The.League.of.Gentlemens.Apocalypse.2005.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG Subtitles
📝 Subtitle Preview
00:01:27,617 --> 00:01:30,Steve, sorry. I couldn't find me phone.
00:01:30,999 --> 00:01:33,Hi. Thanks for calling back.
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:36,No, no, no, I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine.
00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:40,Er, listen, I've had another idea
for Royston Vasey.
00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:46,What? No, no, hear me out.
I think this might be the one.
00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:50,All the characters wake up one morning
and they've g***t tails.
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:55,Yeah, tails. You know, animals' tails,
like dogs, monkeys, pigs.
00:01:55,190 --> 00:01:57,Y'know, big bushy ones,
00:01:57,734 --> 00:02:00,squiggly ones,
00:02:00,195 --> 00:02:02,swishing ones, little bobtailed ones.
00:02:03,115 --> 00:02:05,Ones that poke over the tops of their heads.
00:02:07,286 --> 00:02:10,I don't know, I've only just thought of it.
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:15,I just think it's a good way
of keeping these characters alive.
00:02:17,462 --> 00:02:20,I just don't think they're ready to go yet.
00:02:22,384 --> 00:02:24,Oh.
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:26,Okay.
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,No, no, no, I understand. Er...
00:02:29,892 --> 00:02:33,Why don't you talk to
the others about it fir-
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:37,Ah. They're all there with you, are they?
00:02:37,441 --> 00:02:39,Right, then. Well, okay.
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,I'll speak to you later.
00:02:41,486 --> 00:02:43,Yeah. Bye.
00:03:24,154 --> 00:03:26,I made a little brown fish.
00:03:26,531 --> 00:03:28,Aaaghh!
00:03:29,993 --> 00:03:31,Don't go!
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,Going somewhere local?
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:50,- Jeremy!
- Please, it wasn't me, it was the others!
00:04:04,319 --> 00:04:06,Agghh! Agghh!
00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:20,Tubbs!
00:04:20,919 --> 00:04:23,Tubbs! Help me!
00:04:23,422 --> 00:04:27,I'm trying to get rid of this fish!
He doesn't want to go!
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,Edward, what are you doing?
He's getting away!
00:04:43,066 --> 00:04:44,Come on!
00:04:45,068 --> 00:04:48,Tubbs, did he get the joke
with the binoculars at least?
00:04:48,864 --> 00:04:50,No, didn't crack his face!
00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:52,After him!
00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:29,They're not real!
00:05:46,963 --> 00:05:50,But you're not real!
00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:53,We are now.
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:33,- So how old is Jacko now, Mr. Chinnery?
- Well, nobody knows for sure, Dahlia.
00:06:33,885 --> 00:06:39,He was a gift from the Shah of Iran in 'and he was no spring chicken then.
00:06:39,182 --> 00:06:43,It's essential we get a specimen of his seed
before age precludes any issue.
00:06:43,687 --> 00:06:46,Yes.
So what exactly is the procedure?
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:47,Oh it's quite simple, really.
00:06:47,829 --> 00:06:50,A small electrical stimulus is
applied to Jacko's rectum,
00:06:51,153 --> 00:06:54,producing spontaneous ejaculation.
00:06:54,656 --> 00:06:57,- Which I catch in this.
- Yes.
00:06:57,492 --> 00:07:00,Just, er... plug this in for me,
would you, Dahlia?
00:07:29,191 --> 00:07:30,Right.
00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:33,Chocks away.
00:07:39,743 --> 00:07:42,Nothing?
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:44,- Just a little dribble.
- Oh. All right.
00:07:44,915 --> 00:07:46,We'll have another go.
00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:51,I'll increase the voltage a wee bit.
Get in close to his, er...er...
00:07:51,421 --> 00:07:53,Get...Get in close.
00:08:05,712 --> 00:08:06,Oh, dear, oh, dear.
00:08:32,295 --> 00:08:34,- Hiya, Mickey, love.
- Hiya.
00:08:34,256 --> 00:08:36,'Ey,
at least it's good weather for your kite.
