Carry.On.Cruising.1962.1080p.WEBRip.x265-RARBG-English Subtitles

00:02:20,250 --> 00:02:22,Well, gentlemen, here we are just

00:02:22,553 --> 00:02:25,about to set sail
on another cruise.

00:02:25,292 --> 00:02:28,For ten years we've run
this ship together,

00:02:28,167 --> 00:02:32,steadily increasing our reputation
as the most efficient crew afloat.

00:02:32,292 --> 00:02:34,Together, that's the word.

00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:36,We know each other.

00:02:36,417 --> 00:02:38,Ten solid years of
mutual knowledge, and

00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:40,that in itself makes
for efficiency.

00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,And enables me, as I look
at all your familiar

00:02:42,991 --> 00:02:44,faces, to come to the
point and say...

00:02:44,875 --> 00:02:47,- Who are you?
- Your First Officer, sir.

00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:51,You're not. Foxton is. What's
happened to Foxton? Is he ill?

00:02:51,375 --> 00:02:53,- What's he g***t?
- Eight draws, sir.

00:02:53,917 --> 00:02:55,I should be so sick.

00:02:55,458 --> 00:02:57,I'm your emergency
replacement, sir.

00:02:59,833 --> 00:03:01,Marjoribanks.

00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:04,On transfer from the Wrens?

00:03:05,708 --> 00:03:07,They told me you
were a pretty wit,

00:03:07,533 --> 00:03:09,sir. It's pronounced Marchbanks.

00:03:09,291 --> 00:03:10,At your service, sir.

00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:12,What are you laughing at?

00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:17,Nothing.

00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:21,- Who are you?
- Marjori... The ship's doctor.

00:03:21,625 --> 00:03:23,- Impossible.
- It's not impossible at all.

00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:26,I have certificates to
prove it. Have I not?

00:03:26,333 --> 00:03:28,- I'm certified, I **.
- You look it.

00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,- Thank you.
- A wit. They were right.

00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:34,- Shut up.
- Sir.

00:03:36,708 --> 00:03:38,- Binn?
- No, that's the trouble.

00:03:39,083 --> 00:03:42,Well, I haven't been
regular, lately, you see.

00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:46,So, therefore, I prescribed myself
a sea voyage and the exercise.

00:03:46,166 --> 00:03:47,That's why I'm here, actually.

00:03:47,875 --> 00:03:49,- Say "sir".
- You say "ah".

00:03:49,833 --> 00:03:52,Good gracious me. I do not like
that green fleck in the eye.

00:03:52,791 --> 00:03:55,Never mind about his eye.
Where have you sprung from?

00:03:55,791 --> 00:03:57,Oh, er... Consolidated Marmalade.

00:03:57,666 --> 00:04:01,I was the factory's
Medical Officer, you see.

00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:04,- Where's Dr Jepson?
- Consolidated Marmalade.

00:04:04,291 --> 00:04:06,This eye? Is it this
eye? Are you sure?

00:04:06,497 --> 00:04:07,Yes, that's the one.

00:04:07,791 --> 00:04:10,You see this here, sir?
Green as grass in there.

00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:12,Too much chlorophyll
in the toothpaste.

00:04:12,479 --> 00:04:13,Watch it.

00:04:13,521 --> 00:04:15,- Sir.
- It's all very unsettling, this.

00:04:15,708 --> 00:04:18,All these changes
made behind my back.

00:04:18,144 --> 00:04:19,Pardon?

00:04:19,187 --> 00:04:22,- My back. My back.
- Probably overdoing it?

00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:24,- I'll massage your clavicles.
- You will not.

00:04:25,814 --> 00:04:26,Now, where was I?

00:04:26,857 --> 00:04:28,You were getting
to the point, sir.

00:04:28,874 --> 00:04:30,Oh, yes, yes.

00:04:30,624 --> 00:04:32,Now, if this voyage
turns out to be

00:04:32,580 --> 00:04:34,as successful as all the others,

00:04:34,458 --> 00:04:37,don't be surprised if, after our
return, I ask each of you to...

00:04:37,541 --> 00:04:40,Excuse me. Could you
direct me to the kitchen?

00:04:40,166 --> 00:04:41,I'm new, you see.
Sorry to interrupt

00:04:41,991 --> 00:04:43,you, but I've been
all over the boat.

00:04:43,958 --> 00:04:46,- Ship.
- Who cares, as long as it floats?

00:04:47,541 --> 00:04:49,I've been down the sharp
end and the blunt end,

00:04:49,916 --> 00:04:52,and I've been down as far
as it's possible to go.

00:04:52,291 --> 00:04:55,But I keep on finishing up
ankle-deep in mucky water.

00:04:55,333 --> 00:04:58,- Bilge.
- Ooh. No need to be rude.

00:04:59,416 --> 00:05:01,- Who are you?
- Well, make a wild guess.

00:05:03,916 --> 00:05:06,Wilfred Haines, Captain.
You'll find me on the list.

00:05:06,624 --> 00:05:08,What happened to our
regular ship's cook?

