Bill Burr You People Are All The Same Internal -regret (2012) Subtitles

At 00:00:04,367, Character said: [Crowd chatter]

2
At 00:00:10,000, Character said: OpenSubtitles recommends using Nord VPN
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At 00:00:39,200, Character said: Ladies and gentlemen: Bill Burr!

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At 00:00:43,167, Character said: [Cheers and applause]

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At 00:00:51,100, Character said: All right.
Thank you!

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At 00:00:53,067, Character said: Thank you.
Thank you, sir.

7
At 00:00:55,167, Character said: How are ya?
How's it going?

8
At 00:00:57,901, Character said: All right.
[Cheers and applause]

9
At 00:01:01,501, Character said: All right, all right,
all right, all right.

10
At 00:01:03,534, Character said: All right,
everybody settle down.

11
At 00:01:07,300, Character said: I wanna get a gun.

12
At 00:01:10,801, Character said: I do.
I really do.

13
At 00:01:13,334, Character said: I never had that feeling
before

14
At 00:01:15,033, Character said: till I moved out
to Los Angeles.

15
At 00:01:17,467, Character said: This city just messes
with your mind, you know?

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At 00:01:19,801, Character said: It's overpopulated,

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At 00:01:21,400, Character said: technically doesn't have
a water supply.

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At 00:01:23,601, Character said: Right?
The dollar's crashing.

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At 00:01:27,200, Character said: S***t keeps you up at night.
You're just thinking...

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At 00:01:29,667, Character said: "What ** I gonna do
when the zombies come?"

21
At 00:01:32,200, Character said: Right?

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At 00:01:33,734, Character said: Start reading up on s***t.
"Get some powdered food.

23
At 00:01:37,100, Character said: Plant some zucchini.

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At 00:01:40,033, Character said: Get a windmill."
Right?

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At 00:01:43,567, Character said: And that's all well and good,

26
At 00:01:45,167, Character said: but if you don't know
how to fight,

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At 00:01:47,167, Character said: all you're doing
is gathering supplies

28
At 00:01:48,968, Character said: for the toughest guy
on the block.

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At 00:01:51,701, Character said: Right?

30
At 00:01:53,033, Character said: I was thinking about that.

31
At 00:01:54,133, Character said: What ** I gonna do

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At 00:01:55,101, Character said: if some dude turns me
upside down,

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At 00:01:56,734, Character said: starts shaking the gold coins
outta my pockets?

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At 00:02:00,767, Character said: I gotta get a gun.

35
At 00:02:02,968, Character said: So I'm on the road, right?
I'm in Reno.

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At 00:02:05,501, Character said: Great gun town.

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At 00:02:07,434, Character said: So I go down to that little
gun store, right?

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At 00:02:09,667, Character said: Come walking in.
There's some redneck there.

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At 00:02:11,501, Character said: I'm like, "Hey, man."
I go, "I wanna get a gun."

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At 00:02:13,234, Character said: He's like, "I hear ya.
Whatcha looking for?

41
At 00:02:15,534, Character said: Whatcha want?
Mossberg? Over/under?

42
At 00:02:17,968, Character said: A .357 Magnum?
Right?"

43
At 00:02:19,734, Character said: Starts rattling off
all this gibberish, right?

44
At 00:02:22,901, Character said: I don't know s***t.
I'm trying to play it off.

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At 00:02:25,434, Character said: I feel like a bitch,

46
At 00:02:26,767, Character said: 'cause I don't know
anything about guns.

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At 00:02:29,267, Character said: So I was like,
"What do I do here?

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At 00:02:31,133, Character said: Ah, hell,
I'm gonna go with honesty."

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At 00:02:33,534, Character said: I go, "Look, dude, I don't
know anything about guns.

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At 00:02:35,734, Character said: They terrify me.

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At 00:02:36,801, Character said: But I'm worried about
the zombies.

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At 00:02:39,133, Character said: All right?"

53
At 00:02:40,801, Character said: Dude's just like...
"You need a shotgun.

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At 00:02:44,100, Character said: You need a shotgun, man.
It's g***t a good spread.

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At 00:02:47,968, Character said: It's easy to load, doesn't have
a lot of working parts.

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At 00:02:50,701, Character said: G***t a good spread."
He kept saying that.

57
At 00:02:53,234, Character said: "It's g***t a good spread."

58
At 00:02:55,167, Character said: I'm like,
"What does that mean?"

59
At 00:02:57,367, Character said: He goes, "Well, that means you
ain't gotta be that accurate.

60
At 00:03:00,000, Character said: It's g***t a good spread.
Further away you are,

61
At 00:03:02,400, Character said: the more s***t you hit.

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At 00:03:05,267, Character said: It's g***t a good spread.

63
At 00:03:06,601, Character said: In fact, you g***t
a problem over here,

64
At 00:03:08,334, Character said: you ain't even gotta look.
You just turn... pow! That's it.

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At 00:03:11,501, Character said: You ain't g***t a problem
over here anymore.