00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:39,It's not a kite.
00:08:43,431 --> 00:08:46,Well, I've g***t to go.
I've g***t to see a lady.
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:48,See ya!
00:08:50,162 --> 00:08:53,Come down! Come down!
00:08:56,570 --> 00:09:00,- This is stupid. Why don't we go home?
- No way, we're gonna win this badge.
00:09:01,157 --> 00:09:04,It wouldn't be so bad
if we could get the fire going.
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:09,Keep blowing, boys!
All it takes is one big poof.
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:13,- Thanks very much, Mr...?
- Lipp. Herr Lipp.
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:19,I was out taking my regular constipational.
I g***t caught in this terrible downpour.
00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:24,- I think I've g***t wood, if that's any help.
- Erm... no, we'll be all right.
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:27,Bitte ? I cannot make out with you.
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:32,Please, pull back your purple skins
so I can see your heads.
00:09:38,862 --> 00:09:40,Alles klar.
00:09:40,572 --> 00:09:44,Now, why not let a practised hand loose
on your little twigs, huh?
00:09:44,743 --> 00:09:48,I know how to rub them just right
to make them spit fire.
00:09:50,332 --> 00:09:54,Wait! I was going to ask about bob a job!
00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:01,I've never known weather like it.
It's raining cats and dogs on the moors.
00:10:01,718 --> 00:10:05,I've not seen such a heavy flow
since my last period.
00:10:26,701 --> 00:10:29,Help! Help!
00:10:29,287 --> 00:10:31,This man needs help!
00:10:35,627 --> 00:10:37,Have you fell?
00:10:37,295 --> 00:10:41,Er, please, you must get out of the car
and come to my aid.
00:10:41,966 --> 00:10:44,You're joking, aren't you?
It's pissing down!
00:10:45,095 --> 00:10:49,Tell him you've been struck by a vehicle
and you've g***t internal bleeding.
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:54,- I have been struck by a vehicle...
- I heard what he said. Who is he?
00:10:54,229 --> 00:10:56,You help him if you're that bothered.
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:02,No, I-I can't, you see,
because me back's bad and-
00:11:02,821 --> 00:11:05,Oh, sod it. Get in the car! Get in!
00:11:09,911 --> 00:11:12,- Oh, brilliant! Soaking wet.
- Just drive!
00:11:30,265 --> 00:11:32,Go on.
00:11:32,434 --> 00:11:35,Well, er... Well, there's this lad.
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:38,He's not really a lad, really. He's, erm...
00:11:38,773 --> 00:11:41,He's one of the teachers.
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,And he's really fit. Takes me for science.
00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:52,And have you been thinking about this fella
when you're alone?
00:11:54,956 --> 00:11:57,Yes, Reverend.
00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:01,And are any of your thoughts
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:04,of a carnal nature?
00:12:06,009 --> 00:12:08,You mean rude?
00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:10,Yes, my child.
00:12:10,346 --> 00:12:12,Yeah. They are.
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:18,And sometimes
do you touch yourself in a way that...
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,seems forbidden?
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:30,I'll take that as a yes.
00:12:31,409 --> 00:12:33,Now, love,
00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:39,you might ask what harm can come
from a young maiden such as yourself
00:12:39,876 --> 00:12:44,being drawn toward this...
attractive chevalier,
00:12:44,839 --> 00:12:51,to find yourself opening like a beautiful
flower in the warmth of the morning sun,
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:56,enjoying the simple blossoming
of womanhood.
00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:58,Bullshit!
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:02,You come in here, getting your fishy fingers
all over my communion wafers,
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:06,slinging your jelly every hour God sends!
Go on, get stuffed!
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:15,You should be disgusted with yourself!
Go and play stinky pinky somewhere else!
00:13:20,875 --> 00:13:24,Doesn't really matter any more.
00:13:24,963 --> 00:13:26,Reverend?
00:13:27,090 --> 00:13:29,What the 'ell's going on?
00:13:56,327 --> 00:13:59,What's this, The Name of the Rose ?
