Married.With.Children.S08E09.No.Maam.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Azkars_track3_[eng] Subtitles

00:01:16,219 --> 00:01:17,Oh, quick, Bud.

00:01:22,293 --> 00:01:24,Change the channel.
It's sweeps month...

00:01:24,296 --> 00:01:27,...so Christian Slater's
gonna show America his butt.

00:01:28,634 --> 00:01:32,Kelly, now, this may come
as a surprise to you...

00:01:32,205 --> 00:01:34,...then again, the fact
that people can ride...

00:01:34,542 --> 00:01:37,...upright in the backseat of a car
came as a surprise to you.

00:01:38,145 --> 00:01:41,There are far more important things
than Christian Slater's butt.

00:01:41,650 --> 00:01:45,Now, for instance, the president's
giving an important press conference.

00:01:45,221 --> 00:01:47,We interrupt the press conference...

00:01:47,290 --> 00:01:50,...for live coverage
of Christian Slater's butt.

00:01:57,670 --> 00:02:01,Move over, kids.
It's time for our favorite talk show.

00:02:01,507 --> 00:02:04,But, Mom, we were watching
the president's press conference.

00:02:06,046 --> 00:02:09,That jogging's
been doing him some good.

00:02:12,387 --> 00:02:13,Live, from Chicago...

00:02:14,122 --> 00:02:18,...it's Jerry Springer,
the masculine feminist.

00:02:20,330 --> 00:02:22,Good evening, women,
I'm Jerry Springer...

00:02:22,967 --> 00:02:26,...and I ** proud to be living
in your world.

00:02:28,406 --> 00:02:32,Before we start, I wanna take a moment
to apologize on behalf of all men...

00:02:33,179 --> 00:02:37,...for the disgusting way
Burt has mistreated Loni.

00:02:40,420 --> 00:02:41,Good move, Burt.

00:02:41,923 --> 00:02:45,And Cop and 1/2? Good movie too.

00:02:46,629 --> 00:02:49,I mean, when are men
gonna realize...

00:02:49,698 --> 00:02:54,...that women are this world's
most precious natural resource?

00:02:54,504 --> 00:02:57,Except, of course, for our sponsor.

00:02:59,778 --> 00:03:02,I Can't Believe It's A Tampon.

00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:10,It feels so natural you're gonna wish
it was always that time of the month.

00:03:14,629 --> 00:03:17,A masculine feminist.
What does that mean?

00:03:17,799 --> 00:03:20,It means he likes show tunes.

00:03:21,938 --> 00:03:24,Would that they all did.

00:03:24,408 --> 00:03:26,Jerry has the hottest
talk show around.

00:03:27,077 --> 00:03:29,Is he gonna show his butt?

00:03:29,747 --> 00:03:31,Jerry is politically correct.

00:03:32,016 --> 00:03:35,He's keeping his butt
covered until all women are free.

00:03:36,221 --> 00:03:38,I wish Al would.

00:03:38,892 --> 00:03:41,At least until all women
were warned.

00:03:42,162 --> 00:03:44,Well, Jerry's not just a talker.
He's a doer.

00:03:44,598 --> 00:03:47,Last week he found out there was no
bowling alley in this part of town...

00:03:48,103 --> 00:03:50,...with a ladies-only night.
So Jerry did something about it.

00:03:51,106 --> 00:03:52,We had a bloat-in.

00:03:55,645 --> 00:03:58,A hundred of us waited
until we were really grumpy...

00:03:58,315 --> 00:04:02,...then stormed the bowling alley and
chained ourselves to the ball returns.

00:04:02,420 --> 00:04:05,Which, in hindsight,
turned out to be an error.

00:04:06,524 --> 00:04:09,At least those little blower things
were kind of enjoyable.

00:04:11,698 --> 00:04:14,But what's important
is that Jerry helped women...

00:04:14,468 --> 00:04:16,...finally get a bowling night,
which is tonight.

00:04:17,105 --> 00:04:20,-Some guys lost their bowling night.
-Yeah, I wonder who.

00:04:24,847 --> 00:04:27,Hi, honey. I'm home.

00:04:35,827 --> 00:04:38,Why ** I early
on what used to be my bowling night?

00:04:39,064 --> 00:04:41,Good question.
Thank you for asking.

00:04:41,567 --> 00:04:44,Well, as I entered the bowling alley
ready for an exciting night...

00:04:44,871 --> 00:04:46,...of bonding, brewskies
and barfing...

00:04:47,074 --> 00:04:52,...what did I see?
Women. Bowling. Overhand.

00:04:53,748 --> 00:04:56,Naturally, I went up
to one of these donut depositories...

00:04:56,585 --> 00:04:58,...and said in my nicest voice:

00:04:58,254 --> 00:05:01,"Wedge it out the door, beefalo,
it's my night to bowl."

00:05:02,259 --> 00:05:04,Instead of coming back at me verbally,
like I did...

00:05:04,796 --> 00:05:07,...they took their doughy fists
and they pounded on me...

00:05:07,398 --> 00:05:10,...until a mutual agreement
was reached that I leave.