00:05:08,696 --> 00:05:09,Perhaps he g***t fed up.

00:05:09,958 --> 00:05:12,- Fed up. That's good.
- Belt up.

00:05:14,041 --> 00:05:16,- What's your story?
- I'm the son of a sea cook.

00:05:16,624 --> 00:05:18,The original one, to look at you.

00:05:18,585 --> 00:05:19,Thank you.

00:05:19,627 --> 00:05:22,No, I've always
wanted to go to sea.

00:05:22,499 --> 00:05:25,Thought I'd follow my father's
wake, as it were. See?

00:05:25,791 --> 00:05:28,All I want to see is
that this crew finishes

00:05:28,071 --> 00:05:30,up the most efficient
that we've ever had.

00:05:30,333 --> 00:05:32,If it is, when we return,
I expect to be given

00:05:32,864 --> 00:05:35,command of the company's
new Atlantic liner.

00:05:35,374 --> 00:05:37,Which means I will
have to select my own

00:05:37,396 --> 00:05:39,crew, and that could
be you. All of you.

00:05:39,499 --> 00:05:41,- All right, dismissed.
- Oh, good.

00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:44,Except you, you and you.

00:05:44,999 --> 00:05:47,Now, then. I ** going to be blunt

00:05:47,156 --> 00:05:49,and make some very
cutting remarks.

00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,On the face of it, that's
a contradiction in

00:05:51,742 --> 00:05:53,terms. But English is a
very curious language.

00:05:53,999 --> 00:05:57,If you interrupt me
once more, Mr... Mr...

00:05:57,693 --> 00:05:59,Marjoribanks, sir.

00:05:59,499 --> 00:06:01,Thank you. If you interrupt
me once more, mate,

00:06:01,851 --> 00:06:03,you'll hear some really
curious language.

00:06:03,999 --> 00:06:06,Now, then. I have
slugged my way up

00:06:06,208 --> 00:06:08,from nothing to get
where I ** today.

00:06:08,624 --> 00:06:11,But there are some copper-bottomed
gentlemen on the board

00:06:11,666 --> 00:06:13,who still think it's
dead wrong for an

00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,H-dropper like me to
be a ship's captain.

00:06:16,082 --> 00:06:18,And they would scuttle me
if they had half a chance.

00:06:18,707 --> 00:06:20,And that is why I have
built this whole crew

00:06:20,754 --> 00:06:22,round me, so they
don't get the chance.

00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:26,That is also why I get nervous
when I see new faces.

00:06:26,332 --> 00:06:30,Your faces are new.
So I'm nervous.

00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:33,To me, you look like
disaster on six legs.

00:06:33,291 --> 00:06:36,Prove I'm wrong. That's all I ask.

00:06:36,166 --> 00:06:38,- Clear?
- As day.

00:06:38,291 --> 00:06:40,- As an X-ray.
- As soup.

00:06:50,603 --> 00:06:53,- Who are you?
- Me, sir? Turner, sir.

00:06:53,478 --> 00:06:55,- Turner?
- Turner, sir.

00:06:55,353 --> 00:06:57,- What are you doing here?
- Head barman, sir.

00:06:57,686 --> 00:07:00,You can't be head barman.
Angus is my head barman.

00:07:00,145 --> 00:07:02,- Not any more, sir.
- Not any more?

00:07:02,270 --> 00:07:04,They can't do this
to me. Changing the

00:07:04,297 --> 00:07:06,barman? It's like
ripping out the engine.

00:07:06,561 --> 00:07:08,What has happened to
Angus? Don't tell me

00:07:08,566 --> 00:07:10,he g***t married and
swore off the booze?

00:07:10,561 --> 00:07:13,- How did you guess, sir?
- Oh, no. Not Angus.

00:07:13,145 --> 00:07:16,He's the only one... Do you know
how to mix my favourite drink?

00:07:16,353 --> 00:07:18,- What's that, sir?
- The Aberdeen Angus.

00:07:18,436 --> 00:07:20,No, but you've only
g***t to tell me...

00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:21,But I can't tell you.

00:07:21,395 --> 00:07:23,Only Angus knows it. Didn't
he tell you the secret?

00:07:24,020 --> 00:07:25,Didn't he give you
the recipe for the

00:07:25,828 --> 00:07:27,drink that's g***t a
kick like a steer?

00:07:27,728 --> 00:07:29,No.

00:07:29,436 --> 00:07:32,The whole cruise...
without an Aberdeen Angus

00:07:32,131 --> 00:07:34,kicking about inside
me. I'll go barmy.

00:07:38,603 --> 00:07:41,Hello, hello. Well, this
ain't the kitchen, is it?

00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:44,I should say not. It's the
Captain's night cabin.

00:07:44,460 --> 00:07:45,Oh. Cosy.

00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:47,Distinctly cosy, yes.

00:07:47,645 --> 00:07:50,Er... Do you know
where the kitchen is?

00:07:50,228 --> 00:07:52,Afraid not, sir. I'm a
stranger round here myself.

00:07:52,770 --> 00:07:56,Another new face? Poor
fella....