The League Of Gentlemens Apocalypse -rarbg (2005) Subtitles

At 00:01:27,617, Character said: Steve, sorry. I couldn't find me phone.

2
At 00:01:30,999, Character said: Hi. Thanks for calling back.

3
At 00:01:33,293, Character said: No, no, no, I'm fine. I'm absolutely fine.

4
At 00:01:36,463, Character said: Er, listen, I've had another idea
for Royston Vasey.

5
At 00:01:41,927, Character said: What? No, no, hear me out.
I think this might be the one.

6
At 00:01:46,181, Character said: All the characters wake up one morning
and they've g***t tails.

7
At 00:01:50,477, Character said: Yeah, tails. You know, animals' tails,
like dogs, monkeys, pigs.

8
At 00:01:55,190, Character said: Y'know, big bushy ones,

9
At 00:01:57,734, Character said: squiggly ones,

10
At 00:02:00,195, Character said: swishing ones, little bobtailed ones.

11
At 00:02:03,115, Character said: Ones that poke over the tops of their heads.

12
At 00:02:07,286, Character said: I don't know, I've only just thought of it.

13
At 00:02:11,498, Character said: I just think it's a good way
of keeping these characters alive.

14
At 00:02:17,462, Character said: I just don't think they're ready to go yet.

15
At 00:02:22,384, Character said: Oh.

16
At 00:02:25,220, Character said: Okay.

17
At 00:02:27,014, Character said: No, no, no, I understand. Er...

18
At 00:02:29,892, Character said: Why don't you talk to
the others about it fir-

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At 00:02:33,854, Character said: Ah. They're all there with you, are they?

20
At 00:02:37,441, Character said: Right, then. Well, okay.

21
At 00:02:39,610, Character said: I'll speak to you later.

22
At 00:02:41,486, Character said: Yeah. Bye.

23
At 00:03:24,154, Character said: I made a little brown fish.

24
At 00:03:26,531, Character said: Aaaghh!

25
At 00:03:29,993, Character said: Don't go!

26
At 00:03:35,749, Character said: Going somewhere local?

27
At 00:03:47,594, Character said: - Jeremy!
- Please, it wasn't me, it was the others!

28
At 00:04:04,319, Character said: Agghh! Agghh!

29
At 00:04:18,625, Character said: Tubbs!

30
At 00:04:20,919, Character said: Tubbs! Help me!

31
At 00:04:23,422, Character said: I'm trying to get rid of this fish!
He doesn't want to go!

32
At 00:04:39,980, Character said: Edward, what are you doing?
He's getting away!

33
At 00:04:43,066, Character said: Come on!

34
At 00:04:45,068, Character said: Tubbs, did he get the joke
with the binoculars at least?

35
At 00:04:48,864, Character said: No, didn't crack his face!

36
At 00:04:51,074, Character said: After him!

37
At 00:05:27,110, Character said: They're not real!

38
At 00:05:46,963, Character said: But you're not real!

39
At 00:05:51,426, Character said: We are now.

40
At 00:06:28,880, Character said: - So how old is Jacko now, Mr. Chinnery?
- Well, nobody knows for sure, Dahlia.

41
At 00:06:33,885, Character said: He was a gift from the Shah of Iran in '77
and he was no spring chicken then.

42
At 00:06:39,182, Character said: It's essential we get a specimen of his seed
before age precludes any issue.

43
At 00:06:43,687, Character said: Yes.
So what exactly is the procedure?

44
At 00:06:46,940, Character said: Oh it's quite simple, really.

45
At 00:06:47,829, Character said: A small electrical stimulus is
applied to Jacko's rectum,

46
At 00:06:51,153, Character said: producing spontaneous ejaculation.

47
At 00:06:54,656, Character said: - Which I catch in this.
- Yes.

48
At 00:06:57,492, Character said: Just, er... plug this in for me,
would you, Dahlia?

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At 00:07:29,191, Character said: Right.

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At 00:07:31,860, Character said: Chocks away.

51
At 00:07:39,743, Character said: Nothing?

52
At 00:07:42,329, Character said: - Just a little dribble.
- Oh. All right.

53
At 00:07:44,915, Character said: We'll have another go.

54
At 00:07:47,083, Character said: I'll increase the voltage a wee bit.
Get in close to his, er...er...

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At 00:07:51,421, Character said: Get...Get in close.

56
At 00:08:05,712, Character said: Oh, dear, oh, dear.

57
At 00:08:32,295, Character said: - Hiya, Mickey, love.
- Hiya.

58
At 00:08:34,256, Character said: 'Ey,
at least it's good weather for your kite.

59
At 00:08:37,133, Character said: It's not a kite.

60
At 00:08:43,431, Character said: Well, I've g***t to go.
I've g***t to see a lady.

61
At 00:08:46,726, Character said: See ya!

62
At 00:08:50,162, Character said: Come down! Come down!

63
At 00:08:56,570, Character said: - This is stupid. Why don't we go home?
- No way, we're gonna win this badge.

64
At 00:09:01,157, Character said: It wouldn't be so bad
if we could get the fire going.

65
At 00:09:04,578, Character said: Keep blowing, boys!
All it takes is one big poof.

66
At 00:09:10,667, Character said: - Thanks very much, Mr...?
- Lipp. Herr Lipp.

67
At 00:09:14,087, Character said: I was out taking my regular constipational.
I g***t caught in this terrible downpour.