00:14:13,845 --> 00:14:18,Ah, you've had vandals, have you?
I had a c***k sprayed on my door last week.
00:14:27,525 --> 00:14:31,Hang on a minute. This just happened.
00:14:31,529 --> 00:14:35,You see? It has begun at last.
00:14:35,867 --> 00:14:37,What's begun?
00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:42,Oh, there you are. Sorry I'm late.
00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:45,You wouldn't believe
what's happened at the zoo.
00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:47,Wouldn't I?
00:15:04,395 --> 00:15:07,- I've just realised who you are.
- Have you?
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:11,It's you, innit?
Demon butcherer. Hilary Briss.
00:15:11,402 --> 00:15:14,Alles klar! The one with the funny meats.
00:15:14,238 --> 00:15:18,You used to put things in your sausages.
Killed all them people.
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:25,- 'Ey, I used to eat your pork pies.
- They weren't pork.
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:30,I know, I know. It's all bumholes
and eyelids, innit? Still nice, though.
00:15:31,839 --> 00:15:33,Look out!
00:15:41,724 --> 00:15:43,These frescoes speak of a time
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:46,when the mantle of darkness
shall be riven by fire,
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:50,the turbulent seas shall
swallow up the earth
00:15:50,441 --> 00:15:55,and a giraffe will spunk up
over a load of old biddies.
00:15:55,238 --> 00:15:59,In short,
they foretell the end of our world.
00:16:00,743 --> 00:16:04,- Our world? Don't you mean THE world?
- I know what I mean.
00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:08,Please stop...
00:01:30,999 --> 00:01:33,Hi. Thanks for calling back.
00:01:33,293 --> 00:01:36,No, no, no, I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine.
00:01:36,463 --> 00:01:40,Er, listen, I've had another idea
for Royston Vasey.
00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:46,What? No, no, hear me out.
I think this might be the one.
00:01:46,181 --> 00:01:50,All the characters wake up one morning
and they've g***t tails.
00:01:50,477 --> 00:01:55,Yeah, tails. You know, animals' tails,
like dogs, monkeys, pigs.
00:01:55,190 --> 00:01:57,Y'know, big bushy ones,
00:01:57,734 --> 00:02:00,squiggly ones,
00:02:00,195 --> 00:02:02,swishing ones, little bobtailed ones.
00:02:03,115 --> 00:02:05,Ones that poke over the tops of their heads.
00:02:07,286 --> 00:02:10,I don't know, I've only just thought of it.
00:02:11,498 --> 00:02:15,I just think it's a good way
of keeping these characters alive.
00:02:17,462 --> 00:02:20,I just don't think they're ready to go yet.
00:02:22,384 --> 00:02:24,Oh.
00:02:25,220 --> 00:02:26,Okay.
00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:29,No, no, no, I understand. Er...
00:02:29,892 --> 00:02:33,Why don't you talk to
the others about it fir-
00:02:33,854 --> 00:02:37,Ah. They're all there with you, are they?
00:02:37,441 --> 00:02:39,Right, then. Well, okay.
00:02:39,610 --> 00:02:41,I'll speak to you later.
00:02:41,486 --> 00:02:43,Yeah. Bye.
00:03:24,154 --> 00:03:26,I made a little brown fish.
00:03:26,531 --> 00:03:28,Aaaghh!
00:03:29,993 --> 00:03:31,Don't go!
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:37,Going somewhere local?
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:50,- Jeremy!
- Please, it wasn't me, it was the others!
00:04:04,319 --> 00:04:06,Agghh! Agghh!
00:04:18,625 --> 00:04:20,Tubbs!
00:04:20,919 --> 00:04:23,Tubbs! Help me!
00:04:23,422 --> 00:04:27,I'm trying to get rid of this fish!
He doesn't want to go!
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,Edward, what are you doing?
He's getting away!
00:04:43,066 --> 00:04:44,Come on!
00:04:45,068 --> 00:04:48,Tubbs, did he get the joke
with the binoculars at least?
