12-04 Mechocracy Subtitles

At 00:00:01,000, Character said: (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

2
At 00:00:34,880, Character said: (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

3
At 00:01:15,360, Character said: (WHOOSHING SOUND)

4
At 00:01:16,640, Character said: Kryten, what are you doing here?

5
At 00:01:18,480, Character said: Mechanoids aren't supposed to sit down,

6
At 00:01:20,320, Character said: haven't you g***t duties to complete?

7
At 00:01:21,880, Character said: It's my Mechanoid Development programme
this week, sir.

8
At 00:01:25,240, Character said: I'm just waiting for Mr Lister.

9
At 00:01:26,960, Character said: We're working
on the human emotion, Patience.

10
At 00:01:30,880, Character said: How long have you been waiting?

11
At 00:01:32,320, Character said: About three hours, sir.

12
At 00:01:34,440, Character said: I think it might be part of the programme.

13
At 00:01:36,240, Character said: Either that or he's just forgotten.

14
At 00:01:38,440, Character said: If I'm honest,
I think he's probably just forgotten.

15
At 00:01:41,520, Character said: What do you want to learn
about patience for?

16
At 00:01:43,160, Character said: No one needs patience,

17
At 00:01:44,520, Character said: it's just an excuse for loafing about.

18
At 00:01:46,520, Character said: Get on with it, that's what I say,
lickety split.

19
At 00:01:49,200, Character said: - I'll stand in for Lister.
- Sir?

20
At 00:01:51,200, Character said: I'll teach you about patience,

21
At 00:01:52,680, Character said: - then you can scoot back to your duties.
- Well, I...

22
At 00:01:54,760, Character said: Are you saying
I can't teach you patience?

23
At 00:01:56,280, Character said: - No, no.
- Is that it?

24
At 00:01:57,480, Character said: Well, spit it out, man.

25
At 00:01:58,560, Character said: I can't hang around
while you're spluttering away

26
At 00:02:00,480, Character said: like a misfiring Spitfire!

27
At 00:02:01,920, Character said: I just thought Mr Lister might...

28
At 00:02:03,320, Character said: You don't want Lister
to teach you anything

29
At 00:02:05,440, Character said: unless you want to learn
how to be a feckless layabout

30
At 00:02:07,800, Character said: with the work habits of a stoned sloth.

31
At 00:02:10,640, Character said: - Start.
- What?

32
At 00:02:12,080, Character said: - Start! Jump to it.
- Yes, sir.

33
At 00:02:14,240, Character said: Part of Lesson One is to collect
lovely quotations about patience...

34
At 00:02:18,240, Character said: Yes, yes, yes, get on with it,
wittering on.

35
At 00:02:21,120, Character said: "How poor are they,
that have no patience..."

36
At 00:02:23,840, Character said: Wait, how many quotations are there?

37
At 00:02:25,960, Character said: - Twenty, sir.
- Skip quotations. On to the next.

38
At 00:02:28,680, Character said: - But, sir, we...
- Onwards!

39
At 00:02:30,520, Character said: Section Two says

40
At 00:02:32,240, Character said: - impatience is often caused...
- ...by having too many things to do.

41
At 00:02:35,520, Character said: Yes, everyone knows that. Next.

42
At 00:02:37,360, Character said: - It says, lighten your load.
- Faster.

43
At 00:02:39,480, Character said: - Delegate.
- Obviously.

44
At 00:02:40,560, Character said: - Discuss and set homework.
- Already discussed.

45
At 00:02:42,640, Character said: On to homework.

46
At 00:02:43,760, Character said: But, Sir, we haven't discussed anything.

47
At 00:02:45,240, Character said: Yes, we have, you've just forgotten it.

48
At 00:02:46,720, Character said: - Next!
- "Create more time

49
At 00:02:48,840, Character said: "so you feel less rushed,

50
At 00:02:50,920, Character said: "choose someone to delegate to

51
At 00:02:52,560, Character said: "and give them a task."

52
At 00:02:53,640, Character said: Well, get on with it then,
instead of loafing about!

53
At 00:02:55,440, Character said: Well, I'd like to delegate
a task to you, sir.

54
At 00:02:58,120, Character said: Get on with it.

55
At 00:03:00,360, Character said: Mop B Deck.

56
At 00:03:03,160, Character said: Two coats, followed by a wax and buff.

57
At 00:03:06,160, Character said: That completes today's lesson.

58
At 00:03:11,160, Character said: (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

59
At 00:03:18,040, Character said: Afternoon, Sir. (LAUGHS)

60
At 00:03:19,600, Character said: Oh, I think you may have missed
a little section over there.

61
At 00:03:22,600, Character said: LISTER: Kryten!

62
At 00:03:24,200, Character said: Sorry, completely forgot
Mechanoid Development.

63
At 00:03:26,840, Character said: Oh, don't worry about it, sir.

64
At 00:03:28,000, Character said: No, no, we can't skip Mech Dev,
you were relying on me.

65
At 00:03:31,400, Character said: What were we due to work on today?

66
At 00:03:33,240, Character said: (STUTTERING) It was patience, sir.
Remember, we were working on patience.

67
At 00:03:36,080, Character said: - It was patience. Patience.
- No, patience was...

68
At 00:03:37,880, Character said: Patience was last week.

69
At 00:03:40,480, Character said: It was manipulation.
You had to manipulate someone,

70
