Last Of The Summer Wine s29e05 All That Glitters is Not Elvis.eng Subtitles

00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:16,Didn't she have a wart?

00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:18,Yes, but he left her.

00:00:18,380 --> 00:00:21,Ran away with a policewoman.

00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:23,On her chin.

00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:25,Nothing unsightly.

00:00:25,020 --> 00:00:27,She was quite attractive.

00:00:27,140 --> 00:00:29,The wart was her best feature?

00:00:29,740 --> 00:00:32,Did I say that?

00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:36,It's very difficult to have a
serious conversation round here.

00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:37,Yes, we've noticed that.

00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:42,Are you sure he ran
away with a policewoman?

00:00:42,660 --> 00:00:46,I mean, maybe he was being arrested.

00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:47,You see what I mean?

00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:51,I think I'll just go to sleep.

00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:56,If there's any room,
we'll probably join you.

00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:33,I'm coming! Get off the horn!
I love that golden voice.

00:01:45,140 --> 00:01:47,Oh, get up, woman!

00:01:47,060 --> 00:01:49,You don't have to kneel for me.

00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:52,I want a word with you.

00:01:52,220 --> 00:01:55,Right, go ahead.
Although I must warn you,

00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,I'm not ready
for any personal commitments.

00:01:58,780 --> 00:02:02,We all know what you're ready for.

00:02:02,060 --> 00:02:04,What was that row last night?

00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,Row?

00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:09,You came home singing.

00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:11,That wasn't a row.

00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:14,That was a musical
postcard from me to you.

00:02:14,140 --> 00:02:18,I was just ready to
empty a jug on you.

00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:21,I looked at your lonely
bedroom window and I thought,

00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,"Guess who needs a
little music in her life?"

00:02:24,260 --> 00:02:26,Who says it's lonely?

00:02:26,620 --> 00:02:28,Very little through traffic.

00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:31,And there's no parking either.

00:02:31,740 --> 00:02:36,I saw your light was on and
I thought, "Now what can I do to brighten up her life?"

00:02:36,780 --> 00:02:39,Well, you could move.

00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:41,No, no, I'm not moving in with you.

00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:44,You'll have to worship
me at a distance.

00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,A great distance would be nice.

00:02:56,580 --> 00:02:58,Has he had a bad night?

00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:03,Not yet. But unless he snaps out of
it, he's going to have one tonight.

00:03:03,140 --> 00:03:06,You know, Travis never
looks on the bright side.

00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:09,You'd think he'd hurt his eyes.

00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:11,He's been like it since yesterday.

00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:15,Regrets. Wished he'd had
more colour in his life.

00:03:15,420 --> 00:03:17,Did he say what colour?

00:03:17,820 --> 00:03:19,He g***t brown.

00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,I made him stain the kitchen door.

00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,I wish I'd joined the paratroopers
when I was first tempted.

00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:52,What's this? What's it look like?

00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:57,I'm not buying you that for
your birthday. It's MY birthday.

00:03:57,040 --> 00:03:58,Aye. And they're beginning to show.

00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,Have you seen yourself lately?

00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:02,You'd age anyone.

00:04:02,540 --> 00:04:04,Come here!

00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,Don't be arguing in front of people.
Don't leave for me.

00:04:09,140 --> 00:04:11,I'd sooner listen
than lose a customer.

00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,I'll bring him back. You wouldn't
like to leave a small deposit first?

00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:17,We'll be back.
Not to buy that thing, we won't!

00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:21,Shut your face in front of people.
If you're not blowing your horn, you're blowing your mouth off.

00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:23,Where are you dragging me to?

00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:24,To where people can't hear.

00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:27,They can hear you in Leeds.

00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:31,Shut it! I think I can say, without
fear of contradiction, that this is

00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:37,probably the best, nearly-new
fridge-freezer in the universe.

00:04:37,380 --> 00:04:39,I had my own eye on this one.

