Bill.Burr.You.People.Are.All.The.Same.2012.iNTERNAL.DVDRip.x264-REGRET[PRiME] Movie Subtitles
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00:00:04,367 --> 00:00:08,[Crowd chatter]
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:16,OpenSubtitles recommends using Nord VPN
from 3.49 USD/month ----> osdb.link/vpn
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:43,Ladies and gentlemen: Bill Burr!
00:00:43,167 --> 00:00:47,[Cheers and applause]
00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:53,All right.
Thank you!
00:00:53,067 --> 00:00:55,Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
00:00:55,167 --> 00:00:57,How are ya?
How's it going?
00:00:57,901 --> 00:01:01,All right.
[Cheers and applause]
00:01:01,501 --> 00:01:03,All right, all right,
all right, all right.
00:01:03,534 --> 00:01:07,All right,
everybody settle down.
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:10,I wanna get a gun.
00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:13,I do.
I really do.
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:15,I never had that feeling
before
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,till I moved out
to Los Angeles.
00:01:17,467 --> 00:01:19,This city just messes
with your mind, you know?
00:01:19,801 --> 00:01:21,It's overpopulated,
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,technically doesn't have
a water supply.
00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:27,Right?
The dollar's crashing.
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,S***t keeps you up at night.
You're just thinking...
00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:32,"What ** I gonna do
when the zombies come?"
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,Right?
00:01:33,734 --> 00:01:37,Start reading up on s***t.
"Get some powdered food.
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:40,Plant some zucchini.
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:43,Get a windmill."
Right?
00:01:43,567 --> 00:01:45,And that's all well and good,
00:01:45,167 --> 00:01:47,but if you don't know
how to fight,
00:01:47,167 --> 00:01:48,all you're doing
is gathering supplies
00:01:48,968 --> 00:01:51,for the toughest guy
on the block.
00:01:51,701 --> 00:01:53,Right?
00:01:53,033 --> 00:01:54,I was thinking about that.
00:01:54,133 --> 00:01:55,What ** I gonna do
00:01:55,101 --> 00:01:56,if some dude turns me
upside down,
00:01:56,734 --> 00:02:00,starts shaking the gold coins
outta my pockets?
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:02,I gotta get a gun.
00:02:02,968 --> 00:02:05,So I'm on the road, right?
I'm in Reno.
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:07,Great gun town.
00:02:07,434 --> 00:02:09,So I go down to that little
gun store, right?
00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:11,Come walking in.
There's some redneck there.
00:02:11,501 --> 00:02:13,I'm like, "Hey, man."
I go, "I wanna get a gun."
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,He's like, "I hear ya.
Whatcha looking for?
00:02:15,534 --> 00:02:17,Whatcha want?
Mossberg? Over/under?
00:02:17,968 --> 00:02:19,A .357 Magnum?
Right?"
00:02:19,734 --> 00:02:22,Starts rattling off
all this gibberish, right?
00:02:22,901 --> 00:02:25,I don't know s***t.
I'm trying to play it off.
00:02:25,434 --> 00:02:26,I feel like a bitch,
00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:29,'cause I don't know
anything about guns.
00:02:29,267 --> 00:02:31,So I was like,
"What do I do here?
00:02:31,133 --> 00:02:33,Ah, hell,
I'm gonna go with honesty."
00:02:33,534 --> 00:02:35,I go, "Look, dude, I don't
know anything about guns.
00:02:35,734 --> 00:02:36,They terrify me.
00:02:36,801 --> 00:02:39,But I'm worried about
the zombies.
00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:40,All right?"
00:02:40,801 --> 00:02:44,Dude's just like...
"You need a shotgun.
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:47,You need a shotgun, man.
It's g***t a good spread.
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,It's easy to load, doesn't have
a lot of working parts.
00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:53,G***t a good spread."
He kept saying that.
00:02:53,234 --> 00:02:55,"It's g***t a good spread."
00:02:55,167 --> 00:02:57,I'm like,
"What does that mean?"
00:02:57,367 --> 00:02:59,He goes, "Well, that means you
ain't gotta be that accurate.
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,It's g***t a good spread.
Further away you are,
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,the more s***t you hit.
00:03:05,267 --> 00:03:06,It's g***t a good spread.
00:03:06,601 --> 00:03:08,In fact, you g***t
a problem over here,
00:03:08,334 --> 00:03:11,you ain't even gotta look.
You just turn... pow! That's it.
00:03:11,501 --> 00:03:14,You ain't g***t a problem
over here anymore.
00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:17,Anything that was even
remotely a problem
00:03:17,033 --> 00:03:19,ain't there anymore.
