Your Pretty Face Is Going To Hell s03e12 The Dammed Subtitles

00:00:02,350 --> 00:00:04,You want to talk the greatest of all
time.

00:00:05,450 --> 00:00:10,The fifth Land Before Time was the
quintessential Land Before Time. You're

00:00:10,210 --> 00:00:10,an a***e.

00:00:10,990 --> 00:00:16,All right, it's the third film. Oh,
everyone says the third. Yeah, because

00:00:16,030 --> 00:00:19,g***t the raptors in it and the
pterodactyl in it. It's g***t kind of nice

00:00:19,990 --> 00:00:23,I'm just saying I've seen hundreds of
kids' movies. I have sat through hours.

00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:27,You don't even watch the movies. All
right, you sit there. You stare at a

00:00:27,270 --> 00:00:28,butt. Sometimes they're ugly.

00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:32,And you've g***t to sit through the whole
film and wait for the next batch to come

00:00:32,940 --> 00:00:36,in. You know, my mom used to drop me off
at the theater by myself all the time.

00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,And I'm just really glad that I never
ran into you. Wait a minute. Where did

00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,grow up? Because I was crazy about
redheads.

00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,No, I would have remembered that.

00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:46,Maybe you blocked it out.

00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:52,The mind is very incredible when it
comes to erasing traumatic memories.

00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:55,Ask anyone I've ever made love to. Hey!

00:00:56,030 --> 00:00:59,Abbott and Fat Stella, quit grab -assing
and get back to work.

00:00:59,270 --> 00:01:02,I can only gut the souls that are in
front of me, Mr. Bossman.

00:01:02,650 --> 00:01:06,So rather than get a supervisor, you
just shoot the s***t for three hours?

00:01:06,010 --> 00:01:09,g***t a movie blog. I know he has a movie
blog. You're right about Land Before

00:01:09,930 --> 00:01:10,Time 5.

00:01:11,270 --> 00:01:12,Excellent foot.

00:01:13,910 --> 00:01:15,Must be a blockage.

00:01:15,670 --> 00:01:16,Oh, God.

00:01:17,430 --> 00:01:22,Must be a couple of 660 -pound learning
chattel fatties just gumming up the

00:01:22,190 --> 00:01:23,works.

00:01:29,620 --> 00:01:31,Well, here's your problem right there.

00:01:31,780 --> 00:01:35,Yeah, obviously. There's a huge beaver
dam blocking the river Styx.

00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:39,Look at that. They're so cute. They've
g***t like a little community. Just grab

00:01:39,520 --> 00:01:42,the dynamite. Let's blow this s***t up.
Yeah, let's annihilate it. Wait!

00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,I need those beavers.

00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:46,We must not hurt the beavers.

00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:48,What do you give a s***t about beavers,
Dr. Mengele?

00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:52,Carrie, look at this rag.

00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:55,I can't really see it because it's
all...

00:02:01,759 --> 00:02:03,What have you done to me?

00:02:03,580 --> 00:02:04,Don't worry.

00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:06,What have you done to me? Everything's
fine.

00:02:06,580 --> 00:02:09,I just sewed your head onto a beaver
body. Oh, my God.

00:02:11,580 --> 00:02:14,What did you do to Claude, my best
friend? What did you do?

00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:19,Nothing. I'm fine. I know not to look at
a rag when a Nazi shoves it in my face.

00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:20,You look sweaty, Claude.

00:02:20,810 --> 00:02:23,You sure you wouldn't like to take a
shower? I have a shower.

00:02:23,990 --> 00:02:27,For the last time, Dr. Mengele, I'm not
interested and I never will be. Oh,

00:02:27,410 --> 00:02:31,don't be like that. It feels so good.
You sure you wouldn't like it? Not

00:02:31,150 --> 00:02:35,interested. Oh, give it a go. No, thank
you. It has one of those pulsating

00:02:35,810 --> 00:02:38,muscles. Ah, s***t. You're being very
polite about it, but no.

00:02:38,790 --> 00:02:43,The water is refreshing. No, it's not.
You love it. Thank you, but no thanks.

00:02:43,190 --> 00:02:44,You're welcome, but please.

00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:48,No. I want a shower. You're not allowed
to take a shower because I'm just

00:02:48,690 --> 00:02:53,spraying you with some very potent
beaver pheromone. That's beaver piss.

00:02:53,970 --> 00:02:56,want you to run into the beaver dam.

00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:01,and shake it around a little bit. You
know, the way the beavers like it. And

00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:06,then you run out of there on your little
beaver legs and you lure them into

00:03:06,280 --> 00:03:07,these cages.