00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:47,I don't want to buy her stuff
like that for her birthday.

00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:50,No. I want to buy her something
more personal.

00:04:50,420 --> 00:04:52,Suppose we put her initials on it?

00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:56,We'll take it. We won't take it.

00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:02,She wants something that'll
give her a lot of pleasure.

00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:06,Now let me think.
Let me think, let me think.

00:05:06,820 --> 00:05:08,I've g***t it.

00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:10,A new hi-fi!

00:05:10,620 --> 00:05:13,I knew he'd come up with that.
You lousy, tricky devil.

00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:14,Did you hear that?

00:05:14,620 --> 00:05:16,Where's the gratitude?
Can you not see what I'm up against?

00:05:16,720 --> 00:05:20,Do you think I don't
know your scheming mind?

00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:22,What's wrong with hi-fi?

00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:24,I'm talking state of the art here.

00:05:24,420 --> 00:05:26,Hours of listening pleasure.

00:05:26,100 --> 00:05:28,For you. I don't want hi-fi.

00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:31,I want some useful
domestic appliance.

00:05:31,020 --> 00:05:37,We deliver. We can have it on your
doorstep before you can say the first 15 chapters of the Bible.

00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:41,She wants hi-fi. I don't want hi-fi.

00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:45,I want a fridge freezer. Domestic
appliances are no good for birthdays.

00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,Whose birthday is it?

00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:49,Whose? Exactly.

00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:50,I'm glad you brought that up.

00:05:50,580 --> 00:05:52,Whose birthday?

00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:56,It'll soon be the King's.

00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,It'll soon be Elvis's.

00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:03,And this year I was hoping this
year we might celebrate it with a bigger sub-woofer.

00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,You see! The conniving blob!

00:06:07,580 --> 00:06:10,Now, now, now. Hold it!

00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,Simmer down a bit.

00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,I can see a solution forming here.

00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,Why don't you buy a fridge-freezer,

00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:21,and I'll give you discount on a
little radio to put on top of it?

00:06:23,060 --> 00:06:26,I was hoping to buy
something that'll bring us closer.

00:06:26,180 --> 00:06:28,When have we ever been
close, you wormcake?

00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,Not us. Closer to him!

00:06:31,820 --> 00:06:34,He wants the hi-fi so he can
play his Elvis collection.

00:06:34,700 --> 00:06:37,Is that a felony to want
the best for the King?

00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,Elvis lives!

00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,I just wish he was living.

00:06:40,480 --> 00:06:42,With you.

00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,He can have my place any day.

00:06:59,660 --> 00:07:03,Don't either of you
two have any regrets?

00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:05,Not till you came in.

00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:08,I'm serious.

00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:10,I think that's a fair description.

00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:15,I wish I'd chosen a
life with more colour...

00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:17,Spectacle.

00:07:17,140 --> 00:07:19,Excitement. Even danger.

00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,You've g***t Pearl.

00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,How much danger do you want?

00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:28,And for spectacle and
excitement, there's always...

00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:30,Enough!

00:07:30,420 --> 00:07:33,I knew you'd drag that
young lady into it.

00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:35,Look who's talking.

00:07:35,780 --> 00:07:39,If anybody does any dragging
about of that young lady, it's you.

00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,It wasn't how it looked.

00:07:42,180 --> 00:07:44,I told you.

00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:47,She g***t entangled
in this bramble bush.

00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,"In", you'll notice.

00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:52,Not just "happened to be passing."

00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:55,And then he says
he lacks excitement.

00:07:55,840 --> 00:07:58,I'm trying to be serious.

00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,Nobody takes me seriously.

00:08:00,340 --> 00:08:04,Which shows a certain
amount of good judgment.

00:08:04,060 --> 00:08:08,Where would you like
to be taken seriously?

00:08:08,140 --> 00:08:12,You should have more sympathy for
a person in emotional distress.

00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,That sounds serious.

00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,500...