Yahsi Bati Movie Subtitles

WEBVTT 00:00:14.801 --> 00:00:17.921 So when the woman says they come long and thin, fat... 00:00:18.081 --> 00:00:20.721 ...with veins on them, like this and like that... 00:00:20.881 --> 00:00:23.801 ...the guy can't handle it. He gets up and says, " If I found one like that..." 00:00:23.961 --> 00:00:27.161 -"...I'd, you know..." - He's something else! 00:00:30.681 --> 00:00:35.361 They used to call them 'zibiks'. They were like coffee mills. This big. 00:00:35.521 --> 00:00:39.401 And made of wood, right? Or so I hear, I never saw one. 00:00:40.681 --> 00:00:43.881 I haven't laughed so much in ages. Let's drink, Vedat. 00:00:44.201 --> 00:00:45.801 - Cheers! - Welcome, old man. 00:00:45.961 --> 00:00:48.721 - Welcome. - To your health. 00:00:56.081 --> 00:00:58.241 Zeki, why don't we, you know...? 00:00:58.401 --> 00:01:03.721 Right. Enough laughs. Let's not keep Vedat hanging on any longer. 00:01:04.961 --> 00:01:07.001 Oh man! You had to put them in a plastic bag? 00:01:07.161 --> 00:01:10.041 Hey, the wrapping has to be crap or they'd attract attention. Right? 00:01:10.201 --> 00:01:11.241 Sure. 00:01:11.401 --> 00:01:13.121 Here, these are the goods. 00:01:13.281 --> 00:01:16.321 Just look at that stitching. It speaks for itself. 00:01:16.481 --> 00:01:19.721 - So can I touch them? - Sure.. Here you go. 00:01:21.241 --> 00:01:25.081 They call these long Wellingtons. They're around 130-140 years old. 00:01:25.241 --> 00:01:27.401 I can't give an exact figure, but around that. 00:01:27.561 --> 00:01:32.121 - So how did they land up with you? - Now that's an interesting story. 00:01:33.081 --> 00:01:36.721 Go on, tell him. Vedat's one of us. There's no one around. It's just us. 00:01:36.881 --> 00:01:39.681 - OK, US president Garfield... - What, the cat? 00:01:39.921 --> 00:01:42.841 - What f***g cat'? - Garfield's a cat, right? 00:01:43.281 --> 00:01:47.481 Google it, man! See for yourself. The then US president was Garfield. 00:01:47.761 --> 00:01:52.281 OK, I enter 'Garfield'. 'Did you mean Garfield?' The cat again. 00:01:52.481 --> 00:01:54.841 Where's the president? Away. On vacation. 00:01:55.041 --> 00:01:56.681 - Carry on, chum. - Alpay... 00:01:56.961 --> 00:01:58.361 Just carry on. 00:01:59.401 --> 00:02:02.641 Vedat, the US president sends our sultan a gift. 00:02:03.281 --> 00:02:07.921 And the sultan thinks, "I'll send a gift back." 00:02:08.281 --> 00:02:12.081 My great-grandfather, Aziz Vefa, a member of the secret services... 00:02:12.641 --> 00:02:16.561 ...and another public servant, Lemi Galip, from the treasury. 00:02:16.721 --> 00:02:19.161 He gives them a mission. What does he say? 00:02:19.321 --> 00:02:22.481 He says, "Take this gift to the president." 00:02:25.761 --> 00:02:28.561 - So they go to the palace. - The palace? 00:02:28.881 --> 00:02:31.881 What do you think? They'd meet the sultan down at the waterside? 00:02:32.041 --> 00:02:34.961 - So they go to the palace. - OK. Get on with it, will you? 00:02:35.121 --> 00:02:38.001 I **, but learn to listen first. 00:02:38.241 --> 00:02:41.401 Telling a story is just as much about being listened to. 00:02:41.561 --> 00:02:43.281 Oh, right. 