Landmine.Goes.Click.2015.1080p.BluRay.x265-RARBG Subtitles
📝 Subtitle Preview
00:01:45,536 --> 00:01:47,And we're listening
to this because...
00:01:47,744 --> 00:01:49,It's the only show in town.
00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:50,That's nice for him.
00:01:50,656 --> 00:01:52,He's g***t a completely
captive audience.
00:01:53,856 --> 00:01:55,I wonder what he's saying.
00:01:57,792 --> 00:02:00,People of earth,
do not be afraid.
00:02:00,736 --> 00:02:02,Assimilation is painless.
00:02:02,848 --> 00:02:04,Yeah, but probing not so much.
00:02:06,112 --> 00:02:08,Hey, we could use my phone
to play some music.
00:02:08,288 --> 00:02:10,There is no auxiliary.
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:11,Well, s***t.
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,- Indeed.
- We will live.
00:02:13,376 --> 00:02:14,I will not.
00:02:14,816 --> 00:02:16,I need a quick stop, okay?
00:02:19,744 --> 00:02:23,Whoo.
00:02:23,296 --> 00:02:24,That good, huh?
00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:32,Did you think about what I said?
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,Yes.
I think it's a mistake.
00:02:38,752 --> 00:02:40,What, what we did, or...
00:02:40,064 --> 00:02:44,What we did
doesn't matter anymore, okay?
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,But telling him about it does.
00:02:47,328 --> 00:02:50,- Yeah, it does.
- So we say nothing.
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:51,What, what do you think,
I wanna tell him
00:02:51,712 --> 00:02:53,Just to break you guys up?
00:02:53,664 --> 00:02:54,Should I?
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,You know this place
used to be a warzone
00:02:58,208 --> 00:03:00,A couple years ago.
00:03:00,192 --> 00:03:01,A warzone, really?
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,- Huh.
- Yeah, tanks, artillery,
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,Mines, the whole deal.
00:03:07,008 --> 00:03:08,What was it, like a civil war?
00:03:08,768 --> 00:03:09,Russians invaded.
00:03:09,984 --> 00:03:12,Shocker.
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,F***g Russians, man, they just
don't get it, nobody likes them.
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,I mean seriously,
name one good thing
00:03:17,056 --> 00:03:18,To come out of Russia
other than, like,
00:03:18,688 --> 00:03:20,Really hot girl tennis players.
00:03:21,856 --> 00:03:23,Vodka.
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:25,- Yeah, there's that.
- Vodka?
00:03:25,408 --> 00:03:26,The swedes make better vodka,
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,S***t, even the French
make better vodka.
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:30,Oil and gas.
00:03:31,008 --> 00:03:32,- What?
- The Russians,
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:33,They make oil and gas.
00:03:33,472 --> 00:03:34,They don't make oil and gas,
00:03:34,752 --> 00:03:35,They have oil and gas.
00:03:35,872 --> 00:03:37,Yeah, right, it's not like
00:03:37,664 --> 00:03:39,Anyone said wow, this Russian
oil is so much better than that
00:03:39,808 --> 00:03:41,- watered down Saudi s***t.
- Hold up,
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,Let me get my bearings.
00:03:44,352 --> 00:03:46,- Are we on course?
- Yeah, I think we are.
00:03:48,256 --> 00:03:50,I give you the AK-47.
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,When you absolutely...
00:03:52,544 --> 00:03:54,Positively gotta kill
00:03:54,144 --> 00:03:55,Every motherfucker in the room,
00:03:55,968 --> 00:03:57,Accept no substitutes.
00:03:57,728 --> 00:03:59,That's a good point.
00:03:59,808 --> 00:04:01,You shouldn't have seen that.
00:04:03,136 --> 00:04:05,It's kind of sad,
really, you know, the Russians,
00:04:05,248 --> 00:04:07,I thought they... I thought
they wanted to be free.
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,- Be good.
- Be like us.
00:04:10,144 --> 00:04:12,All I know is
you never trust someone
00:04:12,096 --> 00:04:15,That comes from a country
that's successful with chess.
