Confessions.From.A.Holiday.Camp.1977.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX] Subtitles

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00:00:40,332 --> 00:00:42,♪ Last year we took a chance

00:00:42,334 --> 00:00:44,♪ And went to Paris, France

00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:46,♪ But all the can-cannin' girls

00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:48,♪ Led us quite a dance

00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:50,♪ The Folies Bergeries

00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:52,♪ Ain't all they seem to be

00:00:52,678 --> 00:00:54,♪ 'Cause when a girl says, "No, no"

00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:57,♪ She means, "Ooh arr, oui, oui !"

00:00:58,267 --> 00:01:01,♪ So give me England every time, my dear

00:01:02,313 --> 00:01:06,♪ Give me England any time of year

00:01:06,108 --> 00:01:08,♪ Come on, everybody, raise a cheer

00:01:09,278 --> 00:01:10,♪ Far and near

00:01:10,488 --> 00:01:12,♪ For the birds and the booze

00:01:12,531 --> 00:01:15,♪ Now that summer's here

00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:18,♪ And when bouzoukis played

00:01:18,954 --> 00:01:20,♪ A Grecian serenade

00:01:20,748 --> 00:01:22,♪ We shed a tear in our beer

00:01:22,917 --> 00:01:25,♪ For the price we paid

00:01:27,379 --> 00:01:29,♪ "This ain't no place to be"

00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,♪ Complained old Timmy Lea

00:01:31,175 --> 00:01:32,♪ "Ain't g***t no bingo

00:01:32,635 --> 00:01:36,♪ "The lingo's all Greek to me!"

00:01:36,722 --> 00:01:40,♪ So give me England every time, my dear

00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,♪ Give me England any time of year

00:01:44,396 --> 00:01:47,♪ Come on, everybody, raise a cheer

00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:48,♪ Far and near

00:01:48,943 --> 00:01:50,♪ For the birds and the booze

00:01:51,028 --> 00:01:53,♪ Now that summer's here

00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:57,♪ I'll never go again

00:01:57,451 --> 00:01:59,♪ Across to sunny Spain

00:01:59,328 --> 00:02:01,♪ To serenade a señorita

00:02:01,413 --> 00:02:03,♪ 'Neath her window pane ♪

00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,"Come on down here, my little flower."

00:02:05,668 --> 00:02:07,♪ What a palaver

00:02:07,628 --> 00:02:09,♪ On the Costa Brava

00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:11,♪ I didn't know the matador

00:02:11,674 --> 00:02:13,♪ Was her father ♪

00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:19,♪ So give me England every time, my dear

00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:22,♪ Give me England any time of year

00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:26,♪ Come on, everybody, raise a cheer

00:02:26,105 --> 00:02:27,♪ Far and near

00:02:27,273 --> 00:02:29,♪ For the birds and the booze

00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,♪ Now that summer's here

00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:37,♪ In 1970, we went to Italy

00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:39,♪ To sample all the delights

00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,♪ Down in Napoli ♪

00:02:44,206 --> 00:02:46,♪ The signorinas there

00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,♪ Could not be keener there

00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,♪ But I've a scar from her pa

00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:52,♪ To prove I've been to there

00:02:53,549 --> 00:02:57,♪ So give me England every time, my dear

00:02:57,511 --> 00:03:00,♪ Give me England any time of year

00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:04,♪ Come on, everybody, raise a cheer ♪

00:03:04,602 --> 00:03:06,♪ Far and near, for the... ♪

00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:09,Hello.
It's Timmy Lea, yet again.

00:03:09,607 --> 00:03:12,Now, only Sid could've come up
with the brilliant idea

00:03:12,818 --> 00:03:15,of reopening a holiday camp in March.

00:03:15,279 --> 00:03:16,It was so cold,
the Russians were trying

00:03:16,655 --> 00:03:18,to send political prisoners there.

00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:22,And the wind, oh, you could
hardly hear your teeth chatter.

00:03:24,580 --> 00:03:27,Ah, this must be the life, Timmy, eh?

00:03:28,459 --> 00:03:31,Entertainments officer
at Funfrall Holiday Camp.

00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:34,Can you think of a better position?

00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:36,No, Sid.

00:03:37,176 --> 00:03:38,There's no doubt about it, Timmo.

00:03:38,928 --> 00:03:41,This time, I've really
landed us in clover.

00:03:41,805 --> 00:03:44,You've ain't half g***t
a brilliant brother-in-law.

00:03:44,516 --> 00:03:45,Yes, Sid.

00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:49,But listen, er, shouldn't we, er,
think about laying on something?

00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:53,Relax, will you? Relax.

00:03:53,859 --> 00:03:56,The less we organise...

00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,the less we've gotta do.

00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,We're on a cushy number here.

