its.always.sunny.in.philadelphia.s17e01.1080p.web.h264-successfulcrab[EZTVx.to] Subtitles

00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:17,[Ava] So, as you may recall,
a little while back

00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:30,Turns out these clowns were up
to a lot more than we knew.

00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:32,Welcome to Abbott Elementary,

00:00:32,399 --> 00:00:34,the best elementary school
in the universe.

00:00:34,134 --> 00:00:35,What's the deal with
all the cameras?

00:00:35,769 --> 00:00:37,We have, like,
a Vanderpump thing going on.

00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,- Don't worry about it.
- No!

00:00:39,706 --> 00:00:41,No. I think
I'll be spending my time
on the other side of the camera.

00:00:41,575 --> 00:00:43,- Thank you very much.
- See?

00:00:43,277 --> 00:00:44,- Yeah, okay.
- Totally get that.

00:01:11,038 --> 00:01:13,- [Dennis] What are we doing?
- [Charlie] Go, go, go. Go.

00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,[Frank] Close that door
and lock it.

00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,- Okay. I g***t an idea.
- [Dennis] Frank,

00:01:17,511 --> 00:01:19,let's not make this
a whole thing, please.

00:01:19,613 --> 00:01:21,- [Mac] Just a quick in and out.
- [Dee] The faster
we get it done,

00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:22,- the better.
- [Frank] I see
an opportunity here.

00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:24,[Charlie] How's a school
an opportunity?

00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:28,[Frank] It's not just a school.
It's a gold mine.

00:02:27,281 --> 00:02:29,then we could be outta here
in a week. All right?

00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,Look, I don't wanna get lice
from one of these kids.

00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,Did you guys know that
Black people can't get lice?

00:02:34,054 --> 00:02:36,Dee, that's, like, crazy racist.

00:02:36,190 --> 00:02:37,No, no, no. That's just science.

00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:39,It's the lice who are racist.

00:02:39,293 --> 00:02:41,- [Dennis] All right.
Hold on, hold on.
- Racist lice?

00:04:20,194 --> 00:04:21,She's a dud. She's a giant dud.

00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,But I have an idea:
You follow me around,

00:04:23,597 --> 00:04:25,make me the star
of whatever this is,

00:04:25,332 --> 00:04:27,and I will make this s***t pop.
Right?

00:04:27,167 --> 00:04:30,I'll steal her man. I'll expose
her for the dud she is.

00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:32,What do you think?
Let's work together.

00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:34,Huh? Oh.

00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:41,No. No. What are you
[stammers] We're just doing
the one thing, okay?

00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,You guys are talking
about five different things.

00:06:43,704 --> 00:06:45,For Christ's sake,
you're all over the place.

00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:46,What talent?
What you talking about?

00:06:46,807 --> 00:06:49,Yeah. There's kids, like,
that are taller than me.

00:06:49,043 --> 00:06:51,I say we recruit one
for the basketball team
at St. Joe's.

00:06:51,078 --> 00:06:53,- No, no, no.
- Dude. Great idea, man.

00:06:53,314 --> 00:06:55,- They've been sucking a***s, bro.
- We are just doing
the one thing. Okay?

00:08:41,722 --> 00:08:44,My mind was going
to terrible places.

00:08:45,259 --> 00:08:48,Anyway, they g***t off that idea
and bounced to the next one

00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,like one of those ADHD kids.

00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:53,The only thing I will say is,
their coffee was fantastic.

00:10:57,558 --> 00:11:00,These people were passionate,
but dumb as s***t. [chuckles]

00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,'Cause at some point
they argued themselves
right into conspiracy theories.

00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:06,- So it had to be a hoax.
- [Frank] Of course. Yes.

00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,I mean, steel would not melt
at that temperature.

00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:11,I mean, take fire to steel
and see if it melts. It won’t.

00:12:32,486 --> 00:12:34,- [Frank] This is good.
- [Charlie] A little pitchy
at times.

00:12:34,488 --> 00:12:36,- [Dennis] Very good singer.
- Very nice.

00:12:36,357 --> 00:12:38,- He's a little pitchy,
but it's fine.
- Yeah? But [stammers]

00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:41,My main concern is he's
coming off like kind of a nerd.

00:12:41,362 --> 00:12:43,You know we've already
g***t our nerd.