00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,I hate to break it to you, Dr. Mengele,
but nobody's going to want to have s***x

00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:14,with that, not even an animal. I'm sick
of your criticisms, Claude. Benji said

00:03:14,020 --> 00:03:18,if I was 20 years younger, he'd have no
problems molesting me. All right?

00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:20,So put me in, coach.

00:03:20,380 --> 00:03:21,Yeah.

00:03:25,390 --> 00:03:27,You have to at least admit that
Spielberg's a great director.

00:03:29,050 --> 00:03:31,Who? Oh, God, they're following me! Oh,
God!

00:03:36,570 --> 00:03:37,Dr.

00:03:46,570 --> 00:03:49,Mengele? Are you cloning Hitler?

00:03:49,450 --> 00:03:50,What?

00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:52,You're crazy!

00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,Just because I'm German, everything's
Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.

00:03:56,260 --> 00:03:58,That's very hurtful.

00:03:58,240 --> 00:03:59,You're wearing the armband.

00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:03,That is heritage, not hate.

00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:07,Look, everyone loves pure adrenaline
thrill rides.

00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,Why not pure racist men?

00:04:10,460 --> 00:04:16,People are so PC these days. Hitler
wasn't like that. He would speak his

00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:17,He was a great man.

00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,He deserves to be clothed.

00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:22,But I'm definitely not trying to clone
Hitler.

00:04:27,090 --> 00:04:30,I knew it. You're cloning Hitler.

00:04:30,350 --> 00:04:34,No, no, no, no, no. Why would Hitler
hire himself?

00:04:35,470 --> 00:04:42,I'm going to give you a T -shirt. I know
you people love free gaudy

00:04:42,330 --> 00:04:44,trinkets. The Fourth Reich, Reich back.

00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:50,We would be required to wear that if we
were ever to take over hell, which we

00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:56,are definitely not doing. Right. Okay.
I'm going to get and I actually left my

00:04:56,620 --> 00:05:00,fiddler on the roof. So adios. Have a
good one.

00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,What?

00:05:07,980 --> 00:05:12,Be sure to tell your Satan we are not
cloning Hitler to take over hell with a

00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:13,giant robot.

00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,Okay, well, good luck not cloning
Hitler.

00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:17,Mangala is cloning Hitler.

00:05:17,620 --> 00:05:18,Oh, cool.

00:05:18,260 --> 00:05:22,That should be fun. He told me to tell
you that he has no interest in invading

00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:27,hell, which is exactly what they told
Poland and Czechoslovakia and Russia. So

00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:29,you've come to Satan to stop the
genocide.

00:05:30,840 --> 00:05:32,When you put it that way, it sounds
silly.

00:05:33,540 --> 00:05:34,Hey, uh...

00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:38,Where's my body? Because I don't want to
eat any more wood, and I don't want to

00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:42,be forcibly group -sexed by animals
anymore.

00:05:42,570 --> 00:05:46,But how would you lead the army of Aryan
beavers in the overthrow of hell?

00:05:46,490 --> 00:05:50,Well, that's something I'm not going to
do, because that is something that we

00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:51,did not discuss.

00:05:51,270 --> 00:05:55,It may have escaped, because I attached
the beaver's head to your body.

00:05:55,910 --> 00:05:59,You'll just sew any two goddamn things
together, won't you?

00:05:59,770 --> 00:06:02,Gary, give me back my three -hole punch.

00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:08,Hold it. Okay. You can just... No, you
can add it to your home.

00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:14,Mein Führer. Yeah, yeah. Would you like
to make a rousing speech to inspire our

00:06:14,180 --> 00:06:17,loyalists to rise up against the demon
oppressors?

00:06:18,580 --> 00:06:19,Yeah.

00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:29,No, no, no, you talk into it. I know
history, Bob, but Hitler's only supposed

00:06:29,580 --> 00:06:30,have two arms.

00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:36,I had some left over. I gave him ten
testicles. Stop playing with your

00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:42,testicles! Stop that now! Because you
will pay for the shot!

00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,Maybe you should be piloting the short
-and -furter.

00:07:37,049 --> 00:07:38,Satan? Doc?

00:07:39,290 --> 00:07:42,Gary? I'm not part of this s***t. We've
come for your surrender.

00:07:43,110 --> 00:07:46,Here are our terms. Okay.

00:07:48,590 --> 00:07:51,Bow down to the Fuhrer.

00:07:53,890 --> 00:07:54,You g***t it?

00:07:55,010 --> 00:08:00,Yeah, and I'd also like some of those
p***o discs where the woman takes the

00:08:00,930 --> 00:08:01,on the man.

00:08:03,490 --> 00:08:04,Yeah, we g***t some of those.

00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:06,Is that the Fuhrer?

00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:12,No, don't play with your buck! This
goofy s***t's been going on all

00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,No, stay right there!

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