Yahsi Bati Subtitles

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00:00:14.801 --> 00:00:17.So when the woman says
they come long and thin, fat...

00:00:18.081 --> 00:00:20....with veins on them,
like this and like that...

00:00:20.881 --> 00:00:23....the guy can't handle it. He gets up
and says, " If I found one like that..."

00:00:23.961 --> 00:00:27.-"...I'd, you know..."
- He's something else!

00:00:30.681 --> 00:00:35.They used to call them 'zibiks'.
They were like coffee mills. This big.

00:00:35.521 --> 00:00:39.And made of wood, right?
Or so I hear, I never saw one.

00:00:40.681 --> 00:00:43.I haven't laughed so much in ages.
Let's drink, Vedat.

00:00:44.201 --> 00:00:45.- Cheers!
- Welcome, old man.

00:00:45.961 --> 00:00:48.- Welcome.
- To your health.

00:00:56.081 --> 00:00:58.Zeki, why don't we, you know...?

00:00:58.401 --> 00:01:03.Right. Enough laughs. Let's not
keep Vedat hanging on any longer.

00:01:04.961 --> 00:01:07.Oh man! You had to
put them in a plastic bag?

00:01:07.161 --> 00:01:10.Hey, the wrapping has to be crap
or they'd attract attention. Right?

00:01:10.201 --> 00:01:11.Sure.

00:01:11.401 --> 00:01:13.Here, these are the goods.

00:01:13.281 --> 00:01:16.Just look at that stitching.
It speaks for itself.

00:01:16.481 --> 00:01:19.- So can I touch them?
- Sure.. Here you go.

00:01:21.241 --> 00:01:25.They call these long Wellingtons.
They're around 130-140 years old.

00:01:25.241 --> 00:01:27.I can't give an exact figure,
but around that.

00:01:27.561 --> 00:01:32.- So how did they land up with you?
- Now that's an interesting story.

00:01:33.081 --> 00:01:36.Go on, tell him. Vedat's one of us.
There's no one around. It's just us.

00:01:36.881 --> 00:01:39.- OK, US president Garfield...
- What, the cat?

00:01:39.921 --> 00:01:42.- What f***g cat'?
- Garfield's a cat, right?

00:01:43.281 --> 00:01:47.Google it, man! See for yourself.
The then US president was Garfield.

00:01:47.761 --> 00:01:52.OK, I enter 'Garfield'.
'Did you mean Garfield?' The cat again.

00:01:52.481 --> 00:01:54.Where's the president?
Away. On vacation.

00:01:55.041 --> 00:01:56.- Carry on, chum.
- Alpay...

00:01:56.961 --> 00:01:58.Just carry on.

00:01:59.401 --> 00:02:02.Vedat, the US president
sends our sultan a gift.

00:02:03.281 --> 00:02:07.And the sultan thinks,
"I'll send a gift back."

00:02:08.281 --> 00:02:12.My great-grandfather, Aziz Vefa,
a member of the secret services...

00:02:12.641 --> 00:02:16....and another public servant,
Lemi Galip, from the treasury.

00:02:16.721 --> 00:02:19.He gives them a mission.
What does he say?

00:02:19.321 --> 00:02:22.He says, "Take this gift
to the president."

00:02:25.761 --> 00:02:28.- So they go to the palace.
- The palace?

00:02:28.881 --> 00:02:31.What do you think? They'd meet
the sultan down at the waterside?

00:02:32.041 --> 00:02:34.- So they go to the palace.
- OK. Get on with it, will you?

00:02:35.121 --> 00:02:38.I **, but learn to listen first.

00:02:38.241 --> 00:02:41.Telling a story is just as much
about being listened to.

00:02:41.561 --> 00:02:43.Oh, right.

00:02:49.161 --> 00:02:52.They come before the sultan.
And they kiss the sultan's hands.

00:02:52.721 --> 00:02:57.- Does the sultan kiss theirs?
- Come on, man! Stop butting in.

00:02:59.001 --> 00:03:03.They're presented the gift right away.
What is it? A diamond necklace.

00:03:05.081 --> 00:03:07.And the sultan says,
"it's in your hands now."

00:03:07.441 --> 00:03:11."And here's 1000 bucks for the road.
Confederation dollars."

00:03:14.121 --> 00:03:18.Well, you can't say, "Sorry, padishah.
America's miles away. No can do."

00:03:18.481 --> 00:03:20.You have to go
come hell or high water.

00:03:31.281 --> 00:03:34.Now they've g***t the mission
their route's a given.

00:03:34.601 --> 00:03:37.First, the Orient Express to Paris.

00:03:37.801 --> 00:03:40.Then a boat to London.

00:03:40.241 --> 00:03:44.And then another boat
across the Atlantic to America.

00:04:51.281 --> 00:04:58.THE MILD WEST

00:05:23.761 --> 00:05:25.S'il vous plait, madame.

00:06:03.841 --> 00:06:06.Our honourable jerk
didn't get the joke, Aziz.

00:06:06.321 --> 00:06:09.Ask if Mr and Mrs Brown
are back from the picnic.

00:06:09.881 --> 00:06:12.Give me a break!
The humour's way too subtle.

00:06:12.681 --> 00:06:14.English peasant!

00:06:17.161 --> 00:06:19.I'm saying we prize
our village people.

00:06:31.841 --> 00:06:34.They always say that.
It's the only thing they know.

00:06:51.441 --> 00:06:53.She says she can keep secrets.

00:06:53.961 --> 00:06:56.Keep those secrets
when we stop for a break.

00:07:00.281 --> 00:07:03.Suppose we stop
and pass a little water?