Trust me.
00:03:19,901 --> 00:03:22,And then these people here...
they saw what you just did here.
00:03:22,334 --> 00:03:24,You ain't g***t a problem here
either... feel me?
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:27,90 degrees taken care of
right there... one shot.
00:03:27,534 --> 00:03:29,These people get smart,
flip it over... whap!
00:03:29,801 --> 00:03:33,That's it.
It's g***t a good spread."
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:35,So I'm, like, laughing
my a***s off.
00:03:35,167 --> 00:03:37,I'm like, "Dude, look.
I just wanna shoot the guy.
00:03:37,734 --> 00:03:39,I don't want to have to do
a bunch of drywall work.
00:03:39,901 --> 00:03:41,You know?
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:44,Reframe my diploma.
Get my parakeet another friend.
00:03:44,901 --> 00:03:48,You know?
I just wanna shoot the guy."
00:03:48,133 --> 00:03:50,So I'm like, "You know,
how 'bout one of these pistols?"
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:51,So he does, like,
that classic, like,
00:03:51,934 --> 00:03:53,that redneck
trailing off thing
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:54,like, "All right,
you want a pistol,
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,go ahead
and get a pistol...
00:03:56,901 --> 00:04:00,What do I know?
I just been here 20 years.
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:02,Get a shiny one, right?"
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:05,So I was like, "What's wrong
with getting a pistol?"
00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:06,He goes, "I'll tell you why,
buddy.
00:04:06,934 --> 00:04:10,'Cause life...
Life ain't a movie.
00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:11,You feel me?"
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,I'm like, "No,
can you please stop speaking
00:04:14,567 --> 00:04:16,in these backwoods riddles?
00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:17,Can you just say
what you're saying?
00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:19,I told you I don't know
s***t about guns.
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,Come on,
do me a solid here."
00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:22,He goes, "Look, you ever
watch a movie,
00:04:22,934 --> 00:04:25,guy goes blaw, blaw, blaw...
he kills three people.
00:04:25,601 --> 00:04:26,Real life, man, you miss.
00:04:26,901 --> 00:04:29,You miss
all the f***g time.
00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:31,You miss enough times, man,
you're empty.
00:04:31,434 --> 00:04:32,Might as well
juts be standing there
00:04:32,734 --> 00:04:35,with a big stapler
in your hand.
00:04:35,601 --> 00:04:37,Then what ya gonna do?"
00:04:37,467 --> 00:04:41,I was like, "Well, f***k it.
Let's get the shotgun."
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,He's all ready
to box the thing up,
00:04:42,901 --> 00:04:44,and then I'm like,
"Wait a minute."
00:04:44,467 --> 00:04:45,I live with my girl.
00:04:45,634 --> 00:04:48,I can't just show up
with a shotgun, right?
00:04:48,133 --> 00:04:50,That's not some s***t
you can just come home with.
00:04:50,868 --> 00:04:52,If I found this stool
on the side of the road,
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:54,I can come home with this.
Look at it!
00:04:54,434 --> 00:04:58,We can refinish it.
We can carve our initials in it.
00:04:58,067 --> 00:05:00,We can have a good time,
right?
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,I can't just show up
with a shotgun.
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,"Hey, I g***t it for us!"
Right?
00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:09,One barrel for you,
one for me. No.
00:05:09,133 --> 00:05:12,So she kiboshes
the whole thing.
00:05:12,501 --> 00:05:14,Till the other night
somebody broke into our car
00:05:14,167 --> 00:05:15,sitting in the driveway.
00:05:15,834 --> 00:05:17,Starts f***g with
her head, right?
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:20,So she starts reading up
on guns, you know?
00:05:20,767 --> 00:05:23,But she's reading too much,
'cause now she wants to get one,
00:05:23,133 --> 00:05:24,but she's just like,
"Well, I heard
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:25,you gotta keep the bullets
in a safe,
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,keep the stock
in the garage."
00:05:28,167 --> 00:05:29,And then what?
Then what,
00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:31,I run around the house
and assemble it
00:05:31,534 --> 00:05:34,as some dude's chasing me
with an ax, you know?
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,Are you even thinking
this thing through, sweetheart?
00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:38,Running around.
"Where... where's the scope?"
00:05:38,567 --> 00:05:43,"It's in the living room."
"He's in the living room!"
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:45,No, if we're getting
this thing,
00:05:45,133...
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:16,OpenSubtitles recommends using Nord VPN
from 3.49 USD/month ----> osdb.link/vpn
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:43,Ladies and gentlemen: Bill Burr!
00:00:43,167 --> 00:00:47,[Cheers and applause]
00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:53,All right.