00:02:49.161 --> 00:02:52.561 They come before the sultan. And they kiss the sultan's hands. 00:02:52.721 --> 00:02:57.201 - Does the sultan kiss theirs? - Come on, man! Stop butting in. 00:02:59.001 --> 00:03:03.761 They're presented the gift right away. What is it? A diamond necklace. 00:03:05.081 --> 00:03:07.281 And the sultan says, "it's in your hands now." 00:03:07.441 --> 00:03:11.721 "And here's 1000 bucks for the road. Confederation dollars." 00:03:14.121 --> 00:03:18.321 Well, you can't say, "Sorry, padishah. America's miles away. No can do." 00:03:18.481 --> 00:03:20.881 You have to go come hell or high water. 00:03:31.281 --> 00:03:34.441 Now they've g***t the mission their route's a given. 00:03:34.601 --> 00:03:37.641 First, the Orient Express to Paris. 00:03:37.801 --> 00:03:40.001 Then a boat to London. 00:03:40.241 --> 00:03:44.481 And then another boat across the Atlantic to America. 00:04:51.281 --> 00:04:58.121 THE MILD WEST 00:05:23.761 --> 00:05:25.561 S'il vous plait, madame. 00:06:03.841 --> 00:06:06.161 Our honourable jerk didn't get the joke, Aziz. 00:06:06.321 --> 00:06:09.521 Ask if Mr and Mrs Brown are back from the picnic. 00:06:09.881 --> 00:06:12.521 Give me a break! The humour's way too subtle. 00:06:12.681 --> 00:06:14.281 English peasant! 00:06:17.161 --> 00:06:19.401 I'm saying we prize our village people. 00:06:31.841 --> 00:06:34.441 They always say that. It's the only thing they know. 00:06:51.441 --> 00:06:53.721 She says she can keep secrets. 00:06:53.961 --> 00:06:56.441 Keep those secrets when we stop for a break. 00:07:00.281 --> 00:07:03.801 Suppose we stop and pass a little water? 00:08:35.681 --> 00:08:37.721 What the hell are you doing? 00:08:38.001 --> 00:08:40.921 - What's the problem? - You can't share it round like candy! 00:08:41.081 --> 00:08:44.481 - Well, you did it with that photo. - Put the d***n thing back! 00:08:44.761 --> 00:08:47.321 OK. Don't get so steamed up! I'm responsible for it. 00:08:55.361 --> 00:08:58.081 Bandits! Keep calm. 00:09:07.281 --> 00:09:09.241 Don't point that at me! 00:09:09.561 --> 00:09:13.001 Listen. We'll follow the normal routine. Calm down. 00:09:19.961 --> 00:09:23.161 Listen. We'll draw straws. The diamond or the money? Quick! 00:09:23.321 --> 00:09:25.841 - We're in deep water, Aziz Efendi! - Draw a straw! 00:09:26.601 --> 00:09:28.121 The diamond. 00:09:33.641 --> 00:09:37.801 - There's armies of them, Aziz Efendi! - Stay calm. Calm down. Stay calm. 00:09:37.961 --> 00:09:39.721 - I ** calm! - Stay calm. 00:09:39.881 --> 00:09:42.481 In the name of Allah, most gracious, most merciful.. 00:09:42.641 --> 00:09:44.841 Dear God, don't desert us! 00:09:48.561 --> 00:09:50.921 We're not giving up the diamond even if it means death! 00:09:51.081 --> 00:09:53.601 - Let's go, main man! - With the will of Allah.. 00:09:56.921 --> 00:09:59.521 I said stop the carriage, you son of a bitch! 00:10:00.321 --> 00:10:05.161 Hey, Zeki. I g***t kind of lost from the mail carriage onwards. 00:10:05.481 --> 00:10:07.641 Wait. Let's try this then. 00:10:15.481 --> 00:10:18.041 Didn't I say stop the carriage, you fuckers? 