The Drew Carey Show Oswalds Dad Returns S06E13 Subtitles

At 00:00:02,860, Character said: Hey, Lewis, I just locked out the place
and I'm out of here. I'll see you guys

2
At 00:00:05,440, Character said: later. Wait a second. We're here to
support you when your dad gets here

3
At 00:00:09,080, Character said: I know. I changed my mind. I'll catch
him the next time he gets out of prison.

4
At 00:00:13,340, Character said: Listen,

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At 00:00:14,780, Character said: I know you hate your dad, but, you know,
it's been ten years on the joint. He

6
At 00:00:17,860, Character said: could be emotionally scarred from all
the beatings and then, you know, the

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At 00:00:20,160, Character said: shower antics.

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At 00:00:24,080, Character said: I haven't seen him most of my life, and
now suddenly he wants to see me because

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At 00:00:27,300, Character said: now I'm a great big success?

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At 00:00:29,640, Character said: I remember I saw him rob a convenience
store and cops.

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At 00:00:32,880, Character said: The camera really loves him.

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At 00:00:36,060, Character said: Yeah, well, he robbed me out of having a
real dad, so when he gets here, you

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At 00:00:39,460, Character said: tell him I split, and I'm glad I didn't
see him.

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At 00:00:42,480, Character said: Why don't you tell me

15
At 00:00:49,340, Character said: yourself, son?

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At 00:00:51,090, Character said: Okay, I split, and I'm glad I didn't see
you.

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At 00:00:54,310, Character said: I know that doesn't make any sense, but
I'm going to try to power through this

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At 00:00:56,850, Character said: with a nasty attitude.

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At 00:00:57,990, Character said: So there.

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At 00:01:00,290, Character said: Oswald, come on. It's your old man here.
Give me a hug.

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At 00:01:04,550, Character said: Okay, I guess I had that coming. Oh,
it's good to see you have your same

22
At 00:01:08,070, Character said: friends, the tall freak, the bully
magnet, and the skank.

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At 00:01:13,910, Character said: What, no hugs here either?

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At 00:01:16,570, Character said: For your information, the bully magnet
used to be engaged to the skank.

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At 00:01:20,570, Character said: So this makes me a skank magnet.

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At 00:01:23,870, Character said: Say, listen.

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At 00:01:25,310, Character said: After all my years in prison, I learned
something.

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At 00:01:27,770, Character said: Prison s***s.

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At 00:01:28,850, Character said: This time I'm going to go straight.
Yeah, straight to a liquor store with a

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At 00:01:32,130, Character said: handgun. No,

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At 00:01:35,210, Character said: I'm serious.

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At 00:01:36,270, Character said: I spent most of my life locked up. I'm
going to get an honest job.

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At 00:01:39,810, Character said: Let's see, a 70 -year -old ex -con.

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At 00:01:42,270, Character said: Hey, I think Microsoft's hiring VPs.

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At 00:01:46,600, Character said: You know, you say the same thing every
time you get out of prison. I'll believe

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At 00:01:49,660, Character said: it when I see it.

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At 00:01:50,560, Character said: Okay, this time I mean it, son. You just
watch me.

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At 00:01:54,260, Character said: Hey, you know, there's someone I was
wanting to ask you.

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At 00:01:56,200, Character said: How did a nice old guy like you survive
all those years in prison?

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At 00:01:59,020, Character said: Actually, I used to ask them for a
commitment. It scared them off there,

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At 00:02:08,960, Character said: All this energy calling me.

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At 00:02:15,370, Character said: Back where it comes from.

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At 00:02:17,730, Character said: It's such a crude attitude.

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At 00:02:20,750, Character said: It's back where it belongs.

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At 00:02:23,610, Character said: All the little chicks with the crimson
lips go Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland

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At 00:02:30,310, Character said: Living in sin with a safety pin gone.
Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks!

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At 00:02:36,570, Character said: Cleveland Rocks! Cleveland Rocks!
Cleveland Rocks!

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At 00:02:53,100, Character said: My dad would never leave last night,
going on and on with his prison stories.

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At 00:02:57,640, Character said: Midnight escapes, race riots. I showered
with a guy who put the hit on Marilyn

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At 00:03:01,580, Character said: Monroe. Boring.

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At 00:03:04,700, Character said: I guess I'm lucky.

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At 00:03:05,940, Character said: My dad called me long distance just to
tell me that his body has no use for

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At 00:03:10,040, Character said: anymore.

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At 00:03:12,340, Character said: Well, I've g***t to deliver these
packages.

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At 00:03:14,100, Character said: All right, thanks for the ride. I'll see
you in five minutes.

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At 00:03:15,600, Character said: Hey,

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At 00:03:16,800, Character said: Drew, want to see the first sonogram of
your little nephew?

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At 00:03:22,030, Character said: So what do you think?

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At 00:03:23,730, Character said: I'd say you have a lovely gray thing
with vaguely human form.

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At 00:03:28,430, Character said: You know, it's surprising. I always
expected the inside of Mimi to have bats

61
At 00:03:31,170, Character said: hanging from it.

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At 00:03:35,450, Character said: Hey, what's this thing right here?