Thank you!
00:00:53,067 --> 00:00:55,Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
00:00:55,167 --> 00:00:57,How are ya?
How's it going?
00:00:57,901 --> 00:01:01,All right.
[Cheers and applause]
00:01:01,501 --> 00:01:03,All right, all right,
all right, all right.
00:01:03,534 --> 00:01:07,All right,
everybody settle down.
00:01:07,300 --> 00:01:10,I wanna get a gun.
00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:13,I do.
I really do.
00:01:13,334 --> 00:01:15,I never had that feeling
before
00:01:15,033 --> 00:01:17,till I moved out
to Los Angeles.
00:01:17,467 --> 00:01:19,This city just messes
with your mind, you know?
00:01:19,801 --> 00:01:21,It's overpopulated,
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:23,technically doesn't have
a water supply.
00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:27,Right?
The dollar's crashing.
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:29,S***t keeps you up at night.
You're just thinking...
00:01:29,667 --> 00:01:32,"What ** I gonna do
when the zombies come?"
00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:33,Right?
00:01:33,734 --> 00:01:37,Start reading up on s***t.
"Get some powdered food.
00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:40,Plant some zucchini.
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:43,Get a windmill."
Right?
00:01:43,567 --> 00:01:45,And that's all well and good,
00:01:45,167 --> 00:01:47,but if you don't know
how to fight,
00:01:47,167 --> 00:01:48,all you're doing
is gathering supplies
00:01:48,968 --> 00:01:51,for the toughest guy
on the block.
00:01:51,701 --> 00:01:53,Right?
00:01:53,033 --> 00:01:54,I was thinking about that.
00:01:54,133 --> 00:01:55,What ** I gonna do
00:01:55,101 --> 00:01:56,if some dude turns me
upside down,
00:01:56,734 --> 00:02:00,starts shaking the gold coins
outta my pockets?
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:02,I gotta get a gun.
00:02:02,968 --> 00:02:05,So I'm on the road, right?
I'm in Reno.
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:07,Great gun town.
00:02:07,434 --> 00:02:09,So I go down to that little
gun store, right?
00:02:09,667 --> 00:02:11,Come walking in.
There's some redneck there.
00:02:11,501 --> 00:02:13,I'm like, "Hey, man."
I go, "I wanna get a gun."
00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:15,He's like, "I hear ya.
Whatcha looking for?
00:02:15,534 --> 00:02:17,Whatcha want?
Mossberg? Over/under?
00:02:17,968 --> 00:02:19,A .357 Magnum?
Right?"
00:02:19,734 --> 00:02:22,Starts rattling off
all this gibberish, right?
00:02:22,901 --> 00:02:25,I don't know s***t.
I'm trying to play it off.
00:02:25,434 --> 00:02:26,I feel like a bitch,
00:02:26,767 --> 00:02:29,'cause I don't know
anything about guns.
00:02:29,267 --> 00:02:31,So I was like,
"What do I do here?
00:02:31,133 --> 00:02:33,Ah, hell,
I'm gonna go with honesty."
00:02:33,534 --> 00:02:35,I go, "Look, dude, I don't
know anything about guns.
00:02:35,734 --> 00:02:36,They terrify me.
00:02:36,801 --> 00:02:39,But I'm worried about
the zombies.
00:02:39,133 --> 00:02:40,All right?"
00:02:40,801 --> 00:02:44,Dude's just like...
"You need a shotgun.
00:02:44,100 --> 00:02:47,You need a shotgun, man.
It's g***t a good spread.
00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:50,It's easy to load, doesn't have
a lot of working parts.
00:02:50,701 --> 00:02:53,G***t a good spread."
He kept saying that.
00:02:53,234 --> 00:02:55,"It's g***t a good spread."
00:02:55,167 --> 00:02:57,I'm like,
"What does that mean?"
00:02:57,367 --> 00:02:59,He goes, "Well, that means you
ain't gotta be that accurate.
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,It's g***t a good spread.
Further away you are,
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:05,the more s***t you hit.
00:03:05,267 --> 00:03:06,It's g***t a good spread.
00:03:06,601 --> 00:03:08,In fact, you g***t
a problem over here,
00:03:08,334 --> 00:03:11,you ain't even gotta look.
You just turn... pow! That's it.
00:03:11,501 --> 00:03:14,You ain't g***t a problem
over here anymore.
00:03:14,667 --> 00:03:17,Anything that was even
remotely a problem
00:03:17,033 --> 00:03:19,ain't there anymore.
Trust me.
00:03:19,901 --> 00:03:22,And then these people here...
they saw what you just did here.
