12-04 Mechocracy Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:03,240 (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,480 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 3 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:16,360 (WHOOSHING SOUND) 4 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,280 Kryten, what are you doing here? 5 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,120 Mechanoids aren't supposed to sit down, 6 00:01:20,320 --> 00:01:21,680 haven't you g***t duties to complete? 7 00:01:21,880 --> 00:01:24,680 It's my Mechanoid Development programme this week, sir. 8 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:26,720 I'm just waiting for Mr Lister. 9 00:01:26,960 --> 00:01:29,320 We're working on the human emotion, Patience. 10 00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:32,120 How long have you been waiting? 11 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:33,360 About three hours, sir. 12 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,000 I think it might be part of the programme. 13 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:37,960 Either that or he's just forgotten. 14 00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:40,520 If I'm honest, I think he's probably just forgotten. 15 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:43,080 What do you want to learn about patience for? 16 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:44,440 No one needs patience, 17 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:46,240 it's just an excuse for loafing about. 18 00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:48,600 Get on with it, that's what I say, lickety split. 19 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:50,960 - I'll stand in for Lister. - Sir? 20 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:52,600 I'll teach you about patience, 21 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,680 - then you can scoot back to your duties. - Well, I... 22 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:56,200 Are you saying I can't teach you patience? 23 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:57,400 - No, no. - Is that it? 24 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:58,480 Well, spit it out, man. 25 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,400 I can't hang around while you're spluttering away 26 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:01,760 like a misfiring Spitfire! 27 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:03,240 I just thought Mr Lister might... 28 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:05,360 You don't want Lister to teach you anything 29 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,720 unless you want to learn how to be a feckless layabout 30 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,400 with the work habits of a stoned sloth. 31 00:02:10,640 --> 00:02:11,880 - Start. - What? 32 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,600 - Start! Jump to it. - Yes, sir. 33 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:18,160 Part of Lesson One is to collect lovely quotations about patience... 34 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:20,480 Yes, yes, yes, get on with it, wittering on. 35 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:23,760 "How poor are they, that have no patience..." 36 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:25,840 Wait, how many quotations are there? 37 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,360 - Twenty, sir. - Skip quotations. On to the next. 38 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,440 - But, sir, we... - Onwards! 39 00:02:30,520 --> 00:02:31,760 Section Two says 40 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,440 - impatience is often caused... - ...by having too many things to do. 41 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:37,280 Yes, everyone knows that. Next. 42 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,400 - It says, lighten your load. - Faster. 43 00:02:39,480 --> 00:02:40,480 - Delegate. - Obviously. 44 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,520 - Discuss and set homework. - Already discussed. 45 00:02:42,640 --> 00:02:43,640 On to homework. 46 00:02:43,760 --> 00:02:45,160 But, Sir, we haven't discussed anything. 47 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:46,640 Yes, we have, you've just forgotten it. 48 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,680 - Next! - "Create more time 49 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,480 "so you feel less rushed, 50 00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,480 "choose someone to delegate to 51 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:53,560 "and give them a task." 52 00:02:53,640 --> 00:02:55,360 Well, get on with it then, instead of loafing about! 53 00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:58,040 Well, I'd like to delegate a task to you, sir. 54 00:02:58,120 --> 00:02:59,120 Get on with it. 55 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:01,360 Mop B Deck. 56 00:03:03,160 --> 00:03:05,720 Two coats, followed by a wax and buff. 57 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:07,680 That completes today's lesson. 58 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,520 (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) 59 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:19,440 Afternoon, Sir. (LAUGHS) 60 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:22,440 Oh, I think you may have missed a little section over there. 61 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:23,600 LISTER: Kryten! 62 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,760 Sorry, completely forgot Mechanoid Development. 63 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:27,920 Oh, don't worry about it, sir. 64 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,600 No, no, we can't skip Mech Dev, you were relying on me. 65 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:32,640 What were we due to work on today? 66 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:35,960 (STUTTERING) It was patience, sir. Remember, we were working on patience. 67 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:37,800 - It was patience. Patience. - No, patience was... 68 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,200 Patience was last week. 69 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:42,520 It was manipulation. You had to manipulate someone, 70 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:43,800 you know, to make them do something 71 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:44,880 they wouldn't ordinar... 