Modern Family 10x06 - On The Same Paige Movie Subtitles

00:00:03,990 --> 00:00:07,I don't remember buying these fresh peaches.

00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:08,Aah!

00:00:08,428 --> 00:00:09,Phil: Apologies, Serge.

00:00:09,896 --> 00:00:12,My wife, Claire, seems to have
forgotten that I'm holding office hours

00:00:12,532 --> 00:00:14,for my Intro to Real
Estate class here at home.

00:00:14,835 --> 00:00:17,So, when I walked to the laundry
room 10 minutes ago in my bra...

00:00:17,971 --> 00:00:18,That was kind of perfect, actually.

00:00:18,972 --> 00:00:20,I had just made a point

00:00:20,173 --> 00:00:23,about how buildings from the early
'70s were holding up surprisingly well.

00:00:23,744 --> 00:00:25,So maybe I'll... Yeah.

00:00:25,173 --> 00:00:25,- Yeah. Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

00:00:26,012 --> 00:00:27,All right, see you in class, buddy.

00:00:28,014 --> 00:00:30,- [Sighs]
- What a great kid.

00:00:30,317 --> 00:00:32,That's why I chucked it all
for a life in academia, Claire.

00:00:32,719 --> 00:00:34,[Inhales deeply] It's a special feeling

00:00:34,788 --> 00:00:36,knowing that there's a young
man walking around out there

00:00:37,023 --> 00:00:39,who you helped mold,
who you can be proud of.

00:00:39,726 --> 00:00:41,- Hey, Dad.
- Hey. You know?

00:00:42,863 --> 00:00:44,You're up early.

00:00:44,297 --> 00:00:45,What are you talking about?

00:00:45,332 --> 00:00:46,I hugged you from behind earlier.

00:00:46,933 --> 00:00:49,You know, I said,
"I don't remember buying this six pack."

00:00:49,669 --> 00:00:51,Then you did that funny
Eastern European accent...

00:00:52,072 --> 00:00:53,[Eastern European accent]
"I don't want trouble.

00:00:53,106 --> 00:00:54,I just want to learn." [Chuckles]

00:00:54,908 --> 00:00:57,Should we be concerned
about group-molesting Serge?

00:00:57,944 --> 00:00:59,And aren't you at the
minimum number of students

00:00:59,813 --> 00:01:01,- before they cancel your class?
- Not to worry.

00:01:01,581 --> 00:01:03,Serge worships me,
and the rest of the class is super solid.

00:01:03,984 --> 00:01:05,Plus, it's the last day
to drop classes anyway.

00:01:05,952 --> 00:01:08,[Normal voice] Oh, speaking of that,
I'm thinking about dropping history.

00:01:08,488 --> 00:01:10,- How come?
- It's not really exciting me.

00:01:10,690 --> 00:01:12,Plus, we've g***t this huge paper due today

00:01:12,592 --> 00:01:14,that I haven't quite finished starting.

00:01:14,294 --> 00:01:16,It's on the Monroe Doctrine.

00:01:16,329 --> 00:01:18,The Monroe Doctrine?

00:01:18,431 --> 00:01:19,Oh, no.

00:01:19,566 --> 00:01:21,Junior year history class,

00:01:21,501 --> 00:01:23,I wrote the perfect paper.

00:01:23,270 --> 00:01:26,Strong thesis,
impeccable supporting arguments.

00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,I quoted from the letters
of a White House footman

00:01:28,875 --> 00:01:31,who recalled Monroe calling
to him from the bath,

00:01:31,311 --> 00:01:33,"Beauregard, fetch me my breeches.

00:01:33,914 --> 00:01:35,We have a doctrine!"

00:01:35,715 --> 00:01:37,I g***t a "C."

00:01:38,151 --> 00:01:39,[Inhales sharply]

00:01:39,719 --> 00:01:42,Oh, so you agree with that grade, huh?

00:01:42,455 --> 00:01:43,Don't patronize me.

00:01:53,567 --> 00:01:56,- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com

00:01:58,552 --> 00:01:59,Mmm. The food at the club

00:01:59,974 --> 00:02:01,has gotten so much lighter and healthier.

00:02:01,575 --> 00:02:04,We had a run of angina attacks,
so we had to go heart-healthy.

00:02:04,945 --> 00:02:07,We said goodbye
to our social chairman, Herb,

00:02:07,147 --> 00:02:09,and our butter fountain in the same weekend.

00:02:09,349 --> 00:02:10,Oh, I'm sorry.

00:02:10,684 --> 00:02:11,Hey, Mr. Pritchett.

00:02:11,718 --> 00:02:12,I'll take this when you're ready.

00:02:12,719 --> 00:02:14,- Thank you, Maria.
- Oh, Maria,

00:02:14,688 --> 00:02:16,that's a beautiful name.
That's why it's often sung.

00:02:16,590 --> 00:02:17,But you're not going to...

00:02:17,824 --> 00:02:20,? Ave Maria ?

00:02:20,460 --> 00:02:22,And curtain. Okay,
they just started letting gays in here.

00:02:22,662 --> 00:02:23,Don't make them regret it.

00:02:23,663 --> 00:02:25,You might also wanna tell Sharona

00:02:25,165 --> 00:02:26,- to steer clear of the table.
- Yes.