00:10:20.401 --> 00:10:23.081 Get out! Out, out, out! 00:10:23.241 --> 00:10:26.241 Get out of there! Out! 00:10:27.721 --> 00:10:31.441 - Come on, move it! - Oh God, Jack! No! 00:10:36.721 --> 00:10:39.441 - Stop! Get off her! - Don't shout. Stand in line. 00:10:39.601 --> 00:10:42.721 Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Lesh here. My crew and I are here... 00:10:42.881 --> 00:10:47.921 ...to relieve you of certain items for the comfort of your journey. 00:10:48.161 --> 00:10:51.521 You're free to shout. Any heroics and you're dead. 00:10:55.801 --> 00:11:00.761 The gun's antique. I put in for a new one and does anyone give a f***k'? 00:11:01.201 --> 00:11:04.601 Come here, a***e! Move! Get over there! 00:11:06.041 --> 00:11:09.681 Lesh! Check out this chick! 00:11:12.161 --> 00:11:14.161 A watch! 00:11:20.041 --> 00:11:23.881 Don't take us for wasters, sir. We've come all the way from Istanbul. 00:11:24.041 --> 00:11:25.761 Oh yeah?.. It shows. 00:11:26.121 --> 00:11:28.601 I never saw kit like that even in Buffalo Bill's show. 00:11:28.761 --> 00:11:29.801 What the hell is this? 00:11:29.961 --> 00:11:31.521 A fez. I have a flute as well if you want. 00:11:31.681 --> 00:11:33.121 Knock it off! 00:11:33.721 --> 00:11:35.121 Don't...! 00:11:36.121 --> 00:11:38.561 - Lesh! - What the hell have you done? 00:11:38.721 --> 00:11:40.201 - Lesh! - What the hell have you done? 00:11:40.361 --> 00:11:42.081 This is unreal! 00:11:43.881 --> 00:11:47.921 But we're in with Firecracker Ahmet of Highwayman Creek. Be warned! 00:11:55.521 --> 00:11:58.921 Come on, let's go! I smell Indians. 00:11:59.361 --> 00:12:00.721 See you! 00:12:14.161 --> 00:12:18.241 - He said "Sioux". The Sioux.. - No, he said "see you" as in goodbye. 00:12:20.961 --> 00:12:22.441 Who the hell is Firecracker Ahmet? 00:12:22.601 --> 00:12:25.641 Any time I mention the guy's name it always gets me in trouble anyhow. 00:12:25.801 --> 00:12:28.321 Don't make me crazy, mon cher! The instructions are explicit. 00:12:28.481 --> 00:12:32.441 In case of danger, hide the goods up your nether region. It's that clear! 00:12:32.761 --> 00:12:35.281 But is that fair? A diamond that big? 00:12:35.601 --> 00:12:38.161 Hey, you think it's a turn-on stuffing 1000 dollars up my a***s? 00:12:38.321 --> 00:12:39.801 - I wouldn't know. - What? 00:12:40.601 --> 00:12:43.841 Sir thinks his a***s is too precious and I'm about to get massacred here! 00:12:44.001 --> 00:12:44.961 Come here! 00:12:47.001 --> 00:12:48.801 Open up that handkerchief. 00:12:56.681 --> 00:12:58.001 Here. 00:13:03.121 --> 00:13:04.721 Terrific! 00:13:11.841 --> 00:13:14.321 There should be a saucer for this. 00:13:16.121 --> 00:13:18.241 Here, that's all. 00:13:23.761 --> 00:13:25.401 Are you OK? 00:13:27.081 --> 00:13:29.321 At least we held on to the grand. 00:13:30.841 --> 00:13:34.681 It's not the time for jokes, but the old boy's stuffed us. 00:13:35.121 --> 00:13:38.681 Carry on and you're dead! We face the arrows of misfortune here. 00:13:43.441 --> 00:13:45.281 Indians! 00:13:51.601 --> 00:13:53.641 -0ogh!...