00:04:17,088 --> 00:04:18,Yeah, you all right?
00:04:18,784 --> 00:04:20,- Come on.
- I'm all right.
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,All right, there you go.
00:04:21,536 --> 00:04:22,- All right?
- Up, all right.
00:04:22,816 --> 00:04:24,It's good, thank you.
00:04:25,728 --> 00:04:27,You're welcome.
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,What?
00:04:30,944 --> 00:04:32,- No...
- Oh, my God.
00:04:33,024 --> 00:04:34,How do you like
them apples, huh?
00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:37,Aw, man, dude.
00:04:38,208 --> 00:04:40,Chris, will you marry us?
00:04:40,992 --> 00:04:43,- Now?
- Yeah.
00:04:43,456 --> 00:04:45,- Come on, come on.
- What?
00:04:45,632 --> 00:04:47,- Let's do it.
- Shouldn't we save it?
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,Put your bags... babe,
we have the whole ceremony
00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:51,To make it official,
this is, like, between us,
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,Friends, family,
it's all that matters, right?
00:04:54,624 --> 00:04:57,Yeah, but I just...
00:04:57,152 --> 00:04:59,- I wouldn't know what
to say, so. - Just put your...
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,Screw it, I will help you.
00:05:00,992 --> 00:05:04,Yes, okay, yes, he's right.
00:05:08,512 --> 00:05:09,I'm sorry.
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:12,- So, I say what...
- L-ladies and gentlemen,
00:05:12,832 --> 00:05:14,- we are gathered here today.
- Right
00:05:14,784 --> 00:05:16,Ladies and gentlemen,
00:05:16,224 --> 00:05:17,We are gathered here today
to celebrate
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,The marriage
of Daniel and Alicia.
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:23,Wedding is a sacred institution.
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:25,Yeah, marriage
is a sacred institution
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,And it should not be
taken lightly.
00:05:27,008 --> 00:05:29,And we're not, so let's
skip forward to the good part.
00:05:29,248 --> 00:05:32,So, Daniel, do you take Alicia?
00:05:33,728 --> 00:05:35,Daniel, do you take Alicia
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,To be your lawfully wedded wife?
00:05:37,888 --> 00:05:40,For rich, poor, sick
and in good health
00:05:40,736 --> 00:05:42,So long as you both shall live?
00:05:42,528 --> 00:05:43,- I do.
- I do.
00:05:43,648 --> 00:05:46,This is stupid.
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:47,- What?
- This is stupid,
00:05:47,808 --> 00:05:49,You know, I mean,
you guys are...
00:05:49,888 --> 00:05:53,Doing your thing and it makes me feel,
like, I just, I don't want to, okay?
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,- What, what is wrong, man?
- Nothing, nothing.
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,Nothing's wrong, I just, you
know, you guys have your fun,
00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,I g***t... I gotta set up camp
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,And, you know,
we're losing light, so just...
00:06:17,248 --> 00:06:19,I know something's wrong.
00:06:20,576 --> 00:06:22,- And I wanna know what.
- Hmm?
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:24,Chris.
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,Nothing.
00:06:28,768 --> 00:06:30,I'm fine, it's nothing.
00:06:31,904 --> 00:06:33,- Okay.
- It's all good.
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:36,Now, Chris, Chris, so, look,
I'm your best friend, okay?
00:06:36,928 --> 00:06:40,You don't think I know
when something's up your a***s?
00:06:40,096 --> 00:06:42,Huh? Spill it.
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,Yeah, all right, fine,
00:06:43,552 --> 00:06:45,There's something
that I gotta tell you.
00:06:45,504 --> 00:06:49,It's... I'm...
I'm sorry, okay?
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,You know, you guys
are getting married
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:54,- and I should be happy, but...
- But what?
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,- Because I...
- So what, so... so, wh...
00:06:56,896 --> 00:06:58,No, no, no, no, no,
so, you think,
00:06:58,848 --> 00:07:01,You think we're gonna have
couples dinners without you?
