00:02:00,620, Character said: I'm never having children.

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At 00:02:03,791, Character said: I'm never having children.

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At 00:02:05,625, Character said: Too bad no one told 20-year-old me

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At 00:02:07,712, Character said: that she and her mantra
were about to get pregnant.

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At 00:02:10,297, Character said: Yep, that's her.

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At 00:02:11,841, Character said: Somewhere in my head,
sipping imaginary Merlot,

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At 00:02:15,427, Character said: talking like she knows s***t about s***t.

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At 00:02:17,637, Character said: And... that's me.

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At 00:02:20,182, Character said: Twenty-five.
My son Gavin is four and a half.

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At 00:02:23,853, Character said: And 20-year-old me's silly a***s

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At 00:02:25,897, Character said: is about to get a morbidly obese dose

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At 00:02:28,482, Character said: of that saying that goes something like

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At 00:02:30,818, Character said: how when you plan, God laughs.
Because God is a d***k.

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At 00:02:37,657, Character said: Well, he's everything technically,

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At 00:02:39,534, Character said: so it's okay that I call him that.
God's a d***k.

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At 00:02:43,163, Character said: God is a beautiful tree.

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At 00:02:45,041, Character said: God's a frat party the last semester
of my sophomore year

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At 00:02:48,002, Character said: at University of Ohio

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At 00:02:49,128, Character said: that 20-year-old me is walking
right into with her best friend Liz.

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At 00:02:54,591, Character said: Why are Liz and I walking into
a frat house instead of... anywhere?

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At 00:03:00,723, Character said: Because we're on a mission.
My mission. To finally...

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At 00:03:05,770, Character said: lose my stupid, pesky virginity.

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At 00:03:08,815, Character said: And while I know this isn't
the only place on Earth

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At 00:03:11,274, Character said: to find a horny male,
I don't want a relationship,

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At 00:03:14,028, Character said: and I don't want any distractions.

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At 00:03:16,072, Character said: So I'm taking Liz's quicker approach

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At 00:03:18,074, Character said: which she assures me
we'll find in here.

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At 00:03:29,209, Character said: Hey, what about him?
He's cute. He has good teeth.

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At 00:03:35,715, Character said: Jeez, Liz, he's not a horse.

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At 00:03:37,885, Character said: You can ride him all night long
if you play your cards right.

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At 00:03:43,141, Character said: Okay, two tango staring us
at your six.

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At 00:03:48,603, Character said: Okay...

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At 00:03:49,688, Character said: If you sneeze,
there's gonna be a nip slip,

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At 00:03:51,648, Character said: so you better put those away
before you poke someone's eye out.

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At 00:03:55,987, Character said: “I'm not a gyno, but I'll take a look."

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At 00:03:59,073, Character said: Well, that sounds DTF!

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At 00:04:00,908, Character said: D***n it, Liz.

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At 00:04:02,534, Character said: Hello, ladies.

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At 00:04:04,661, Character said: Hi! This is Claire...

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At 00:04:07,247, Character said: And you are?

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At 00:04:08,331, Character said: Me? No. Sorry. The shirt.

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At 00:04:12,086, Character said: Oh, my God. I can take it off.

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At 00:04:16,465, Character said: He was beautiful.
I wanted to punch my own face

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At 00:04:19,010, Character said: for calling a guy beautiful,
but it was true.

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At 00:04:22,013, Character said: I wanted to frame him
and put him on my bed stand

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At 00:04:25,016, Character said: in a non-creepy,
non-Hannibal Lecter kind of way.

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At 00:04:28,393, Character said: He didn't wanna be here
any more than I did.

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At 00:04:30,813, Character said: I could introduce myself
and tell him he was my soul mate.

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At 00:04:34,441, Character said: Look! Oops...

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At 00:04:36,359, Character said: Sorry! Uninvited chick.

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At 00:04:38,905, Character said: Jesus, what's your damage, Heather?

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At 00:04:42,241, Character said: Did you just quote
the movie Heathers?

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At 00:04:45,452, Character said: That's my favorite movie ever.

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At 00:04:48,497, Character said: I had a huge crush on Winona
before the whole shoplifting thing.

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At 00:04:51,750, Character said: My name isn't Heather.