72 00:03:45,560 --> 00:03:46,560 ..ily, do. 73 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:53,680 How did you get on? 74 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,200 Up until about ten seconds ago, sir, I think I was heading for a first. 75 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,960 I think I might have left the kettle on. 76 00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,520 You, mister, are so busted. 77 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,080 Four weeks, PD. 78 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,000 Mop the diesel decks end to end, all five miles. 79 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,160 Now, me laddo. 80 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:16,160 (SIREN WAILING) 81 00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:24,440 Oh! 82 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:25,920 Smudge. 83 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,240 (WHIMPERS) 84 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:35,960 (BOTH TAPPING ON KEYBOARDS) 85 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,040 What's going on? 86 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:38,360 We've gone to Yellow Alert. 87 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:40,840 Yellow Alert? I love Yellow Alerts. 88 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:43,720 Call me geeky if you like, 89 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:46,760 but Yellow Alert is definitely my all time favourite alert colour. 90 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:49,320 What's so great about a Yellow Alert? 91 00:04:49,920 --> 00:04:52,280 It means someone's in danger, but it's not you. 92 00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:59,160 A perilous emergency situation you can just kick back and enjoy. 93 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:01,720 Where are the nibbles? 94 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,880 We've picked up a ship. They're in big trouble. 95 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,040 Big trouble? Fantastic. 96 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,320 It's getting sucked into a black hole. 97 00:05:08,440 --> 00:05:10,320 It's unmanned, just an on-board computer. 98 00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:12,680 We're not gonna reach it in time. (WHIRRING SOUNDS FROM SYSTEMS) 99 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,280 What's this? The boards have gone crazy. 100 00:05:14,640 --> 00:05:16,560 Oh, yeah, that's their E-Cargo. We're downloading it. 101 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,640 You're siphoning this data on to a quarantined drive though, right? 102 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:23,720 We're surely not downloading 103 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,760 unknown data from an unknown craft, straight into our main drive? 104 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:31,520 Lister, are you insane? 105 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,600 That's like having unprotected s***x in Doncaster. 106 00:05:38,280 --> 00:05:40,040 It was an emergency, it's an SOS. 107 00:05:40,480 --> 00:05:42,440 (HESITATINGLY) And we were kind of playing Renegade Monks. 108 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,000 Although, we were totally concentrating on this too. 109 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,920 At the same time as trying to get through the Cavern of Dark Crystals. 110 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:53,720 Although, that had nothing to do with us 111 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,480 not upholding the safety protocols 112 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:57,680 because we were totally, one hundred percent focused 113 00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:58,760 on the problem in hand. 114 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:00,480 But then, we found Renegade Monks. 115 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:01,920 (PROGRAMME BEEPING AND WHIRRING) 116 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,080 And still, we weren't distracted. 117 00:06:04,840 --> 00:06:06,840 Lister, has your brain gone 404? 118 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,880 You've let rogue data on to our drive without an SC. 119 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,560 If you could be demoted any further, I would demote you. 120 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,520 In fact, you know what? 121 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:17,800 I'm going to promote you, so I can demote you. 122 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,160 Stand up. 123 00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:22,480 (SINGSONG) Don't stand up bud, it's a trap. 124 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,400 I've g***t this, I've stood up before. I'm quite accomplished at it. 125 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,280 As second Technician and acting senior officer 126 00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:35,880 onboard the JMC registered mining ship, Red Dwarf, 127 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,800 I have the privilege to advise that, you, Third Technician David Lister 128 00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:39,880 have been promoted. 129 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:42,400 Which makes me equal with you so now, you can't demote me! 130 00:06:47,840 --> 00:06:50,360 You totally screwed that one up, didn't you, Rimmer? 131 00:06:50,840 --> 00:06:54,880 Have been promoted from Third Technician to Technician 2.5, 132 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,360 making you under my authority by half a command point, 133 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:01,400 which still gives me the ability to demote you. 134 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,280 So demote me then, like I care. 135 00:07:04,360 --> 00:07:05,480 Maybe I won't demote you. 136 00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:07,400 Of course, you will. 137 00:07:07,640 --> 00:07:08,640 Feels good, doesn't it? 138 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,280 Does your chest jut out that bit more?...