00:07:01,792 --> 00:07:04,You think
we're gonna go antiquing
00:07:04,064 --> 00:07:06,And... and... and
rent a tandem bike
00:07:06,656 --> 00:07:09,And ride around town
in matching outfits?
00:07:10,432 --> 00:07:11,You a***e.
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,And...
I'm gonna set you up...
00:07:17,472 --> 00:07:19,With so many hot girlfriends.
00:07:19,584 --> 00:07:23,So many hot girlfriends.
So many.
00:07:23,104 --> 00:07:26,I hate antiquing.
It's not happening.
00:07:26,048 --> 00:07:27,- All right.
- Okay,
00:07:27,328 --> 00:07:29,To my best man.
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,- Cheers.
- Cheers.
00:07:39,104 --> 00:07:40,Whoa, wooo.
00:07:40,704 --> 00:07:41,Okay.
00:07:41,696 --> 00:07:43,- You okay?
- All right,
00:07:43,072 --> 00:07:45,There's a possibility
I may be drunk.
00:07:45,344 --> 00:07:47,Maybe just a little bit.
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,- All right, bedtime. Come on.
- No, no, no, no, no.
00:07:50,912 --> 00:07:53,Guys, there's actually,
there's something I really do
00:07:53,184 --> 00:07:58,Need to tell you.
It's, um... um...
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,I now pronounce
you man and wife.
00:08:02,304 --> 00:08:05,- Really?
- Yeah, really, so go ahead,
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,Kiss the bride if you think
you g***t it in you.
00:08:08,992 --> 00:08:12,Well, I'm gonna attempt to.
00:08:15,584 --> 00:08:16,- Babe.
- Okay, I'm drunk,
00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:18,But I'm not that drunk.
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,Da da
da-da, da da da-da,
00:08:25,376 --> 00:08:27,-...
to this because...
00:01:47,744 --> 00:01:49,It's the only show in town.
00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:50,That's nice for him.
00:01:50,656 --> 00:01:52,He's g***t a completely
captive audience.
00:01:53,856 --> 00:01:55,I wonder what he's saying.
00:01:57,792 --> 00:02:00,People of earth,
do not be afraid.
00:02:00,736 --> 00:02:02,Assimilation is painless.
00:02:02,848 --> 00:02:04,Yeah, but probing not so much.
00:02:06,112 --> 00:02:08,Hey, we could use my phone
to play some music.
00:02:08,288 --> 00:02:10,There is no auxiliary.
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:11,Well, s***t.
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,- Indeed.
- We will live.
00:02:13,376 --> 00:02:14,I will not.
00:02:14,816 --> 00:02:16,I need a quick stop, okay?
00:02:19,744 --> 00:02:23,Whoo.
00:02:23,296 --> 00:02:24,That good, huh?
00:02:30,976 --> 00:02:32,Did you think about what I said?
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:38,Yes.
I think it's a mistake.
00:02:38,752 --> 00:02:40,What, what we did, or...
00:02:40,064 --> 00:02:44,What we did
doesn't matter anymore, okay?
00:02:44,640 --> 00:02:47,But telling him about it does.
00:02:47,328 --> 00:02:50,- Yeah, it does.
- So we say nothing.
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:51,What, what do you think,
I wanna tell him
00:02:51,712 --> 00:02:53,Just to break you guys up?
00:02:53,664 --> 00:02:54,Should I?
00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:58,You know this place
used to be a warzone
00:02:58,208 --> 00:03:00,A couple years ago.
00:03:00,192 --> 00:03:01,A warzone, really?
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,- Huh.
- Yeah, tanks, artillery,
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,Mines, the whole deal.
00:03:07,008 --> 00:03:08,What was it, like a civil war?
00:03:08,768 --> 00:03:09,Russians invaded.
00:03:09,984 --> 00:03:12,Shocker.
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,F***g Russians, man, they just
don't get it, nobody likes them.
00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,I mean seriously,
name one good thing
00:03:17,056 --> 00:03:18,To come out of Russia
other than, like,
00:03:18,688 --> 00:03:20,Really hot girl tennis players.