68
At 00:09:19,467, Character said: - I think I've g***t wood, if that's any help.
- Erm... no, we'll be all right.

69
At 00:09:24,264, Character said: Bitte ? I cannot make out with you.

70
At 00:09:27,601, Character said: Please, pull back your purple skins
so I can see your heads.

71
At 00:09:38,862, Character said: Alles klar.

72
At 00:09:40,572, Character said: Now, why not let a practised hand loose
on your little twigs, huh?

73
At 00:09:44,743, Character said: I know how to rub them just right
to make them spit fire.

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At 00:09:50,332, Character said: Wait! I was going to ask about bob a job!

75
At 00:09:57,380, Character said: I've never known weather like it.
It's raining cats and dogs on the moors.

76
At 00:10:01,718, Character said: I've not seen such a heavy flow
since my last period.

77
At 00:10:26,701, Character said: Help! Help!

78
At 00:10:29,287, Character said: This man needs help!

79
At 00:10:35,627, Character said: Have you fell?

80
At 00:10:37,295, Character said: Er, please, you must get out of the car
and come to my aid.

81
At 00:10:41,966, Character said: You're joking, aren't you?
It's pissing down!

82
At 00:10:45,095, Character said: Tell him you've been struck by a vehicle
and you've g***t internal bleeding.

83
At 00:10:49,683, Character said: - I have been struck by a vehicle...
- I heard what he said. Who is he?

84
At 00:10:54,229, Character said: You help him if you're that bothered.

85
At 00:10:58,400, Character said: No, I-I can't, you see,
because me back's bad and-

86
At 00:11:02,821, Character said: Oh, sod it. Get in the car! Get in!

87
At 00:11:09,911, Character said: - Oh, brilliant! Soaking wet.
- Just drive!

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At 00:11:30,265, Character said: Go on.

89
At 00:11:32,434, Character said: Well, er... Well, there's this lad.

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At 00:11:35,729, Character said: He's not really a lad, really. He's, erm...

91
At 00:11:38,773, Character said: He's one of the teachers.

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At 00:11:41,401, Character said: And he's really fit. Takes me for science.

93
At 00:11:47,282, Character said: And have you been thinking about this fella
when you're alone?

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At 00:11:54,956, Character said: Yes, Reverend.

95
At 00:11:58,084, Character said: And are any of your thoughts

96
At 00:12:01,421, Character said: of a carnal nature?

97
At 00:12:06,009, Character said: You mean rude?

98
At 00:12:08,470, Character said: Yes, my child.

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At 00:12:10,346, Character said: Yeah. They are.

100
At 00:12:13,725, Character said: And sometimes
do you touch yourself in a way that...

101
At 00:12:19,606, Character said: seems forbidden?

102
At 00:12:27,614, Character said: I'll take that as a yes.

103
At 00:12:31,409, Character said: Now, love,

104
At 00:12:33,870, Character said: you might ask what harm can come
from a young maiden such as yourself

105
At 00:12:39,876, Character said: being drawn toward this...
attractive chevalier,

106
At 00:12:44,839, Character said: to find yourself opening like a beautiful
flower in the warmth of the morning sun,

107
At 00:12:51,471, Character said: enjoying the simple blossoming
of womanhood.

108
At 00:12:56,559, Character said: Bullshit!

109
At 00:12:58,478, Character said: You come in here, getting your fishy fingers
all over my communion wafers,

110
At 00:13:02,482, Character said: slinging your jelly every hour God sends!
Go on, get stuffed!

111
At 00:13:10,657, Character said: You should be disgusted with yourself!
Go and play stinky pinky somewhere else!

112
At 00:13:20,875, Character said: Doesn't really matter any more.

113
At 00:13:24,963, Character said: Reverend?

114
At 00:13:27,090, Character said: What the 'ell's going on?

115
At 00:13:56,327, Character said: What's this, The Name of the Rose ?

116
At 00:14:13,845, Character said: Ah, you've had vandals, have you?
I had a c***k sprayed on my door last week.

117
At 00:14:27,525, Character said: Hang on a minute. This just happened.

118
At 00:14:31,529, Character said: You see? It has begun at last.

119
At 00:14:35,867, Character said: What's begun?

120
At 00:14:38,620, Character said: Oh, there you are. Sorry I'm late.

121
At 00:14:42,290, Character said: You wouldn't believe
what's happened at the zoo.

122
At 00:14:45,501, Character said: Wouldn't I?

123
At 00:15:04,395, Character said: - I've just realised who you are.
- Have you?

124
At 00:15:07,941, Character said: It's you, innit?
Demon butcherer. Hilary Briss.

125
At 00:15:11,402, Character said: Alles klar! The one with the funny meats.

126
At 00:15:14,238, Character said: You used to put things in your sausages.
Killed all them people.

127
At 00:15:21,955, Character said: - 'Ey, I used to eat your pork pies.
- They weren't pork.

128
At 00:15:25,959, Character said: I know, I know. It's all bumholes
and eyelids, innit? Still nice, though.

129
At 00:15:31,839, Character said: Look out!

130
At 00:15:41,724, Character said: These frescoes speak of a time

131
At 00:15:43,977, Character said: when the mantle of darkness
shall be riven by fire,

132
At 00:15:47,146, Character said: the turbulent seas shall
swallow up the earth

133
At 00:15:50,441, Character said: and a giraffe will spunk up
over a load of old biddies.

134
At 00:15:55,238, Character said: In short,
they foretell the end of our world.

135
At 00:16:00,743, Character said: - Our world? Don't you mean THE world?
- I know what I mean.

136
At 00:16:04,789, Character said: Please stop...