My.Awkward.Sexual.Adventure.2012.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC5.1-[YTS.MX] Subtitles

00:00:52,187 --> 00:00:52,Rach!

00:00:54,225 --> 00:00:55,Rach...

00:01:34,956 --> 00:01:36,Good morning!

00:01:40,814 --> 00:01:42,Surprise!

00:01:43,331 --> 00:01:45,Breakfast in bed.

00:01:47,047 --> 00:01:50,Oh, how sweet... the mango
cut into little hearts!

00:01:50,949 --> 00:01:55,Yup. And the moon apples and
the smiley face. Bacon smiley face.

00:01:58,248 --> 00:02:00,I'm not coming to Niagara Falls.

00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:07,Not funny cause... you know how
hard it was to get a jacuzzi room?

00:02:07,415 --> 00:02:08,You know you have to
book that way in advance

00:02:08,868 --> 00:02:11,and they don't give a
refund on the jacuzzi room.

00:02:12,248 --> 00:02:17,Listen I'm... Jordan, I'm going
through something and...

00:02:17,396 --> 00:02:21,I think that I need to...
that we need...

00:02:21,515 --> 00:02:25,Okay, hold on.
Wait! Just wait.

00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:32,No! Hey hey hey!
What are you doing?

00:02:32,162 --> 00:02:36,Okay. This stuff is suppose to
happen till tomorrow night...

00:02:37,092 --> 00:02:39,- So I'm jumping the gun here.
- No! Maybe no...

00:02:40,049 --> 00:02:43,You... are the only girl that
I ever wanted to be with.

00:02:44,208 --> 00:02:49,Rachel Stern, will you marry me?

00:02:52,067 --> 00:02:55,I can't spend the rest of my life

00:02:56,138 --> 00:02:59,having s***x with just you.

00:03:00,835 --> 00:03:03,We're breaking up!

00:03:04,709 --> 00:03:08,Okay, okay. So, Rach ...

00:03:08,835 --> 00:03:12,Okay love, I can get better!

00:03:12,334 --> 00:03:14,What? I can! I can get better.

00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,You just... you just tell me
what it is I'm doing wrong.

00:03:17,876 --> 00:03:20,- I don't think that's a very good idea.
- I can take it okay! Come on.

00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,Yeah?

00:03:23,835 --> 00:03:25,All right.

00:03:28,710 --> 00:03:32,- You have bad breath.
- Yeah, I can fix that.

00:03:32,318 --> 00:03:36,You're sloppy kisser. You've no
idea what to do with my breasts.

00:03:36,421 --> 00:03:40,Sometimes I think you're actually trying
to feed but you come way too fast.

00:03:40,543 --> 00:03:43,- Your p***s is just so ...
- Okay, I'm good, thanks.

00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:44,- So you don't have to.
- ...to the side and then

00:03:44,355 --> 00:03:48,you never go down on me.
You refer to s***x as gentle time.

00:03:48,248 --> 00:03:51,You are terrified of going
anywhere near my a***e.

00:03:51,427 --> 00:03:53,- You won't consider a threesome.
- Why would I want to have a threesome!

00:03:53,869 --> 00:03:56,Why, so I can disappoint
two people at the same time?

00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:58,Well, it's a good point.

00:03:58,735 --> 00:04:04,Okay, look, Rach. We can fix
this, right. We can fix this thing.

00:04:04,168 --> 00:04:07,I can read a book.
No, I ... we can make some list.

00:04:07,557 --> 00:04:10,We can fix this thing
together as a team.

00:04:11,026 --> 00:04:15,Okay, but there are so much
that I haven't experienced.

00:04:15,837 --> 00:04:20,And being with you this past year,
I just... I need to get out there.

00:04:21,837 --> 00:04:26,We both do. We tried.
We really tried.

00:04:26,703 --> 00:04:30,So I need to move on and...

00:04:31,507 --> 00:04:34,- Hey I'm setting you free.
- But I don't want to be free.

00:04:34,838 --> 00:04:37,- I wanna be with you.
- No, no! Just don't, don't.

00:04:37,796 --> 00:04:40,No! No!
Take your week off.

00:04:40,804 --> 00:04:45,Oh, go to Toronto, stay with
Dandak, have fun. Right?

00:04:45,902 --> 00:04:48,When you get back, I'll move in
with my sister and we can...

00:04:48,954 --> 00:04:52,Okay, woah. No!
Just hold on. Please.

00:04:53,630 --> 00:04:57,Okay, alright. You made
your point, okay, I hear you.

00:04:58,097 --> 00:05:00,- I'm a crappy lover, okay?
- Yup.

00:05:01,019 --> 00:05:03,Alright, but look...
I checked this in.

00:05:03,922 --> 00:05:08,I g***t you the window seat which
you love, okay. I'm in the aisle.

00:05:08,978 --> 00:05:12,And you know, let's just go
and talk about it on vacation.

00:05:23,556 --> 00:05:25,Gary's totally overworked.

00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:29,And you better get to it chop, chop

00:05:29,161 --> 00:05:31,since you're decking out early
for that lame-a***s trip of yours.