00:03:22,334 --> 00:03:24,You ain't g***t a problem here
either... feel me?
00:03:24,334 --> 00:03:27,90 degrees taken care of
right there... one shot.
00:03:27,534 --> 00:03:29,These people get smart,
flip it over... whap!
00:03:29,801 --> 00:03:33,That's it.
It's g***t a good spread."
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:35,So I'm, like, laughing
my a***s off.
00:03:35,167 --> 00:03:37,I'm like, "Dude, look.
I just wanna shoot the guy.
00:03:37,734 --> 00:03:39,I don't want to have to do
a bunch of drywall work.
00:03:39,901 --> 00:03:41,You know?
00:03:41,133 --> 00:03:44,Reframe my diploma.
Get my parakeet another friend.
00:03:44,901 --> 00:03:48,You know?
I just wanna shoot the guy."
00:03:48,133 --> 00:03:50,So I'm like, "You know,
how 'bout one of these pistols?"
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:51,So he does, like,
that classic, like,
00:03:51,934 --> 00:03:53,that redneck
trailing off thing
00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:54,like, "All right,
you want a pistol,
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,go ahead
and get a pistol...
00:03:56,901 --> 00:04:00,What do I know?
I just been here 20 years.
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:02,Get a shiny one, right?"
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:05,So I was like, "What's wrong
with getting a pistol?"
00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:06,He goes, "I'll tell you why,
buddy.
00:04:06,934 --> 00:04:10,'Cause life...
Life ain't a movie.
00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:11,You feel me?"
00:04:11,834 --> 00:04:14,I'm like, "No,
can you please stop speaking
00:04:14,567 --> 00:04:16,in these backwoods riddles?
00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:17,Can you just say
what you're saying?
00:04:17,901 --> 00:04:19,I told you I don't know
s***t about guns.
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,Come on,
do me a solid here."
00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:22,He goes, "Look, you ever
watch a movie,
00:04:22,934 --> 00:04:25,guy goes blaw, blaw, blaw...
he kills three people.
00:04:25,601 --> 00:04:26,Real life, man, you miss.
00:04:26,901 --> 00:04:29,You miss
all the f***g time.
00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:31,You miss enough times, man,
you're empty.
00:04:31,434 --> 00:04:32,Might as well
juts be standing there
00:04:32,734 --> 00:04:35,with a big stapler
in your hand.
00:04:35,601 --> 00:04:37,Then what ya gonna do?"
00:04:37,467 --> 00:04:41,I was like, "Well, f***k it.
Let's get the shotgun."
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,He's all ready
to box the thing up,
00:04:42,901 --> 00:04:44,and then I'm like,
"Wait a minute."
00:04:44,467 --> 00:04:45,I live with my girl.
00:04:45,634 --> 00:04:48,I can't just show up
with a shotgun, right?
00:04:48,133 --> 00:04:50,That's not some s***t
you can just come home with.
00:04:50,868 --> 00:04:52,If I found this stool
on the side of the road,
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:54,I can come home with this.
Look at it!
00:04:54,434 --> 00:04:58,We can refinish it.
We can carve our initials in it.
00:04:58,067 --> 00:05:00,We can have a good time,
right?
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:02,I can't just show up
with a shotgun.
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:04,"Hey, I g***t it for us!"
Right?
00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:09,One barrel for you,
one for me. No.
00:05:09,133 --> 00:05:12,So she kiboshes
the whole thing.
00:05:12,501 --> 00:05:14,Till the other night
somebody broke into our car
00:05:14,167 --> 00:05:15,sitting in the driveway.
00:05:15,834 --> 00:05:17,Starts f***g with
her head, right?
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:20,So she starts reading up
on guns, you know?
00:05:20,767 --> 00:05:23,But she's reading too much,
'cause now she wants to get one,
00:05:23,133 --> 00:05:24,but she's just like,
"Well, I heard
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:25,you gotta keep the bullets
in a safe,
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,keep the stock
in the garage."
00:05:28,167 --> 00:05:29,And then what?
Then what,
00:05:29,567 --> 00:05:31,I run around the house
and assemble it
00:05:31,534 --> 00:05:34,as some dude's chasing me
with an ax, you know?
00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:36,Are you even thinking
this thing through, sweetheart?
00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:38,Running around.
"Where... where's the scope?"
00:05:38,567 --> 00:05:43,"It's in the living room."
"He's in the living room!"
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:45,No, if we're getting
this thing,
00:05:45,133...
Download Subtitles Bill Burr You People Are All The Same 2012 iNTERNAL DVDRip x264-REGRET[PRiME] in any Language
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