At 00:03:42,600, Character said: you know, to make them do something

71
At 00:03:43,880, Character said: they wouldn't ordinar...

72
At 00:03:45,560, Character said: ..ily, do.

73
At 00:03:52,680, Character said: How did you get on?

74
At 00:03:54,800, Character said: Up until about ten seconds ago, sir,
I think I was heading for a first.

75
At 00:03:59,520, Character said: I think I might have left the kettle on.

76
At 00:04:02,560, Character said: You, mister, are so busted.

77
At 00:04:05,080, Character said: Four weeks, PD.

78
At 00:04:06,360, Character said: Mop the diesel decks end to end,
all five miles.

79
At 00:04:09,160, Character said: Now, me laddo.

80
At 00:04:13,480, Character said: (SIREN WAILING)

81
At 00:04:23,440, Character said: Oh!

82
At 00:04:24,920, Character said: Smudge.

83
At 00:04:32,240, Character said: (WHIMPERS)

84
At 00:04:34,960, Character said: (BOTH TAPPING ON KEYBOARDS)

85
At 00:04:36,040, Character said: What's going on?

86
At 00:04:37,200, Character said: We've gone to Yellow Alert.

87
At 00:04:38,560, Character said: Yellow Alert? I love Yellow Alerts.

88
At 00:04:42,520, Character said: Call me geeky if you like,

89
At 00:04:43,800, Character said: but Yellow Alert is definitely
my all time favourite alert colour.

90
At 00:04:48,040, Character said: What's so great about a Yellow Alert?

91
At 00:04:49,920, Character said: It means someone's in danger,
but it's not you.

92
At 00:04:55,840, Character said: A perilous emergency situation
you can just kick back and enjoy.

93
At 00:05:00,720, Character said: Where are the nibbles?

94
At 00:05:01,920, Character said: We've picked up a ship.
They're in big trouble.

95
At 00:05:04,440, Character said: Big trouble? Fantastic.

96
At 00:05:06,240, Character said: It's getting sucked into a black hole.

97
At 00:05:08,440, Character said: It's unmanned,
just an on-board computer.

98
At 00:05:10,400, Character said: We're not gonna reach it in time.
(WHIRRING SOUNDS FROM SYSTEMS)

99
At 00:05:12,760, Character said: What's this? The boards have gone crazy.

100
At 00:05:14,640, Character said: Oh, yeah, that's their E-Cargo.
We're downloading it.

101
At 00:05:16,680, Character said: You're siphoning this data
on to a quarantined drive though, right?

102
At 00:05:22,240, Character said: We're surely not downloading

103
At 00:05:23,800, Character said: unknown data from an unknown craft,
straight into our main drive?

104
At 00:05:30,320, Character said: Lister, are you insane?

105
At 00:05:32,120, Character said: That's like having unprotected s***x
in Doncaster.

106
At 00:05:38,280, Character said: It was an emergency, it's an SOS.

107
At 00:05:40,480, Character said: (HESITATINGLY) And we were
kind of playing Renegade Monks.

108
At 00:05:44,040, Character said: Although, we were totally concentrating
on this too.

109
At 00:05:47,400, Character said: At the same time as trying to get
through the Cavern of Dark Crystals.

110
At 00:05:51,760, Character said: Although, that had nothing to do with us

111
At 00:05:53,800, Character said: not upholding the safety protocols

112
At 00:05:55,560, Character said: because we were totally,
one hundred percent focused

113
At 00:05:57,760, Character said: on the problem in hand.

114
At 00:05:59,040, Character said: But then, we found Renegade Monks.

115
At 00:06:00,600, Character said: (PROGRAMME BEEPING AND WHIRRING)

116
At 00:06:02,000, Character said: And still, we weren't distracted.

117
At 00:06:04,840, Character said: Lister, has your brain gone 404?

118
At 00:06:07,240, Character said: You've let rogue data on to our drive
without an SC.

119
At 00:06:10,800, Character said: If you could be demoted any further,
I would demote you.

120
At 00:06:14,040, Character said: In fact, you know what?

121
At 00:06:15,720, Character said: I'm going to promote you,
so I can demote you.

122
At 00:06:19,160, Character said: Stand up.

123
At 00:06:20,320, Character said: (SINGSONG) Don't stand up bud,
it's a trap.

124
At 00:06:23,600, Character said: I've g***t this, I've stood up before.
I'm quite accomplished at it.

125
At 00:06:31,040, Character said: As second Technician
and acting senior officer

126
At 00:06:33,360, Character said: onboard the JMC registered mining ship,
Red Dwarf,

127
At 00:06:36,040, Character said: I have the privilege to advise that,
you, Third Technician David Lister

128
At 00:06:38,880, Character said: have been promoted.

129
At 00:06:40,120, Character said: Which makes me equal with you
so now, you can't demote me!

130
At 00:06:47,840, Character said: You totally screwed that one up,
didn't you, Rimmer?

131
At 00:06:50,840, Character said: Have been promoted from Third Technician
to Technician 2.5,

132
At 00:06:56,960, Character said: making you under my authority
by half a command point,

133
At 00:06:59,440, Character said: which still gives me the ability
to demote you.

134
At 00:07:01,560, Character said: So demote me then, like I care.

135
At 00:07:04,360, Character said: Maybe I won't demote you.

136
At 00:07:06,200, Character said: Of course, you will.

137
At 00:07:07,640, Character said: Feels good, doesn't it?

138
At 00:07:09,320, Character said: Does your chest jut out that bit more?...