00:08:35.681 --> 00:08:37.What the hell are you doing?

00:08:38.001 --> 00:08:40.- What's the problem?
- You can't share it round like candy!

00:08:41.081 --> 00:08:44.- Well, you did it with that photo.
- Put the d***n thing back!

00:08:44.761 --> 00:08:47.OK. Don't get so steamed up!
I'm responsible for it.

00:08:55.361 --> 00:08:58.Bandits! Keep calm.

00:09:07.281 --> 00:09:09.Don't point that at me!

00:09:09.561 --> 00:09:13.Listen. We'll follow
the normal routine. Calm down.

00:09:19.961 --> 00:09:23.Listen. We'll draw straws.
The diamond or the money? Quick!

00:09:23.321 --> 00:09:25.- We're in deep water, Aziz Efendi!
- Draw a straw!

00:09:26.601 --> 00:09:28.The diamond.

00:09:33.641 --> 00:09:37.- There's armies of them, Aziz Efendi!
- Stay calm. Calm down. Stay calm.

00:09:37.961 --> 00:09:39.- I ** calm!
- Stay calm.

00:09:39.881 --> 00:09:42.In the name of Allah,
most gracious, most merciful..

00:09:42.641 --> 00:09:44.Dear God, don't desert us!

00:09:48.561 --> 00:09:50.We're not giving up the diamond
even if it means death!

00:09:51.081 --> 00:09:53.- Let's go, main man!
- With the will of Allah..

00:09:56.921 --> 00:09:59.I said stop the carriage,
you son of a bitch!

00:10:00.321 --> 00:10:05.Hey, Zeki. I g***t kind of lost
from the mail carriage onwards.

00:10:05.481 --> 00:10:07.Wait. Let's try this then.

00:10:15.481 --> 00:10:18.Didn't I say stop the carriage,
you fuckers?

00:10:20.401 --> 00:10:23.Get out! Out, out, out!

00:10:23.241 --> 00:10:26.Get out of there! Out!

00:10:27.721 --> 00:10:31.- Come on, move it!
- Oh God, Jack! No!

00:10:36.721 --> 00:10:39.- Stop! Get off her!
- Don't shout. Stand in line.

00:10:39.601 --> 00:10:42.Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Lesh here.
My crew and I are here...

00:10:42.881 --> 00:10:47....to relieve you of certain items
for the comfort of your journey.

00:10:48.161 --> 00:10:51.You're free to shout.
Any heroics and you're dead.

00:10:55.801 --> 00:11:00.The gun's antique. I put in for
a new one and does anyone give a f***k'?

00:11:01.201 --> 00:11:04.Come here, a***e! Move!
Get over there!

00:11:06.041 --> 00:11:09.Lesh! Check out this chick!

00:11:12.161 --> 00:11:14.A watch!

00:11:20.041 --> 00:11:23.Don't take us for wasters, sir.
We've come all the way from Istanbul.

00:11:24.041 --> 00:11:25.Oh yeah?.. It shows.

00:11:26.121 --> 00:11:28.I never saw kit like that
even in Buffalo Bill's show.

00:11:28.761 --> 00:11:29.What the hell is this?

00:11:29.961 --> 00:11:31.A fez. I have a flute as well
if you want.

00:11:31.681 --> 00:11:33.Knock it off!

00:11:33.721 --> 00:11:35.Don't...!

00:11:36.121 --> 00:11:38.- Lesh!
- What the hell have you done?

00:11:38.721 --> 00:11:40.- Lesh!
- What the hell have you done?

00:11:40.361 --> 00:11:42.This is unreal!

00:11:43.881 --> 00:11:47.But we're in with Firecracker Ahmet
of Highwayman Creek. Be warned!

00:11:55.521 --> 00:11:58.Come on, let's go!
I smell Indians.

00:11:59.361 --> 00:12:00.See you!

00:12:14.161 --> 00:12:18.- He said "Sioux". The Sioux..
- No, he said "see you" as in goodbye.

00:12:20.961 --> 00:12:22.Who the hell is Firecracker Ahmet?

00:12:22.601 --> 00:12:25.Any time I mention the guy's name
it always gets me in trouble anyhow.

00:12:25.801 --> 00:12:28.Don't make me crazy, mon cher!
The instructions are explicit.

00:12:28.481 --> 00:12:32.In case of danger, hide the goods
up your nether region. It's that clear!

00:12:32.761 --> 00:12:35.But is that fair?
A diamond that big?

00:12:35.601 --> 00:12:38.Hey, you think it's a turn-on
stuffing 1000 dollars up my a***s?

00:12:38.321 --> 00:12:39.- I wouldn't know.
- What?

00:12:40.601 --> 00:12:43.Sir thinks his a***s is too precious
and I'm about to get massacred here!

00:12:44.001 --> 00:12:44.Come here!

00:12:47.001 --> 00:12:48.Open up that handkerchief.

00:12:56.681 --> 00:12:58.Here.

00:13:03.121 --> 00:13:04.Terrific!

00:13:11.841 --> 00:13:14.There should be a saucer for this.

00:13:16.121 --> 00:13:18.Here, that's all.

00:13:23.761 --> 00:13:25.Are you OK?

00:13:27.081 --> 00:13:29.At least we held on to the grand.

00:13:30.841 --> 00:13:34.It's not the time for jokes,
but the old boy's stuffed us.

00:13:35.121 --> 00:13:38.Carry on and you're dead!
We face the arrows of misfortune here.

00:13:43.441 --> 00:13:45.Indians!

00:13:51.601 --> 00:13:53.-0ogh!...