S05E02 Subtitles

At 00:00:10,280, Character said: Look at that.

2
At 00:00:12,200, Character said: Oh, yes.

3
At 00:00:13,840, Character said: Oh, that's nasty, that is,
isn't it?

4
At 00:00:16,840, Character said: Could you leave it outside
next time?

5
At 00:00:19,600, Character said: It's just rough skin.

6
At 00:00:21,320, Character said: It's not that unsightly.

7
At 00:00:22,880, Character said: No, but I bet you don't get
many requests

8
At 00:00:25,040, Character said: for an enlargement
in full colour, do you?

9
At 00:00:28,400, Character said: I've tried everything.

10
At 00:00:30,040, Character said: What you need
is Dr Proctor's Skin Softener.

11
At 00:00:36,560, Character said: Ah, here he is.

12
At 00:00:38,760, Character said: This gentleman here, you know,

13
At 00:00:40,400, Character said: he didn't get petal-soft skin
by accident.

14
At 00:00:43,840, Character said: Oh, no.

15
At 00:00:45,280, Character said: Gastric, take a look at
Mr Phillips' leg, will you, please?

16
At 00:00:48,080, Character said: I haven't g***t time.

17
At 00:00:49,240, Character said: I'm fixing Madge's boiler.

18
At 00:00:50,760, Character said: Oh, dear.

19
At 00:00:53,200, Character said: What is this life if full of care?

20
At 00:00:56,600, Character said: We have no time to stand and stare

21
At 00:01:00,120, Character said: at Mr Phillips' leg.

22
At 00:01:02,760, Character said: Good morning. Hi.

23
At 00:01:04,240, Character said: PHONE RINGS

24
At 00:01:08,240, Character said: VOICE ON PHONE: Gastric? Hello,
Madge. How long are you going to be?

25
At 00:01:10,960, Character said: I'm coming. You should be here.

26
At 00:01:13,320, Character said: I'm coming. I shan't be long.
Where are you?

27
At 00:01:15,560, Character said: Um, er...

28
At 00:01:16,960, Character said: I'm just looking
at this gentleman's leg. What?!

29
At 00:01:20,920, Character said: MADGE CONTINUES TALKING

30
At 00:01:22,720, Character said: I'll come back later.

31
At 00:01:29,440, Character said: Who was that on the phone?

32
At 00:01:30,800, Character said: That was his love life.

33
At 00:01:32,200, Character said: I told you he was petal-soft,
didn't I?

34
At 00:01:55,960, Character said: HE YAWNS

35
At 00:02:09,160, Character said: HE SNORES QUIETLY

36
At 00:02:49,320, Character said: What did I dream about last night?

37
At 00:02:51,920, Character said: Tins of baked beans.

38
At 00:02:55,120, Character said: D... huh...

39
At 00:02:59,560, Character said: When people my age should be having
wild, exotic dreams...

40
At 00:03:03,200, Character said: ..I get baked beans.

41
At 00:03:05,280, Character said: You stack boxes of them
in my bedroom.

42
At 00:03:07,680, Character said: Only because my bedroom's full.

43
At 00:03:09,680, Character said: I don't know why you bought them.

44
At 00:03:12,120, Character said: You can't sell an unknown brand,

45
At 00:03:14,760, Character said: especially one called Manky.

46
At 00:03:17,080, Character said: Who is going to want Manky Beans?

47
At 00:03:20,880, Character said: They are the nation's favourite.

48
At 00:03:23,280, Character said: Where?

49
At 00:03:24,720, Character said: Kalamistan.

50
At 00:03:26,440, Character said: You've invented a country
called Kalamistan.

51
At 00:03:29,200, Character said: CHUCKLING: As if I would.

52
At 00:03:30,880, Character said: Where is it then?

53
At 00:03:32,320, Character said: Your knowledge of geography's
very limited, isn't it, eh?

54
At 00:03:36,320, Character said: Kalamistan is
an independent republic

55
At 00:03:40,560, Character said: on the outer borders
of Mongolia.

56
At 00:03:44,240, Character said: They all speak the same language.

57
At 00:03:46,480, Character said: Yeah, so do you -

58
At 00:03:47,880, Character said: complete rubbish.

59
At 00:03:49,320, Character said: Yeah, well, the price was right.

60
At 00:03:51,520, Character said: Who's going to want to buy
something called Manky?

61
At 00:03:54,920, Character said: Well, they will when they find out
what it means in ancient Mongolian.

62
At 00:04:00,680, Character said: Not going to help, the fact
that they taste horrible.

63
At 00:04:04,160, Character said: We tell them that it means
"the stairway to heaven."

64
At 00:04:09,720, Character said: The beans that offer enlightenment.

65
At 00:04:18,240, Character said: Two sugars, Mrs Machin.

66
At 00:04:20,880, Character said: You did say two?

67
At 00:04:22,640, Character said: If it was one,
just think of it as two ones.

68
At 00:04:25,680, Character said: That's fine, love.

69
At 00:04:28,440, Character said: And how is Mr Machin?

70
At 00:04:30,400, Character said: Don't ask.

71
At 00:04:32,360, Character said: Well, don't you know
or daren't you say?

72
At 00:04:35,440, Character said: It's embarrassing.

73
At 00:04:37,280, Character said: Well, I'm sure we don't wish to pry.

