This.Country-S01E02-Mandy Movie Subtitles

00:00:20,080 --> 00:00:22,All right?
You ain't going to believe this.

00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:24,What? Mr Perkins.

00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,What about him?

00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:27,He's dead.

00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,He's dead?

00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:32,Are you joking?

00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:33,No.

00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:37,Way!

00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,BOTH: Way!

00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,Way!

00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:44,# He's dead, he's dead,
he's dead, he's dead!

00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:48,# He's dead! He is dead!

00:00:48,160 --> 00:00:51,# He's dead, he's dead,
he's dead, he's dead!

00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:55,# He's dead! He is dead! #

00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:02,Basically, Mr Perkins was
our old woodwork teacher

00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,and he was a massive prick.

00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:07,Yeah. He used to be just
plain nasty, wasn't he, Kurts?

00:01:07,320 --> 00:01:09,Yeah. He always used to
say, "Oh, Kerry and Kurtan,

00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:12,"you'll do..."
"Nothing with your lives."

00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:15,Which is a bit rich, to be honest,
coming from him, who's now dead.

00:01:15,240 --> 00:01:16,Yeah.

00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,# He's dead, he's dead,
he's dead, he's dead! #

00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:22,I think it's disgusting, what yous
is doing, celebrating a man's death.

00:01:22,320 --> 00:01:24,Shut up, Len, you're boring.

00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,Yeah, well, I think it's disgusting
you not celebrating the man's death.

00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:31,Charming.
Hogwarts is that way, Dumbledore.

00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:32,Idiot man.

00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,He used to call us...

00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:37,Ren and Stimpy, didn't he?

00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,Yeah. Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:41,Pinky and Perky.

00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:42,Asterix and Obelix.

00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:44,Noel Edmonds and Mr Blobby.

00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:45,The Neville brothers.

00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:48,He used to say I looked like
the puppet off the Dolmio advert.

00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,It's just, I...I knew this day
would come, but I just,

00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,I actually can't believe it's here,
do you know what I mean?

00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:58,All right, Mand?
No, I'm not all right,

00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:01,some little old blind man with
a guide dog walked into a bin

00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,outside my house.

00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:03,S***t, is he all right?

00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:05,He won't be when I've g***t
my hands on him.

00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:08,Poor Tyson was so scared, he's run
up a tree and ate a bird's nest.

00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,So I'm going to find him
and break his legs for him.

00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,See how he likes it.

00:02:12,640 --> 00:02:15,You see him,
you send him my way, yeah?

00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:16,All right, you f***g psychopath.

00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,Who's a psychopath?

00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:20,Er...

00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:22,The blind man.

00:02:24,400 --> 00:02:26,Yeah, I know.
Poor little baby birds

00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,g***t their guts sucked out
their arseholes cos of him.

00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:30,Evil b***d.

00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,F***g weirdo.

00:02:32,680 --> 00:02:33,Who's a weirdo?

00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,Er...Kurtan.

00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:43,Yeah, I know.

00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,Come on, Tyson, you f***g prick.

00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,How the f***k did she hear all that?

00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:49,Erm...

00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,She's like a f***g bat.

00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,People are scared of Mandy,
but I ain't.

00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,Because we're both on
the same level of hardness.

00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,It's, like, Kane isn't scared
of The Undertaker

00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,because they're both
Brothers of Destruction.

00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,There's a kid crying over there.

00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,Do you want me to...? I can tell him
to shut the f***k up if you want?

00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:10,She belongs in a nuthouse, mate.

00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:13,She is f***g nuts.

00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:14,A very bad egg.

00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,I like Kerry. Her mum's...

00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:21,Mum's a good fighter, her mum,
down the pub and that.

00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:23,If you was in trouble,
you can always rely on her mum.

00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:25,Kerry's all right. Kurtan's a...

00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:27,He's a f***g moron.

00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,Our old prom photo, yeah?

00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:45,Ten minutes after that was taken,

00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,Kurtan vommed all the way down
his ivory tie.

00:03:48,240 --> 00:03:51,Yeah, only cos I kept spiking
my own drinks. Yeah.

00:03:51,480 --> 00:03:54,Oh, Kerr, our old detention cards
from Mr Perkins.

00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:57,"Kerry and Kurtan,
lunchtime detention

00:03:57,560 --> 00:04:00,"for making crass song
in woodwork class."

00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,Wait...I'll get it.
KEYBOARD PLAYS TUNE

00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,Five, six, seven.

00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,# Mr Perkins is a prick

00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,# Mr Perkins is a prick

00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:15,# Mr Perkins is a prick

00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:17,# Mr Perkins is a prick

00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:19,# Mr Perkins is a prick

00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:21,# Mr Perkins is a prick

00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:23,# Mr Perkins is a prick

00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,# All day long. #

00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:28,How is that crass?
How is that crass?

00:04:29,760 --> 00:04:34,Disruption, yeah, defiance, yeah,
abusive language, f***g yeah.

00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,Listen to this.

00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:41,"Kerry and Kurtan,
lunchtime detention

00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:42,"for making Robert Robinson

00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,"ask the teacher what rimming is."

00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,Who's Rob Robinson?

00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,You don't remember Robert Robinson?

00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:49,No.

00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,He was in our class in Year
00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,for, like, two terms
and he just vanished.

00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:54,No-one ever heard of him again.

00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,He had...
Instead of a rucksack, yeah,

00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:01,he had a suitcase on wheels.

00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,And you started his nickname,
which was Terminal Three.

00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,You started that.
That was brilliant.

00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:08,You don't remember that?

00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:10,Robert Robinson.

00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:11,You don't remember?

00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,Year 6 camping trip,
he brought in an old army camp bed

00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:23,and it had blood on it.

00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:24,No.

00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:26,We used to bog-wash him so much,

00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:29,the bleach in the toilet actually
turned his hair white.

00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:30,No. Oh, my God!

00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,He had about three unruly
deaf brothers, yeah?

00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,And he used to get picked up after
school in a dirty old Land Rover

00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,full of flailing arms. No.

00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:39,You don't remember that?

00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,No. He used to write everything out
in that calculator font

00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,cos he thought
it was really cool.

00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:49,No. We made him eat a f***g
bark sandwich, for f***k's sake.

00:05:49,280 --> 00:05:51,No. You don't remember that?

00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:53,No. Nothing? Nothing.

00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,F***k.

00:05:57,440 --> 00:06:00,Right, I'm going to get Slugs over,
he was in our class, he'll remember.

00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,Please don't get Slugs over.
Yes, I **! He'll never leave.

00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:05,Me and Kurtan have known
Slugs since school

00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,and I've never met anyone
who outstays their welcome

00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:08,more than him.

00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:09,Like, you'll say, "Sorry, Slugs,

00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,"I can't stop and chat I've g***t
to go and have my dinner."

00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,And he'll go, "What we having?"

00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:15,Robert Robinson, yeah?

00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,He had a fat woman's arse and tiny,
short little legs like a troll.

00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,Yeah, you sure you're not...