The Comedy (2012).en Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:34,349 --> 00:00:39,453 ♪ When we're out in the moonlight ♪ 2 00:00:39,454 --> 00:00:44,525 ♪ lookin' up on skies above ♪ 3 00:00:44,526 --> 00:00:47,127 ♪ feels so good ♪ 4 00:00:47,162 --> 00:00:49,729 ♪ when I'm near you ♪ 5 00:00:49,730 --> 00:00:51,448 ♪ holding hands ♪ 6 00:00:51,483 --> 00:00:53,167 ♪ and making love ♪ 7 00:00:53,168 --> 00:00:54,239 ♪ whoo, whoo, baby ♪ 8 00:00:58,239 --> 00:01:01,211 ♪ yes, oh, baby ♪ 9 00:01:03,211 --> 00:01:05,416 ♪ yes, oh, baby ♪ 10 00:01:08,416 --> 00:01:11,223 ♪ yes, oh, baby ♪ 11 00:01:15,223 --> 00:01:16,723 ♪ Sandy beecher ♪ 12 00:01:16,724 --> 00:01:20,427 ♪ was making love ♪ 13 00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:25,598 ♪ as it travels in our lives ♪ 14 00:01:25,599 --> 00:01:26,934 ♪ feels so good ♪ 15 00:01:26,935 --> 00:01:30,836 ♪ walkin' side by side ♪ 16 00:01:30,837 --> 00:01:32,573 ♪ want to be with you ♪ 17 00:01:32,574 --> 00:01:34,341 ♪ all my life ♪ 18 00:01:34,342 --> 00:01:39,479 ♪ whoa, oh, baby ♪ 19 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,652 ♪ yes, oh, baby ♪ 20 00:01:44,652 --> 00:01:46,645 ♪ yes, oh, baby ♪ 21 00:02:23,524 --> 00:02:25,860 Whoo! 22 00:03:31,592 --> 00:03:33,025 No bedsores? 23 00:03:33,026 --> 00:03:35,696 Clear. 24 00:03:35,697 --> 00:03:36,897 No pulse? 25 00:03:36,898 --> 00:03:38,074 Clear. 26 00:03:46,074 --> 00:03:48,341 Why do you keep having to push them buttons? 27 00:03:48,342 --> 00:03:53,613 Sometimes things need to be reset. 28 00:03:53,614 --> 00:03:56,591 Did you ever have to reset a prolapsed anus? 29 00:04:03,591 --> 00:04:06,693 Do you even... Do you know what that is? 30 00:04:06,728 --> 00:04:09,766 Have you ever... Have you ever had to deal 31 00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:10,929 with a prolapsed an... anus? 32 00:04:13,767 --> 00:04:15,567 Chief? 33 00:04:18,439 --> 00:04:22,975 Did they teach you that in nurse school? 34 00:04:22,976 --> 00:04:25,445 You and the ladies get that lesson? 35 00:04:25,446 --> 00:04:30,048 I'll tell you what. I'll give you a little lesson on it. 36 00:04:30,049 --> 00:04:35,553 A prolapsed anus is when the anus, which is a muscle, gives 37 00:04:35,554 --> 00:04:37,822 out, after years of abuse. 38 00:04:37,823 --> 00:04:45,823 Comes out of the rear and hangs like a, like a slack bag of tissue. 39 00:04:46,834 --> 00:04:53,540 Like a purse that you might have... A nurse would have. 40 00:04:53,541 --> 00:04:58,011 Can you imagine what it would take to make your anus do that? 41 00:04:58,012 --> 00:05:00,684 A lot of butt f***g. 42 00:05:03,684 --> 00:05:08,088 The old man's probably g***t a prolapsed amus... anus. 43 00:05:11,793 --> 00:05:13,997 Anus and Andy. 44 00:05:15,997 --> 00:05:17,105 Nothing? 45 00:05:25,105 --> 00:05:27,039 Famous anus cookies. 46 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:28,550 Anything there? 47 00:05:35,550 --> 00:05:36,982 So you change my dad? 48 00:05:36,983 --> 00:05:41,955 You put diapers on him and clean his a***e, and take... 49 00:05:41,956 --> 00:05:48,041 Put his s***t in a bag, throw it out, put it down the toilet? 