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At 00:03:14,667, Character said: Anything that was even
remotely a problem

67
At 00:03:17,033, Character said: ain't there anymore.
Trust me.

68
At 00:03:19,901, Character said: And then these people here...
they saw what you just did here.

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At 00:03:22,334, Character said: You ain't g***t a problem here
either... feel me?

70
At 00:03:24,334, Character said: 90 degrees taken care of
right there... one shot.

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At 00:03:27,534, Character said: These people get smart,
flip it over... whap!

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At 00:03:29,801, Character said: That's it.
It's g***t a good spread."

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At 00:03:33,100, Character said: So I'm, like, laughing
my a***s off.

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At 00:03:35,167, Character said: I'm like, "Dude, look.
I just wanna shoot the guy.

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At 00:03:37,734, Character said: I don't want to have to do
a bunch of drywall work.

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At 00:03:39,901, Character said: You know?

77
At 00:03:41,133, Character said: Reframe my diploma.
Get my parakeet another friend.

78
At 00:03:44,901, Character said: You know?
I just wanna shoot the guy."

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At 00:03:48,133, Character said: So I'm like, "You know,
how 'bout one of these pistols?"

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At 00:03:50,534, Character said: So he does, like,
that classic, like,

81
At 00:03:51,934, Character said: that redneck
trailing off thing

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At 00:03:53,434, Character said: like, "All right,
you want a pistol,

83
At 00:03:54,901, Character said: go ahead
and get a pistol...

84
At 00:03:56,901, Character said: What do I know?
I just been here 20 years.

85
At 00:04:00,133, Character said: Get a shiny one, right?"

86
At 00:04:02,667, Character said: So I was like, "What's wrong
with getting a pistol?"

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At 00:04:05,467, Character said: He goes, "I'll tell you why,
buddy.

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At 00:04:06,934, Character said: 'Cause life...
Life ain't a movie.

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At 00:04:10,133, Character said: You feel me?"

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At 00:04:11,834, Character said: I'm like, "No,
can you please stop speaking

91
At 00:04:14,567, Character said: in these backwoods riddles?

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At 00:04:16,367, Character said: Can you just say
what you're saying?

93
At 00:04:17,901, Character said: I told you I don't know
s***t about guns.

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At 00:04:19,467, Character said: Come on,
do me a solid here."

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At 00:04:21,367, Character said: He goes, "Look, you ever
watch a movie,

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At 00:04:22,934, Character said: guy goes blaw, blaw, blaw...
he kills three people.

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At 00:04:25,601, Character said: Real life, man, you miss.

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At 00:04:26,901, Character said: You miss
all the f***g time.

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At 00:04:29,300, Character said: You miss enough times, man,
you're empty.

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At 00:04:31,434, Character said: Might as well
juts be standing there

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At 00:04:32,734, Character said: with a big stapler
in your hand.

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At 00:04:35,601, Character said: Then what ya gonna do?"

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At 00:04:37,467, Character said: I was like, "Well, f***k it.
Let's get the shotgun."

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At 00:04:41,200, Character said: He's all ready
to box the thing up,

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At 00:04:42,901, Character said: and then I'm like,
"Wait a minute."

106
At 00:04:44,467, Character said: I live with my girl.

107
At 00:04:45,634, Character said: I can't just show up
with a shotgun, right?

108
At 00:04:48,133, Character said: That's not some s***t
you can just come home with.

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At 00:04:50,868, Character said: If I found this stool
on the side of the road,

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At 00:04:52,901, Character said: I can come home with this.
Look at it!

111
At 00:04:54,434, Character said: We can refinish it.
We can carve our initials in it.

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At 00:04:58,067, Character said: We can have a good time,
right?

113
At 00:05:00,801, Character said: I can't just show up
with a shotgun.

114
At 00:05:02,400, Character said: "Hey, I g***t it for us!"
Right?

115
At 00:05:04,434, Character said: One barrel for you,
one for me. No.

116
At 00:05:09,133, Character said: So she kiboshes
the whole thing.

117
At 00:05:12,501, Character said: Till the other night
somebody broke into our car

118
At 00:05:14,167, Character said: sitting in the driveway.

119
At 00:05:15,834, Character said: Starts f***g with
her head, right?

120
At 00:05:17,567, Character said: So she starts reading up
on guns, you know?

121
At 00:05:20,767, Character said: But she's reading too much,
'cause now she wants to get one,

122
At 00:05:23,133, Character said: but she's just like,
"Well, I heard

123
At 00:05:24,400, Character said: you gotta keep the bullets
in a safe,

124
At 00:05:26,000, Character said: keep the stock
in the garage."

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At 00:05:28,167, Character said: And then what?
Then what,

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At 00:05:29,567, Character said: I run around the house
and assemble it

127
At 00:05:31,534, Character said: as some dude's chasing me
with an ax, you know?

128
At 00:05:34,334, Character said: Are you even thinking
this thing through, sweetheart?

129
At 00:05:36,667, Character said: Running around.
"Where... where's the scope?"

130
At 00:05:38,567, Character said: "It's in the living room."
"He's in the living room!"

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At 00:05:43,734, Character said: No, if we're getting
this thing,

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