74
At 00:04:40,480, Character said: But since
it's getting interesting...

75
At 00:04:42,680, Character said: And seeing as
you've more or less started...

76
At 00:04:45,160, Character said: He has these dreams.
Oh, we all have dreams.

77
At 00:04:48,400, Character said: Oh, not me, I gave them up
when Roger Moore died.

78
At 00:04:52,840, Character said: It's true, we all have dreams,
but not like his recently.

79
At 00:04:56,680, Character said: It's ever since they changed his
medication for his frozen shoulder.

80
At 00:05:00,600, Character said: They've g***t some frozen shoulder
at the Co-op.

81
At 00:05:03,240, Character said: I daren't tell Granville
it's cheaper than his.

82
At 00:05:06,080, Character said: Mrs Machin means that Mr Machin's
g***t some loss of movement

83
At 00:05:10,360, Character said: in his shoulder.

84
At 00:05:11,760, Character said: You wouldn't think loss of movement

85
At 00:05:13,400, Character said: if you saw him jumping about
in bed with these dreams.

86
At 00:05:16,240, Character said: Ooh, excitable is he?

87
At 00:05:17,800, Character said: I could never accuse him of that.

88
At 00:05:20,320, Character said: When they're in love
with vintage buses,

89
At 00:05:22,760, Character said: it's a lot like being a widow.

90
At 00:05:26,000, Character said: Well, he could have worse hobbies.

91
At 00:05:28,120, Character said: Mine did.

92
At 00:05:29,400, Character said: I told you not to marry him.

93
At 00:05:31,080, Character said: I tried.

94
At 00:05:32,280, Character said: But he said, "Shut up, I'm busy."

95
At 00:05:35,000, Character said: And, anyway,
then he said he needed me.

96
At 00:05:39,000, Character said: So, are we to understand that
Mr Machin's having disturbed nights?

97
At 00:05:46,320, Character said: At least my marriage bed was quiet.

98
At 00:05:49,160, Character said: He was usually in somebody else's.

99
At 00:05:51,640, Character said: At the moment, there's far too much
going off in our bed

100
At 00:05:54,200, Character said: during the hours of darkness.

101
At 00:05:56,840, Character said: However, I'd rather
you didn't repeat that.

102
At 00:05:59,920, Character said: As if we would.

103
At 00:06:02,080, Character said: Jumping about in bed all night.

104
At 00:06:04,800, Character said: Apparently he's having
these funny dreams.

105
At 00:06:07,840, Character said: Well, that's a big jump, isn't it,
from vintage buses?

106
At 00:06:11,680, Character said: She says it involves vintage buses,
but in a way that's embarrassing.

107
At 00:06:16,360, Character said: What, another woman?

108
At 00:06:17,600, Character said: Worse.

109
At 00:06:18,800, Character said: What, two other women?

110
At 00:06:21,440, Character said: Well,
that doesn't sound like Mr Machin.

111
At 00:06:24,520, Character said: I mean, he's the sort
that'd only buy one sock at a time,

112
At 00:06:29,160, Character said: if he could find a pliable retailer.

113
At 00:06:31,960, Character said: What worries Mrs Machin is he says
they aren't dreams.

114
At 00:06:35,760, Character said: He says they're real.

115
At 00:06:37,680, Character said: He says every night except Tuesdays
he's abducted by aliens.

116
At 00:06:44,400, Character said: What's wrong with Tuesdays?

117
At 00:06:46,560, Character said: It's their bingo night.

118
At 00:06:49,040, Character said: Oh.

119
At 00:06:57,760, Character said: Oh...

120
At 00:07:00,640, Character said: "Meet me at the park," you said.

121
At 00:07:02,480, Character said: I thought, "Nice, gently romantic,
just the two of us."

122
At 00:07:05,720, Character said: What have you brought her for?
She's g***t a name,

123
At 00:07:07,960, Character said: she's not some object.

124
At 00:07:10,400, Character said: Ruby gets lonely.

125
At 00:07:11,840, Character said: I get lonely
when there's three of us.

126
At 00:07:13,880, Character said: I feel sorry for her,
she's my best friend.

127
At 00:07:16,560, Character said: Plus she's in love with
my boyfriend, but then everyone is.

128
At 00:07:19,960, Character said: I'm not. I don't like him.

129
At 00:07:22,120, Character said: You've never met him. Instinct.

130
At 00:07:25,080, Character said: Plus the fact he's called Gerald.

131
At 00:07:27,280, Character said: And Ruby needs someone
she stands a chance with.

132
At 00:07:29,480, Character said: What about your friends?

133
At 00:07:30,880, Character said: Is there anyone that's... lonely?

134
At 00:07:33,320, Character said: Not that lonely.

135
At 00:07:42,080, Character said: You need to get some oil
on that thing.

136
At 00:07:44,640, Character said: Your sprockets are worn.
It's disgusting.

137
At 00:07:47,320, Character said: Look at your hands.
Oh, yeah, they get like that.

138
At 00:07:50,240, Character said: I see yours are clean.
I have to handle...