South Park - 1x01 - Cartman Gets an A***l Probe.en Subtitles

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00:00:02.77,00:00:06.And now, a fireside chat[br]with the creators of South Park:

00:00:06.98,00:00:09.Matt Stone and Trey Parker.

00:00:14.55,00:00:17.- Hi. I'm Trey Parker.[br]- I'm Matt Stone.

00:00:17.26,00:00:22.- This is Scratch. Say hi, old fella.[br]- We do a show called South Park.

00:00:22.83,00:00:25.Tell us a little about yourselves.

00:00:25.53,00:00:29.I met Matthew at the University[br]of Colorado in film school.

00:00:29.94,00:00:33.I actually met him[br]in beginning filmmaking.

00:00:33.17,00:00:38.I found someone who could make me[br]laugh, even when I felt like crying.

00:00:39.41,00:00:42.Guys, who would you say[br]are your role models?

00:00:42.58,00:00:45.I'd have to say my biggest[br]role model is Matt.

00:00:46.12,00:00:49.I'd have to say mine[br]is Theodore Roosevelt...

00:00:49.35,00:00:51....for his work with the Rough Riders.

00:00:52.12,00:00:54.Tell us about this episode.

00:00:54.33,00:00:58.It's called "Cartman Gets[br]an A***l Probe." It's our favorite.

00:00:58.40,00:01:01.Kyle's brother Ike[br]is abducted by aliens...

00:01:01.33,00:01:04....and Cartman has strange things[br]implanted in his a***s.

00:01:04.77,00:01:08.The reason this episode[br]is old Scratch's favorite...

00:01:08.41,00:01:12....is because it's the only episode[br]we animated all by ourselves.

00:01:13.01,00:01:16.This was the pilot,[br]done before we had a series...

00:01:16.48,00:01:19....so we had to do[br]the whole thing ourselves.

00:01:19.55,00:01:23.For several months, we were locked[br]into a cold, dark, little room...

00:01:24.09,00:01:26....for long periods of time.

00:01:26.83,00:01:31.That "kick the baby" game looks fun.[br]Have you played it personally?

00:01:31.40,00:01:33.Neither of us have children.

00:01:33.87,00:01:37.The only family we have[br]is each other and old Scratch.

00:01:37.80,00:01:41.- We're not married yet.[br]- We can't even get dates.

00:01:41.64,00:01:46.The truth is, until we have children,[br]we won't know whether we'll kick them.

00:01:47.31,00:01:51.You write alien-encounter material[br]with a certain knowledge.

00:01:51.65,00:01:55.Have either of you[br]actually been abducted?

00:01:56.96,00:02:01.Trey, it's okay.[br]Go ahead and tell them.

00:02:01.56,00:02:05.I grew up near South Park,[br]so I was abducted as a small child.

00:02:06.06,00:02:10.I remember the experience.[br]I remember how horrible it was.

00:02:10.47,00:02:12.I remember too much.

00:02:13.91,00:02:19.So sit back, relax and enjoy[br]"Cartman Gets an A***l Probe."

00:02:51.91,00:02:53.Cartman Gets an A***l Probe

00:02:56.58,00:03:01.D***n it! My little brother's trying[br]to follow me to school again.

00:03:01.29,00:03:04.Ike, you can't come to school with me.

00:03:04.56,00:03:08.- Go home, you little d***o.[br]- Dude, don't call my brother a d***o.

00:03:09.06,00:03:10.- What's a d***o?[br]- I don't know.

00:03:11.03,00:03:14.- Cartman doesn't know either.[br]- I know what it is!

00:03:14.57,00:03:17.- Well, what?[br]- I'm not telling you.

00:03:17.47,00:03:19.What's a d***o, Kenny?

00:03:22.51,00:03:26.Yeah, that's what Kyle's[br]little brother is, all right.

00:03:27.68,00:03:30.- That kicks a***s.[br]- Check this one out.

00:03:30.48,00:03:33.- Ready, Ike? Kick the baby.[br]- Don't kick the baby.

00:03:33.92,00:03:35.Kick the baby.

00:03:38.52,00:03:41.Looks like you didn't get much sleep.

00:03:41.26,00:03:45.- I had these bogus nightmares.[br]- Really? What about?

00:03:45.23,00:03:49.Well, I dreamt that I was lying[br]in my bed, in the dark...

00:03:49.67,00:03:53....when all of a sudden,[br]this bright blue light filled the room.

00:03:54.11,00:03:58.And slowly my bedroom door opened.[br]The next thing I remember...

00:03:58.54,00:04:01....I was being dragged[br]through a hallway.

00:04:01.61,00:04:06.Then I was on a table, and these[br]scary aliens wanted to operate on me.

00:04:06.25,00:04:08.And they had big heads and black eyes.

00:04:09.05,00:04:11.- Dude, visitors![br]- What?

00:04:11.32,00:04:15.- Those were visitors.[br]- It was just a dream. My mom said so.

00:04:15.59,00:04:19.- They're are real.[br]- They abduct people and mutilate cows.

00:04:19.63,00:04:23.Shut up. You're trying to scare me,[br]and it's not working.

00:04:24.27,00:04:26.- Hello, children.[br]- Hey, Chef.

00:04:26.61,00:04:31.- What's for lunch today?[br]- Salisbury steak with buttered noodles.

00:04:31.18,00:04:35.- Bean casserole or vegetable medley.[br]- Kick a***s.

00:04:35.18,00:04:38.Did any of you see[br]the alien spaceship last night?