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At 00:04:54,003, Character said: Winona... Wow.

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At 00:04:56,713, Character said: I kinda have a thing for quirky,
intelligent dark-haired chicks.

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At 00:05:02,302, Character said: You smell like chocolate.

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At 00:05:03,678, Character said: Why are you calling me Heather?

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At 00:05:06,098, Character said: I always do...

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At 00:05:07,557, Character said: He knows my name is Nikki.

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At 00:05:09,185, Character said: Nikki?

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At 00:05:10,853, Character said: Hello?

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At 00:05:12,188, Character said: Nikki! Your voice is making my ears bleed
and you're killing my buzz..

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At 00:05:25,492, Character said: You wanna... play beer bong
or something?

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At 00:05:28,079, Character said: I wanna reach into my pants,

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At 00:05:29,746, Character said: pull up my virginity,
wrap it up and put a bow on it.

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At 00:05:32,707, Character said: Or maybe stick it in gift bag
from Target and give it to you...

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At 00:05:35,294, Character said: Oh, s***t, don't say it out loud.

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At 00:05:37,255, Character said: Beer pong... Sure.

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At 00:05:40,299, Character said: All right.

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At 00:05:50,517, Character said: I really didn't think anything
about this night was gonna feel good.

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At 00:05:53,770, Character said: Enjoying myself was a small perk
I didn't expect.

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At 00:05:57,942, Character said: No, leave it.
I g***t it, I g***t it.

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At 00:06:00,485, Character said: Oh, my God.
This is really happening.

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At 00:06:03,072, Character said: Yes! My answer is yes!

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At 00:06:06,783, Character said: Are you okay?

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At 00:06:08,077, Character said: - Are you okay?
- I'm fine.

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At 00:06:13,790, Character said: Take your pants off.

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At 00:06:29,056, Character said: Zipper!

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At 00:06:31,350, Character said: Ok, ready, ready... Whoa!

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At 00:06:37,356, Character said: - Are you okay? All right.
- Yeah.

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At 00:06:43,279, Character said: I wanted it to last forever.

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At 00:06:45,780, Character said: I saw stars.
I came three times that night

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At 00:06:48,825, Character said: and it was the most amazing experience
of my... Yeah, no.

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At 00:06:53,913, Character said: It hurts like a mother-f'er
and it's awkward and messy.

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At 00:06:57,667, Character said: It was like n***d jury duty.

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At 00:06:59,419, Character said: And the only "stars" I saw
were the ones behind my eyelids

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At 00:07:03,049, Character said: as I tried to think of a happy place.

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At 00:07:06,135, Character said: But let's be honest here.

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At 00:07:07,427, Character said: He was as sweet and gentle
as he possibly could be.

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At 00:07:11,723, Character said: Under the circumstances.

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At 00:07:18,981, Character said: But it was perfect.
He was perfect.

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At 00:07:23,693, Character said: And that's how I left him.

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At 00:07:28,115, Character said: With the state of my virginity
out of the way,

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At 00:07:29,949, Character said: I could focus more
on school and my career

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At 00:07:32,036, Character said: and Liz would stop treating every party
like it was a meat market.

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At 00:07:36,456, Character said: We never even told each other
our names.

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At 00:07:38,833, Character said: It happened and it all went
according to plan.

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At 00:07:43,963, Character said: Pregnant - Not Pregnant

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At 00:07:47,884, Character said: Till that...

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At 00:07:51,097, Character said: Open another one!

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At 00:07:52,931, Character said: - Claire...
- Just do it, bitch!

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At 00:07:54,641, Character said: Girl, I'm sorry.

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At 00:07:59,562, Character said: What ** I gonna do, Liz?

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At 00:08:02,024, Character said: What do I do?

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At 00:08:04,859, Character said: Let's bake.

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At 00:08:06,445, Character said: Bake? Bake what,
a time machine?

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At 00:08:09,073, Character said: Let's hit the store and we'll make
some of your famous sweets, I'll help.

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At 00:08:13,743, Character said: Major McGillicutty's
Crispy Goodness Globs

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At 00:08:15,495, Character said: are not gonna change anything!

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At 00:08:16,746, Character said: To sell. On campus,
to raise a couple hundred bucks?

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At 00:08:22,044, Character said: And it hit...