09-03 Back To Earth - Part 3 Movie Subtitles

1 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:37,754 KRYTEN: Initiating landing procedure. Everyone on standby. 2 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:39,791 Cabin crew. Prepare for landing. 3 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,996 CAT: Security checks commencing. All personnel in position. 4 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,594 -Everyone returned from the restroom? -ALL: Check. 5 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:47,194 -All little tables folded away? -ALL: Check. 6 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,157 -CAT: Seat belts on? -ALL: Check. 7 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,629 Winkers to shutdown. Landing gear down. 8 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:53,233 Requesting landing line. 9 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,436 Suggest left hand traffic pattern, sir, 10 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,592 towards that landing light edifice at the end of the street. 11 00:00:58,680 --> 00:01:01,877 LISTER: Applying brakes now. Velocity decreasing. 12 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:03,633 KRYTEN: Revs 2,000 and dwindling. 13 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,075 CAT: Pavement in sight. Landing lights locked. 14 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:10,074 KRYTEN: Standby, we're attempting to stop. Good luck everybody. 15 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:14,469 Handbrake engaging. Ignition off. 16 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,318 -Wow, we made a good landing. -Well done, everyone. 17 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:20,914 -Okay, doors to manual. -Check. 18 00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:23,640 Disembark in your own time, gentlemen. 19 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,514 What sort of God forsaken place is this? 20 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,150 -This is worse than Rimmer World. -Get out of town, this is brilliant. 21 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:40,358 This is just like where I grew up except there's less burning cars. 22 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:44,274 I'll find out where Mr Charles is from that information droid. 23 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:48,756 Salutations, old droid, sir. 24 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:52,470 I'm looking for the actor, Craig Charles. Can you direct? 25 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:55,998 KRYTEN: Perhaps it's over-heated. Are you usually that red? 26 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:58,151 I'm going to place this instrument into your voice unit 27 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,390 and I want you to say, "Ah". 28 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,110 -Hi, it's me. Where are you? -CRAIG: I'm in the Rovers, kid. Why? 29 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:04,998 See you in a minute. 30 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:09,553 Seems to be some sort of malfunction, sirs. 31 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:11,160 (BEEPING) 32 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:21,192 Good grief. Vandals have stolen the droid's entire hard drive 33 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:23,749 and stuffed envelopes through its voice unit. 34 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:27,720 -What kind of place is this? -Let's ask in the shop. 35 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:31,430 Let me do the talking, sir. I've been studying the dialect. 36 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,509 I'll wait outside, guard car bug. 37 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:39,159 Earth, man. 38 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:40,310 (SNIFFS) 39 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,437 Smell those chip butties. 40 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:44,954 (DOOR OPENS) 41 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:53,714 Hiya chuck, pal, love, sir. We're looking, I mean, looooking, 42 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,110 for granny-grabbing, philandering taxi driver, 43 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,079 Lloyd Mullaney, as played by Craig Charles. 44 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,352 I think he's in the Rovers learning his lines. 45 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,557 Is this some sort of joke? 46 00:03:05,640 --> 00:03:08,359 The Rovers? Well, I'll stand at the bottom of our stairs 47 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:12,274 and eat a barm cake. We were just past that, weren't we, lads? 48 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,910 -Aye, we were, weren't we? -(SIGHS) What a load of numpties. 49 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,197 -Get your keks on, lads, we're sorted. -Quality. 50 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,318 -Mint. -Ta very much, chuck, pal, love, sir. 51 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,277 -See ya. -Ta-ra, pet. 52 00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:28,915 Good job, chaps. We were so authentic it was frightening. 53 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:36,910 Oi. You'll never guess who I've just seen. 54 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,559 All your mates from Red Dwarf. 55 00:03:38,640 --> 00:03:40,677 -They're outside. -Serious? 56 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,715 Yeah. They've just landed in a little spaceship, 57 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:47,440 it was green, what's it called? 58 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,114 Listen, mate, don't mess about. I've g***t loads of lines to learn. 59 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,759 I've g***t a massive scene this afternoon. 60 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:54,309 But I'm serious. I know what I saw. 61 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,950 -Even you were there. -I was there? How many have you had? 62 00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:02,549 Well, I've had a couple, but listen, I've just seen you. 63 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:05,314 So high, ugly, it's definitely you. 64 00:04:09,760 --> 00:04:12,320 Hi, guys. What are you doing here? 65 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,199 Ah, Mr Charles, sir. My name is Kryten. 