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At 00:03:36,650, Character said: What? It's just the umbilical cord. No,
that's over here. What's this right

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At 00:03:40,130, Character said: here? Well, it's the... the... What the
hell is that?

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At 00:03:44,950, Character said: Oh, no.

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At 00:03:46,190, Character said: I was hoping this would skip a
generation.

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At 00:03:49,170, Character said: Well, it's no secret now.

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At 00:03:51,310, Character said: It's the Carrie tail. But honey, don't
worry.

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At 00:03:54,030, Character said: It's just an extra vertebrae that they
remove at birth.

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At 00:03:59,470, Character said: You had a tail and you didn't tell me?

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At 00:04:02,410, Character said: Well, I didn't say I had one.

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At 00:04:07,850, Character said: There is no way I had a tail.

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At 00:04:10,670, Character said: I can't believe that my baby is going to
have a tail.

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At 00:04:14,470, Character said: Crap. There's no good baby clothes with
holes in the bottom.

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At 00:04:19,529, Character said: Maybe not at people stores.

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At 00:04:24,310, Character said: Hey,

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At 00:04:26,170, Character said: Drew, I'm ready to go.

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At 00:04:27,750, Character said: You still need a ride down to the car
repair place? Yeah, what a time for my

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At 00:04:30,550, Character said: transmission to go up, man. I ** broke.

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At 00:04:32,410, Character said: Well, why don't you just use your credit
card?

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At 00:04:34,070, Character said: Oh, I can't. I maxed it out on
emergencies.

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At 00:04:37,290, Character said: You know, medical stuff and beer and
website memberships.

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At 00:04:43,050, Character said: You know, emergencies.

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At 00:04:44,650, Character said: Yeah, yeah.

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At 00:04:46,930, Character said: So what are you going to do now?

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At 00:04:48,520, Character said: I don't know. I g***t to find a part -time
job that pays good, which is going to

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At 00:04:50,880, Character said: be tough because I don't even have a
full -time job that pays good.

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At 00:04:54,480, Character said: Dad, what are you doing here? Lewis told
me you were down here.

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At 00:04:57,840, Character said: Might as well take a deep breath because
I g***t some big news.

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At 00:05:00,960, Character said: I g***t a job.

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At 00:05:02,340, Character said: You g***t a job? Yep. First day out of
prison.

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At 00:05:05,940, Character said: Wait a minute. What kind of job? No,
son, it's totally legit. I'm selling

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At 00:05:10,160, Character said: estate for a new lakeside development.

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At 00:05:14,560, Character said: I'll hire an ex -con like you with a
hire a failure like me.

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At 00:05:17,440, Character said: What about it, Dad? Are they hiring
failures?

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At 00:05:20,560, Character said: Well, I don't know. You need sales
experience.

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At 00:05:23,400, Character said: I used to be on the sales floor here at
Woodford Lauder. That's how I started. I

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At 00:05:25,960, Character said: sold lingerie to large and lovely women
back when they were just fat.

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At 00:05:30,460, Character said: Can you put in a good word for Drew?

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At 00:05:32,020, Character said: Oh, I don't know. I'm new there.

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At 00:05:34,120, Character said: Well, it might help take the sting out
of 35 years of crying myself to sleep

102
At 00:05:37,920, Character said: while night after night I watched my
mother as she crawled further and

103
At 00:05:40,980, Character said: into the bottle.

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At 00:05:43,040, Character said: Well, okay, but then we're even.

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At 00:05:50,510, Character said: And do you know what rush hour is in
Patrician Woods?

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At 00:05:53,090, Character said: A duck crossing in front of your car.

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At 00:05:57,350, Character said: Pause for laughter. One Mississippi.

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At 00:05:59,470, Character said: Two Mississippi.

109
At 00:06:02,030, Character said: But seriously, the best part of
paradise... Just tell us how much it is.

110
At 00:06:07,370, Character said: Oh, it's $25 ,000.

111
At 00:06:09,030, Character said: Oh, wait. I meant to say it's only $25
,000.

112
At 00:06:12,290, Character said: I always forget to say that because,
frankly to me, it sounds like just a

113
At 00:06:15,430, Character said: of a lot of money.

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At 00:06:18,350, Character said: Okay, we listened to your pitch.

115
At 00:06:20,400, Character said: Now give us the free can opener.

116
At 00:06:23,840, Character said: Mr. Sweeney, I'm out of can openers
again.

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At 00:06:26,120, Character said: Still no sales, huh, Drew?

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At 00:06:28,260, Character said: Maybe you're not cut out for this job.

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At 00:06:30,360, Character said: No, I'll get the hang of it. You know,
it's just my first day.

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At 00:06:32,400, Character said: Well, I'm just saying you don't have the
killer instinct.

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At 00:06:35,120, Character said: You're the kind of guy that would give
up his pudding real easy in the joint.

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At 00:06:44,740, Character said: By my pudding, do you mean my man
flower?

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At 00:06:51,920, Character said: I'm talking about chocolate pudding.
It's a dessert.

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At 00:06:56,880, Character said: Carrie, I'm running out of can openers.

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At 00:06:59,660, Character said: Why can't you make a sale?

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