Cucumber S01E07 (2015) Subtitles

At 00:00:01,000, Character said: - Will you marry me?
- No.

2
At 00:00:02,680, Character said: I think there's g***t to be one more c***k!

3
At 00:00:05,840, Character said: Out there!

4
At 00:00:06,960, Character said: You're 46 years old,
he is never going to have s***x with you.

5
At 00:00:09,720, Character said: He is never ever going to have
s***x with you, never!

6
At 00:00:11,400, Character said: It's all been a bit mental.

7
At 00:00:13,720, Character said: - I sort of g***t lost.
- I've met someone.

8
At 00:00:17,240, Character said: Don't you touch me!

9
At 00:00:30,400, Character said: Ripped By mstoll

10
At 00:00:48,240, Character said: You look nice.

11
At 00:00:49,520, Character said: Thank you.

12
At 00:00:50,800, Character said: We'll see you later.

13
At 00:00:54,320, Character said: You... You don't have to come.

14
At 00:00:56,240, Character said: Day off work with full pay.

15
At 00:01:11,560, Character said: - Morning.
- Hi.

16
At 00:01:13,320, Character said: That's a very good shower.

17
At 00:01:15,240, Character said: It is, isn't it?

18
At 00:01:16,400, Character said: I think you should ring the bell
while I'm here.

19
At 00:01:18,280, Character said: Is that OK?

20
At 00:01:19,520, Character said: Well, it's my house.

21
At 00:01:21,240, Character said: Hmm, it's half mine.

22
At 00:01:24,040, Character said: - How are you?
- Exhausted.

23
At 00:01:27,440, Character said: Rosemary sends her apologies,
she did try to make it.

24
At 00:01:31,000, Character said: I know, she texted.

25
At 00:01:32,520, Character said: Ah.

26
At 00:01:34,320, Character said: - That'll be Cleo.
- Yeah.

27
At 00:01:37,480, Character said: I can't believe I beeped!

28
At 00:01:39,400, Character said: Oh, my God. Sorry, force of habit.

29
At 00:01:41,840, Character said: I'm so sorry.

30
At 00:01:43,240, Character said: Hey, that's OK. Aw, thank you, sweetheart.

31
At 00:01:47,560, Character said: Look, Auntie Marie's here.

32
At 00:01:48,960, Character said: Bad day, man.

33
At 00:01:50,360, Character said: - Ah, thanks. You look smart.
- Hm.

34
At 00:01:53,320, Character said: - Nice of you to come.
- I wanted to pay my respects.

35
At 00:01:55,360, Character said: Well, very kind of you.

36
At 00:01:56,640, Character said: This is my Auntie Marie...
Lance's sister...

37
At 00:02:00,160, Character said: Bloody Tomasz?! He can't ride
in the funeral car, he's not family.

38
At 00:02:03,440, Character said: Well, is he? I don't know.
Are they boyfriends or not?

39
At 00:02:06,000, Character said: - Well... have you asked?
- I did.

40
At 00:02:07,480, Character said: He said, ' "Mum, don't
be so old-fashioned.'"

41
At 00:02:09,200, Character said: And then he asked me for 20 quid
cos that never gets old, does it?

42
At 00:02:11,600, Character said: How are you?

43
At 00:02:13,480, Character said: I'm OK. Here he comes.

44
At 00:02:17,720, Character said: I thought it best to tell you
before the funeral,

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At 00:02:19,560, Character said: just in case it goes public, but...

46
At 00:02:23,360, Character said: I've been informed that Daniel Coltrane
has instructed a new defence team.

47
At 00:02:26,760, Character said: What for?

48
At 00:02:27,840, Character said: But he confessed.
He said that he did it, he said so.

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At 00:02:30,200, Character said: I know, yeah.

50
At 00:02:31,680, Character said: He was the one who called the police.

51
At 00:02:33,560, Character said: He sat there with Lance's body
for three hours, he told them.

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At 00:02:36,600, Character said: He's now claiming provocation.

53
At 00:02:38,080, Character said: Oh, Jesus.

54
At 00:02:39,400, Character said: He's saying that Lance made a pass at him
and he lashed out.

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At 00:02:41,640, Character said: Gay panic.

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At 00:02:44,720, Character said: The defence is known as gay panic.

57
At 00:02:51,640, Character said: You lot, shut up.
Just shut up, I'm telling you, shut up!

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At 00:02:59,640, Character said: The court won't recognise it.

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At 00:03:01,480, Character said: Homosexual panic,
it's not allowed as a defence on its own.