50 00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:02,876 Pretty cool. 51 00:06:02,877 --> 00:06:04,850 Pretty cool way to live. 52 00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:12,084 I wonder if my dad's s***t has ever gotten under your 53 00:06:12,085 --> 00:06:13,619 fingernails, and then you forgot, and you are driving 54 00:06:13,654 --> 00:06:18,492 home, worrying about... worrying about your life, and you start 55 00:06:18,493 --> 00:06:21,494 biting your fingernails, and his s***t gets in your mouth. 56 00:06:21,495 --> 00:06:23,028 You g***t to be careful. 57 00:06:23,029 --> 00:06:25,702 Make sure you wash them hands. 58 00:06:27,702 --> 00:06:29,568 Okay. 59 00:06:29,569 --> 00:06:31,841 Adios. 60 00:09:03,423 --> 00:09:05,010 Yeah. 61 00:09:40,695 --> 00:09:42,068 What's up? 62 00:09:50,471 --> 00:09:54,040 I know, but we can bring something else in, right? 63 00:09:54,041 --> 00:09:57,744 Do we need something with evergreens that's gonna last... 64 00:09:57,745 --> 00:09:59,879 I just want you to look at this bush here because 65 00:09:59,880 --> 00:10:02,014 it's looking really... It's pretty bad. 66 00:10:02,015 --> 00:10:06,118 Yeah, I don't know if there's a bug on it. 67 00:10:06,119 --> 00:10:07,953 Look at the leaves on there. 68 00:10:07,954 --> 00:10:11,823 And it's all been chewed, and it's unbalanced. 69 00:10:11,824 --> 00:10:13,458 It doesn't fit. 70 00:10:13,459 --> 00:10:16,730 Yeah, and it's blocking this thing here. 71 00:10:16,731 --> 00:10:20,100 Most of when you get the flies, they... the cuts are much more round. 72 00:10:20,101 --> 00:10:23,202 That could be the larvae going through it. 73 00:10:23,203 --> 00:10:27,372 But I remember a grapevine... It's comin' along, huh? 74 00:10:27,373 --> 00:10:30,241 Yeah, yeah, looks great. Getting there. 75 00:10:30,242 --> 00:10:31,244 Good job. 76 00:10:31,245 --> 00:10:33,345 Hey, what are these? 77 00:10:33,346 --> 00:10:35,147 These are looking very weedy. 78 00:10:35,148 --> 00:10:38,381 Those are out of here, right? 79 00:10:38,382 --> 00:10:42,918 I love the black-eyed Susan. 80 00:10:42,919 --> 00:10:45,389 Nadar LA piscina, I guess. 81 00:10:45,390 --> 00:10:48,025 Nadar LA piscina. 82 00:10:48,026 --> 00:10:51,230 Yeah, yeah, sure. It's my guys here don't speak any English. 83 00:10:51,231 --> 00:10:56,067 They keep saying, "nadar LA piscina, nadar LA piscina! 84 00:10:56,068 --> 00:10:56,802 Swim in your pool." 85 00:10:56,937 --> 00:11:00,938 So they're always going to me "nadar LA piscina?" 86 00:11:00,939 --> 00:11:02,941 That's great. "Can we swim in their pool?" 87 00:11:02,976 --> 00:11:07,379 I go, "well, you know, it's private property. 88 00:11:07,380 --> 00:11:10,917 Yeah, it's gotten hot out here for sure. 89 00:11:10,918 --> 00:11:12,317 This is looking a little troubled over here. 90 00:11:12,318 --> 00:11:15,455 This one's shading it so badly. 91 00:11:15,456 --> 00:11:18,358 Let's get more light under it. 92 00:11:18,359 --> 00:11:23,261 What do you say if me and my guys took a quick little dip? 93 00:11:23,296 --> 00:11:24,486 What do you think? 