Cucumber (2015) - S01E07 - Episode 7 (1080p BluRay x265 Panda) Subtitles

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,- Will you marry me?
- No.

00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:05,I think there's g***t to be one more c***k!

00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:06,Out there!

00:00:06,960 --> 00:00:09,You're 46 years old,
he is never going to have s***x with you.

00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:11,He is never ever going to have
s***x with you, never!

00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:13,It's all been a bit mental.

00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,- I sort of g***t lost.
- I've met someone.

00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:19,Don't you touch me!

00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:40,Ripped By mstoll

00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:49,You look nice.

00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:50,Thank you.

00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,We'll see you later.

00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:56,You... You don't have to come.

00:00:56,240 --> 00:00:58,Day off work with full pay.

00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:13,- Morning.
- Hi.

00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,That's a very good shower.

00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:16,It is, isn't it?

00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:18,I think you should ring the bell
while I'm here.

00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,Is that OK?

00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,Well, it's my house.

00:01:21,240 --> 00:01:22,Hmm, it's half mine.

00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,- How are you?
- Exhausted.

00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:30,Rosemary sends her apologies,
she did try to make it.

00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,I know, she texted.

00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:34,Ah.

00:01:34,320 --> 00:01:36,- That'll be Cleo.
- Yeah.

00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,I can't believe I beeped!

00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,Oh, my God. Sorry, force of habit.

00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:43,I'm so sorry.

00:01:43,240 --> 00:01:47,Hey, that's OK. Aw, thank you, sweetheart.

00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:48,Look, Auntie Marie's here.

00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,Bad day, man.

00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,- Ah, thanks. You look smart.
- Hm.

00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:55,- Nice of you to come.
- I wanted to pay my respects.

00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:56,Well, very kind of you.

00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:00,This is my Auntie Marie...
Lance's sister...

00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:03,Bloody Tomasz?! He can't ride
in the funeral car, he's not family.

00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:05,Well, is he? I don't know.
Are they boyfriends or not?

00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,- Well... have you asked?
- I did.

00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,He said, ' "Mum, don't
be so old-fashioned.'"

00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,And then he asked me for 20 quid
cos that never gets old, does it?

00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:13,How are you?

00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:17,I'm OK. Here he comes.

00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,I thought it best to tell you
before the funeral,

00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,just in case it goes public, but...

00:02:23,360 --> 00:02:26,I've been informed that Daniel Coltrane
has instructed a new defence team.

00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:27,What for?

00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,But he confessed.
He said that he did it, he said so.

00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,I know, yeah.

00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:33,He was the one who called the police.

00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:36,He sat there with Lance's body
for three hours, he told them.

00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,He's now claiming provocation.

00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,Oh, Jesus.

00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,He's saying that Lance made a pass at him
and he lashed out.

00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:43,Gay panic.

00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:46,The defence is known as gay panic.

00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:55,You lot, shut up.
Just shut up, I'm telling you, shut up!

00:02:59,640 --> 00:03:01,The court won't recognise it.

00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,Homosexual panic,
it's not allowed as a defence on its own.

00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:06,But this means we're going to trial.

00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:10,If he changes his story,
there's g***t to be a trial, is that right?

00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:11,The thing is, he's insane.

00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,And, I mean, genuinely,
he's in a state of collapse.

00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:15,Tomorrow he might say
something completely different.

00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:18,- Can he stop the funeral?
- Oh, you're kidding.

00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:21,No, he can't, the body's been released,
he can't do that.

00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:25,But if it does go to court...
he can say all this, out loud?

00:03:25,680 --> 00:03:27,He can say it was Lance's fault?

00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:28,Yeah.

00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:30,And could it work?

00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,Is there any chance
it could actually work?

00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,No.

00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,Although... if he claims sexual assault,

00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,we might be looking at manslaughter,
not murder.

00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:44,- What's that for?
- What?

00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,Why you lookin' at me?

00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:48,I can go and see him.

00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,I know he's turned down your request.
Unless, Henry, you want to try and?

00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,I don't want to see him, no.

00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:54,Understood.

00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:58,But I could get to see him,
to represent you, if you want?

00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,And obviously I could take a statement.

00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,Have a briefcase with me,
files and a pen.

00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,Because solicitors get searched
entering a prison just like everyone else,

00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:09,but I'd still have a pen.

00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:11,Because a pen is all I'd need, really.

00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,I think it would take me a second
to lean across

00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:17,and insert the pen through his throat.

00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:21,Right here. At the base.
Straight through to the spine.

00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:23,I could do that.

00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:27,He'd bleed out in seconds. Dead.

00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:29,So...

00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:32,...that's what I'll do.

00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,With your permission.

00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:35,Yeah.

00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:36,Absolutely.

00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,That would be excellent.

00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,Thank you.

00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:46,It's like it says in the old song,
' "I scarce can take it in.'"

00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:49,- Thanks for coming.
- Tell you what, it's invigorated me!

00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,I'm bloody burning with rage!

00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,And you remember Cleo?

00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,Thank you so much for coming.

00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:55,- Thank you.
- Bless you.

00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,Help yourself to the buffet.

00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:02,Oh! Aw...

00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:06,- I'm so sorry, Mr B.
- Hey, that's all right.

00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:09,It's OK.

00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:13,Oh, darling, come here. Oh...

00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:14,Turns out he had a father and everything.

00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:17,Daniel? Yeah, he told us he only moved
here cos of his job,

00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,but his ex-wife says he's g***t a father
in Chorlton in sheltered housing.

00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:21,78 years old, no-one knew.

00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:23,He lied about everything,
he is such a liar.

00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,Right, and this is my sister, Cleo.

00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,- We met at that open day. Hello, hi.
- Oh, we did. You all right?

00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:31,Please help yourself to the buffet.

00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:41,Remember what I said -
don't let this define you, OK?

00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,Yeah. And... you've met Cleo?

00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,Listen to me, though.
You didn't die with him, OK?

00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:49,Yes! Thank you, yes.

00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,Nice of you to come, Freddie.

00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:57,Oh, I'm f***g furious.

00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,- Oh, Nelly, I thought you were dead.
- I was, for a while.

00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:01,I'm furious, though, that murdering f***k!

00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,- Cleo, you remember Nelly?
- Drayton Manor.

00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:05,I ended up with Nelly on a pedalo.

00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:07,- You look f***g gorgeous.
- Oh, baby!

00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,- Thank you for coming, sweetheart.
- I'll see you later.

00:06:10,080 --> 00:06:11,See you later.

00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:13,But what are we doing here?!

00:06:13,160 --> 00:06:14,He didn't like cricket, did he?

00:06:15,040 --> 00:06:17,No, it was Marie's idea,
cos Marie didn't like using a pub,

00:06:17,880 --> 00:06:19,and whatever Marie says goes.

00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,Elaine sends her love.
She couldn't make it, she's g***t the kids.

00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,Oh, yeah, I know, just look around -
there's no Elaine, there's no Max.

00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,There's no sign of Sally and her gang.

00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,There's no-one from Johnson's,
there's no-one from Picardie's...

00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,- And I'm Cleo, we...
- Cos that's what happens...

00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,- We go way back.
...when it's a murder. Apparently!

00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,Everyone's too embarrassed to come.

00:06:37,120 -->...