00:04:48,864 --> 00:04:50,No, didn't crack his face!
00:04:51,074 --> 00:04:52,After him!
00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:29,They're not real!
00:05:46,963 --> 00:05:50,But you're not real!
00:05:51,426 --> 00:05:53,We are now.
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:33,- So how old is Jacko now, Mr. Chinnery?
- Well, nobody knows for sure, Dahlia.
00:06:33,885 --> 00:06:39,He was a gift from the Shah of Iran in 'and he was no spring chicken then.
00:06:39,182 --> 00:06:43,It's essential we get a specimen of his seed
before age precludes any issue.
00:06:43,687 --> 00:06:46,Yes.
So what exactly is the procedure?
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:47,Oh it's quite simple, really.
00:06:47,829 --> 00:06:50,A small electrical stimulus is
applied to Jacko's rectum,
00:06:51,153 --> 00:06:54,producing spontaneous ejaculation.
00:06:54,656 --> 00:06:57,- Which I catch in this.
- Yes.
00:06:57,492 --> 00:07:00,Just, er... plug this in for me,
would you, Dahlia?
00:07:29,191 --> 00:07:30,Right.
00:07:31,860 --> 00:07:33,Chocks away.
00:07:39,743 --> 00:07:42,Nothing?
00:07:42,329 --> 00:07:44,- Just a little dribble.
- Oh. All right.
00:07:44,915 --> 00:07:46,We'll have another go.
00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:51,I'll increase the voltage a wee bit.
Get in close to his, er...er...
00:07:51,421 --> 00:07:53,Get...Get in close.
00:08:05,712 --> 00:08:06,Oh, dear, oh, dear.
00:08:32,295 --> 00:08:34,- Hiya, Mickey, love.
- Hiya.
00:08:34,256 --> 00:08:36,'Ey,
at least it's good weather for your kite.
00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:39,It's not a kite.
00:08:43,431 --> 00:08:46,Well, I've g***t to go.
I've g***t to see a lady.
00:08:46,726 --> 00:08:48,See ya!
00:08:50,162 --> 00:08:53,Come down! Come down!
00:08:56,570 --> 00:09:00,- This is stupid. Why don't we go home?
- No way, we're gonna win this badge.
00:09:01,157 --> 00:09:04,It wouldn't be so bad
if we could get the fire going.
00:09:04,578 --> 00:09:09,Keep blowing, boys!
All it takes is one big poof.
00:09:10,667 --> 00:09:13,- Thanks very much, Mr...?
- Lipp. Herr Lipp.
00:09:14,087 --> 00:09:19,I was out taking my regular constipational.
I g***t caught in this terrible downpour.
00:09:19,467 --> 00:09:24,- I think I've g***t wood, if that's any help.
- Erm... no, we'll be all right.
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:27,Bitte ? I cannot make out with you.
00:09:27,601 --> 00:09:32,Please, pull back your purple skins
so I can see your heads.
00:09:38,862 --> 00:09:40,Alles klar.
00:09:40,572 --> 00:09:44,Now, why not let a practised hand loose
on your little twigs, huh?
00:09:44,743 --> 00:09:48,I know how to rub them just right
to make them spit fire.
00:09:50,332 --> 00:09:54,Wait! I was going to ask about bob a job!
00:09:57,380 --> 00:10:01,I've never known weather like it.
It's raining cats and dogs on the moors.
00:10:01,718 --> 00:10:05,I've not seen such a heavy flow
since my last period.
00:10:26,701 --> 00:10:29,Help! Help!
00:10:29,287 --> 00:10:31,This man needs help!
00:10:35,627 --> 00:10:37,Have you fell?
00:10:37,295 --> 00:10:41,Er, please, you must get out of the car
and come to my aid.
00:10:41,966 --> 00:10:44,You're joking, aren't you?
It's pissing down!
00:10:45,095 --> 00:10:49,Tell him you've been struck by a vehicle
and you've g***t internal bleeding.
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:54,- I have been struck by a vehicle...
- I heard what he said. Who is he?