94 00:11:29,303 --> 00:11:31,908 They want to swim. 95 00:11:33,908 --> 00:11:35,975 Why not? 96 00:11:35,976 --> 00:11:37,177 I suppose. 97 00:11:37,178 --> 00:11:40,279 Yeah, yeah, sure. 98 00:11:40,314 --> 00:11:41,314 Sure. 99 00:11:42,515 --> 00:11:44,249 Once they've finished here. 100 00:11:44,250 --> 00:11:47,120 They're gonna mow before they go, as well, right? 101 00:11:47,155 --> 00:11:50,490 We can get you some towels. The housekeeper will get you some towels. 102 00:11:50,491 --> 00:11:53,185 No, that's fine. 103 00:11:53,186 --> 00:11:53,959 Yeah. 104 00:12:19,186 --> 00:12:21,019 I had a great day. 105 00:12:21,020 --> 00:12:24,624 I went to the shopping mall. 106 00:12:24,625 --> 00:12:29,195 I feel so good about hanging out with my best friends today. 107 00:12:29,196 --> 00:12:30,595 Who are your best friends? 108 00:12:30,630 --> 00:12:32,965 All my loved ones are in this room. 109 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:36,469 I want to thank everybody for being so kind and considerate. 110 00:12:36,470 --> 00:12:41,040 How about a round of applause just for the five of us? 111 00:12:41,041 --> 00:12:45,411 I respect my friends that come to my house that has an artistic vibe. 112 00:12:45,412 --> 00:12:48,147 Obviously, the host of this house cares about 113 00:12:48,182 --> 00:12:51,651 art and the visual space and the energy within, and 114 00:12:51,652 --> 00:12:55,053 he respects all his friends that he invites over here equally. 115 00:12:55,054 --> 00:12:59,191 I love when I go to my friend's house and their 116 00:12:59,226 --> 00:13:00,325 bathroom's really, really clean. 117 00:13:00,327 --> 00:13:06,599 There's not pubic hair on the rim of the toilet seat. 118 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,034 I'm with you on that. 119 00:13:09,035 --> 00:13:10,035 Yeah. 120 00:13:10,036 --> 00:13:14,605 Oh, and speaking of bathrooms, I wanted to confess something. 121 00:13:14,606 --> 00:13:20,178 I used... you have a box of always feminine wipes in there, and I used a couple. 122 00:13:20,179 --> 00:13:24,349 Just... my clitoris was really messy. 123 00:13:24,350 --> 00:13:28,418 So I had to wash up. 124 00:13:28,419 --> 00:13:33,292 You have these terrific comedic instincts, and then you 125 00:13:33,293 --> 00:13:36,495 immediately sabotage them with the worst follow-up. 126 00:13:36,496 --> 00:13:37,629 The worst? 127 00:13:37,630 --> 00:13:40,932 A terrible sense of humor. 128 00:13:40,933 --> 00:13:43,202 So you know all comedians ever, so you are qualified to 129 00:13:43,203 --> 00:13:45,370 say what is the absolute worst. You've heard all comedians ever. 130 00:13:45,371 --> 00:13:46,438 No, it's in my opinion. 131 00:13:46,573 --> 00:13:49,174 Well, then you can't use an absolute term like "the worst." 132 00:13:49,209 --> 00:13:50,276 I can do whatever I want. 133 00:13:50,277 --> 00:13:52,245 Then give me a French kiss. 134 00:13:52,346 --> 00:13:53,947 Well, fine, who disagrees? 135 00:13:53,948 --> 00:13:56,048 Does he have a terrible sense of humor? 136 00:13:56,049 --> 00:13:57,683 Does he? 137 00:13:57,684 --> 00:13:58,551 Absolutely. 138 00:13:58,552 --> 00:14:00,653 The cool thing about a group of 139...