Inside No 9 s09e06 Plodding On.eng Subtitles

00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:08,This programme contains
very strong language

00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:11,MUSIC THUMPS

00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:30,DOOR OPENS

00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,HUBBUB

00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:36,DOOR CREAKS CLOSED

00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,CLATTER

00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:03,MAN COUGHS IN CUBICLE

00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,ZIPPING

00:01:14,320 --> 00:01:15,MAN GASPS

00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:20,Mm.

00:01:20,760 --> 00:01:22,Hello, hello.

00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,Mm. Hmm.

00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:27,Sorry, I g***t cornered by Anne Reid.

00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,Oh, Christ.

00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:33,Have you been here ages?
No, no, no.

00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,25 minutes.

00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:41,There's been three number ones
and one number two, so...

00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:42,..I haven't exactly been bored.

00:01:44,320 --> 00:01:46,Well, do you want to keep
an eye out while I...?

00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,Of course, yes. Mm.

00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,AWKWARD MURMURING

00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,Busy out there? Yeah. Yeah.

00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:00,Usual showbiz do.

00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,Everyone looking over your shoulder

00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,to see if there's anyone
more famous to talk to.

00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,Yes, yes.

00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:07,I usually do two circuits,

00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:10,pretending I'm looking
for someone, and then leave.

00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,I have nothing to say
to these people.

00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:16,Well, this'll loosen you up a bit.

00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:17,Ooh, yes!

00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,Make me a bit more talkative.

00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,Mm. Yeah.

00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,Although I have heard
it can have a laxative effect.

00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:27,No, it just gives you
confidence, that's all.

00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:28,Ooh, lovely.

00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,Have you not had it before?

00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:31,Oh, God, yeah.

00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:34,Well, no. I once tried to buy

00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:37,an E tablet
from a dealer at Latitude,

00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,but he came back
with a second-hand iPad, so...

00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:41,Misunderstanding.

00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,Have you seen Reece or Steve yet?

00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,I saw Reece. Oh?

00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:48,Yeah. Surrounded by people
blowing smoke up his arse.

00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:49,Oh, yuck...

00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:52,Not literally, Tim. No, I know.

00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,Still, you know...

00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:56,Nine series!

00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,Oh, no, no, no. Yeah... Wowee.

00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,It is good. It's good.

00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,Yes. Fair play to them.

00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:02,Mm.

00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,But I think it's right for them
to end it now, don't you?

00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:05,SIGHS

00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:07,It has g***t a bit self-indulgent.

00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,Yeah, f***k 'em.

00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,I think the, um,

00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,"leave them wanting more" phase
is behind them,

00:03:12,920 --> 00:03:14,isn't it? Mm-hm.

00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:16,Although I did hear there was a...

00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,There was a bit of a...drama

00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,on, um, Katherine Kelly's episode.

00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:22,Oh, yeah? Yes.

00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,She said that, um... Sorry.

00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,She said that, um,
Steve was rushed away.

00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:30,To hospital. Really?

00:03:30,640 --> 00:03:32,Steve Pemberton.
Yeah, well, obviously.

00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,Yeah. Wow. Well,

00:03:33,920 --> 00:03:35,that doesn't surprise me. No.

00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:38,Hardly the picture of health, is he?

00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:39,Steve?

00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:41,Won't be long
before his face pops up

00:03:41,560 --> 00:03:42,on the Bafta "in memoriam"

00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:45,to Coldplay or some maudlin shite.

00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:46,Right, I think we're good to go.
Yes.

00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:48,DOOR THUDS

00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,Hey! Tim, how you doing?
Yeah, hello.

00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:52,Fantastic. Oh!

00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,Hmm?

00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,Um, this one, I think,
is out of bounds.

00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,There's been a blo...a blo...
a blo...a blockage.

00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,Pre-existing.

00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:01,These are...blockages.

00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,Yeah.

00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,So I should hold it, then?

00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:06,Yeah, keep a finger in the dyke.

00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,Wha...?

00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:09,OK...

00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:10,Oh. All the best.

00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:11,Enchante.

00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,I shall see you...

00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:15,DOOR OPENS

00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:16,HUBBUB

00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:19,Who was that?

00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,Katherine bloody Parkinson.

00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,SIGHS

00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,I'm Katherine Parkinson.

00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:28,GULPS

00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:29,Yes, of course you are.

00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:30,The other one, then.

00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,Shall we assume the position?

00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,MUMBLING

00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,Oh, Christ Almighty.

00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,F***g hell.

00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:44,Have you g***t any cash on you?
What do I owe you?

00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:45,No, I need a note.

00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,Oh.

00:04:47,120 --> 00:04:48,That any use?

00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,Or is that too, um...?
It's too wide, isn't it?

00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:51,Shall we just leave it

00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:54,and get a couple of beers?
No! No! No.

00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:57,It's all right, I've g***t this
Body Shop voucher - that'll do.

00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,Not your first rodeo.

00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,So, have you been busy?
Me?

00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:02,Yeah.
Yeah.

00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,Lots of projects.
Irons in fires.

00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:06,Any paid work?

00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,No.
No.

00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:11,You must have auditioned
for this Divine Comedy thing

00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:12,Amazon are doing?

00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,I have never heard of it.

00:05:14,520 --> 00:05:15,You are kidding.
What?

00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,Every c***t with an
Equity card's been up for it.

00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,They want English actors,
apparently.

00:05:20,120 --> 00:05:21,F***g hell! Are you serious?

00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:23,Yeah, it's like a...

00:05:23,680 --> 00:05:26,..a Dungeons & Dragons
type thing,

00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:28,based on Dante's Inferno.

00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,HE GROANS

00:05:29,640 --> 00:05:30,SIGHS

00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:31,SHE SNIFFS

00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,It sounds dreadful,

00:05:34,360 --> 00:05:36,but they're paying people
shitloads.

00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:38,Yeah, you should get your agent
onto it.

00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,Yeah, thanks for the tip,
Amanda.

00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:42,Katherine. Katherine.
I'm sorry. Katherine.

00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:44,Katherine Parkinson.

00:05:44,920 --> 00:05:46,Lovely.

00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:49,Merci.

00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,See you shortly.

00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:52,HE SNIFFS

00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,O...K. Wow.

00:05:57,280 --> 00:05:58,Right you are.

00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:01,Tim, you didn't have any.

00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,I did.

00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,Hmm.
I can feel a twinge.

00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:06,It's still there.

00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:07,I smelt it.

00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,That could be enough?

00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,KNOCK AT DOOR

00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:14,Um...hello?

00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:17,Katherine? It's Anne Reid.
Can you let me in?

00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,F***g hell.
Er, yeah.

00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:20,Hi, Anne!

00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:22,I hear you've scored
some good snow

00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,from the dummy man
on Deansgate.

00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,Any chance of a quick toot?

00:06:27,080 -->...