00:04:38.78,00:04:40.Yeah, fat boy saw it.

00:04:40.52,00:04:44.That was just a dream.[br]And I'm not fat, I'm big-boned!

00:04:44.56,00:04:48.Was it the ones with the big heads[br]and black eyes?

00:04:48.19,00:04:52.- They took him on their ship.[br]- Did they give you an a***l probe?

00:04:52.53,00:04:53.What's that?

00:04:53.70,00:04:56.That's when they put a metal hoop[br]up your butt.

00:04:56.90,00:05:02.- They gave you an a***l probe, Cartman?[br]- No! I mean, why would they do that?

00:05:02.41,00:05:05.They did, huh?[br]Aliens stuck stuff up your a***s!

00:05:05.84,00:05:07.- A***l probe.[br]- Shut up, d***o!

00:05:08.01,00:05:11.I gotta get to the cafeteria.[br]Watch that fat boy, now.

00:05:11.48,00:05:13.He could be under alien control.

00:05:17.69,00:05:20.They were real. Sorry about your a***s.

00:05:20.69,00:05:25.Goddamn it, they didn't do anything[br]to my a***s! It was just a dream.

00:05:27.67,00:05:30.- Why you walking so funny?[br]- Shut up!

00:05:30.80,00:05:32.No, Ike, go home.

00:05:32.60,00:05:36.This is it. This one's for the game.[br]Kick the baby.

00:05:39.98,00:05:43.- Good morning, Mrs. Crabtree.[br]- Sit down, we're late!

00:05:48.09,00:05:50.- He's still there.[br]- Don't worry.

00:05:50.49,00:05:53.If something happens to him,[br]my parents will blame me.

00:05:54.16,00:05:56.Sit down back there!

00:05:56.63,00:05:59.- Whatever, you fat bitch.[br]- What did you say?!

00:05:59.73,00:06:02.I said, I have a bad itch.

00:06:02.73,00:06:04.Oh, my God!

00:06:05.67,00:06:07.- Visitors![br]- Oh, no!

00:06:07.97,00:06:10.Ike! Stop the bus!

00:06:11.08,00:06:13.You have to stop this bus!

00:06:13.55,00:06:16.- Do you want an office referral?[br]- No.

00:06:16.51,00:06:18.- Then sit down![br]- But l...

00:06:25.76,00:06:30.- Are those the same visitors you saw?[br]- Shut up, it's not working.

00:06:30.23,00:06:32.- We have to do something.[br]- We can't.

00:06:33.00,00:06:36.- That fat bitch won't let us.[br]- What did you say?!

00:06:36.47,00:06:41.- I said that rabbits eat lettuce.[br]- Well, yes, they certainly do.

00:06:43.17,00:06:47.What ** I gonna do? My brother[br]has been abducted by aliens.

00:06:47.25,00:06:49.You farted.

00:06:50.08,00:06:52.Somebody's baking brownies.

00:06:57.79,00:06:59.That's the third cow this month.

00:07:00.13,00:07:04.At this rate, all my cattle will die[br]before the winter's through.

00:07:04.90,00:07:09.This isn't unusual. Cows turn[br]themselves inside out all the time.

00:07:10.87,00:07:14.People been saying[br]they've seen UFOs around.

00:07:14.27,00:07:16.UFOs?

00:07:16.47,00:07:19.And black Army CIA helicopters[br]and trucks.

00:07:19.64,00:07:23.That is the silliest thing[br]I've ever heard.

00:07:25.22,00:07:28.- What was that?[br]- That was a pigeon.

00:07:28.35,00:07:30.What ** I supposed to do?

00:07:30.86,00:07:36.Just stand here and watch my cattle[br]get mutilated one by one?

00:07:39.10,00:07:40.My cattle!

00:07:44.80,00:07:47.See? There is something[br]funny going on.

00:07:47.67,00:07:51.There's nothing funny going on.[br]I'll get those cows back.

00:07:54.15,00:07:59.And now our friend Mr. Hat is going[br]to tell us about Christopher Columbus.

00:07:59.75,00:08:01.That's right, Mr. Garrison.

00:08:01.79,00:08:06.Columbus discovered America[br]and was the Indians' best friend.

00:08:06.66,00:08:10.He helped them win their war[br]against Frederick Douglass...

00:08:10.66,00:08:15....and freed the Hebrews from Napoleon[br]and discovered France.

00:08:15.17,00:08:20.I have to help my stupid brother. If I[br]go home without him, my dad will yell:

00:08:20.77,00:08:24."Where's your brother?[br]You weren't looking out for him."

00:08:24.64,00:08:27.- Let's go find him.[br]- "He can't think on his own.

00:08:27.78,00:08:30.Brush and floss.[br]Where has that finger been?"

00:08:30.98,00:08:32.- Dude![br]- Is there a problem?

00:08:33.02,00:08:35.- Yes, I have to go now.[br]- Really, Kyle?

00:08:35.92,00:08:41.- What is it? Another prostate tumor?[br]- My brother's been abducted by aliens.

00:08:42.03,00:08:45.It's true. Ask Cartman.[br]They gave him an a***l probe.

00:08:45.76,00:08:50.- That's a little joke.[br]- Mr. Garrison, seriously, I have to go.

00:08:50.44,00:08:54.- Can I please be excused?[br]- I don't know. Did you ask Mr. Hat?

00:08:54.81,00:08:57.I don't wanna ask Mr. Hat.[br]I'm asking you!

00:08:57.78,00:09:02.- I think you should ask Mr. Hat.[br]- Mr. Hat,...