00:03:21,856 --> 00:03:23,Vodka.
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:25,- Yeah, there's that.
- Vodka?
00:03:25,408 --> 00:03:26,The swedes make better vodka,
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,S***t, even the French
make better vodka.
00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:30,Oil and gas.
00:03:31,008 --> 00:03:32,- What?
- The Russians,
00:03:32,128 --> 00:03:33,They make oil and gas.
00:03:33,472 --> 00:03:34,They don't make oil and gas,
00:03:34,752 --> 00:03:35,They have oil and gas.
00:03:35,872 --> 00:03:37,Yeah, right, it's not like
00:03:37,664 --> 00:03:39,Anyone said wow, this Russian
oil is so much better than that
00:03:39,808 --> 00:03:41,- watered down Saudi s***t.
- Hold up,
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:42,Let me get my bearings.
00:03:44,352 --> 00:03:46,- Are we on course?
- Yeah, I think we are.
00:03:48,256 --> 00:03:50,I give you the AK-47.
00:03:50,688 --> 00:03:52,When you absolutely...
00:03:52,544 --> 00:03:54,Positively gotta kill
00:03:54,144 --> 00:03:55,Every motherfucker in the room,
00:03:55,968 --> 00:03:57,Accept no substitutes.
00:03:57,728 --> 00:03:59,That's a good point.
00:03:59,808 --> 00:04:01,You shouldn't have seen that.
00:04:03,136 --> 00:04:05,It's kind of sad,
really, you know, the Russians,
00:04:05,248 --> 00:04:07,I thought they... I thought
they wanted to be free.
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,- Be good.
- Be like us.
00:04:10,144 --> 00:04:12,All I know is
you never trust someone
00:04:12,096 --> 00:04:15,That comes from a country
that's successful with chess.
00:04:17,088 --> 00:04:18,Yeah, you all right?
00:04:18,784 --> 00:04:20,- Come on.
- I'm all right.
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,All right, there you go.
00:04:21,536 --> 00:04:22,- All right?
- Up, all right.
00:04:22,816 --> 00:04:24,It's good, thank you.
00:04:25,728 --> 00:04:27,You're welcome.
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,What?
00:04:30,944 --> 00:04:32,- No...
- Oh, my God.
00:04:33,024 --> 00:04:34,How do you like
them apples, huh?
00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:37,Aw, man, dude.
00:04:38,208 --> 00:04:40,Chris, will you marry us?
00:04:40,992 --> 00:04:43,- Now?
- Yeah.
00:04:43,456 --> 00:04:45,- Come on, come on.
- What?
00:04:45,632 --> 00:04:47,- Let's do it.
- Shouldn't we save it?
00:04:47,040 --> 00:04:49,Put your bags... babe,
we have the whole ceremony
00:04:49,344 --> 00:04:51,To make it official,
this is, like, between us,
00:04:51,680 --> 00:04:54,Friends, family,
it's all that matters, right?
00:04:54,624 --> 00:04:57,Yeah, but I just...
00:04:57,152 --> 00:04:59,- I wouldn't know what
to say, so. - Just put your...
00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:00,Screw it, I will help you.
00:05:00,992 --> 00:05:04,Yes, okay, yes, he's right.
00:05:08,512 --> 00:05:09,I'm sorry.
00:05:11,360 --> 00:05:12,- So, I say what...
- L-ladies and gentlemen,
00:05:12,832 --> 00:05:14,- we are gathered here today.
- Right
00:05:14,784 --> 00:05:16,Ladies and gentlemen,
00:05:16,224 --> 00:05:17,We are gathered here today
to celebrate
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,The marriage
of Daniel and Alicia.
00:05:21,408 --> 00:05:23,Wedding is a sacred institution.
00:05:23,072 --> 00:05:25,Yeah, marriage
is a sacred institution
00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:26,And it should not be
taken lightly.
00:05:27,008 --> 00:05:29,And we're not, so let's
skip forward to the good part.