60
At 00:03:05,320, Character said: But this means we're going to trial.

61
At 00:03:06,600, Character said: If he changes his story,
there's g***t to be a trial, is that right?

62
At 00:03:10,320, Character said: The thing is, he's insane.

63
At 00:03:11,560, Character said: And, I mean, genuinely,
he's in a state of collapse.

64
At 00:03:13,720, Character said: Tomorrow he might say
something completely different.

65
At 00:03:16,040, Character said: - Can he stop the funeral?
- Oh, you're kidding.

66
At 00:03:18,360, Character said: No, he can't, the body's been released,
he can't do that.

67
At 00:03:21,520, Character said: But if it does go to court...
he can say all this, out loud?

68
At 00:03:25,680, Character said: He can say it was Lance's fault?

69
At 00:03:27,200, Character said: Yeah.

70
At 00:03:28,680, Character said: And could it work?

71
At 00:03:30,480, Character said: Is there any chance
it could actually work?

72
At 00:03:33,280, Character said: No.

73
At 00:03:36,560, Character said: Although... if he claims sexual assault,

74
At 00:03:38,640, Character said: we might be looking at manslaughter,
not murder.

75
At 00:03:43,240, Character said: - What's that for?
- What?

76
At 00:03:45,000, Character said: Why you lookin' at me?

77
At 00:03:47,440, Character said: I can go and see him.

78
At 00:03:48,800, Character said: I know he's turned down your request.
Unless, Henry, you want to try and?

79
At 00:03:51,160, Character said: I don't want to see him, no.

80
At 00:03:53,080, Character said: Understood.

81
At 00:03:55,360, Character said: But I could get to see him,
to represent you, if you want?

82
At 00:03:58,960, Character said: And obviously I could take a statement.

83
At 00:04:01,320, Character said: Have a briefcase with me,
files and a pen.

84
At 00:04:05,280, Character said: Because solicitors get searched
entering a prison just like everyone else,

85
At 00:04:08,160, Character said: but I'd still have a pen.

86
At 00:04:10,320, Character said: Because a pen is all I'd need, really.

87
At 00:04:13,480, Character said: I think it would take me a second
to lean across

88
At 00:04:15,440, Character said: and insert the pen through his throat.

89
At 00:04:17,320, Character said: Right here. At the base.
Straight through to the spine.

90
At 00:04:21,880, Character said: I could do that.

91
At 00:04:24,040, Character said: He'd bleed out in seconds. Dead.

92
At 00:04:28,360, Character said: So...

93
At 00:04:30,640, Character said: ...that's what I'll do.

94
At 00:04:32,480, Character said: With your permission.

95
At 00:04:34,600, Character said: Yeah.

96
At 00:04:35,640, Character said: Absolutely.

97
At 00:04:36,680, Character said: That would be excellent.

98
At 00:04:39,600, Character said: Thank you.

99
At 00:04:42,960, Character said: It's like it says in the old song,
' "I scarce can take it in.'"

100
At 00:04:46,160, Character said: - Thanks for coming.
- Tell you what, it's invigorated me!

101
At 00:04:49,160, Character said: I'm bloody burning with rage!

102
At 00:04:50,760, Character said: And you remember Cleo?

103
At 00:04:52,680, Character said: Thank you so much for coming.

104
At 00:04:54,360, Character said: - Thank you.
- Bless you.

105
At 00:04:55,960, Character said: Help yourself to the buffet.

106
At 00:05:00,360, Character said: Oh! Aw...

107
At 00:05:02,840, Character said: - I'm so sorry, Mr B.
- Hey, that's all right.

108
At 00:05:08,600, Character said: It's OK.

109
At 00:05:09,800, Character said: Oh, darling, come here. Oh...

110
At 00:05:13,120, Character said: Turns out he had a father and everything.

111
At 00:05:14,800, Character said: Daniel? Yeah, he told us he only moved
here cos of his job,

112
At 00:05:17,400, Character said: but his ex-wife says he's g***t a father
in Chorlton in sheltered housing.

113
At 00:05:20,040, Character said: 78 years old, no-one knew.

114
At 00:05:21,480, Character said: He lied about everything,
he is such a liar.

115
At 00:05:23,840, Character said: Right, and this is my sister, Cleo.

116
At 00:05:26,760, Character said: - We met at that open day. Hello, hi.
- Oh, we did. You all right?

117
At 00:05:29,800, Character said: Please help yourself to the buffet.

118
At 00:05:37,680, Character said: Remember what I said -
don't let this define you, OK?

119
At 00:05:41,640, Character said: Yeah. And... you've met Cleo?

120
At 00:05:44,600, Character said: Listen to me, though.
You didn't die with him, OK?

121
At 00:05:47,800, Character said: Yes! Thank you, yes.

122
At 00:05:51,160, Character said: Nice of you to come, Freddie.

123
At 00:05:55,000, Character said: Oh, I'm f***g furious.

124
At 00:05:57,200, Character said: - Oh, Nelly, I thought you were dead.
- I was, for a while.

125
At 00:06:00,160, Character said: I'm furious, though, that murdering f***k!

126
At 00:06:02,000, Character said: - Cleo, you remember Nelly?
- Drayton Manor.

127
At 00:06:04,080, Character said: I ended up with Nelly on a pedalo.

128
At 00:06:05,720, Character said: - You look f***g gorgeous.
- Oh, baby!

129
At 00:06:08,000, Character said: - Thank you for coming, sweetheart.
- I'll see you later.

130
At 00:06:10,080, Character said: See you later.

131
At 00:06:11,120, Character said: But what are we doing here?!

132
At 00:06:13,160, Character said: He didn't like cricket, did he?

133
At 00:06:15,040, Character said: No, it was Marie's idea,
cos Marie didn't like using a pub,

134
At 00:06:17,880, Character said: and whatever Marie says goes.

135
At 00:06:23,120, Character said: Elaine sends her love.
She couldn't make it, she's g***t the kids.

136
At 00:06:26,680, Character said: Oh, yeah, I know, just look around -
there's no Elaine, there's no Max.

137
At 00:06:29,400, Character said: There's no sign of Sally and her gang.

138
At 00:06:31,480, Character said: There's no-one from Johnson's,
there's no-one from Picardie's...

139
At 00:06:33,200, Character said: - And I'm Cleo, we...
- Cos that's what happens...

140
At 00:06:34,240, Character said: - We go way back.
...when it's a murder. Apparently!

141
At 00:06:35,720, Character said: Everyone's too embarrassed to come.

142