66 00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:18,716 I'm a fictitious character from the television series Red Dwarf 67 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,837 and we really need your help. 68 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:22,240 Told you. 69 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:23,719 (DOOR OPENS) 70 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,799 You're the only one that can help us, man. 71 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,714 I've heard about these. They're called flashbacks, flashbacks. 72 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,158 -I know you don't exist. -Okay, no need to rub it in. 73 00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:41,311 Just give us the address of whoever created us 74 00:04:41,400 --> 00:04:43,789 and we'll jump into Starbug and be out of here. 75 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,951 -Starbug? -I just told you. 76 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:47,758 They landed outside the Kabin. 77 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:50,480 That is okay, isn't it? We're not going to get a ticket, are we? 78 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,678 You're not all here. I know you're not all here. 79 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:55,671 He's not all here, but the rest of us are. 80 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:56,875 Yeah. 81 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,871 You see, sir, we're from an alternate dimension 82 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:02,715 and we need answers, like how many episodes do we have left? 83 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,878 Um, I know how many episodes you've g***t left. 84 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,551 -How many? -Er, one. 85 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:15,680 It's called Back to Earth, Part 3. Script due in a couple of days. 86 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:20,073 All we need from you is an address, bud. 87 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:25,197 -We've g***t to speak to our creator. -And I've g***t to get back to the Priory. 88 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,871 I ** so glad I'm not him. The guy's a wreck 89 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:33,078 and pretending to be somebody else all day, that's no way to make a living. 90 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:34,434 Smeghead. 91 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:10,998 (DOORBELL RINGS) 92 00:06:59,160 --> 00:07:00,639 Visitors, sir. 93 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,313 I'm surprised you didn't find me sooner. 94 00:07:10,720 --> 00:07:13,599 It's not an easy thing to find your creator. 95 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:16,435 And how can he assist you? 96 00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,120 We want more life, smegger. 97 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:24,278 A series cancellation sequence can't be revised once it's established. 98 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:28,879 What about all the loose ends, me and Kochanski, getting back home? 99 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:33,152 I grew weary of you. 100 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,718 Does this mean this is our last episode, sir? 101 00:07:37,960 --> 00:07:41,555 The light that burns twice as bright, burns half as long. 102 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:45,952 Yeah, but the light that burns half as bright burns four times as long. 103 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:49,351 But the light that burns three-quarters as bright burns five-eighths as long 104 00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:53,877 as the light that burns a quarter as bright as the light that's gone out. 105 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,871 I'd have needed a calculator for that. 106 00:07:55,960 --> 00:08:00,397 The point is, gentlemen, you have all burned so very, very brightly 107 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:05,077 and for so very, very long just like the red dwarf star itself. 108 00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,953 Nothing lasts forever, not even... 109 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:12,395 Banks. 110 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,155 What about a Kryten spin-off series? I could be his sidekick. 111 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,915 Or a sitcom? I'd even do a sitcom, anything, anything to stay alive. 112 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:24,230 -What about a show about cats? -That'd never work. 113 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:27,915 Look, what you need is me and Kryten thrown back in time 114 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,152 like a new kind of Robin Hood and each week he gets captured 115 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:32,913 and is about to be burnt at the stake 116 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,152 for witchcraft or just having a stupid head and each week I, 117 00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:39,710 in a different new brave new way, rescue him, bravely. 118 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,150 All right it s***s. Fair enough. 119 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,718 Your deaths will be magnificent. 120 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,076 Sad and beautiful. 121 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,352 The shooting script. 122 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:58,231 Let me describe it for you. 123 00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,994 You try to escape your destiny and run. 124 00:09:02,880 --> 00:09:03,995 I give chase. 125 00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,398 (PEOPLE CLAMOURING) 126 00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,472 Move out of my way. 127 00:09:25,680 --> 00:09:26,829 Move. 128 00:09:30,160 --> 00:09:32,470 Move. Move. Move. Out of my way. 129 00:09:38,680 --> 00:09:40,034 (GUN SHOTS) 130 00:09:49,960 -->...