00:05:11,103 --> 00:05:13,Anyway, when I regained
consciousness in a burning trash can...

00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:18,...I realized, A, Thursday nights
is now ladies' night...

00:05:18,746 --> 00:05:23,...and B, you don't wanna know
how a bum puts out a trash-can fire.

00:05:26,555 --> 00:05:28,Congratulations
to those fine women in Chicago...

00:05:28,958 --> 00:05:31,...for what they achieved
at Jim's Bowl-A-Rama.

00:05:31,694 --> 00:05:34,That's the pantywaist that cost me
my bowling night.

00:05:35,032 --> 00:05:38,Now we've gotta get the bowling alley
to enlarge the women's restroom.

00:05:39,104 --> 00:05:41,And what about mothers
who wanna nurse?

00:05:41,506 --> 00:05:44,I propose a lactation lounge.

00:05:45,811 --> 00:05:48,I propose a dairy farmer.

00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:53,Quiet, Klingon.

00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:54,Let's take some phone calls.

00:05:55,256 --> 00:05:58,Well, believe you me,
this outrage shall not go unavenged.

00:05:59,194 --> 00:06:02,-Al, don't you think women deserve--
-No!

00:06:03,333 --> 00:06:05,Just don't embarrass us, honey.

00:06:05,268 --> 00:06:08,-Is the caller there?
-Al Bundy here.

00:06:08,239 --> 00:06:09,Too late.

00:06:09,807 --> 00:06:12,Now, listen here, Jerry.
Bowling is a man's sport.

00:06:13,145 --> 00:06:16,If God had wanted women to bowl,
he would've put breasts on backs...

00:06:16,549 --> 00:06:19,...so we would have something to watch
while waiting our turn.

00:06:24,091 --> 00:06:27,And where are you
calling from, sir, 1952?

00:06:30,566 --> 00:06:33,I wish. Ike was in the White House,
women were in the kitchen...

00:06:34,170 --> 00:06:36,...and you were in the closet.

00:06:38,369 --> 00:06:40,And you forgot to mention
where you were, sir.

00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:46,I suspect in a zoo someplace, throwing
your feces at a passing tourist.

00:06:47,264 --> 00:06:49,Once again, I wish.

00:06:49,896 --> 00:06:51,Enough of that call.
Let's take another one.

00:06:52,061 --> 00:06:53,You and your thundering herds...

00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:56,...may think you won,
but let me tell you something.

00:06:56,425 --> 00:06:58,Thursday nights have always been
men's bowling nights.

00:06:59,020 --> 00:07:01,And mark my words.
Next Thursday men will be bowling!

00:07:01,814 --> 00:07:02,And mark my words.
Next Thursday men will be bowling!

00:07:09,652 --> 00:07:11,All right, nice spare, Jim.

00:07:11,185 --> 00:07:13,If you shift
your weight to your rear foot--

00:07:13,417 --> 00:07:16,This is ridiculous.
I worked hard all week.

00:07:16,349 --> 00:07:18,I'm not gonna sit home
on bowling night.

00:07:18,648 --> 00:07:20,Well, we can't go back
to the bowling alley.

00:07:20,847 --> 00:07:22,Those women are too strong.

00:07:22,746 --> 00:07:25,We can't go home. We're too weak.

00:07:25,944 --> 00:07:27,Hey, I g***t it.
We can go to a movie.

00:07:27,810 --> 00:07:30,-Hey, yeah.
-Yeah.

00:07:30,775 --> 00:07:32,Hey, Peg.

00:07:32,541 --> 00:07:34,Peg, do we have a paper?

00:07:36,405 --> 00:07:38,Thank you.

00:07:38,605 --> 00:07:40,All right, let's see what's playing.

00:07:43,869 --> 00:07:46,Hey!

00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,Here's a gripping drama
about a newlywed couple...

00:07:51,265 --> 00:07:53,...waiting for their furniture to arrive.

00:07:53,530 --> 00:07:56,It's called, Where, Oh,
Where is the Mayflower Man?

00:07:57,595 --> 00:08:00,-Any b***s?
-William Hurt and Glenn Close.

00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:03,-Oh, jeez.
-Sounds like it blows.

00:08:03,359 --> 00:08:05,We could go to the newsstand
and buy a magazine.

00:08:06,157 --> 00:08:09,-Yeah, but where could we hide it?
-How about in your wife's hair?

00:08:10,022 --> 00:08:11,How about in your wife's chin?

00:08:14,653 --> 00:08:16,-Come on, now!
-Come on.

00:08:16,652 --> 00:08:18,Come on, they're making us turn
against each other.

00:08:19,151 --> 00:08:22,-There must be something we can do.
-I know where we can go.

00:08:23,116 --> 00:08:26,To the last great bastion
for the American red-blooded male.

00:08:27,180 --> 00:08:30,Where there is no such thing
as ladies' night.

00:08:30,579 --> 00:08:34,At the nudie bar!

00:08:40,040 --> 00:08:42,Where a buck's enough
to see their stuff.

00:08:42,638 --> 00:08:44,At the nudie bar!

00:08:45,105 -->...