00:12:43,063 --> 00:12:44,- We need a bad boy.
- We do.

00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,Hey, Steven, would you say
you’re a bad boy?

00:14:15,389 --> 00:14:17,Okay. She was right.

00:14:17,358 --> 00:14:20,Between fighting teachers,
pissing in lockers
and the boy band thing,

00:14:20,094 --> 00:14:21,I should have booted their a***s.

00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,Because that white woman
was going in.

00:15:39,940 --> 00:15:43,Knock, knock, knock.
I've g***t a piping hot

00:15:43,077 --> 00:15:45,caramel macchiato for a Melissa.

00:15:45,613 --> 00:15:47,That's me.

00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,- Oh, there you are.
- Thank you, Dennis.

00:15:48,816 --> 00:15:50,It's my pleasure.
Absolutely. Hey, Go birds.

00:15:50,618 --> 00:15:52,- Go birds.
- Hey, listen.

00:15:52,219 --> 00:15:54,Um, might I trouble you
with a query?

00:16:47,807 --> 00:16:48,Okay, I'm gonna
stumble through one.

00:16:48,809 --> 00:16:50,Don't worry if you get it wrong.

00:16:50,611 --> 00:16:53,- Okay. Yeah.
- Let's just try it for time.
Okay? Um

00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,Okay. And

00:16:55,215 --> 00:16:57,♪ Caitlin Clark
And Angel Reese ♪

00:16:57,618 --> 00:16:59,♪ Captain Sully hit some geese ♪

00:16:59,587 --> 00:17:01,♪ Marijuana legalized ♪

00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:09,- Fair. Fair.
- Yeah. That's a good question.
Like

00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:11,So we realized that the kids
don't know anything
about 9/11 really.

00:18:11,225 --> 00:18:12,It's like a joke
or a meme to them.

00:18:12,726 --> 00:18:14,And, like,
"Never forget," you know?

00:18:14,495 --> 00:18:16,We said, "Never forget,"
and they seemed
to have forgotten.

00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:19,I love this.
I mean, I love this.

00:18:19,233 --> 00:18:21,Human beings
have been educating one another

00:19:15,422 --> 00:19:17,- [Dee] Goddamn pricks!
- Always a step ahead of us!
Fuckers!

00:19:17,591 --> 00:19:19,I mean, the Ed Hardy jeans.

00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,- The spiked hair.
- [Dee] Yeah!

00:19:20,628 --> 00:19:22,[Mac] Plus the eyeliner!
That was my look.

00:19:22,630 --> 00:19:23,- He stole it from me.
- [Charlie] It was your look,
Mac!

00:19:23,631 --> 00:19:25,That has been your look!

00:19:25,633 --> 00:19:27,- [Dennis] Goddamn Fall Out Boy.
- [Charlie] This goddamn
Fall Out Boy.

00:19:27,935 --> 00:19:29,I've g***t nothing for this.

00:20:18,686 --> 00:20:21,for every minute
of content they could.

00:20:21,355 --> 00:20:23,It reminded me of that verse
on DMX’s "What You Want."

00:20:23,824 --> 00:20:26,"There was Brenda,
LaTisha, Linda, Felicia."

00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,I wasn’t mad at it.
It was a bop.

00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:32,Look, at the end of the day,
did I like those people?

00:20:32,633 --> 00:20:33,No. I did not.

00:20:33,634 --> 00:20:35,But I will admit

00:21:11,605 --> 00:21:13,Yes, no. Fair. Um, yeah.

00:21:13,073 --> 00:21:14,Well, listen,
we just wanted to let you know

00:21:14,708 --> 00:21:17,that our experience with you
really touched us.

00:21:18,179 --> 00:21:21,You know, you blindsided us
with your heart

00:21:21,749 --> 00:21:23,and your care
for those children.

00:21:23,584 --> 00:21:25,And while Frank is sorry
that he couldn't be here today,

00:21:59,653 --> 00:22:02,He must’ve ripped out
about a hundred feet of copper.

00:22:03,390 --> 00:22:04,But on the bright side,

00:22:04,692 --> 00:22:06,the state was gonna make us
move out some old pipes,

00:22:06,493 --> 00:22:09,so actually he saved
us a few grand
in construction costs.

00:22:10,063 --> 00:22:12,I’m gonna lose my job
if anyone sees this,
so burn those tapes.