00:04:05,996 --> 00:04:10,Oh, steady on, darling.
You nearly bruised Siddy's lips then.

00:04:10,376 --> 00:04:11,Sorry.

00:04:16,257 --> 00:04:17,Hello.

00:04:17,508 --> 00:04:19,Oh, Lionel's coming, Sid.

00:04:19,510 --> 00:04:21,Ah, that'll be the day.

00:04:21,512 --> 00:04:23,- What's up, Lionel?
- I don't know, dear.

00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:27,Rumor, that fickle jade, has it
that the camp has been sold.

00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:31,And you are wanted in
the office immediately. Ta-ra!

00:04:31,188 --> 00:04:32,Sold?!

00:04:33,607 --> 00:04:35,Oh!

00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:39,Hello, campers.

00:04:39,196 --> 00:04:41,Don't forget to collect
your packed lunches

00:04:41,407 --> 00:04:45,from the main restaurant
for the magical mystery tour.

00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,Hey, mush, where's Noddy?

00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:54,- Noddy?
- Yeah.

00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:58,If, by any chance, you are referring
to the previous owner, Mr Nudgeley,

00:04:58,173 --> 00:05:00,may I inform you
that he has already departed,

00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:02,leaving you his best wishes.

00:05:02,511 --> 00:05:04,And for your information,
I ** not "mush".

00:05:04,972 --> 00:05:07,I ** William Whitemonk, the new owner,

00:05:07,182 --> 00:05:10,late, but never in a temporal sense,

00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:13,of Her Majesty's Prison Dartfleet.

00:05:14,606 --> 00:05:16,What were you in for?
Murder?

00:05:17,067 --> 00:05:18,Rape? Arson?

00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:21,- I was the chief warder, lad.
- Eh?

00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:24,And I had better warn you,
at the start of our relationship,

00:05:24,616 --> 00:05:28,that I can't abide whingers,
cringers, whiners, skivers,

00:05:28,203 --> 00:05:29,malingerers or backsliders.

00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,And I ** fairly certain that
you're in that list somewhere.

00:05:31,415 --> 00:05:32,- Oh, no, I...
- Smarten yourself up, lad!

00:05:32,875 --> 00:05:33,Disgrace to the uniform!

00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:35,Get that scruffy vest off!
Get a shirt on!

00:05:35,627 --> 00:05:37,- I ** going to get a grip, Noggett.
- Yes?

00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,Henceforward,

00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,there are only going to be
two ways of doing things.

00:05:41,467 --> 00:05:43,- My way and the wrong way.
- Right.

00:05:43,886 --> 00:05:45,Anyone who does not play ball with me

00:05:45,888 --> 00:05:47,will have no balls with which
to play. Is that clear?

00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,- Oh, yes, perfectly, sir.
- Right.

00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:51,According to this, you are
the entertainments officer.

00:05:51,810 --> 00:05:53,- Yes, that's right.
- Well, outline your programme, lad!

00:05:53,771 --> 00:05:54,Eh?

00:05:54,938 --> 00:05:56,- Oh, er...
- Come on! Come on, lad.

00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:58,Well, er...

00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:01,Well, er, we have
the occasional sing-song.

00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:02,You know, when everybody's pissed.

00:06:02,988 --> 00:06:04,I mean, er, had a few.

00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:07,- Sing-song?
- Yes, sir.

00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:09,And then there's the, er, clock golf.

00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,And the donkey derby.

00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,When we can
get the donkeys, of course.

00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:15,And the fancy dress.

00:06:15,626 --> 00:06:18,Not very inspired, is it, Noggett?

00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:20,I think perhaps
our parting of the ways

00:06:20,672 --> 00:06:22,had better come sooner
rather than later.

00:06:25,010 --> 00:06:26,And the beauty contest, sir.

00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,Beauty contest, eh?

00:06:31,225 --> 00:06:32,Tell me more, Noggett.

00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:34,Well, er...

00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:36,Ah, well...

00:06:36,939 --> 00:06:39,it's only in
the early planning stages,

00:06:39,316 --> 00:06:41,as it were, sir,
at the moment, you see.

00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:45,But I think it could be very big.

00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,I think it's g***t enormous...

00:06:48,283 --> 00:06:49,publicity value.

00:06:50,202 --> 00:06:52,I hope so, for your sake, lad.

00:06:52,329 --> 00:06:54,Because if this beauty contest
doesn't go off with a bang,

00:06:55,082 --> 00:06:57,you will go out with a thud.
Is that clear?

00:06:57,543 --> 00:06:58,Yes, sir.

00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:00,Now, then, according to this,
you've g***t a...

00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:02,- an assistant called, er...
- Lea.

00:07:02,673 --> 00:07:05,Lea, Lea, Lea, yes.
Now, where is he?

00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:07,Oh,...