00:10:54,229 --> 00:10:56,You help him if you're that bothered.
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:02,No, I-I can't, you see,
because me back's bad and-
00:11:02,821 --> 00:11:05,Oh, sod it. Get in the car! Get in!
00:11:09,911 --> 00:11:12,- Oh, brilliant! Soaking wet.
- Just drive!
00:11:30,265 --> 00:11:32,Go on.
00:11:32,434 --> 00:11:35,Well, er... Well, there's this lad.
00:11:35,729 --> 00:11:38,He's not really a lad, really. He's, erm...
00:11:38,773 --> 00:11:41,He's one of the teachers.
00:11:41,401 --> 00:11:44,And he's really fit. Takes me for science.
00:11:47,282 --> 00:11:52,And have you been thinking about this fella
when you're alone?
00:11:54,956 --> 00:11:57,Yes, Reverend.
00:11:58,084 --> 00:12:01,And are any of your thoughts
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:04,of a carnal nature?
00:12:06,009 --> 00:12:08,You mean rude?
00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:10,Yes, my child.
00:12:10,346 --> 00:12:12,Yeah. They are.
00:12:13,725 --> 00:12:18,And sometimes
do you touch yourself in a way that...
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,seems forbidden?
00:12:27,614 --> 00:12:30,I'll take that as a yes.
00:12:31,409 --> 00:12:33,Now, love,
00:12:33,870 --> 00:12:39,you might ask what harm can come
from a young maiden such as yourself
00:12:39,876 --> 00:12:44,being drawn toward this...
attractive chevalier,
00:12:44,839 --> 00:12:51,to find yourself opening like a beautiful
flower in the warmth of the morning sun,
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:56,enjoying the simple blossoming
of womanhood.
00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:58,Bullshit!
00:12:58,478 --> 00:13:02,You come in here, getting your fishy fingers
all over my communion wafers,
00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:06,slinging your jelly every hour God sends!
Go on, get stuffed!
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:15,You should be disgusted with yourself!
Go and play stinky pinky somewhere else!
00:13:20,875 --> 00:13:24,Doesn't really matter any more.
00:13:24,963 --> 00:13:26,Reverend?
00:13:27,090 --> 00:13:29,What the 'ell's going on?
00:13:56,327 --> 00:13:59,What's this, The Name of the Rose ?
00:14:13,845 --> 00:14:18,Ah, you've had vandals, have you?
I had a c***k sprayed on my door last week.
00:14:27,525 --> 00:14:31,Hang on a minute. This just happened.
00:14:31,529 --> 00:14:35,You see? It has begun at last.
00:14:35,867 --> 00:14:37,What's begun?
00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:42,Oh, there you are. Sorry I'm late.
00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:45,You wouldn't believe
what's happened at the zoo.
00:14:45,501 --> 00:14:47,Wouldn't I?
00:15:04,395 --> 00:15:07,- I've just realised who you are.
- Have you?
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:11,It's you, innit?
Demon butcherer. Hilary Briss.
00:15:11,402 --> 00:15:14,Alles klar! The one with the funny meats.
00:15:14,238 --> 00:15:18,You used to put things in your sausages.
Killed all them people.
00:15:21,955 --> 00:15:25,- 'Ey, I used to eat your pork pies.
- They weren't pork.
00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:30,I know, I know. It's all bumholes
and eyelids, innit? Still nice, though.
00:15:31,839 --> 00:15:33,Look out!
00:15:41,724 --> 00:15:43,These frescoes speak of a time
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:46,when the mantle of darkness
shall be riven by fire,
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:50,the turbulent seas shall
swallow up the earth
00:15:50,441 --> 00:15:55,and a giraffe will spunk up
over a load of old biddies.
00:15:55,238 --> 00:15:59,In short,
they foretell the end of our world.
00:16:00,743 --> 00:16:04,- Our world? Don't you mean THE world?
- I know what I mean.
00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:08,Please stop...
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Download The.League.of.Gentlemens.Apocalypse.2005.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG srt subtitles in English or any language. Translate srt files, share subtitles easily.