00:05:29,248 --> 00:05:32,So, Daniel, do you take Alicia?
00:05:33,728 --> 00:05:35,Daniel, do you take Alicia
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,To be your lawfully wedded wife?
00:05:37,888 --> 00:05:40,For rich, poor, sick
and in good health
00:05:40,736 --> 00:05:42,So long as you both shall live?
00:05:42,528 --> 00:05:43,- I do.
- I do.
00:05:43,648 --> 00:05:46,This is stupid.
00:05:46,304 --> 00:05:47,- What?
- This is stupid,
00:05:47,808 --> 00:05:49,You know, I mean,
you guys are...
00:05:49,888 --> 00:05:53,Doing your thing and it makes me feel,
like, I just, I don't want to, okay?
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,- What, what is wrong, man?
- Nothing, nothing.
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,Nothing's wrong, I just, you
know, you guys have your fun,
00:05:57,760 --> 00:05:59,I g***t... I gotta set up camp
00:05:59,776 --> 00:06:02,And, you know,
we're losing light, so just...
00:06:17,248 --> 00:06:19,I know something's wrong.
00:06:20,576 --> 00:06:22,- And I wanna know what.
- Hmm?
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:24,Chris.
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,Nothing.
00:06:28,768 --> 00:06:30,I'm fine, it's nothing.
00:06:31,904 --> 00:06:33,- Okay.
- It's all good.
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:36,Now, Chris, Chris, so, look,
I'm your best friend, okay?
00:06:36,928 --> 00:06:40,You don't think I know
when something's up your a***s?
00:06:40,096 --> 00:06:42,Huh? Spill it.
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:43,Yeah, all right, fine,
00:06:43,552 --> 00:06:45,There's something
that I gotta tell you.
00:06:45,504 --> 00:06:49,It's... I'm...
I'm sorry, okay?
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:51,You know, you guys
are getting married
00:06:51,712 --> 00:06:54,- and I should be happy, but...
- But what?
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,- Because I...
- So what, so... so, wh...
00:06:56,896 --> 00:06:58,No, no, no, no, no,
so, you think,
00:06:58,848 --> 00:07:01,You think we're gonna have
couples dinners without you?
00:07:01,792 --> 00:07:04,You think
we're gonna go antiquing
00:07:04,064 --> 00:07:06,And... and... and
rent a tandem bike
00:07:06,656 --> 00:07:09,And ride around town
in matching outfits?
00:07:10,432 --> 00:07:11,You a***e.
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:17,And...
I'm gonna set you up...
00:07:17,472 --> 00:07:19,With so many hot girlfriends.
00:07:19,584 --> 00:07:23,So many hot girlfriends.
So many.
00:07:23,104 --> 00:07:26,I hate antiquing.
It's not happening.
00:07:26,048 --> 00:07:27,- All right.
- Okay,
00:07:27,328 --> 00:07:29,To my best man.
00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:34,- Cheers.
- Cheers.
00:07:39,104 --> 00:07:40,Whoa, wooo.
00:07:40,704 --> 00:07:41,Okay.
00:07:41,696 --> 00:07:43,- You okay?
- All right,
00:07:43,072 --> 00:07:45,There's a possibility
I may be drunk.
00:07:45,344 --> 00:07:47,Maybe just a little bit.
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,- All right, bedtime. Come on.
- No, no, no, no, no.
00:07:50,912 --> 00:07:53,Guys, there's actually,
there's something I really do
00:07:53,184 --> 00:07:58,Need to tell you.
It's, um... um...
00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:02,I now pronounce
you man and wife.
00:08:02,304 --> 00:08:05,- Really?
- Yeah, really, so go ahead,
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:07,Kiss the bride if you think
you g***t it in you.
00:08:08,992 --> 00:08:12,Well, I'm gonna attempt to.
00:08:15,584 --> 00:08:16,- Babe.
- Okay, I'm drunk,
00:08:16,704 --> 00:08:18,But I'm not that drunk.
00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,Da da
da-da, da da da-da,
00:08:25,376 --> 00:08:27,-...
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