00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:28,Yeah, well, I should probably save my energy

00:02:29,002 --> 00:02:30,for my performance tonight anyway.

00:02:30,704 --> 00:02:33,Oh, darn.
Gloria and I have tickets to, um...

00:02:33,373 --> 00:02:34,[Stammers] Um...

00:02:35,008 --> 00:02:36,Don't worry, Jay. It's... It's not for you.

00:02:36,910 --> 00:02:38,Oh, good. I didn't know
where I was going with that.

00:02:38,645 --> 00:02:41,Tonight is a fundraiser at Lily's school.

00:02:41,314 --> 00:02:43,We're, you know, raising money for the kids.

00:02:43,283 --> 00:02:45,A night of song and sketch.

00:02:45,318 --> 00:02:47,All the dads are performing. Well...

00:02:47,687 --> 00:02:48,most of the dads.

00:02:48,688 --> 00:02:49,Proud of you, son.

00:02:49,689 --> 00:02:51,Ah, it's not a complete victory.

00:02:51,191 --> 00:02:53,I still have to watch it, so...

00:02:53,226 --> 00:02:54,- Thanks for breakfast, Dad.
- Hey,

00:02:54,794 --> 00:02:56,I love spending time with you two!

00:02:56,663 --> 00:02:59,Every month I've gotta burn
off a minimum at the club,

00:02:59,599 --> 00:03:02,and literally,
everybody else I knew was busy.

00:03:02,269 --> 00:03:04,That's also why I give a
lot of birthday presents

00:03:04,404 --> 00:03:08,from the pro-shop. You know,
mugs and visors that say "Kiss My Putter,"

00:03:08,350 --> 00:03:09,"Talk Birdie To Me."

00:03:09,776 --> 00:03:13,Quality items. Everybody wins.

00:03:13,121 --> 00:03:16,So, if you're not rushed,
you should treat yourself to our spa.

00:03:16,191 --> 00:03:18,You know, get a couple of, uh...

00:03:18,460 --> 00:03:20,a couple of standard treatments.

00:03:20,762 --> 00:03:22,Oh, well, you're so generous.

00:03:23,031 --> 00:03:25,Might I say you look very handsome

00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,in that shirt we gave you for Christmas.

00:03:27,269 --> 00:03:30,They also make it
in "Queen's coral"... oh, no.

00:03:30,105 --> 00:03:32,- Did I spoil your birthday?
- Sounds like you might.

00:03:32,107 --> 00:03:33,[Cellphone chimes, vibrates]

00:03:33,642 --> 00:03:35,Oh. [Laughs]

00:03:35,644 --> 00:03:37,- What's so funny?
- Oh, it's just that

00:03:37,279 --> 00:03:38,I've been e-mailing this mom at school.

00:03:38,947 --> 00:03:40,We both volunteer together.

00:03:40,482 --> 00:03:42,- You... You e-mail?
- It's harmless. Listen.

00:03:42,884 --> 00:03:45,"Hey, Jay, enjoyed laughing
around the planetarium with you.

00:03:46,054 --> 00:03:47,Your jokes were out of this world."

00:03:47,889 --> 00:03:50,Hm, okay. So, if it's so harmless,

00:03:50,158 --> 00:03:52,I'm sure Gloria knows about
this flirty quipstress.

00:03:52,727 --> 00:03:54,Don't make something out of this.

00:03:54,729 --> 00:03:55,Oh, my God. Oh!

00:03:55,964 --> 00:03:57,That's why he's wearing the shirt.

00:03:57,299 --> 00:03:59,[Gasps] Because it makes your blue eyes pop.

00:03:59,834 --> 00:04:02,I'm not letting you magpies dirty this up.

00:04:02,370 --> 00:04:03,[Cellphone chimes, vibrates]

00:04:03,405 --> 00:04:04,- [Cellphone unlocks]
- Oh, uh...

00:04:04,472 --> 00:04:05,"Park by the swings

00:04:05,607 --> 00:04:07,so I can help you carry stuff in."

00:04:07,375 --> 00:04:10,[Sultry voice] "Park by the swings
so I can help you carry stuff in."

00:04:10,745 --> 00:04:12,You're sullying this, and I'm leaving!

00:04:12,714 --> 00:04:14,- Okay, well, say "hi" to your girlfriend.
- She's not my girlfriend.

00:04:14,683 --> 00:04:15,The only reason we're paired together

00:04:15,950 --> 00:04:17,is because our kids are
in the same reading group.

00:04:17,385 --> 00:04:18,Both: Oo-ooh!

00:04:18,687 --> 00:04:20,D***n it!

00:04:20,221 --> 00:04:21,[Chuckling] I love when we "ooh."

00:04:21,381 --> 00:04:23,We used to do that all the time,
and then we stopped.

00:04:23,616 --> 00:04:25,- Why?
- I don't know.

00:04:25,293 --> 00:04:26,[Birds chirping]

00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:29,Joe!

00:04:29,130 --> 00:04:30,Why did I find your eye patch

00:04:30,965 --> 00:04:32,- in the garbage?
- I don't know.

00:04:32,967 --> 00:04:35,Were you throwing away
another parking ticket?

00:04:35,270 --> 00:04:36,Okay, you have to put it on.

00:04:36,705 --> 00:04:38,Why? My lazy eye is...