00:05:31,729 --> 00:05:35,- Yeah I know, Kelly, we...
- What you gonna cry?

00:05:35,507 --> 00:05:38,- Need a tissue?
- No, I don't.

00:05:39,048 --> 00:05:42,My God, you are crying.
You are actually...

00:05:57,541 --> 00:05:59,- Hey Mom.
- Are you out of your mind?

00:06:00,092 --> 00:06:05,- You waited years for her like a schmuck.
- What did she say to you? That's not...

00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:06,You think she can do better?

00:06:06,139 --> 00:06:09,You should be proposing to that
woman, not breaking up with her.

00:06:09,140 --> 00:06:12,Woah. What...? No one's breaking
up with any one, Mom. Okay.

00:06:12,633 --> 00:06:15,In fact, we're meeting at
the airport in like three hours

00:06:15,765 --> 00:06:18,for a very special trip to a very...

00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:20,I can't talk now.
I'm working out.

00:06:25,559 --> 00:06:30,This is the final boarding
call for Flight 632 to Toronto.

00:06:31,247 --> 00:06:34,All passengers must now get on board.

00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:46,... paging Toronto
passenger Jordan Abrams.

00:06:46,926 --> 00:06:50,Jordan Abrams,
please report to the gate.

00:06:51,101 --> 00:06:53,I'm waiting for someone.

00:06:53,843 --> 00:06:56,She's not coming.

00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:11,- What is it, Jordan?
- Hey, are you through security yet?

00:07:11,310 --> 00:07:14,- No, I'm not coming.
- Come on, you better hurry up honey.

00:07:14,152 --> 00:07:16,- They're closing the gates here.
- No. I ** not coming okay.

00:07:16,883 --> 00:07:18,We need some space right now.

00:07:20,095 --> 00:07:22,Okay, you know what?
I'm coming right home

00:07:22,245 --> 00:07:24,and we'll just reschedule
the flight for tomorrow.

00:07:24,052 --> 00:07:27,No, no, no! You're
not listening, Jordan.

00:07:27,650 --> 00:07:31,I need this, I do.
I'll see you in a week.

00:07:36,845 --> 00:07:39,You strike me as a kind of...
Hello!

00:07:41,396 --> 00:07:45,You strike me as a kind of
guy people need a break from.

00:07:45,512 --> 00:07:47,You're smothering her.

00:07:48,429 --> 00:07:50,Get on the plane.

00:08:19,555 --> 00:08:22,There he is.
Come here.

00:08:23,788 --> 00:08:26,The next seven days
you observe my every move,

00:08:26,321 --> 00:08:28,study my every gesture and
stay close to exactly as I say.

00:08:28,910 --> 00:08:31,Watch, listen, be a sponge.

00:08:31,373 --> 00:08:34,Life is a buffet, my friend. You
probably said that like a million times.

00:08:34,522 --> 00:08:37,- I don't think so.
- Now, it's time for you
to eat off the buffet.

00:08:37,584 --> 00:08:41,Now what's to consider if you agreed.
Shaved? I'm guessing not!

00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,- That's alright, I have enough to...
- I'm sorry, man.

00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:47,I have no intention of being
unfaithful to Rachel, okay.

00:08:47,134 --> 00:08:49,Unfaithful?
She dumped you, dude.

00:08:49,548 --> 00:08:52,Oh, that's very nice. That's
very compassionate and sensitive.

00:08:52,556 --> 00:08:54,No, stop! That's not fair!

00:08:54,348 --> 00:08:57,I've watched you pine for this
girl since you were 12 years old.

00:08:57,223 --> 00:09:00,It took you 24 years to
convince her to give you a shot.

00:09:00,599 --> 00:09:03,You took that shot. It didn't
work out. I'm sorry about that.

00:09:03,121 --> 00:09:04,But it's time for you to move on.

00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:08,And as your sexual mentor,
I need you to stay focused.

00:09:08,382 --> 00:09:11,Excuse me. I'm sorry to bother you.
First of all, beautiful boots!

00:09:11,860 --> 00:09:14,Can I ask you a question?
Is that alright?

00:09:14,724 --> 00:09:19,My friend here, do we...?
Do you find him attractive?

00:09:21,350 --> 00:09:23,Yeah, he's not bad, maybe a seven.

00:09:25,024 --> 00:09:27,- 7 out of 20?
- No.

00:09:27,346 --> 00:09:29,- Is that out of 10? Wow!
- Yeah, dude.

00:09:29,858 --> 00:09:32,I was gonna say 5 or 6,
but you're in great shape.

00:09:32,283 --> 00:09:34,- A 7 out of 10, for sure, right?
- 7.

00:09:34,751 --> 00:09:35,- For sure?
- Yes!

00:09:35,891 --> 00:09:39,Listen! We're throwing him a little
shindig tonight. He's new in town.

00:09:39,533 --> 00:09:42,Why don't you, your beautiful boots,
some of your friends? Come on by.

00:09:42,279 --> 00:09:45,Eightish, Apartment 4.
What do you say?

00:09:46,933 -->...